


Aftermath

by VicrulsPrincess



Category: Adam Driver - Fandom, Kylo Ren - Fandom, Star Wars, ben solo - Fandom, matt the radar technician - Fandom, star wars the last jedi
Genre: Adam Driver - Freeform, Ben Solo is a Mess, Dom!Kylo, Fix your attitude, Fluff and Smut, Knights of Ren - Freeform, Kylo POV, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren is Not Matt the Radar Technician, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Love Triangles, Matt POV, My First AO3 Post, My First Smut, Plot Twists, Possessive Kylo Ren, Star Wars - Freeform, kor - Freeform, reader x kylo ren, sub!Matt, sub!Reader, vicrul - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:02:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 48
Words: 107,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24394711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VicrulsPrincess/pseuds/VicrulsPrincess
Summary: ***This is not an official sequel to FYA. ****After leaving the finalizer, you wonder if you can ever truly move on from the intense relationship, if you could call it that, that you had with the most powerful man in the galaxy. Finally, you start to have hope after meeting a technician on your new base. Will kylo show back up? Will y/n have a happy ending? I'm honestly not sure as i have no idea where this story will go.*i do not own any of the characters in my story nor the Star Wars franchise*All credits to kassanovella and her amazing work with FYA!
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You, Matt The Radar Technician/You, Matt the Radar Technician/Reader
Comments: 48
Kudos: 118





	1. Chapter 1

Metallic whirring encased your senses as usual. Countless hours working on this new base and still your hearing was not used to the razor-edged sounds that would come out of the new equipment from the pod next to you. 

These other engineers working alongside on this shuttle had still not bothered to introduce themselves to you. Maybe it was for the best considering what had happened last time on the Finalizer. No, you would not think about it again, him again. 

It had been months since his promise to you. “No Matter where you go, nothing will keep you from me.. I will find you, sweet thing.” And still no word from him. Maybe it was for the best. Your relationship was toxic at worst but great… earth shattering… soul crushingly amazing sex at best. Gods, you missed his intimacy. His touch. His warm breath on your neck and ear. His saber… Gods, you missed his saber. 

No, this is not what you were going to do. You brought yourself back into the unsympathetic reality of your new base. This was your new home now. You then remembered him calling you home. Kylo Ren. Calling you his home. Fuck. Why was it so hard to get him out of your head for a goddamn second? 

“Are you coming?” You were brought, once again, back to reality when your friend, Annemarie, called your name. She was your only friend on this base, if you could even call her that. Maybe it was that you were the only two female engineers on this base and you should stick together, right? You did like her although she was one of those very touchy feely, smothering friends and you just wanted to be alone most of the time. 

“Yeah, sorry.” You packed up your tools and took one last look at the shuttle panel and decided the rest of the repairs can wait until tomorrow morning. It was just a common trooper shuttle, it should be fine. It’s not like it was the command shuttle which required multiple fixes multiple times a day due to his temper tantrums. 

“It’s okay, let's just go to the mess hall” Annemarie waited for you at the pod’s door. You had not had much experience working on pods before this but it was pretty simple.

“So are you still upset about that guy? You seem pretty absent today” Annemarie said as you trailed next to her walking to the mess hall. You had told her a bit about your previous relationship.. If you could call it that. 

“Yeah, I mean, I just am trying not to think about him” you replied hastily. Was it really that obvious how distracted you are with thoughts of him flooding your brain?

“Okay, well, my offer still stands to set you up with my friend, I can intro-”

“No that's okay.” You cut her off before she could finish her offer, for the 3rd time. You just needed time to yourself. You needed time to heal from him. From his words of you being his home. Your thoughts were once again consumed with the memories of your last meeting. Not even just the words exchanged, but the intimacy. You looked down to your right wrist and gazed at the last of the yellowing bruises left by him. The last physical reminder that he, once, called you his. 

“Alright well, I was just reminding you that it’s an option” Annemarie said as she put her arm around your shoulder. Annemarie was the friend you always wanted to have. A genuinely good person. She was only trying to make you feel better. Maybe you should just accept the blind date to appease her. After all she does so much for you. 

“I’ll think about it” You replied with a smile peeking out from a stern glance. Annemarie’s face lit up with glee. Annemarie got behind you in the mess line and gave you a small hug. She obviously was happy that you were even thinking about it. She had been ruthlessly trying to set you up with her friend for the past couple weeks. Maybe it would be good for you to meet someone else. Your thoughts, once again, turned to what he was doing right now. If he had met someone else. If his soft pink lips were giving kisses on another’s body, if his member was destroying someone’s body with the same force and passion it once did you. 

“Bread?” the worker asked you as she offered you the same daily allowance of a small brown loaf with the rest of your meal. You had almost forgotten you were in the mess line. You needed to stop daydreaming about him. Surely he wasn’t dreaming about you. 

You thanked the worker and grabbed your bread and placed it on the tray with the rest of your food. You looked down at your tray and sighed; and you thought the food on the Finalizer was terrible. The Finalizer mess hall. The instant butterflies in the deepest parts of your body fluttered. You resisted the urge to remember the feeling of his leather gloves inside you that day in the mess hall there. The soft yet rugged feel of his gloved fingers entering you, the moans escaping your mout-

“Let's sit here” Annemarie ushered you down to sit across from her. You let out a sigh when you sat down. You were exhausted and had not let yourself realize it until this very moment. But why? This job was easier the hours better and still you were drained. You didn't have the stress of Kylo Ren, our Supreme Leader, giving you orders with his warbling voice emitting from his mask. His orders, whether it was to fix something on his command shuttle or to strip down out of your officer’s uniform and please him. Gods you missed that too. Why did you miss him so much? Obviously he did not care to find you. You thought to yourself: maybe you were tired from the sleepless nights wondering where he is. If he is coming for you. But with each passing day, you let go of that fairytale. 

You carried on a pleasant, but mindless, conversation with Annemarie over your dinner, if you could call it that. Bread and some type of meat with rice. You waved goodbye and cleared your tray and placed it on the table where the dirtied dishes go. As you started walking toward the door, you bumped shoulders with a man as he was carrying his tray to his table. When you turned around to apologise, you immediately locked eyes with him. He had golden brown eyes that seemed familiar to you although you knew they couldn’t be. His hair was a light blonde with looser curls that fell to the side of his head. You couldn’t decide if he just didn’t care about his hair or if he meant for it to be that messy. Either way, he was effortlessly attractive. He was wearing his technician uniform: monotone grey coveralls with the orange vest and work boots. He had on glasses as well and you couldn’t help but notice how they framed his face perfectly and made your heart flutter. 

“Fuck sorry” You blurted out as you bent down to pick up the silverware and bread roll that flung from his beige tray.

“No, no it's fine. I'm sure the food sucked anyways. You were saving me from certain food poisoning.” He replied as he grabbed some napkins from a nearby table and started wiping up the spilt food. 

A nervous laugh escaped your mouth. Your heart raced as you scurried to help him clean up his dinner. Fuck. Why did this always happen to you? You and him finished picking up the majority of the food, what was able to be picked up at least. You stood up and he did as well and you locked eyes once more. You studied his facial features and then realized he was talking to you.

“Huh? Sorry I’ve been in the repair pods all day I have a bit of a ringing in my ears” you made the excuse up quite quickly but it seemed plausible so you went with it.

“I was asking your name” he said while a smile escaped his lips. 

You told him your name as you gazed over his features once more. You had to look up as he was taller than you. You realized you weren’t listening once again.

“Sorry huh?”

“Matt. My name is Matt.” He replied once again and held out his hand to shake yours. You grabbed his hand and felt the rugged strength of his right hand. 

“Well, Matt, I have to be going now” you said as you blushed and looked at your feet. You were trying not to make eye contact because you were sure he could hear your thoughts about wanting to run your fingers through his hair. But this was not Kylo Ren. He could not read your intimate thoughts. You were safe from that.

“Okay, well, I’ll see you around then” he replied with a smile and put his hand on your shoulder then giving you a warm smile before turning around to rejoin his friends. 

You waved goodbye and turned around walking back toward the exit of the mess hall. What the hell just happened. Your cheeks were red and you got butterflies with the thought of his hand on your shoulder as innocent as that was. And for once, you did not spend a moment thinking about Kylo fucking Ren.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope youre loving the story so far. This is my first ever fic and im enjoying writing it immensely!

Cold water splashed onto your face as you washed the day’s sweat away. You always managed to feel disgusting at the end of your shift in the pod repair room. You turned off the refresher and stepped out, then toweling yourself dry. You caught a glimpse of your back in the mirror. You thought all of your bruises had diminished by now besides the small one on your wrist. You still had some markings on your lower back. You gazed at it in the mirror. Snippets of that last moment together, both of you pressed up against the glass and then him telling you to stay.. You refusing.

  
But that was over and this was your life now. You reminded yourself this almost daily but it almost seemed easier to believe today. Was that because of your earlier run in with that technician? You closed your eyes and sighed. The moments leading up to meeting him seemed normal. After it, all your emotions flooded with an overwhelming sense of ‘its going to be ok’. Was it?

  
You got into your off duty clothing and sat down on your cot. Your thoughts echoed your last encounter with Matt. Was this moving on? Sure it was way too soon for you to be having thoughts about a full fledged relationship with this man whom you’ve barely spoken three words with. But maybe.. This would be good for you. A new beginning.

  
You remembered his blonde curls flowing effortlessly from his face. Not too long, yet not too short. His silver framed glasses, obviously worn out and needing a new pair.  
Your thoughts were once again cut short, probably for the best, with a knock at your quarter’s entrance. You got up and put your damp hair into a messy bun before opening the door. Annemarie’s gleeful face was standing there with a board game and a bottle of Ardees. “Come in and sit down,” You said with a laugh. “I forgot that we had plans tonight. Let me go grab some glasses for us.”

  
“Forgot our weekly drink and game night? You must have a lot on your mind” Annemarie said as she plopped down onto your basic issued couch. You poured her a glass of Ardees, commonly known as Jawa Juice. You never knew how she had managed to sneak this onto the ship but damn you were grateful.

  
“Yeah Im sorry,” you replied “I had a lot on my mind today” as you handed her the glass.

  
“It’s okay. I understand how it is to go through an open ended breakup. I think you would be so much better if you could get closure. Why don’t you just contact him?” Annemarie nonchalantly said as she took a swig of her drink and swallowed.

  
“No,” You said sternly.

  
“Okay well I can only help you so much until you give me a little bit of information to go off on. All I know is that he said he was going to come and find you, the sex was great and sometimes gave you bruises but you loved it so it was okay. Don’t you think I, your best friend, should know more than that? I don’t even know his name girl” She said as she took out the board game pieces. Tonight was chess.

  
“His name isn’t important,” You snapped back at her, then realizing your attitude and immediately apologised, “Look, I'm sorry. I just don’t want to talk about him tonight.”

  
Annemarie looked up at you and smiled. You knew she understood. When you first met her, she was the same bubbly person you have come to know and love. She reminded you a lot of Minks. Which sometimes hurt your heart. You missed your old base; you missed Sam and Minks. You wondered often what they were up to. Probably great things.

  
You went about your chess game and drinks like the usual weekend night. The Jawa juice always gave you a weird buzz. The bitter aftertaste wasn’t exactly pleasant but it did the trick. You enjoyed the unwinding feeling it gave you. You and Annemarie drank nearly the entire bottle. Before you knew it, chess pieces were scattered throughout your quarters, cups on the floor, with you and Annemarie laughing about a pretty unremarkable joke. But in the moment, you didn’t care if you didn’t think it was funny. It was just nice to let loose.

  
“Let’s call him” Annemarie said, pulling out her communicator.

  
“What?” you laughed so hard your abdomen hurt.

  
“My friend!” Annemarie replied and before you could say anything, the ringing tone made your stomach do a flip.

  
“Hello?” A familiar voice answered the phone.

  
“Hiiiiiii it’s Annemarie!” Annemarie said way too close to the responder practically laughing into the device.

  
Annemarie stood up and walked into the bathroom and shut the door. A few moments passed, or minutes you couldn't exactly tell how long it was. You weren't drunk but you were definitely buzzed.

  
“Okay bye, see you then” Annemarie said as she finally emerged.

  
“What was that, Annemarie?” you asked her with a nervous laugh.

  
“Oh, I just invited a couple friends over. You need to get out of this funk and we are doing it tonight!” She said as she poured you the last bit of Ardees.

  
“Alright” You laughed and decided why not. You’ve been here for months and had one singular friend. This would be a good chance to meet people, right?

  
You started to pick up around your quarters. The place definitely needed some cleaning if you wanted it to look presentable for guests.


	3. Chapter 3

Although you were nervous, the alcohol seemed to help you relax. You couldn't remember the last time you had a night like this. Sure, you were used to your nights with Annemarie. Drinking, games and just de-stressing. But this was different. Maybe if you had more time to prepare, you wouldn't have been as nervous. 

Your thoughts were cut short by a few quick knocks at your quarter’s entrance. Annemarie looked at you, smiled, and walked over to the door. She opened it and embraced the people standing there. Two of them, women from the mess hall line, you didn’t necessarily remember their names. You greeted them, introduced yourself and they did as well. 

“Hi, I think we’ve met before. Marnie. This is my sister, Hannah” The taller one said as she gave you a quick polite embrace. The other one walked in close behind her. They were both pretty: long auburn hair, freckled skin and effortlessly flawless. You turned to usher them to your living area.

You turned around back toward the door and stopped in your tracks. Matt. The technician? Why was he here? Your head started spinning. Oh gods, this cannot be happening now. Your stomach grew hot and felt like you had just made a jump to lightspeed four times in a row. Your feet did a 180 and quickly walked into the bathroom. Your head between your legs, begging your body’s nausea to subside. 

You heard your name called followed with a soft knock at the door. Annemarie came inside and helped you up. Luckily, you did not throw up or that would probably have made the situation even more embarrassing. Why was he here? Where you seeing things? Was it the jawa juice? 

“Are you okay, sweet heart?” Annemarie asked as she wet a washcloth and dabbed it on your forehead. Gods, she was a great fucking friend. 

“Yeah,” You said, finally starting to feel the nausea subside, “I think I just had a bit too much to drink. I’m okay now. Do you know him?” 

“Who, Matt? Yes of course. I went to the academy the same year he did. He started out in engineering before switching to technical shit, I don't know exactly. Why? Cute right?” She said with a smile that could only mean one thing. This is who she had been trying to set you up with. 

“I mean, yes I met him earlier today. Or i guess i didn't meet him more that i bumped into him, spilled his dinner and made a complete fool-”

“Everything okay in there?” It was Hannah. 

Before you could say anything Annemarie voiced “Yeah, we’re coming out now actually,” Annemarie then turned back toward you and quietly said “But we are finishing this conversation later. I’m sure Matt doesn't even remember you embarrassed yourself or so you say.” 

Annemarie walked first out of the bathroom and you closely followed. Your head wasn’t spinning anymore and you felt okay. That was until you made eye contact with him: Your heart fluttered, your stomach flipped, your eyes couldn't decide on what part of him to focus on. He looked just as effortlessly attractive as earlier. 

“Hey are you okay?” He smiled and reached out his hand to shake yours again.

“Yeah sorry, just a bit too much to drink. A-okay now” as soon as the words A-okay left your mouth you were overcome with embarrassment. Why did you always say the stupidest things?

“I'm glad. So do you have a glass? I brought some drinks, not that you have to have any. If you said you had enough, you know.” He said almost stumbling through his sentence. Was he as nervous as you were? 

“Yes of course, I’m so sorry. Let me grab those for you” You turned around and walked over to your cupboard grabbing 3 extra glasses. The ones you and Annemarie were using were still okay to use. Walking back to the small, yet adequate, living area and sat down next to Annemarie and Marnie, putting the glasses on the table. He was sitting across from you making conversation with the group. You and him locked eyes once again and you couldn’t help but think ‘what was so fucking familiar about his eyes?’ You poured a glass for everyone of the drink that Matt had brought and you decided to have some as well. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The night went by fairly quickly. You weren't used to having so many people in your quarters (ok it was 4 other people but hey for an introvert like you that was a lot). Marnie and her sister left shortly after the game ended and you said your goodbyes to them wondering why Matt wasn't leaving with them. Closing the door and turning around, you saw Annemarie and Matt talking on the couch and laughing. 

You sat down next to her, across from Matt. They were joking about how Matt had met you this morning. Embarrassment flooded your senses. Gods, why did you have to be so fucking clumsy? 

“I mean, her first words to me were ‘fuck sorry’. I gotta say, you’ve got quite the vocabulary.” He said smiling and making direct. fucking. eyecontact. 

“Yeah, well, what can I say, I’m a charmer” You said staring right back at him. Was he… flirting with you?

“Okay that is my cue to go, I’ll see you after shift?” Annemarie got up and got her bag that she had thrown by the door then gave Matt a quick hug then turning to you. You stared at her for a second and thought ‘fuck she’s purposely leaving me alone with him’. 

“Bye babycakes be safe” she said in a singsongy voice as she slyly winked and turned around, letting herself out of your quarters.

Both you and Matt were not sure what to do. Both, standing for a few silent moments after she had basically thrown you to the wolves. Okay, wolf. Okay, not a wolf, her friend. But still. 

You were still facing the door, too scared to turn around and make eye contact with the man in your quarters who you barely knew.

“Do you want me to leave? I will if you want me to” He said softly. This took you by surprise. You didn’t expect him to ask you what you want, what you were comfortable with. On the finalizer, you were used to taking orders, whatever they were. 

You turned around and once again glanced into those golden brown eyes. Before your brain could think of what you really wanted, words slipped out of your mouth, “No, stay. I mean, if you want” 

Walking over and sitting next to him, you turned on your television. The base here didn’t have a great selection of programs; most of them were First Order base tour videos, news programs and old films. You decided to keep it on the News station, maybe that would withdraw some of the tension out of the room. You struggled not to get caught taking quick glances at him. Wondering what he was thinking.

“Does she always do this?” his voice calm and ebbing from his mouth. 

“Yeah, she thinks we need to be set up or something, I’m not exactly sure” You said with a small laugh, your eyes still on the screen. 

“Well, I think we did pretty well on our own. This morning in the mess hall? The collision heard all the way back in Alderaan?” Sinking back into the couch, he smiled as his thigh moved slightly closer to yours. 

Your heart beating out of it’s chest, you replied “Yeah, that was super fucking embarass-”

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed” Matt cut you off before you could finish your sentence and rested his hand on his thigh that at this point was basically millimeters from yours. 

Your body filled with butterflies as you could feel the warmth emitting off his thigh. All you could think about was how close he was to you. Then remembered, you don’t really know this man.

“So, what exactly do you do here at this post?” You said trying to break the obvious tension in the room.

Lifting his hand and running it through his hair he said, “I'm a technician, nothing special. I would ask about you, but Annemarie already told me you’re an engineer here.” He put his hand on your thigh as if he had done it millions of times before. You looked down to his strong masculine hand resting on your, now what seemed small in comparison to his fucking huge hand, thigh. All of the cells in your body were screaming at you. Screaming for you to put your hand on his face, turn it and make it known you needed him. Right now. You thought about how his rough hands would feel tracing every inch of your body, how his soft pink lips would feel intermingling with yours.

Resisting the urge to turn your head and stare into those dreamy golden brown eyes, you forced yourself to stay glued to the television monitor which was playing some footage of the latest rebellion disaster. 

“You know I really have to be up early. I have an inspection with Sergeant Cresston tomorrow..” your face still watching the screen worried that if he caught your glance he would see your deepest desires. This wasn’t a lie but you didn’t really have to be up THAT early. You just wanted some time alone and to be honest, you needed to figure out what the fuck was going on in your head.

“Yeah yeah that’s fine I totally understand. It is late,” Matt glanced at his carbon wristwatch “I have to be up tomorrow too.”

Finally getting the courage to look at his face, you turned your head to the left immediately making eye contact with those gorgeous eyes. The brown surrounded by amber embers. And you felt yourself resisting the urge to melt into his arms. 

You broke the eye contact and rubbed your hands on your black off duty pants before standing up. Your hands had gotten sweaty from the tension that encased the two of you. You wondered to yourself, ‘did he feel it too? Am I reading into it too much..?’

Standing up, Matt followed your lead as you grabbed the glasses that littered your living area table. He grabbed two and proceeded to help carry them to the sink. The perks of being an officer on a secluded base like this was the options for rooms. It was better than the one you had on the finalizer. Although the cot here sucked just as much as the one there. At least this one had a small kitchenette. You placed the glasses in the sink and Matt set the two he was carrying onto the island. 

You both stood there for a couple seconds and then before you could stop it, more word vomit oozed from your lips “Are you flirting with me?”

The next few seconds of silence was deafening as you studied his expression. His face seemed pretty neutral. You tried to make out any ounce of emotion but his bearing was steady. 

“Yes. Is that a problem?” The words flowed from his mouth like I had simply asked him his favorite color. 

“No, not at all” your gaze shifted to the half open second button on his shirt. 

“Well, I should be going,” Matt smiled and went to go put on his boots that he left at the door, “would you be okay to meet me for breakfast in the mess hall tomorrow? I mean, since we are both up early..” his voice trailed off as you heard the laces of his boots get taught. 

“Yeah, sure. I mean I can’t promise I’ll look as ravishing as I do right now. I’m not really a morning person” you joked, walking over to him as he finished lacing his boot. 

Matt chucked softly and stood up looking at you. “I’m sure you’ll look beautiful” 

“Okay well.. goodnight, Matt. 0800 okay?” you reached your hand out to shake his hand, keeping your eyes on his.

He looked down at your hand, smiled and grabbed it. “Of course. Goodnight.” You could feel the callus on his hand. The sheer power in one handshake. Your thoughts trailed off to how his hands might feel in other places. The thought sent shivers down your spine and butterflies swarming your abdomen.

He turned around, looked back and gave you a quick smile before heading down the hallway. Tonight, you thanked the Gods he couldn’t read your mind. 

You straightened out your living room rug and fixed the pillow on your couch and plopped down. Fuck. Why were you so smitten with him? Glancing down at your watch, you realized that you should have gone to sleep hours ago.

Walking to your refresher, turning on the hot water and waiting for the room to fill up with steam, you sat on the counter and wondered what Matt was doing, if he was thinking about you too. 

Fuck. Did you really agree to get breakfast tomorrow? You barely make it to the engineer deck on time on a regular day.. you needed to get to sleep if you were going to look presentable for him. Hopping in the shower, lathering your hair with your favorite cherry blossom scented shampoo you thanked the Gods for Annemarie and her matchmaking abilities, and daydreamed of breakfast. 


	4. Chapter 4

_You could barely hold in your moans any longer. The sound of your heavy breathing filled your quarters. Running your fingers through his hair, Matt’s hair, as your head hit the wall behind your cot._

_“Ouch” escaped your lips as you pulled him closer to you. The steady motion stopping, his face looked up at yours and kissed you on your lips, softly. Moving down your neck, giving small kisses as he went further and further down. Your fingers still intertwined with his curly blonde hair, aching for his mouth to be somewhere else. Matt flattened his tongue and licked a hot stripe all the way up from your stomach to your neck then meeting your eager lips._

_Hot white passion whirred throughout your body. Matt groaned into your mouth and you kissed him feverishly. Your kiss broke and you slowly opened your eyes, gazing at him lustfully, shamelessly staring into his eyes trying to make out what he was thinking. Matt’s put his hand on your cheek and pulled you into his lips, melting into him._

You opened your eyes in bed, startled from the sound of your alarm. Sweat beaded on your forehead. “Fuck,” you reached over to turn it off. 0700. You lay there for a moment, trying to catch your breath. Sitting up in your cot, you rubbed your eyes. Your legs and sex still buzzing from your dream. You stood up, walked over to your refresher and turned it on. You definitely needed to shower after waking up that sweaty. 

The scalding water filled the room with steam and you stepped in, the burning water washing the sins of the previous night’s dreams away. Lathering yourself with your body wash, mimicking the places where you felt his hands in your dream. Closing your eyes, it's like he was there… still. 

_Matt’s rough calloused hands moved over your body like magma flowing down a volcano. Hot, smooth, caressing every curve that was presented to him._

The hot water ran down your face and you wiped it away from your eyes. Why couldn't you get this dream out of your head. 

Making sure to keep your hair out of the water’s grasp, you finished washing the remaining soap off of your body. You already washed your hair the night before and if you were to meet Matt on time for your breakfast… date, if you would call it that, you would need to speed this up a little. 

Stepping out of the refresher, you toweled yourself dry and glanced across your quarters at the clock next to your bed. 0725. Realizing you had about 20 minutes to get ready if you were to make it to the mess hall by 0800. You loved your officer’s quarters but your post was so huge it took about 15 minutes to walk from one half of the base to the next. 

0727\. You quickly grabbed your freshly ironed First Order uniform and slipped it on over your black lace panty and bra set. Buttoning up your shirt and looking at yourself in the mirror.. And sighed. There was something about matching set of bra and panties that just made you feel like you had your life together; If you were going to go on a breakfast date with the man whom you had just fucked in your dreams, you needed to have an ounce of feeling like you had some type of togetherness. 0730. Walking over to the door, you grabbed your black first order issued boots and slipped your feet in, making the laces taut and tied them. 

You took one final look in the mirror in your living room and sighed. ‘You got this. This is easy. He is a normal man.’ Trying to contain your excitement/nausea from your nerves, you sighed and closed your quarter’s hatch behind you. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The walk felt like it took hours.. But you know it hadn’t. Maybe it was your excitement. Could you call it that? Maybe lust. 

Finally reaching the mess hall hatch, it opened for you as it always does. Scared he would be right there waiting for you, able to read all of the dirty thoughts that consumed every wavelength of your mind, you made a beeline across the room to the mess line. You got in line behind another officer and waited, your heart practically beating out of your chest. Glancing down to your wristwatch, 0802. You grabbed a tray and followed along the line, eventually getting to the servers. They placed the food on your tray looking grey and bland as ever and you turned to grab a cup of coffee. 

Reaching to grab the cup, you felt a hand on your shoulder with a voice that gave you chills as the last time you heard it, it was moaning your name. 

“Hey sorry I’m late, I couldn't find my ID badge” Matt had his tray and coffee in hand. 

“No no, that’s fine. I wasn’t worried” You said not even glancing up at him, focusing on pouring the scalding hot coffee into your styrofoam cup. You were scared if you met his eyesight that he would know every thought that was running through your mind. 

A small laugh, “Mm, is that why I saw you check your wrist watch 3 seperate times while I was waiting in line?” 

Your face turning beet red, “You were watching me?” placing your coffee on your trey and turning to the closest empty table.

Following your lead Matt sat across from you, “No, I was in line getting breakfast and saw you about 5 people ahead of me looking around and glancing at your watch.”

“So yes, you were” smile escaping your lips as you put a packet of sugar in the otherwise bland oatmeal. 

Taking a big sip of his black coffee and sighing, “So, how did you sleep?” 

“I mean, I would have liked to get a little more sleep. You did stay quite long last night” Another bite of oatmeal. 

“I didn’t stay too long, did I?” Matt says with a smile that knows the answer to his own question.

A sip of coffee, “No not at all. Annemarie says you went to the academy together?” 

Matt took a bite of his bagel, chewed and swallowed. “Mmm, yes. We both started out in the same engineering class before I switched.” 

You took another sip of your bitter coffee. It needed more sugar but you didn’t want to get up to the mess line to grab more.

Twirling your spoon in your oatmeal, you asked “Why did you end up switching?” 

“Mm,” Matt laughed, then sighing “I just didn’t want to sit around climbing around greasy engines. I want more than that.” 

“Is that all you think I do?” you snapped back with a smile. 

“Well, um, yeah.” another sip of his coffee. 

Taking another bite of your oatmeal, then swallowing, you replied “Well I’ll have you know at my last post I was chief engineer on the command shuttle” 

Matt’s eyes lit up with fascination. “No fucking way. You worked under the Supreme Leader? What was it like?” 

“It was…” you trailed off, memories running through your mind at the pace of light speed; Your first encounter, him punching a dent into the wall next to your head, to him making you entirely his in his very own bed. “He was very demanding.” 

Taking another sip of his coffee, the fascination in his eyes not dwindling, “I could imagine. You must have been treated terribly” 

A moment or two passed before you replied, “I mean, not really. It wasn’t always bad.” 

A small chuckle and Matt asked with a smirk on his face “Youre saying Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader, treated you with respect?” 

Swallowing your bite of oatmeal, you quietly said “Well, I’m a good engineer… He respected that.” You, once again, were twirling your spoon in the bland oats.

“Well, I’m surprised. He always seemed like an ass” 

Still twirling your spoon you replied, “He has his moments” 

Smirking, Matt took a sip of his coffee And you could clearly see he was holding back asking about every interaction you’ve had with Kylo. 

You glanced down at your watch and it read 831. You had duty at 0900. 

You heard Matt hum and looked up to meet his gaze “You have to go?” He asked. 

You let out a big sigh and started to stack the two plates that were on your tray. “Yeah, I have duty at 0900.”

Matt stood up too and gathered his cup and tray. “Well I just need to say, before you go, that yes you do look as ravishing as last night. If anything, even more so” 

Your face turned a familiar shade of red as you walked over three steps to the trash and set down your empty plates and tray. 

Turning back toward him, you looked him up and down. He was in his grey jumper with the orange vest, black boots, hair still as curly as it had been intertwined in your fingers the night before in your dream. He was wearing his silver framed glasses that were very much growing on you. You weren’t usually a glasses type of person. 

Your thoughts were interrupted with Matt’s strong but flowing voice “Well, would it be okay to get your communicator number?” 

He handed you his communicator and you imputed your numbers into the device. 

Making eye contact, all you wanted to do was grab his face and kiss his pink lips, have him push you up against the mess table and have his way with you. But this would do for now. 

He reached out his hand to shake yours again, “I’ll message you later today, alright?” Matt said with a soft smile upon his face. 

Grabbing his rough hand, you laughed and smiled, replying “Yeah of course. If I’m not busy, you know, climbing around greasy engines and whatnot” 

You let go of his hand and turned around walking to the exit. You took a left walking toward your engineer deck when your communicator buzzed. 

**Matt: Thank you for meeting me for breakfast.**

Your heart swelled. He was so sweet. You were not used to this. Not sure how to respond, you put the communicator back into your pocket of your ironed pants and continued walking to work. 

Although you were eager to start your shift, you were sure all day your mind’s thoughts would revolve around the curly blonde hair’d technician.


	5. Chapter 5

Thoughts of breakfast consumed you, thoughts of him. “Fuck” you singed your finger on the main circuit board. You needed to try to stay focused. But thoughts of Matt’s soft pink lips, how they’d feel pressed against yours, crept into your wavelengths. 

The work day passed by pretty quickly. All you had to do was finish the wiring on the flux control and it was a done day. You stared at it, knowing it was an easy fix. But… maybe you needed a second pair of eyes. Matt’s eyes. Pulling out your commutator, you pulled up his contact number. Still not having replied to the morning message, your heart racing. 

**14:35 - Y/n: Hey, can you come to the flight deck? I need some help with this wiring.**

The moment it sent, your heart fluttered and every inch of your body filled with butterflies. Moments passed, or minutes, you weren’t sure. Putting the communicator in your pocket, you looked at your reflection in the metal next to you. You couldn’t make out much, but at least you could fix your hair.  _ BING _

**14:39- Matt: Of course. I’ll be on my way. I’m coming from the south deck so I should be only a few minutes.**

Excitement buzzing every nerve in your body, you began to smooth out your engineer uniform pants, brushing out the wrinkles and grease spots from working all day. Your heartbeat could not slow, your mind could not stop vibrating every cell in your body. You were excited… to see him. 

You heard your name called and turned to see Matt, his blonde loose curls moving in tune with his strides. Waving at him to come, you sat down on the floor near the open compartment that housed the flux control wiring. 

“Hey!” Matt came and sat down next to you, looking at the open compartment up and down. 

Trying to hide the butterflies that consumed you, you kept your eyes on the blue wiring, “Hey, thanks for coming. I can’t seem to figure out why the main energy source won’t flow through here”. Obviously this was a lie, you were top of your class, but you just wanted an excuse to be in his presence. 

“Hmm, let me take a look,” Matt’s brow furrowed as he examined the wiring. His calloused hands worked meticulously, manipulating the wires and circuits. This led you to imagine what else his hands could do: the way his fingers would feel inside your sex, manipulating you to orgasm after orgasm. 

You watched him maneuver the wiring and casings until the red light blinked on the control panel. “There. See? You weren’t connecting A342 to wiring 7E. All fixed, doll face” Matt’s eyes met yours and you realized all you wanted to do was kiss him. To feel his lips upon your own. 

You tore your eyes away from the electric connection between your eyes and looked at the actual electric connection-- the wiring, pretending to take in all the ‘new’ information. You reached out to trace the wiring, your hand brushing his warm, masculine hand. Your eyes slowly made their way from his hand tracing all the way up, studying every inch of his skin. His beige jumpsuit sleeves rolled up, you could see the veins popping out of his forearm, the curvy muscles that made the rolled up sleeve look tight, about to rip. 

Your sight reaching his face, catching yourself staring at his soft looking lips, you pulled your view from them and met his eyeline once again. You studied his brown beguiling eyes trying to figure out what exactly he was thinking. Seeing his eyesight flicker down to your lips, back to your eyes and so forth. Every cell in your body was aching for him to pull you in. Luckily it was the end of shift, only the two of you were in the engineer deck. 

Your thoughts interrupted with his hand brushing yours, neither of your eyes breaking the contact. His hand moved up and placed it onto the side of your face, pulling you into him. Time ceased to exist. The moments leading up to your lips touching seemed endless. Just before placing his pink supple lips onto yours, he just held you there for a second. 

“Is this okay?” Softly, Matt’s voice ebbing from his lips inches away from yours.

“‘Ye-” Before you could finish, Matt pressed his lips against yours. Butterflies swirled on every inch of your body. Your senses heightened, taking in the smell of his cologne, feeling the tender curvature of his lips intermingling with your own, fitting together perfectly. You melted into his lips, his hand still on your cheek, now bringing up his right hand as well so they were now both holding your face, framing it. 

He leaned into you and you gave in, laying down as he smoothly hovered over you, never letting go of your lips. One hand resting on the floor above your shoulder, steadying himself, the other still caressing your face. Although laying on the cold metal floor, warmth flowed throughout every part of your body. You could feel his body heat hovering over you and you bucked your hips slightly toward him, begging for any kind of friction. Your tongues danced and lips clashing, never wanting it to end.

Matt pulled away, and began to leave a trail of small kisses on your neck whilst saying “Do you want to have a drink later? I can come by your, um, quarters” his voice breathless between each soft kiss. 

“Y-y-yes.” Your voice trembled with desire, your head tipped back with pleasure from the soft but passionate kisses being placed on your neck. 

“Okay,” Matt placed one more kiss on your cheek before sitting up, helping you up as well. “I’ll, um, see you at 1600?” He brushed his hand through his hair, stood up, offering his hand to you as you were still sitting on the ground in a state of euphoria. 

“Uh, of, um, of course,” Your voice still slightly shaking as your body buzzed with excitement. 

“Okay, I'll see you then.” Smiling, he placed one final kiss on your cheek before turning and walking to the hatch, leaving you in a puddle of arousal.


	6. Chapter 6

You sank into your couch replaying the moments your lips interlocked over and over again. The aggressive passion that flowed through his mouth into yours, tongues intertwined. His large hands cupping your face, cradling it.

Glancing down at your wrist watch, 1545. He told you he would be here at 1600. This was perfect timing for you: You had a chance to quickly straighten up, take a shower, put some simple cover up on under your under eye bags and some mascara.

After brushing through your freshly washed and blow dried hair, you decided to slip on your grey off duty t-shirt dress. It was comfortable but cute, and the most important thing, easiest to slip off. 

Looking at yourself in the refresher mirror, your eyes wandered to the alarm clock next to your cot. The time read 1555. Your heart began restless palpitations, not sure how to spend the next 5 minutes waiting for him. Every moment seemed to blend into the next and you could not calm down your thoughts. 

‘Would he be enough for me?’ kept popping into your head. Your last sexual encounter was with Ren, the day you left. Memories flooded you: his hilt inside of you, the sheer force he had with one thrust, his ability to make you succumb to his will with the sheer thought of him. Would Matt be enough for you? Not even all in the sexual aspect; You wondered if a life of normalcy would be satisfying for you. With Kylo, you would have been by his side, going wherever you wanted in the galaxy. 

You forced thoughts of Kylo out of your head. Kylo did not care about you. Tonight was about you and Matt. You rubbed some floral scented lotion over your freshly shaven legs and sat in your bed awaiting his arrival. You couldn’t help but wonder how Matt would satisfy your needs. All of your needs.

Three quick knocks at your hatch door cut your thoughts short, your heart practically beating out of your chest. Standing up, run-walking whilst trying to put on socks at the same time, nearly tripping, you finally got to your hatch. Standing steady now, running your fingers through your hair once more and taking a deep breath.

The quick  _ swoosh _ of the hatch opening revealing Matt waiting in the hallway. He wasn't wearing his usual duty clothing. Dressed in a light blue button up shirt, black slacks, black belt and some black loafers. His hair was still messily perfect, blonde loose curls laying perfectly on his head. Silver framed glasses, clear of any fingerprints. 

Matt gave you a warm smile. “Hey, I hope it's okay, I brought wine” holding the bottle of the light pink liquid in his hands. “Annemarie said you like peach wine.”

A smile branded your face, “Yes, I do. Come in and um, I’ll find us some glasses.”

You stepped to the side and let him enter your quarters. You had feverishly deep cleaned the area right when you got off of duty. Everything was in its perfectly neat space. 

Matt walked into the room and placed the bottle on the island. “So, how was work” Matt asked as you walked into the kitchenette searching for two matching glasses. All you had was coffee mugs. 

“Oh, you know, same old same old,” You pulled two white coffee mugs out, “I hope these are okay.. I didn’t think to stock up on wine glasses when we were last at the commissary.” 

Matt glanced at the glasses before cracking a smile, “Of course that's okay. Did you have, um, a corkscrew?” A small laugh erupted from his lips. “I didn’t think to bring one.” 

Pulling open the cabinet drawer, you pulled out a small silver corkscrew, “Of course. I’m not THAT unprepared.” You held it out to him.

Letting out a small laugh, his fingers brushing yours as he picked it up from your small hand. The feel of his calloused large hand sent shivers down your spine, goosebumps littering your freshly moisturized skin. You locked eyes with him, your hands hovering over each other for a moment before you pulled away, clearing your throat. “So, um,” you tried to change the subject to distract from the obvious sexual tension in the air, “You asked Annemarie about me?” 

“Oh, well, yeah,” Matt plunged the corkscrew into the bottle, twisting it, the veins in his forearm flexing and popping out as he twisted, “I wanted to bring some wine, I just wanted to make sure it was perfect for you. Luckily the commissary had just restocked on white wines.”

_ Pop _ . Matt pulled the cork out of the bottle and you held out the two simple white mugs. While he was pouring the wine, you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. Studying every freckle on his face, how his nose perfectly framed his face, his perfect soft pink lips slightly parted while concentrating on pouring. 

“Is that enough?” Matt’s voice pulled you back to reality.

You quietly cleared your throat once more, “Mm, perfect.” 

Matt set the bottle on the island and took the cup from your hands and sat on one of the stools. You sat down next to him on the silver stool.

Taking a sip of the wine, it was definitely crisp and sweet. “Mm. This is really good. You picked a good wine” You said while smiling at him, holding the cup with two hands and then took another sip.

Matt took a sip of his, “All thanks to your best friend. She does know you pretty well.” 

You hmm-d in agreement, taking in another sip from your mug. Matt placed his wine down on the island. “So,” your eyes tracing his buttons, the top two undone letting his white undershirt peek through, “How long have you been on this base?”

“Mm, about 2 years.” Matt took another sip of his wine, “Annemarie told me you’ve only been here a couple of months, right? Do you like it here?” 

A small laugh, you placed your mug on the island next to Matt's. “It’s better than the Finalizer” you replied. 

Matt laughed with you, smiling. “Well did you hear we are having a change of command? Lieutenant Daniels is stepping down. Something about negligence.” 

You made a stern face and then jokingly said “Is that so? Just another faceless body telling our superiors what to do so they can tell us what to do” You both laughed and you reached out to grab your mug, accidently knocking it over, the wine splashing onto Matt’s light blue button up. 

Your eyes widened, overcome with embarrassment. “Fuck fuck fuck,” You grabbed a napkin that was sitting on the island and tried to dab at it. 

Matt looked down, then up at you and put his hand on yours, “Hey it’s okay, I didn’t even like this shirt much anyways.” 

You bent down to try to dab at the wine on the floor. “Maybe I should rinse it under some cold water” You said, wiping up the spilt wine. You looked up to see Matt unbuttoning his shirt, leaving on only his white undershirt. 

“Thank you, that would be nice.” Matt slipped off the blue button up and placed it on the island. You tried not to stare at his bare arms, his muscles shaping the tight white short sleeves. 

“It’s the, um, least I can do” You replied while standing up, holding eye contact for a moment before you pulled it, grabbing his shirt and walking to the other side of the island. 

You ran the blue button up under cold water, kneading at the pink stain. “Maybe I should put this in the washer. I have one in quarters.” You looked at Matt’s face awaiting him to be angry, to react with anger for not being able to get the stain out right away. But you only found his warm smile. 

“Yeah of course, but really, don’t stress about it.” Matt’s response soothed your nerves, his voice ebbing and flowing softly from his lips. You turned to walk down your hallway, Matt following close behind, almost to your bedroom where your cot was freshly made with crisp sheets. You stopped before you reached your room, sliding open the panel that revealed the small washer and dryer sitting next to each other. 

Matt’s eyes widened, “Oh wow, this is nice. We don’t have this in the technician’s housing wing.” 

A small laugh, “yeah well all I do is climb around greasy engines all day, so you say, I’ve got to wash my clothes often somehow. Anyways, it’s an officer's quarters” you winked at him. Or tried to. You couldn’t really wink correctly. You always ended up looking stupidly dorky.

“Mm that’s cute, the winking. Or trying to.” Matt smiles, leaned up against the wall and watched you put his shirt into the washer. You struggled to reach the stain remover on the top shelf, getting on the very tips of your toes. 

“Could you help? With your insanely ridiculous height we ought to use it for something useful” a smile as you put your hands on your hips, still facing the washer/dryer unit. 

Matt smiled and moved to behind you, reaching up past your shoulders to grab the blue stain remover bottle. His body pressing against yours for a split second, setting every nerve ending of yours on white hot fire, begging to be touched more.

Matt placed the bottle on the ledge where it was easily accessible to you, but not moving his body from behind you; Still close enough where you could feel the heat radiating from his body. He then brushed the hair off of your neck, and gave a soft kiss on your bare neck. His hands made their way to your hips, your hands reaching up and behind you to his hair. You started to turn to face him, his hands fast tracking the process, spinning you around quickly, then pulling you up to sit on top of the dryer, now eye level with him. 

A brief moment passed where your eyes connected, both screaming yes. Another moment, then your lips clashing, tongues intertwining. Grabbing his face you begin to kiss him harder, nearly toppling over climbing onto each other. You wrapped your legs around him and he slid his hands under you, fully supporting your weight. Lifting you up with ease, Matt slipped his left arm under your legs, changing your positioning to a bridal carry. Turning around to walk toward the bedroom, you now draped over his arms kissing at his neck, moving fast, Matt turned to look at your eyes, then, your head met the door frame as he accidentally smacked your head while trying to walk through the bedroom hatch. 

For a moment you felt dazed but it passed quickly. “Fuck” you rubbed your head, Matt already giving tens of kisses to the injured area. 

“I'm so sorry,” Matt’s face grew concerned, “Are you okay?” 

You gave Matt a serious look, then erupting with laughter “I’m fine. Kiss me.” 

He smiled, pulled you in and began to kiss you aggressively, placing you onto the cot, his body toppling over you. His hands at the sides of your body leaning on the cot supporting his weight. His eyes wandered over your entire body, tracing every curve, his hands eventually meeting the edge of your dress that was already hiked up halfway up your thigh. Matt pulled it up, keeping eye contact with you, placed his hand on your sex, slowly but passionately began to massage you through your panties. Soft moans escape your lips but are immediately cut off by his tongue entering your mouth. 

His fingers manipulating you, your fingers intertwined with his golden hair, you began to trail your fingers down his chest, taking in every inch of him. Your fingers met his belt, somehow already unbuckled and you pulled and tugged at his pants, trying to move them down his thighs. You felt his lips curve into a smile while kissing you, his hands then met yours as he stood up from the cot and began to slip off his black trousers, leaving only his grey boxer briefs on. You quickly pulled off the off duty dress, leaving you in only your black bra and panties, throwing it to the side of the room and laid back down on the bed, Matt joining you. He laid next to you, and framed your face with his hands. 

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” Matt began to place hot wet kisses on your neck, placing more on your collar bone before reaching your black lace bra. Kissing on your exposed skin, his hands tugged at the backing of the bra before it became unhitched, letting your top be fully exposed, him sucking and spinning your nipples in his mouth. While he did this, your hands found his large member, caged by the tight boxers briefs. You rubbed it hard, and started to pull down at his underwear. His hand left your breast as he aided you in sliding off the grey underwear, releasing his very large member, your fingers tracing it from tip to base. 

”Fuck,” Matt mumbled between alternating hot kisses from your nipples and collarbone leaving small purple marks, “your hands are cold.” 

You giggled before tugging his length much more furiously. Matt purred through his teeth, before hovering over you again and pulling off your soaking wet panties. Your legs shimmied the rest of them off, them flying somewhere across the room. He wasted no time, pulling your legs on top of his shoulders, kissing your dripping pussy, lapping up every drop. His thumb grazed your clit and sent you into a moment of euphoria, while his tongue swirled. 

“Mmm, you want more? Say please.” His voice purring into your soaking wet sex as he slowly barely grazed your hard nub again. 

“P-p-p-please” you could barely get the words out, your fingers gripping the bed sheet. 

Matt’s tongue found its way to your swollen clit, sucking it between his lips, setting your body on white hot fire. His teeth grazed over your nub and pulled it slightly, bringing tense pleasure. Matt repeated this action a couple more times, each time earning increasingly louder moans from you. 

“Matt. F-Fuck me. Please.” You were stuttering your words in between moans, your fingers clenching at his blonde curls. Matt pulled away from your sex and placed your legs at his hips, his cock at your entrance. He rubbed his tip at your now swollen lips, teasing you. Staring you in the eyes, he pushes into you, hard and fast.

”FUCK” escapes through your clenched teeth, trying to suppress your moans but with no luck.

Continuing the pyretic thrusting, each time forcing small stifled noises from your mouth, Matt began to quicken his pace. Your body on white hot euphoric fire, feeling every moment to its greatest intensity. This was the first time you had been intimate since Ren.. and you felt good. You felt needed, by Matt. This only flung you deeper into the intimate thoughts swirling your wavelengths, feeling every movement brought by Matt’s hard pounding. 

Matt moved his forearm to your head, caressing it and pulling you closer into him, beginning to fuck you unyieldingly. Matt muttered a few curses, you couldn't quite make them out between his soft moaning, then saying “You’re so fucking tight.”

With a singular hard thrust, Matt pierced your cervix, making you wince and let out a small yelp, digging your fingernails into his back, barely able to handle the force of him inside you. This made him even wilder inside you, pounding you furiously. 

You could feel it now, you were on the edge of cumming. It’s almost like matt knew this, shifting his weight to rub your sore stiff nub whilst continuing fucking you, your legs wrapped around him tightly. You let out a low moan, unable to contain the mewls any longer. Pushing you closer and closer to that cosmic bliss, and suddenly Matt’s thumb left your clit and he pulled out of your throbbing sex. Before you could question him, he flipped you onto your stomach and entered your, still, dripping pussy from the back, sending you straight back into the elation that was the edge of your orgasm. He gripped your ass and thighs, leaving red marks. 

Matt grabbed a handful of your hair, pulling your head back, reining you into him. You could feel his heavy breathing, moaning, on your neck, muttering curse words, melting into you. “M-Matt I'm going to cu-” and before you could finish, Matt thrusted at you harder, sucking on your neck hard, sending you into waves of hot euphoria erupted at your core, drenching you in ecstasy from head to toe. Your moans became loud, unmuffled, letting them flow out of you as you rode the waves of your orgasm out. 

You feel Matt begin to throb hard against your tight pussy, gripping him tighter and tighter; ready to milk every last drop of him into your sex. His face still plastered to your neck, purring into your ear your name. “Fuck…fuck fuck fuck! “ Matt growls into your ear. Tensing into you, gripping your ass and thighs tight. Cum explodes into your warmth, filling you to the brim with every thrust, trembling.

He collapses into you, falling next to you and embracing you. You feel his chest rising with heavy deep breaths. Matt kissed your neck softly and brushed the hair out of your face. Then, as if neither of you have slept in days, you both fell soundly asleep. Holding tightly to one another and in this moment, you felt peaceful… happy.

A few moments passed.. Or hours, you couldn't tell because you were sleeping so soundly, that was until a familiar yet very unwelcoming feeling pierced your mind. Searing pain for a short moment, followed by a voice. A voice that you had not heard for months. 

‘Sweet thing…’ 

And just as quickly as the voice came, it vanished. You sat up in your bed, sweat drenching you, Matt still sleeping soundly next to you and scanned the room, looking for Ren but only met with quiet nothingness.


	7. Chapter 7

Your eyes flutter open, slowly before closing them and continuing to rest your head on the pillow. Your back arching and stretching, becoming more limber with every movement. You move your hand to the other side of the cot to feel Matt, but just felt emptiness. ‘Typical,’ you thought to yourself, ‘Are all of the men I meet this way? Doesn't anyone stay anymore?’ You were used to this with kylo but Matt seemed so… different. You never thought he'd sneak out on you before you woke up like Kylo had done many times before. Opening your eyes once again, you looked to see the soft light from the living area leaking into the hallway. Sitting up, yawning, you look around seeing Matt’s white shirt still on the floor. Dangling your feet off the bed, you stand up and walk to your dresser slipping on some pink athletic shorts and on Matt’s big shirt, walking to your doorway. You walked down the hallway slowly, sleepily and into the kitchenette, where Matt stood, brewing coffee. 

“Mm, good morning sleepyhead” Matt’s voice was soft and loving, he smiled at you, handing you a mug of fresh coffee. He was dressed in black joggers and red socks, still shirtless. “Did you sleep well?”

Taking a sip of your coffee, it was bitter and you held back a face, “I slept okay. You wake up early.” 

Matt studied your facial expressions and handed you the bowl of sugar, “Yeah, I’m just a morning person I guess!” 

You let out a “Mmm” in response, obviously still too tired to talk, and a little in shock that he not only stayed but made you coffee. You put another spoonful of sugar into your coffee. 

Matt didn't say anything, just watched your movements, as you sleepily sat down and sighed. 

“You’re being silent,” Matt says, pondering over you, “Be honest, did you sleep okay?”

You sink into your chair, not wanting to say how you heard that familiar voice calling to you, all too real and very close. Breaking the overpowering silence, “I thought I heard someone talking to me last night.. but it was probably nothing.” Your voice trailing off, both afraid and embarrassed what this kind hearted technician would think of you hearing voices.

Matt smiled and laughed, “It was probably just me, I’ve been known to sleep talk” 

You looked at him and smiled back, feeling warm in your chest, not sure if it was from the coffee or the butterflies that he constantly gave you even in these simplest moments. 

“I hope you don’t mind, me raiding your fridge and all. Thought I’d do something nice for you.” Matt says smiling and your eyes trailed behind him to the glowing oven, inside a pan baking, your senses overwhelmed with how good it smelled, to the dirtied mixing bowls in the sink. “The cinnamon rolls are almost done.. And don't worry about cleaning the dishes either. I’ll handle it.” 

The oven dings and Matt turns to take out the pan, as he turns you watching him closely, drinking him all in, dumbfounded that a man could make something so simple as taking a pan out of an oven so fucking attractive. “Is something wrong?” He says, turning to you and you realize you’ve been caught staring, you face turning a deep shade of red. 

“No,” You desperately tried to change the subject, “those smell really good.. I didn’t know you knew how to bake.” 

“My grandmother taught me, actually.” Matt drizzled white frosting on top of the piping hot rolls and your eyes traced the glaze dribbling, your mind flashing back to the previous night, looking all too familiar. 

“Tell me more” 

Matt placed the mixing bowl in the sink, handing you the spoon to lick the frosting off that you were obviously eyeing. “Tell you more about what? My family?”

You held the spoon to your lips before licking a stripe of the sticky white frosting off. It actually tasted amazing, you were surprised a Radar Technician knew how to bake like this. “Mmhmm, your family, you, your favorite color, all of it.” 

“Well,” Matt placed a roll on a plate, handing it to you, the steam still coming off of it, “I'm from Naboo. My, um, grandparents raised me basically my whole life; grandpa was a palace guard in the clone wars--” 

“Naboo!? I’ve always wanted to travel there. Is it as beautiful as everyone says?” Your eyes filled with fascination as you took a bite of the goey roll, every taste bud on your tongue singing. 

“It is… It’s absolutely a paradise,” Matt paused taking a bite of his roll, and swallowed, “I loved running through the fields playing Jedi. My friends and I would pretend we were the two Jedi knights who fought to protect the late queen in the old war.” Matt moves the frosting around with his fork on the plate, twirling it in his hand. 

“I’m jealous, I’ve always wanted to go there.” You were nearly finished with your cinnamon roll at that point, licking the frosting off of your fork, looking at Matt in the eyes. 

Matt cleared his throat, setting his plate down. “I had a really good time last night.” 

Your stomach swarmed with butterflies as he walked around to meet you on your side of the island, “Me too.” 

He looked at his watch before sighing, looking back at your face. “I have duty in one hour.. I should be going soon, I need to shower and everything before I start. Can’t go in smelling like sex and cinnoman rolls as inticing as that sounds.”

You looked down for a moment at your feet, finding yourself sad that he had to go. “I’m actually off duty today, for once surprisingly.” 

“Oh really?” Matt says, disappointedly. “Well, maybe we could meet up when I get off of work? Walk to the flight deck and watch the fighters.” Looking at you, waiting for a response. 

“That would be,” you paused, purposely making him wait for your response, “Great, I’d love that. We could meet after the staff meeting?” A warm smile branded your face as you took another sip of coffee. 

“Sure thing!” Matt placed a kiss on your cheek before walking to your cot to grab his clothes, and then you realized you were wearing his shirt still. You trailed after him, standing into the doorway to your bedroom. 

“Unless.. You wanted to shower here?” You gave a smile and walked into the refresher turning it on high and slipping inside, hoping Matt caught your drift and would be close behind. 

Beginning to let the hot water fall over your face, over your eyes, you heard the sound of pants falling to the ground and the glass door to the stand up refresher opening next to you. 

Rough hands found their way to your waist, opening your eyes, you feel Matt pressing into you. Kissing your neck softly, rubbing his length against your ass. Warm water rushing down your hard nipples and over your sex. His length hardening on your backside, you started to rub your ass against him backing him against the shower wall, your hands finding their way behind you into his hair, gripping at it. Matt groans, moving his hands to your breasts, massaging them and twirling your nipples in his fingers as you grind against him. You rub against him until you feel his tip at the opening to your pussy, and you leaned forward slightly, letting him slip in. 

“Fuck” he mutters under his breath, slipping fully into you now, gaining force and tempo. The force of his length entering you surprised you and you attempted to sit up slightly to adjust your stance but were surprised when his big hands grabbed you by your arms and brought you all the way back down onto him, making you cry out in ecstasy. Matt began to fuck you hard, harder than you could imagine him capable of. You try to be quiet but the force of his thrusts against your ass were almost too much. 

At this point mewls and moans were leaving your lips, water flowing down your face and body as he kept at the pounding with a heavy fast cadence.

In this moment of pure carnal bliss, a familiar yet immensely unwelcoming feeling enveloped your brain, painful vibrations, sharp ringing ripping through your ears, pressure increasing tenfold, causing you to yell out. Matt increased his thrusts, he probably assumed the screaming was blissful yelps. As quickly as the vibrations came, they went and you were weak, at Matt’s mercy.  You feel his hands move around your throat and he squeezes hard and you begin to fade into darkness, only moaning softly in response. Your toes curled as your eyesight started to slightly fade, his grip loosening slightly on your neck. He brought his mouth to your ear and softly said “Cum for me.”

In that moment, your body obeyed, waves of hot white euphoria covering every inch of your body, your legs shaking and eyes rolling back into your head, disjointed mewls and moans sputtering from your mouth as Matt simultaneously came into you as well, feeling him explode into you, his hands on your hips, gripping hard. 

Both out of breath, he slowly pulled out from you and turned you around, holding you in his arms. Your knees wobbly, you leaned on him for support. Kissing your forehead, he then picked up the yellow Loofah and washed every inch of you with the cherry blossom scented soap. 

Finishing up in the shower you both step out, Matt hands you a towel and you wrap yourself, walk with him to the cot and sit down, now watching Matt getting his work uniform out of the backpack he brought: The usual grey coveralls and orange utility vest, black boots and a heavy orange construction belt. He laced his boots before standing up and making his way to you, taking your face in his hands he kissed you lovingly, looked you in your eyes, “I will see you later, love.”

You looked back into the dreamy brown eyes, “Okay”

He gave one final kiss on your forehead before turning around to the hallway and walking out, eventually leaving your quarters, you hearing the  _ swoosh _ of the hatch closing behind him. 

Now you were alone, wondering what the fuck is going on in your head.


	8. Chapter 8

Reluctantly you finished slipping on your dress uniform heels, dreading having to go to this meeting. All you wanted to do was sit in bed and relax, it was your only day off after all. 

It had been a couple of hours since Matt had left your quarters to go to work and it felt quiet, stagnant. Time was passing at the regular rate, as opposed to when the two of you were together: time ceasing in your own calm world, together. 

You smoothed out any wrinkles in your dress coat, stood up and sighed. At least you'd see Matt and Annemarie at this meeting. Annemarie had sent you a message earlier that she’d save a seat for you and Matt since she’s already at the engineer deck, close to the large conference room. 

Taking one last look in the mirror before leaving, you left your hair down for once and walked back toward your entrance. You walked toward your hatch, making sure to grab your ID card and walked out to head toward the meeting. 

Glancing down at your wrist watch, it read 1445. The staff meeting was at 1500, you had just enough time to make it across base to the conference room, but you were continuing the fast paced walk to make it there a couple of minutes early. 

Passing the mess hall, walking, your heels clicking in the echoey halls-- you then got an overwhelming sense of dread. You couldn't exactly tell why you felt this way, just that every cell in your body wanted you to turn around, go back to your quarters and shut the hatch; as if your fight or flight sense was kicking in. Brushing it off as pre-meeting jitters, you quickened your pace finally making it to the conference room. 

The hatch opening for you, you walked down the aisles of officers and enlisted sitting in their chairs and looked for any sight of Annemarie or Matt. Your eyes darting back and forth, walking to the end of the aisle to finally see Annemarie, with Matt to her left, waving at you to come sit in the open seat next to her. 

“Finally, I thought you forgot,” Annemarie motioned for you to sit down next to her, “They're about to start any minute.” Her voice very matter-of-factly. 

“Oh my stars, it’s not a big deal even if I did miss it” You sat down in between her and Matt, now turning to him. 

“Hey dollface” Matt’s voice made every brain cell swoon, sounding calm and deep. His hand grazed your thigh and your body shifted in the seat obviously playing back every memory of the two of you intertwined the previous night and morning.

Your face obviously unable to hide the fact of how deeply you were into him, turning a bright shade of red, “Hi, how was work?” 

“Okay, nothing out of the ordinar-” Matt’s voice was cut off with the sound of stormtroopers entering the room, everyone’s chatter suddenly coming to a quiet standstill. You looked over your shoulder toward the entrance of the room, seeing no one enter yet, just the troopers who were now standing in front of you at the north wall of the conference room. 

“Why so many bucketheads?” Annemarie said while chuckling under her breath. You looked over and counted 10 which was unusual for your remote base. 

“Who knows. Maybe the new commander is on a power trip” Matt said quietly, joining Annemarie in her quiet laughter.

Suddenly, the room got completely silent. No one was laughing or talking; Then came the sound of heavy boots hitting the floor approaching the conference room. Your heart sank in your chest, it all sounding all too fucking familiar. But you knew in your head that it wouldn’t be possible. With every step, your body sank, your brain screaming for you to run with nowhere to go. And anyways, you were probably overreacting, there is absolutely no way in the galaxy that it would be.. Him. 

The thunderous steps now approached the conference room hatch, opening with a  _ swoosh.  _ Your eyes keeping forward, afraid to turn around; frozen in your seat. You saw in your peripheral Matt and Annemarie turn around in their seat to see who was entering, they then became frozen, gazing. 

“What the fuck..” Annemarie mouthed, turning around quickly in her seat, eyes now forward as well. 

The footsteps stopped after entering the room. The atmosphere became cold, unforgiving… violent. The sound picked up again, walking toward the north end of the room to where the podium stood, echoing fear through every soul in the room. Your eyes darted to your feet, not wanting to look up. 

The footsteps stopping in front of where you sat in the second row, stopping at the podium. You fought the urge to look up, face the impending presence. You fought this internal battle for what felt like hours, which in reality was only seconds. 

“Who is that?” Matt’s voice was quiet, whispering at almost an inaudible level. 

You finally forced yourself to look and your heart sank. At the podium stood a man, towering over everyone, stoic in his stance, his shoulders back and helmet covering any clue that he might be human. 

“Silence.” His voice deep and instilling fear in every single soul that was in that room, possibly the entire base. Your eyes looking over him, his helmet. It was similar to Kylo’s, you couldn’t tell why your heart still couldn’t calm down, palpitating nearly out of your chest. You then noticed 5 other helmeted and armed figures staggering out throughout the room, each looking more unnearving than the last. 

Your eyes focused back on the creature at the podium, waiting for him to speak again. 

_ Swoosh. _ The hatch opening once again, the sound of powerful strident steps once again entering this conference room. This time, it was different. Each step made the room quieter, if that was possible. The steps were slow, yet harsh, methodical even. The steps came closer, down the aisle of people frozen in their chairs. 

Your eyes looked to the floor, anticipating another one of the helmet wearing figures. Then, your eyes met him.

You were right, it was another helmet wearing figure. But this one made your heart completely shatter with fear, heartbreak and most of all, anger. Your eyes scanned over every part of the man. The long black robes seamlessly elegant yet powerful, the metal mask, now with ribbons of red hot embers though it, welded together. It was Ren.

“Thank you Vicrul.” The warbling voice emitting from the mask sent you even more into a whirlwind of emotions. You watched the first figure, now you assumed named Vicrul, move to the side. “I have decided to relieve your former commander of his position. He was found to be unfit, and seemingly so is this base. The insubordination and frankly, laziness will not be tolerated.” Ren spat angrily at the crowd of people, hanging on his every word. 

Annemarie went to hold your hand, obviously a bit shaken up. You took it and held it tightly, to comfort her and to bring your body back into reality, to this moment. 

“I have looked over the reports on every station. Here, it seems we have people slipping through the cracks. Sloppy work. Like I said, this will not be tolerated.” He didn't look at you once, not even glancing in your direction. “I have brought some new recruits from the academy here, several for each department. They will be under each department’s most superior officer’s training. Your datapads will be sent all the appropriate information on who will be at each station.”

Your eyes back on Ren, you watched him move from the podium, walking toward the seating and down the aisle. He moved with an admonitorial pace, stopping at the row you were sitting in. Your eyes moved to the front of the room, watching Vicrul standing menacingly, stagnant. 

“Should there be any complaints about what I will be implementing here, I have no unease about eliminating bugs in the system” Kylo’s voice was stern, thundering, warbling out of his mask. 

Just then, in the waves of silence, came a small laugh from an enlisted two rows behind you. Ren’s face turned, not wasting a moment of time; He used the force, pulling the man out of his seat and dragging him into the aisle, his feet no longer touching the floor. 

“Is there a problem?” Ren dropped the man to the door, and you recognized him, one of your subordinates, Jacob. He was nothing special, kind of stupid and a pain in the ass but a good worker. 

“No si-” Before Jacob could finish, you heard the roar of Ren’s saber igniting, impaling Jacob between his ribs, his body dropping to the floor, lifeless. 

Annemarie quickly turned her head toward the front of the room, your eyes still fixated on the body on the floor, and you could see a small silent tear from her face. She was terrified. Looking around, everyone was terrified. 

“If there is any more insubordination, feel free to let it out now.” Ren’s voice echoed throughout the room. 

You turned back toward the front of the room, watching the stormtroopers drag the body out the side door. Before you could stop it, you laughed. Audibly. You felt Ren’s eyes staring daggers into the back of your head and before you knew it, the masked figure in front of you, Vicrul, was striding toward you. The row of people in front of you parted, leaving a clear path for him to drag you out from your seat by your arm. You turned to see Matt and Annemarie, their faces distraught, thinking it would be the last time they saw you with a beating heart. You saw Matt’s eyes filled with a desperate need to save you, keep you safe. You looked back at him one more time before pulling your eyes from him. You were now in the front of the room, standing in front of all your coworkers whom you had only begun to know, waiting for the impending wrath of Kylo Ren. 

Ren walked up to you, slowly yet every step deafening. Every step seemingly shattering galaxies with its deafening resonance, until he was less than a foot away. 

A few moments passed, you felt his eyes examining you, looking you up and down, “Is something funny, officer?” 

You paused, then snakily said “Very.” 

You heard Annemarie make a small noise, probably crying thinking she is about to witness the murder of her very best friend, you could even say sister. 

You looked up at him, meeting his eye line or what would be it without his mask on. 

Ren did not answer, only looking at you, the silence in the room deafening. He brought his hand up from his side before placing it on his saber at his belt for a moment, then placing his hand back at his side holding a tight fist. 

“Vicrul, take her to my chambers. This insubordination will not be tolerated.” Ren’s voice was calm, almost crackling under his voice and you could swear you almost heard him chuckle. 

You turned to look at Annemarie and Matt, meeting their terrified eyes and you tried to say that ‘it’s okay’ but before you could even open your mouth, your vision went dark, you were in a force sleep hold.


	9. Chapter 9

A slight ringing in your ears and your eyes beginning to flutter open. You sleepily groaned for a moment before moving your hands to rub your eyes. For a moment you felt relaxed, maybe even at peace. Then you remembered what the fuck happened. You sat up from the reclined position, your eyes shot open to take in your surroundings, looking for the man who put you here. 

You were in a large bed with black sheets and pillows, a red blanket draped over the bottom half of your body, your dress uniform still on, your heels off. Your eyes lingered to the bedside table where a glass of water sat with a note. Reaching for the note, your eyes focusing on the elegant writing, nearly calligraphy. ‘I’ll be right back.’

Your finger traced the lettering, the ink barely dry, slightly smudging. In this moment, you felt.. Numb. No fear, no love, no anger. Just stagnant in this moment in time. 

This quickly changed when you heard the  _ swoosh _ of the hatch to the bedroom opening and your eyes met him once again. His cowl and robe off, only in his black tunic, pants and boots. He just stood there in the doorway for a moment, not saying anything. His hair still effortlessly wavy and beautiful as you remembered.

Usually when you saw Kylo Ren, lust and passion rippled through your body. But not this time. The numbness quickly left your body, leaving behind anger, uncertainty and most of all heartbreak. You saw his lips moving, but no sound. You weren't sure if he was whispering or if you were not coherent enough to hear what he was saying. The ringing in your ears now completely subsiding, you didn’t waste a moment of time. 

Swinging your feet over the bed, you stood up and nearly ran up to him, your fists clenched, hot tears welling in your eyes. When you were nearly a foot away from him something primal awakened inside you, every emotion seething, your fists then met his chest over and over and then the tears began; One punch.. two.. three.. You knew he was talking but you couldn't hear his voice over the sound of your crying. His large hands trying to hold your shoulders but you kept pushing his hands away, the thought of him touching you made you even more infuriated. 

In between sobs you managed to finally get some words out, “How.. fucking.. dare.. you.. just.. show.. up.. now..” 

“Shh, it’s okay,” Kylo whispers in your ear as he takes a hold of you tightly, trying to restrict your tiny ineffectual fists. Your head against his chest, you feel his heart pounding just as hard as yours. You struggled against his hold, trying to wiggle out of his grasp to no avail. 

“Please stop, y/n,” you hear him say, sounding like a feeble attempt to give you an order after all this time. He had barely ever used your name in the past, it felt foreign to hear it coming from his lips. You begin to relax ever so slightly, your sobs starting to cease into quiet whimpers. 

You looked up at him with your tear stained face, hot with anger and abandonment, looking into the golden brown eyes. You saw something familiar: pain, fear and maybe even nervousness. 

Kylo’s voice calm and nearly emotionless, “I’m here now. You don’t have to be sad anymore, I never abandoned you.”

“Thats the fucking problem jackass! You did. You left me for months on end with no communication,” at this point you were yelling, nearly screaming, at him while more tears fell from your eyes, “I finally accepted that you weren’t coming. I was fine, happy even!”

You wriggled out of his grasp, backing away from him and walked to the bed slipping your dress uniform heels on. “Don’t act like you fucking know anything about me anymore because you don’t,” the words spitting from your mouth angrily, “Not anymore.” 

His voice grew more and more frustrated with every word, “What do you want me to say.. I wasn’t able to contact you. I’m sure you made sure of that. As cruel as that would be.”

“Oh so you think I just what, blocked every single way for you to communicate with me? You’re as dense as Jabba if you think that’s what happened. You told me you’d come for me,” you voice slightly cracking with despair with every word, “Where were you?” You stood up, walking past him into the living area, your eyes searching for the hatch to leave. 

“I couldn’t, there were things happening. Bad things. They would’ve put you in danger.” He followed you out of the bedroom, not holding you back but standing closely, you felt his eyes watch your every move. 

Your hand found the lightswitch, turning it on to the brightest settling trying to illuminate some way out of this nightmare. “Oh don’t go and act like it was some noble fucking act to abandon me all this time.”

“It was to protect you. It was only a few months, you’re overreacting. Don’t you see, you would have been in grave danger.”

“Oh, what a knight in shining armor,” You sarcastically said, holding your hands on your cheeks mockingly before turning back to a stern angry tone, “I’m fine, you can leave. I don't need you here.” Your eyes met the hatch and you looked at Ren once more, memorizing every inch of him and every moment of this heartbreak. You would not allow yourself to go through this pain again.

You saw Kylo’s shoulders tense up and immediately his hand met his saber at his waist, igniting it without pause. He held it up to the wall before slashing it, yelling and tearing through anything near him. He swung at it unapologetically, getting more violent with each swing. You turned and walked toward the door faster now, eventually turning into a running pace. Hearing the temper tantrum behind you, you finally exited out the hatch letting it shut behind you. The hot tears began to flow once more, streaming down your face. 

Your feet couldn't run fast enough back to your quarters. All the emotions flooding back in, you tried to outrun them desperately. Reaching your quarters, the hatch shuts behind you quickly. Leaning up against the wall, you slid down until eventually falling completely to your floor helpless, the fear and disheartenment consuming you. 

You quietly whispered, “Fuck,” there were no more tears streaming from your eyes, only because you had no more left in your resovour. Struggling to pick yourself off the floor, you attempted to find any ounce of strength left but to no avail. You sunk further into the cold floor, bringing your knees up to your chest and just stayed there motionless, your face tucked in your knees, a capsule of desolation and despondency. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

You weren’t sure how much time had passed and if you were honest with yourself, you didn’t really care. You finally stood up and managed to walk to the refresher to wash your face. Catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror you saw the aftermath of your encounter with Kylo Ren: Your eyes red and puffy from crying, the mascara you put on before the meeting had smeared down your face. 

Grabbing a washcloth and wetting it, you started to wipe your face; wiping away the black streaks from under your eyes, holding the warm cloth to your eyes in hopes it would alleviate some of the puffiness. 

You placed the cloth on the sink and just as you reached for your moisturizer, you heard knocking at your hatch. Hurried panicky knocking. Looking once more at the wreck that stood before you in the mirror, you tried to remain quiet in hopes whoever it was would go away, especially if it was Ren. More knocking. 

Realizing they weren’t going to let up, you reluctantly walked toward the hatch and opened it and before you could even say anything, Matt ran through the doorway, embracing you tightly, nearly bruising a rib. You melted into his arms, feeling safe and secure. 

“I- I’m so glad you're alive,” Matt’s voice cracked with emotion and relief. 

“I’m okay,” Your voice was quiet and scratchy. You didn't realize how badly you strained your throat yelling at Kylo. 

Matt slowly loosened the hug pulling back to look at your face. You saw his eyes studying your puffy facial features. “Did he hurt you?” he said quietly.

“No,” You touched your eyes briefly, “I’m fine, really Matt. What happened after I left?” You turned to go and sit at the island, Matt joining at the seat next to you. 

“After you left? You mean when that fucking monster put you in a barbaric sleep spell and had his henchman take you from us? Yeah great way of putting it. Do you know how long it has been? Twenty four hours. Without hearing a single word from you.”

‘Twenty four hours.. were you really sleeping for that long?’ You thought to yourself. You were quiet, letting the silence speak for itself. You didn’t have an argumentative spark left in you. 

“Look, I'm sorry. I just was scared. Supreme Leader continued to lecture us about our terrible base standards before dismissing us. I have your communicator,” Matt takes the device out of his pocket and placed it on the table, “It must have fallen out of your pocket when you- uh, you know.” You still felt his eyes studying you, looking you up and down. “Can I make you some tea?” 

You nodded your head yes and Matt got up walking to the other side of the island to put the kettle on the heat. You picked up the communicator from the table reading all of the missed messages, 

**1517- Matt: Are you okay??**

**1518- Matt: y/n, please answer me.**

**1519- Annemarie: please message me back. I need to know that you’re alright.**

**1520- Matt: Please be okay.**

**1520- Annemarie: I love you.**

“Sorry for all the messages,” Matt poured the hot water into a mug, “I was just- We were all really worried about you.” He handed you the mug and you took it into your hands, the hot ceramic feeling soothing on your slightly swollen hands. You probably should have put your thumb on the outside of your fists while punching. 

“I should call Annemarie..” his voice trailing off as he took out his communicator. “Hi. Yes, she’s here,” he covered the microphone for a moment, “Is it okay if she comes over?” 

You nodded your head yes while sipping the hot tea

“Yes, come,” his voice quick and to the point, then hanging up the call and placing his device on the counter. Matt rubbed his face with his hands for a moment before walking around the island to sit next to you again. You felt him scanning your body before he took your hands into his, holding your slightly swollen knuckles. 

Matt’s voice was quiet, “What… What happened?” he asked softly, almost a whisper. 

“It- It’s nothing, really.” Pulling your hands from his, you rubbed them together for a short moment before grabbing the tea again and taking a big sip. “Please just stop asking.” 

Matt’s voice grew more concerned, louder now. “It’s not nothing.. you were fighting or trying to it looks like.” 

You did not want to talk about what happened, or maybe you couldn’t talk about it without breaking down. You tried to shut out any feelings or memories of the past day but the more and more Matt asked the more it was nearly slipping out. 

“I said fucking nothing happened. I’m fine” you said coldly. 

At this point, Matt’s face was distraught, trying to search for any ounce of emotion on your face, “You’re not fucking okay! You’re just not.”

Three quick knocks at the hatch before it flew open. 

“Oh my gods I was so fucking worried, y/n. What the hell,” Annemarie’s voice cracking with emotion, nearly crying while she rushed through the hatch to embrace you. You were glad she knew the code to your quarters so you didn't have to get up to let her in. She probably would have tackled you. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” She pulled back from the hug and began to look you up and down searching for bruises or injuries. 

“Im fine.”

“She’s not fine,” Matt said sternly, not even making eye contact. “Look at her hands and then tell me she’s fine.”

Annemarie grabbed your hands and you slightly winced. She held them for a moment before looking at your puffy red eyes. 

“Explain that… That just doesn’t happen, so what went down?” Matt asks tensely.

“Babe if you tell us we can fix it. Surely this isn't allowed.” Annemarie wiped the stray hairs out of your face. 

You didn’t say anything for a couple moments, only staring back into Annemarie’s big pleading brown eyes. “I said nothing fucking happened so stop fucking asking-”

Matt intervenes quickly “Hey hey.. We just want to help you, tell us what happened so we can do that. Okay?”

The three of you sat in silence until Annemarie interjected, “Let’s just give her a moment. Are you hungry?” 

You nodded your head yes quietly, too exhausted to say no because surely it would just start another argument that you needed to eat. 

“I’ll run you bath… You look exhausted.” Matt says, managing a small smile before walking to the refresher room leaving just you and Annemarie at the kitchen island. 

Annemarie moved to the other side of the island to where the stove was. She pulled out a pot and filled it up with water, placing it on the stove. Then, pulling out noodles and put them down next to the pot. “So.. If you don’t want to talk about that, can we talk about you and Matt?” She shot you a quick smile, “He told me you guys spent the night together last night”

“Um, yeah. It was- It is good. He’s good.” Your voice weak and scratchy still. 

“He didn’t tell me a lot about it if that's what you're wondering. Just that he spent the night and he kept going on about how much you snore, but that he found it completely adorable.” Annemarie let out a small laugh and you did as well, probably the first time that day you had smiled or laughed.

You heard Matt walking back to the living area and his voice soon followed, “Okay, the bath is ready for you, sunshine.” 

“I'll finish making the dinner for you,” Annemarie said, smiling. 

“Thank you,” you managed to say quietly holding your hand on her shoulder for a moment before Matt walked with you to the bath.

You sat down on the bath’s ledge for a moment and just sighed, taking in the steam that filled the room. 

Matt stood in the doorway observing your every move. Usually that would make you feel smothered, but right now you felt safe, “I can stay tonight if you’d like.”

“Yes please,” you said making eye contact, you gave a small warm smile. 

“Okay, I’ll be out here if you need me,” he said before closing the hatch behind him, giving you some privacy. 

You began to strip off your clothes, now wrinkled and dirtied with your tears, throwing them on the floor. Pulling off your stockings and dress skirt. Stepping into the bath and sitting down fully, the hot water soothed every aching muscle in your body. You weren’t sure why you were so sore.. Or maybe it was all mental, your brain just exhausted. Sinking further into the water, letting it soak every inch of your skin. Finally, your body let loose, relaxing fully in the water. Then, realizing how tired you were, you closed your eyes, beginning to let your guard down. 

Your eyes shot open with the sound of pounding knocking at your quarter’s front hatch followed by loud argumentative voices from both Annemarie and Matt and another voice. You couldn’t hop out of the bath fast enough. Reaching for the towel before another set of harsh knocks, this time at the refresher door. You stood up, wrapping yourself in the white towel and walked to the hatch, opening it with a  _ swoosh.  _ And you couldn’t believe your eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

“Your presence is needed at the command deck. Now.” Vicrul stood in the doorway, towering over you. He was nearly as big as Ren. 

“I’m a little busy right now,” you said sternly, standing your ground. You have had enough of Kylo Ren and his antics for the day. 

Not even a moment passing before Vicrul said sternly, menacingly, “I wasn’t asking.”

You stared at his appearance for a moment wondering what was behind that mask. His mask was similar to Kylo Ren’s but different at the same time. Vicrul’s helmet had horizontal and vertical lines, nearly looking like a grenade pattern but not. Just as intimidating as Ren’s was if not more. He dressed similar to Kylo, black robes but with a coat made out of some type of reptile skin, you didn’t even want to know. 

Realizing he wasn’t going to let up you finally answered breaking the silence, “Fine. Can I fucking get dressed? Or would the Supreme Leader prefer me in a towel?” 

“I’m sure he wouldn’t mind,” You could feel the smirk peeking from behind his mask, “But I’ll let you get dressed. I will be in the hallway. Do not make me wait.”

And with that, he stormed out the hallway, you followed, watching him bump Matt’s shoulder without pause as he walked past and out your quarter’s hatch. 

The three of you stood there for a moment in silence after watching the hatch  _ swoosh _ behind the ominous figure. 

Standing there in the hallway you contemplated your options. You could either not come out in hopes Vicrul would eventually go away or get dressed and get it over with. 

Annemarie’s hand on your shoulder brought you back to reality. “Are you okay? I tried to tell that bucket head he couldn't go in there. I’m sorry,” her eyes apologetic. 

Matt sat on the stool near the two of you and sighed, “I just don’t understand why you would have antagonized Kylo Ren in the first place, y/n. Do you have a death wish? I know you said you worked under him before but I don’t think that gives you the excuse to mouth off to him. Now look. He’s sending his henchmen to your quarters, bursting in doors, giving orders pushing people around. Fucking imbeciles..” His voice grew more and more frustrated, he then turned to see your face, “I’m sorry, I’m just worried about you.” 

You gave Matt a small warm smile, “It’s okay. I’m going to, um, get dressed I guess.” 

“No you’re going to eat first.” Annemarie’s voice slightly shocked you, you've never heard her sound this stern before. She took your hand and led you to the island where you sat down next to Matt. She placed a bowl of plain buttered noodles in front of you with a fizzy drink. “Eat.” 

“Yes ma'am!” You laughed while stabbing the penne onto the fork and popping it into your mouth. For some reason you really liked plain buttered noodles. Maybe it was the simplicity. 

“Buttered noodles? No sauce?” Matt asked.

Annemarie interjected before you had a chance to answer, “It’s kinda our thing. Buttered noodles, games, Jawa juice. A usual Friday night for us. I don’t even remember when we started doing it,” she laughed and it made your heart warm, every memory of the game nights playing in your mind. 

“Yeah it’s-” 

More loud knocks at your entrance with a voice shortly after muffled by the hatch, “I said don’t make me wait.” 

“Let her fucking finish eating,” Matt nearly yelling to the doorway, obviously frustrated to his wit’s end. 

“It’s fine, I’ll eat when I come back,” you held his hand for a moment before getting up to walk to your bedroom to change into some sweatpants. Matt and Annemarie stayed in the living area but you could hear their muffled hushed voices.

“I just, I’m worried.” Matt was terrible at whispering.

“It’s fine, everything will be fine,” Annemarie’s voice comforting.

You pulled grey sweatpants on, slipping on an old shirt from the academy. 

“What if he does something again? We don't know what even went on the first time. I can’t just let her go”

“Matt. Calm down.” 

You slipped on your black sneakers and walked back into the living room. Matt and Annemarie both immediately stopping their conversation, staring at you. “I’ll be right back,” You gave a warm half confident smile. Surely you wouldn’t be long. 

Annemarie gave you a quick hug, “Everything will be fine. Just don’t be a fucking smartass,” she smiled at you.

You embraced her back before letting go and walking to Matt giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, “I’ll be fine. Okay?” 

“Okay.” his voice still sounded unsure.

Walking to the hatch, grabbing your identification out of the key bowl and walking to the hatch, opening it to reveal Vicrul leaning up against the wall with his weapon at his side. 

“Finally. Do you always take this long? Fucking officers. Always thinks the galaxy revolves around you.”

You scoffed, not waiting for him to start walking, already heading in the direction of the command deck. You heard his loud footsteps catching up until he was at pace next to you.

“That’s more like it, move with a fucking purpose. Maybe we’ll get there before dinner.”

You didn’t dignify him with a response. You kept your eyes forward. Maybe if you ignored him, he would stop talking. 

“Do you speak? You’re not going to ignore me the whole way there so why don’t you just say something.” His modified voice was also similar to Ren’s yet not as deep. 

You continued walking,your voice annoyed, “What’s your problem?” 

“My problem is you. You're my problem at the moment. Just. You.”

“What was your name? Vicrul? Or would you rather be called Ren’s errand boy? His bitch maybe?”

“Enough, or you’ll answer to Ren.”

You laughed, “I’m pretty sure I’m already going to be answering to him. Isn't that the whole point of me going to the command deck? You’re not a bright one are you?” You were passing the mess hall, about halfway to the command deck. You heard Annemarie’s words in your head ‘don’t be a smartass’ but you just couldn’t help yourself. 

All of the sudden Vicrul pulls your arm, stopping you from walking and squared up to you, “You need to watch your mouth talking to me. Do you understand? My master will make sure of it,” his voice stern.

“Whatever you say, buckethead.” You gave a fake smile. 

“Just remember that I already know all about you. I know everything,” his voice creepily becoming more and more human like, “I know what you crave. My master told me everything: how you beg for it, cry for it, how much you love his saber-” 

You interrupted, yelling, “You don’t know a fucking thing about me”

“Oh but I do.” His modified voice sending every cell in your body into a rage. 

You fought the tears trying to well in your eyes. If you had any argumentative spark left in you, you needed to save it for Ren. You turned away from Vicrul, walking again, hearing his footsteps close behind you.

After the rest of the silent walk, you arrived at the command deck. Vicrul went ahead of you now, walking to a conference room off to the side. 

“After you.” His voice cold.

“How kind of you. I’ll make sure to let Ren know what a good babysitter you are,” you patted his arm as you walked past him into the room. Vicrul didn’t follow, instead, standing guard outside the room, and letting the hatch shut behind you.

Your eyes immediately met the brooding figure. Ren stood by the opposite side of the room in his usual garbs, then turning to face you, “There you are. I’ve been thinking about you: How you stormed off. Like a child,” Ren says to you mockingly.

“Oh I’m the fucking child?” you felt the anger rising in you again but tried to push it down. You would not allow him to get a rise out of you again. 

“How about you take the more grownup approach and talk to me like an adult, pet. Then we can make up the correct way.

“Do not call me that.” You tried to ignore every bodily cue your heart was giving you. The word ‘pet’ sent shivers up your spine. You shook it off and pushed those feelings aside.

“You still like it. No matter how much you say you don’t.”

“You don’t know me and you have no right to call me that. I’m not your pet.” your voice emotionless, or trying to be. You were desperately trying to hide any ounce of emotion. 

“I feel all your emotion coming back. The need for me, the cravings. It’s cute.”

“Is there a reason you needed me here? If not, I have things to do.” You tried not to look at him: his dreamy brown eyes, the effortless waves of his dark hair. 

“I just wanted to see you, and I know you’re off today. So don’t try to say you have better things to do. It’s pitiful.”

“I have these people called friends. Although I wouldn’t expect you to understand what that is. Unless you call that mindless buckethead and the rest of them your friends. He’s kind of an ass.. Like you. So I guess I can see where you’d get along.” 

Ren moved closer to you, closing in the distance between the two of you, “Do not speak to me this way again. I’m being very polite right now. I suggest you do the same. If you want to be out of here sooner.”

You scoffed, “So calling me pitiful is polite?”

“I could call it sad. Is that what you would like instead?”

Your face beginning to show the anger that you were trying desperately to shove down, “I said you don’t know me anymore. May I leave?” 

Kylo was only a few feet away from you now, “Well, that may be true. but I’d like to know you again.”

Your voice sharp, “You lost that right when you abandoned me.” 

“I didn’t abandon you! I was unable to get to you. Lots of things have happened. Things you couldn’t begin to understand. All you see is you were apparently abandoned. You weren’t.”

Your hands beginning to shake, you sat down in the chair near the exit, hoping Ren would sit as well so he would stop walking toward you. You were worried if he touched you, everything would flood back. Even the parts you swore to yourself that weren’t there anymore. You looked at the floor, before glancing up, making direct eye contact, “You didn’t come for me. I waited fucking months for you. I moved on from you. I’m happy now, or at least I was until you decided to come back and ruin my life once again,” each word more and more hinting at the impending emotion at the floodgates. 

Kylo continued to move closer to you, eventually sitting in the chair directly next to you, turning to face you, “I never abandoned you, or moved on from you. The whole time you were on my mind. You’re the one who abandoned us.” Reaching out, touching your leg softly.

The touch sending electricity throughout your body. You moved your leg away from him and spoke quietly, meekly, “Please don’t touch me.” 

You felt his eyes studying your face, placing his hand back on his own lap, “I’ve missed you. More than you know..” 

Looking at the floor now, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, now sitting there in silence. 

“And I know you missed me, I can feel it ripping you apart inside. It’s okay. The sooner you accept that you are mine alone, you’ll feel better, y/n.”

Tears welling in your eyes, your voice nearly yelling, you turned to look at him in the eyes, “I. Am. Not. Yours.”

“You are. You always will be and nothing will change that. Not even him.” Leaning in closer to you, whispering into your ear. “Do you understand?”

“W-what did you say?” Surely he didn’t know about Matt. You had made a point to shove every memory of Matt deep inside whatever dark crevices were in your mind. 

“You know what I said. But it makes no difference. You. Are. Mine.” 

“You don’t have any fucking right to bring him up.” You stood up, pointing at Ren’s chest as he sat in the chair, “You lost any right to talk about my affairs when you forgot about me. Left me here to wait and wait with nothing. No communication. Nothing!” A single tear fell from your eye, your face red hot.

Kylo’s voice grew more emotional, still sitting, eyes staring back into yours, “I was with you all this time! That warm comfortable feeling when you finally left. That was me. Because despite what you think I was closer than ever to you. And you felt comfort in that ignorance. You loved it. Didn’t you, pet.”

“Every moment you were with me? So i'm sure you saw everything,” every voice in your head telling you to stop but you just couldn’t help yourself, “So you saw Matt with me? In bed? I’m sure you heard it too. Me moaning his name, him kissing every inch of my body. Every single moment of us together.” You made sure to slowly say every word, trying to infuriate Ren just as he had been doing to you this whole conversation, whether he meant it or not. 

He stood up, backing you into a wall, placing a hand on each side of your body, whispering slowly into your ear, “You would be wise to stop. This whole time I haven’t forced you to stay, the door has been open. You haven’t left. And you know Why? I just proved that you want to be near me. Can’t bear to let me go again. You. Want. Me. So badly that you’re trembling. Don’t worry, I feel it too.”

“Get. Off. Of. Me,” your voice quiet but firm. Even if what he was saying was true, you wouldn’t let him have any satisfaction of knowing he was right. 

He brushed a hair from your face, tucking it behind your ear, “You’re just as beautiful as the day I lost you…” his voice trailing off, looking into your eyes now, his face getting closer and closer. 

“I said to get the fuck off of me.”

He moved his mouth to your ear, then whispering, “You want this.. just like I do, y/n. Just give in to those feelings.” Before you can respond a gloved hand goes to your throat. Squeezing and pulsing your artery gently. 

Pushing his hand off of your throat, you moved from his grasp, trying to walk past the mountain of a man, walking toward the door, “I dont fucking want you.” 

Kylo followed close behind, taking your arm and pulling you into him, not letting go. His eyes staring into your eyes, looking eerily similar to the day you left, his voice pleading, “Please don’t go. Not again…”

You wanted to stay. You wanted to collapse into his arms, kiss his pink soft lips and run your fingers through his dark waves while he had his way with you. But you couldn’t. You tried to bring every memory of Matt to the front of your wavelengths, reminding yourself why you moved on, who you moved on to. You were falling for Matt, he was a good guy. Amazing guy even. Sweet, kind, caring. You did not need Kylo Ren. 

“Let me go. I’m not yours. Not anymore.” 

Ren pulled you closer into him, his face only inches away from yours, “You are… always have been. Always will be. You think that puny radar technician will satisfy you? You will come to find that he won’t. Of that I am sure.” His lips getting closer to yours again. Almost touching now feeling his light, warm breaths on you. “I know he only caught your eye because of the unfortunate uncanny resemblance, don’t act like you don't see it.” He didn't give you a moment to respond before whispering into your ear, “He will never be enough for you. Come home, sweet thing..” 

This sent you into a whirlwind of emotions: pain, anger, distrust, but most of all, lust. Warmth pooled in your abdomen and as much as you tried to further deny it, all you wanted in this moment was Kylo Ren. 

Snapping out of the lustful trance, you remembered the promise you made to yourself, you were not to go through this again. How stupid you were to let him seduce you like this. You wriggled out of his grasp and walked away toward the door again, this time he didn’t stop you. 

“I said, I’m not yours. Do not talk to me, touch me or my friends.” You turned toward the door, facing away from him and took one step before what Kylo said made you freeze in your tracks. 

“I’ll do whatever the fuck I want to do. Matt? That’s his name? Hmm. I think he’s on shift tonight. Maybe I’ll pay a little visit. See how he’s doing with the new recruits. I hear he’s a very good worker. We’ll see how well he can listen to orders,” Kylo’s voice was cold, methodical. 

You spun around, yelling “Do not fucking touch him, asshole.” 

“It’s Commander Ren. And yes, I think I’ll do just that,” He turned away from you, walking toward the other side of the conference room before saying over his shoulder calmly, “Vicrul you may escort her out. I’m done for tonight.” 

Before you could retort, a large gloved hand grabbed your shoulder pulling you out of the conference room and into the hallway, the hatch closing to the room. 

“You may leave, slut.” Vicrul’s voice sounding amused. 

“I don’t know who the fuck you think you’re talking to” You stood your ground in front of him. 

He chuckled, “I think I'm talking to the commander’s.. How did you put it? Personal bitch?”

“Take off that mask and talk to me like a real person,” you scoffed, “Hiding behind a mask. Like a child. Like Ren.” 

“You’ll learn to be nice to me.. Or maybe your other friend would like a visit. What’s her name? I think I’ll have her. If she’s a slut like you.” 

“I don’t know where you and Ren get off to threatening my friend’s like that. Did you both decide to do that during pillow talk after you sucked each other off?” You voice smug, mockingly. 

Immediately your face stung, your cheek met with the back of Vicrul’s pointed armored glove, “Fucking whore. Do not talk about the Supreme Leader like that, ” Vicrul shouts low like a roar.

You raised your hand to your face and paused, turning to walk back to your quarters in fear if you kept arguing you would be getting a lot more to the face than a gloved hand. Your feet quickening the pace, walking quickly back to your quarters. 

“Gods dammit. Fuck,” you muttered under your breath. Your fucking mouth always got you into trouble but now you were sure it royally fucked up the lives of the very people you held dear to your heart. Your found family.

Your feet quickeing to a run, trying to make it back to your quarters before Matt left for work where surely Kylo would be waiting to tear him to shreds. You passed the empty mess hall, dining hours long done, passing the med bay and the enlisted quarters before finally making it to your hatch and quickly entering the code to get in, your eyes searching for Matt, only to see Annemarie sitting on the couch watching the television. 

“W-where is M-Matt?” Your voice shook with fear and uncertainty. 

Her eyes still on the screen, “Oh he said he had shift tonight, he actually left a little late. I hope he doesn’t get written up for it,” She replied nonchalantly before turning around to see you out of breath, red in the face, “Honey, are you okay?” Annemarie stood up, spinning around to walk to you, her thumb rubbing the tears that were beginning to fall from your eyes. “Hey it’s okay babe.. I’m sure he’s fine, it’s only work! We’ve started late plenty of times before. And even if he gets in trouble, it’s old man Sergeant Cresston writing him up. That old weenie won’t do anything. He’ll be fine. Back before you know it.” She says to you reassuringly, holding you.

“Gods dammit.” you said under your breath. You couldn’t explain to her in a reasonable way that your ex boyfriend slash supreme leader of the galaxy was going to crush your sweet caring loving boyfriend and every part of it was your fault. 

“Come sit down with me, it will be okay! Your favorite show is coming on!” She led you to sit next to her on the couch. 

“I need to go help him-” 

“You’re not leaving again. Everything will be okay. You’re obviously not thinking clearly right now. Please just- just relax for me.” 

If only she knew how not okay things were. And it was all your fault. 


	11. Chapter 11

He had arrived late to shift plenty of times before so he didn’t even give it a second thought when waiting around a little longer for y/n to come back. Realizing he couldn’t wait any longer Matt stood up from the couch, “I have shift.. I have to go. Tell y/n that I’ll come back after work?” 

Annemarie didn’t take her eyes off the mindless show playing on the screen, “Of course, I’ll let her know,” Her voice relaxed and confident. 

His jaw tensed up when he thought of what was happening.. What that.. Monster might be doing to her. The way her swollen hands looked earlier, the puffy red eyes, not to mention the total loss of twenty four fucking hours. It infuriated him to no end. 

Matt sighed and grabbed his boots sitting down to lace them up. trying not to let the thoughts of Kylo Ren, arrogant space commander, and his girlfriend…? Could he call her that?

Annemarie’s voice interrupted his thoughts, “She’s going to be fine, Matt. Really.” 

Matt looked at Annemarie’s warm smile and for once, he actually believed her. Maybe y/n would be okay. 

Leaving her quarters and letting the hatch _swoosh_ behind him, Matt let out a deep sigh, trying to fight back his own thoughts and focus on the loads of inevitable work he would be doing tonight. The stress of the night before did not help at all. 

Humming a tune to keep focused, Matt continues his confident stride when suddenly he sees two of Kylo Ren’s Knights about fifty feet in front of him and decides to change course. ‘It would take longer but at least I don’t have to deal with these idiots’, Matt thought to himself, walking faster now to make up for the length of this new route. ‘Already twenty minutes late..’ 

Finally arriving at the engineering deck, Matt attempted to make his way to his station quietly, hoping to not attract any unwanted attention. Breathing a sigh of relief when reaching his destination unseen. ”Okay… here we go. Normal day,” he says quietly to himself. He opened the data pad and looked at what was on the agenda for tonight. Scrolling through the task que, he saw first on the list was to rewire an entire main frame. Then to give the new recruits a tour. “Dammit,” Matt muttered under his breath. This was going to take all fucking night. 

Matt placed the data pad on the work desk and walked to the storage closet, ruffling around for a minute before grabbing all the needed tools and parts. Walking out of the technican’s offices and to the main floor, he takes a look around, seeing all the wide eyed recruits for the first time since orientation. Looking at them now he could see how young they all were; Most of them just out of the academy. ’Still kids..’ he thought, shaking his head. Fond memories of the academy played in his mind. Even though it was the best decision at the time, he would give anything to go back and tell himself not to do it. Not to join. But here we are. But it’s not like he had anything left for him on Naboo.. At least he had his new friends and… y/n. The thought of her made his heart do a backflip, butterflies swarming every inch of his body. He had never felt this way about someone before. He had had one serious relationship before.. but nothing compared to this, to her. 

Focusing back on the task at hand, Matt walked past the deck and into the hallway that led to the command deck. The main fuse box luckily was always over here and usually he could reroute anything from there remotely. Beginning to disconnect a wire from the sister circuit and connecting to the motherboard. The lights on the system lit up. “Good, step one down,” he said confidently.

He stopped for a moment listening to the excited voices from the recruits: 

“I can’t believe we’re actually here!” 

“I know! I heard the Supreme Leader cut someone in half last night!”

“Do you think the food here is any good?”

Matt chuckled to himself and continued to solder the rewired circuit. He didn’t mind busy work like this. It at least kept his night at a steady pace. Otherwise, he hated working the night shift; Always fixing the day shift’s mistakes. Luckily, night shift usually meant peace and quiet but it was obvious that tonight he would have none of that. 

Finishing his soldering, he looked at his watch. Barely 2 hours into the shift. The night dragged on as he tried not to think about Y/N and whatever torment she was being put through. He continued his work to the sound of constant excited chatter as his coworkers showed the new recruits the ropes. Looking around the room he thought he saw an eerily familiar face in the crowd of people, but he shook it off as he still had quite a lot of work to do yet.

He closed the box to the fuse and crouched to pick up his tools from the floor around him when he realized the constant chattering had halted. He turned his head, still crouching on his knees, around to see all of the recruits silent and staring at him. He couldn’t figure out why they were so entranced with him. “Okay.. weird,” He then heard a _ping_ followed by skidding noises as he watched slide across the floor from his feet all the way to where the new recruits stood, nearly looking petrified. 

“Hey! You kicked my wrench-” He turned his head to tell off whoever had decided his very expensive tool from his grandmother would look better across the floor, but stopped immediately when he saw the shiny black boots that had kicked it. Looking up, his breath immediately caught in his throat and he was just as petrified as the recruits.


	12. Chapter 12

“Is there a reason your tools are all over the floor, radar technician?” Kylo’s synthetic voice sent shivers down Matt’s spine.

“N-no sir. I was just picking them up, Supreme Leader, sir,” Matt struggled to keep his voice confident for once; All that kept popping into his head was the images of him striking that engineer with the glowing red saber the other night. “My apologies, sir.” 

“If I wanted an apology I would have asked for one. I asked you a question,” Kylo’s warbling voice cold and void of any emotion.

“I was repairing the mainframe box right here, Commander Ren, I just had placed them down on the floor while I was working, sir.” Matt standing up now, trying to stand tall, his shoulders level with Kylo Ren as they had an eerily similar build. 

Kylo let out a small chuckle from beneath his mask, “Do you have something to say, or are you trying too hard to seem tough for the recruits?” 

Matt’s voice caught in his throat, “No, sir, not at all, sir.” 

“Then you would be wise to stand down. Don't worry, your little girlfriend isn’t here to see this, although I'm sure she’d love to see me reprimand you. I’ll tell you one more time. Back down.”

Matt’s blood boiled at the thought of Kylo Ren bringing up y/n. “Don’t talk about her,” Matt found his courage, his voice growing more and more confident. “You have no reason to bring her up. What’s your deal with her? Just leave her alone.”

“Just the response I had hoped for. Tell me, how much has she told you about her time under my command?” Kylo’s voice with a hint of curiosity. Matt wondered what was behind that mask.. Or who was behind that mask. 

“She told me that she worked under you on the Finalizer and on Star Killer Base.. That you’re demanding.” Matt tried to show no signs of fear or apprehension, but in reality every word that warbled out of the red-ribboned mask sent him into a slight state of panic. 

“Indeed, I was very demanding of her.. But she worked very well under me. Did she tell you that? Followed orders as written and as demanded. Nothing was off limits to her.”

“She’s a good worker,” Matt retorted. Of course she did anything she was told, she was a great asset to the first order. ‘What the hell is his problem then?’ Matt thought to himself. 

“A good pet. Not a loyal one but I’ll work on it. She’s been very disobedient.”

“What did you just call her?” Matt’s voice caught in his throat. 

Kylo chuckled, obviously getting amused by Matt’s growing distemper, “I believe you heard me just fine, technician.I called her my pet.” 

Matt clenched his fist, his voice firm and loud, “You don’t even fucking know her.”

Kylo squared up to Matt, getting closer to him, asserting his dominance as if he didn’t already have the upper hand, “Oh, I think I do, I know her very well. Inside and out. More than you’ll ever know.”

“Shut the fuck up you arrogant asshole! You don’t fucking know--”

Before Matt could finish his sentence Kylo Ren tore his lightsaber from his belt and thrashed it across Matt’s face. Creating a loud banging sound, echoing in the room. Matt rubbed his eye and mouth, looking at the blood on his hand from his, assuming, busted lip. 

“It would appear you have some fire in you after all. Do not raise your voice at me again or your pain will be tenfold next time. Do you understand, or shall I give you a more permanent reminder?”

Matt stayed silent, looking down at the floor, at Kylo’s shiny black boots and his dirtied brown ones. How were his boots so fucking shiny?

“Kneel.” Kylo commanded, pushing Matt’s shoulders down causing his knees to buckle. Matt obeyed, kneeling now in front of the Supreme Leader. 

“See? That’s not so hard, from now on I will not ask you to kneel, you will do it out of respect. And as for your little engineer friend, you will not speak to her, unless I say so. Do you understand? For her sake I suggest you listen.”

Matt looked up into the cold black void that was his mask, “You can’t tell me to do that.”

“I can, and I am. You will not have any contact with her that is not authorized, if you do you’ll regret being born weak.. and stupid.”

“I-”

The cold sharp hilt of Ren’s saber met Matt’s face once again, Matt held his face, wincing, saying “Fuck!”

Ren’s voice growled from beneath his mask, “Did I say you could speak to me, say one more fucking thing out of line and I’ll cut your tongue off.”

Matt kneeled in silence, scared to look up. Scared to even think anything bad about him, remembering all the rumors of mind reading. 

Kylo stood quietly, Matt could feel his eyes looking over him, observing his own terror and then hearing the cold voice again, “Speak.”

“My.. apologies, Supreme Leader, sir,” his voice weak and quiet. 

“That is much better. See what we can accomplish with a bit of respect?”

Matt desperately tried to hush thoughts of wanting to show Kylo what exactly he wanted to do. He hated submitting like this.. But he will do it for now, until he can talk to y/n and figure out what is going on. 

“You’re dismissed, remember these words. They’ll save your life. And hers,” Kylo brought himself closer to Matt and at a very low tone, nearly whispering as much as you could through the modified voice, “Stay. Away. From. Her.” 

Before even giving Matt a chance at answering , Kylo Ren moved past him, walking through the crowd of onlookers, leaving Matt still kneeling in the hallway. Matt slowly picked himself up from the kneeling position, touching his eye and mouth, wincing each time. He pulled his fingers from his face and looked at his hands which were now doused in bright red liquid. 

Now fully standing up, he turned around to see all of the new recruits still staring at him. “Is there a fucking problem?” 

They quickly disassembled, going back to whatever new tasks they were learning and Matt turned back to finish picking up the rest of his tools. Unable to silence those piercing words.. ‘Stay away from her.’


	13. Chapter 13

_ Knock knock knock _ . Hurried knocking woke you out of your sleep and you glanced at the clock on the bedside table. 0630. Who would be here this fucking early? Annemarie had left late last night and although it took you a bit longer than usual to fall asleep, you finally did around 0300.

You sighed, hearing more knocking at your hatch. Slipping out of bed, you put on a hoodie and slipped on some sweatpants and started out of your bedroom into the living area. Walking up to the hatch, you pressed the open function and with a  _ swoosh _ revealed Matt in the hallway. 

“Matt I- oh my gods, your face!” You pulled him into your quarters. You couldn’t believe your eyes. His eye was purple and swollen, his lip puffy and busted open. 

“It’s nothing- I just got off shift. I thought it was okay if I came here right?” He gave you a quick kiss on the cheek and sat on the island chair. 

“Yes of course I’m happy you’re here but what the fuck happened to your face?” You walked to the fridge, opening the freezer to grab a bag of frozen peas, handing them to Matt. You bet that you already knew the answer. 

Matt took them in his hand, now holding them to his swollen face, “I just had a little um, conversation with the Supreme Leader.” His voice nonchalant, calm. 

“Y-you what? Did he say something? He did this to you?” You could feel the anger building up inside of you. 

“I may have provoked him a little bit. Or maybe I didn’t, I don’t know. The whole thing is kinda fuzzy.” Matt says, continuing holding the frozen bag to his face. 

You looked him over for a moment: his blonde curls messier than normal, his distended lips peeking out from the corner of the bag, his tired eyes, “What happened?

“He told me a lot of things,” Matt replied quietly, not wanting to look you in the eyes. 

Your stomach dropped, “What.. kind of things?” You knew that you wanted Matt to eventually know what exactly transpired between you and Kylo Ren, but you wanted it to come from you. You didn’t like Ren forcing your hand like this. Once again, he wanted to be in control and this was just his way of exercising the little hold he still has on your life. 

“Just how.. Well you worked under him. He also called you a name but to be honest it was kind of weird, like he had a thing for you. I don’t know.” Matt’s eyes looking at the floor. You felt like he already knew the answer to what he was about to ask, “What really happened with Ren on the Finalizer?”

“It only happened a couple of times. I just- It didn’t matter before and it doesn’t now,” the thought of actually telling Matt the whole truth sent you into a nervous spell, “It’s nothing, really.”

“You.. messed around with.. Kylo Ren?” Matt put the ice pack down on the table, standing up and putting his hands on his head, slightly pacing. “I just mouthed off to your ex boyfriend?” 

“He isn’t my ex boyfriend. There was never any titles,” okay, not lying, “and anyways, why were you mouthing off to him in the first place?” you folded your arms. 

“What do you mean why was I mouthing off to him? He called my girlfriend a ‘pet’? You think I’m just going to let that slide?” Matt’s voice becoming slightly frustrated, still pacing the room, not looking at you. 

The word ‘pet’ made you feel so dirty, uncomfortable, “Pet?” 

“Yes, he called you pet. Why?” Matt stopped, looking at you now, his arms crossed as well. 

“I told you it was just a fling, it, it wasn’t serious,” you said, your voice slightly catching in your throat. You hated lying, but you were doing it to spare his feelings. Of course Matt didn’t want to know all of the intimate details.. And what did it matter anyways? 

“He seems to think it was pretty fucking serious, he told me to stay away from you. No wait, he didn’t tell me. He threatened me.” 

“He can’t just do this. He doesn’t get to control my life, not anymore.” You were furious, the thought of Ren threatening Matt to stay away from you sent you into a blind rage, now pacing back and forth yourself, “I need to go talk to him. He can’t just fucking do this. I’ll- I’ll be right back.” You frantically looked for your identification badge before grabbing it from the living room table and walking to Matt, giving him a small kiss on the cheek. “I’m going to straighten this out right now.” 

“You’re not going anywhere.” Matt held your hand, pulling you back gently. “Please.” 

You looked at his golden brown eyes, with pools of ember aura in the middle, the dark purple bruising surrounding his once big eye, the deep mauve blood clots pooling at the bottom of his eye socket, the once pink subble lips, now crackled with dried blood at the split.

“I can’t just let him do this.” Your voice cracked.

“I’m not even supposed to be here. I got off shift and came right here. I made sure no one saw me here, although I wouldn’t put it past him to have one of his henchmen posted at your hatch.” 

“I’ll be right back” you gave a single quick kiss before walking to the hatch, slipping on your sneakers, “We can have breakfast when I get back? I’m sure you’re starving, you’ve worked all night. There’s coffee grounds in the cabinet if you want to get a head start on the coffee. I promise I won’t be long.” You shot him a quick smile. 

“Okay. Just be safe okay? He’s a fucking loose cannon.” Matt gave you a warm smile back with his puffy lips. 

You turned, leaving your hatch and started walking in the direction of Kylo Ren’s quarters. You passed a group of stormtroopers , bumping shoulders with one. 

“Hey! Watch it!” they yelled at you but you were too much in a blind rage to care. Your feet couldn't carry yourself fast enough. 

Eventually making it across base, you found yourself just down the hallway from Ren’s quarters. From a distance, you thought you saw Kylo Ren outside of them but to your dismay, it was just Vicrul standing post outside of the hatch. 

Getting closer, you felt his eyes on you every step of the way until eventually arriving at the hatch. You tried to just walk in but Vicrul moved in front of you, blocking your only way inside. 

“Going somewhere?” You swear you heard a laugh from under his mask. Gods, why was he such a fucking ass?

“I need to see Commander Ren. Now. So move.” You kept your face void of any expressions, hoping Vicrul wouldn’t be up for any witty banter today. 

“Oh do you? Is your body begging for his touch?” His voice snarky and deep. 

“Shut the fuck up buckethead and just let me in,” You were not in the mood for it today. 

“Can’t get any satisfaction from that poor excuse of a technician? Shame.” 

“I said let me the fuck in.” You pointed your finger to his chest, “Now.” 

“Oh getting brave are we now?” Vicrul sneered. 

“Maybe you have to do a little something for me to let you in.” You felt Vicrul’s eyes move up and down your figure. 

You scoffed, “You wish.” 

“Ohhhh I do. The things I’ve heard… dirty fucking slut aren’t you? You don’t think Ren told me everything? What makes you moan and squirm-”

You yelled, “Kylo let me the fuck inside before I tear this fucking worthless excuse of a man to shreds-”

Before you could finish, the hatch  _ swooshed _ open, revealing Kylo only in black joggers, no shirt. “Yes?” 

“May I come in?” You tried to say it in the most polite voice you could muster. 

Kylo smiled, “Of course, pet.” 

Kylo walked back into the living area, Vicrul stepping aside and letting you through the hatch.

“To what do I owe the pleasure? Did you miss me that much?”

You scoffed, sitting down in a chair by the fire that was crackling, “You know exactly why I’m here.” 

“Do I? There could be many reasons you’re here.” Kylo stood by the fire, adding another log.

“I told you to stay away from him.” You kept your voice stern, not backing down today.

“So he came crying to you? Very admirable. All I did was teach him a lesson in respect.”

You put your fingers on your temple, closed your eyes and rubbed, this man always gave you the biggest fucking headache, “You had no fucking right to touch him, Ren.”

Kylo stood, his eyes pondering your appearance, “He has no right to touch what is mine-”

You didn’t let him finish his sentence, “But that’s the fucking thing, I’m not yours!” 

He began to close the distance between you, standing merely a foot in front of you, lifted his hand and brushing the hair from your face, tucking it behind your ear, “You are and you always will be. We are destined to be together, sweet thing.”

“Gods, you’re so fucking thick headed,” You stood up, pushing him from your way, walking to the opposite side of the room, “I asked you one fucking thing and you can’t even respect my wishes. Why can’t you just move on? I have.” 

“You don’t think I’ve tried? Have you not heard the story of what happened in the throne room?” A small smiling began to form on his warm lips, “With that girl you asked about? The scavenger?”

“You said it was nothing with her.” You shot him a cold look. Even if you were moved on, the scavenger was still a touchy subject.

“After I felt your presence with someone else, you think I would stand around? Cry? I’m not like you. No matter how badly you would want me to.”

“I didn’t cry.” You held back the hot tears welling in your eyes. 

“You are now, or close to it. I see your tears nearly falling,” He walked closer to you, “Just say the word and let me help.” 

“So what happened in the throne room? She saw how incapable you are in a relationship just like I did?” You were aiming your words to hurt him, just as he was. 

“I tried to turn her, mold her into one of us. She refused. You think your words do anything to hurt me?” Again he began to close the distance between you. “I never stopped wanting you, needing you. It’s all I could think about from the moment you left.” His big brown eyes showing glimpses of emotion, sadness. 

“I don’t care anymore. I don’t at all. I just want you to leave me alone. Leave Matt alone. Leave all of my friends alone.” You felt a single tear roll down your face and you wiped it away quickly, not wanting to show any signs that he actually was hurting your feelings. 

“Crying, really? You’re crying? Where did this strong, badass top of her class woman engineer go? Tucked tail so fast? Sad. Even for you.” Kylo’s said, walking to sit in the chair next to the fire.

“Just stay away from them. That’s all I ask.” 

“Just like that? You were doing so well. Almost made me feel sorry for you. And what do I get in return?” Kylo cood, his voice sending unwanted shivers down your spine.

“You get to be a decent human being for once in your fucking life, that’s what you get.” You retorted.

Kylo raised his voice at you for the first time this whole conversation, “Do not lecture me about being a decent human being, I was never the one whoring around with a superior officer. Playing with feelings then leaving. No that’s who you are!”

“Yeah well at least I’m not some fucking monster. Murdering people.” You yelled back at him, holding back tears. 

You could see the veins all over Kylo Ren’s body pulsing with rage, “Fuck you. Who are you to judge me? You are playing with that poor technician when you know for a fact you belong to me! I almost feel bad for him getting mixed up with you. Bringing him into this.”

Your face red with anger, “You were the one who brought him into this! I told you to leave him alone!” 

“You brought him into this the moment you decided to fucking suck him off! Gods but it’s all my fault right? I’m the bad guy here.”

“You left me here. All alone. What did you expect me to do?” You stood by the fire, your arms crossed.

Kylo began to get furious, jumping out of his seat getting into your face, “If you truly cared about this you would have waited! But that’s all that was to a person like you right? Or what did you tell him it was? A fling.”

“Shut the fuck up about him. I’m done talking about it, you will leave him alone and that’s fucking final,” You pointed your finger into his chest, gleaming with sweat. He must have been training before you walked in. 

“Who do you think you’re talking to?” Pressing you closer into the fire behind you, only steps away, groin pressing into your hips, he placed his large hand on your neck, squeezing. 

You tried to bring your hands up to your neck to pry his away, but an invisible force held them at your sides. 

“I can take whatever I want from you. Right now.” His other free hand tracing your body, his hand peeking underneath your hoodie, just slightly grazing your stomach. This sent every nerve in your body on fire. 

“Don’t be afraid, I feel it too..” He released his grip on your neck slightly, allowing air to once again filter through your deprived lungs. 

You weren’t sure what to say. Of course you just wanted to give into the primal urges. But you weren’t going to. “Let me go. Please” Your voice calm.

”I can feel just how badly you still want me, whore. Deep down you’re still my good girl.” Kylo said through a sinister smile. “But if that’s what you want, what you truly,” he brought his mouth right up to your ear, whispering now, “want.. Then I supposed I could leave him alone. But you owe me.” 

“Let me go.” you shot back.

The invisible hands that were holding you there vanished, Kylo let you go as well and you moved past him, walking to the door. 

“You could at least show a little fucking gratitude.” Kylo said sternly. 

“Thank you,” you mockingly replied, walking to the door once again, “Oh and tell your little fucking henchman to stop being such a creep.”

“I will deal with him later. Do not fret,” Kylo’s voice reassuring you, although you knew as soon as you walked out this door you'd have to endure more banter from the asshole outside. 

“Tell him I’d like a word when you leave. And that he’ll refer to you as ma’am from now on.”

You hmm-d in response, walking to the door before turning around and looking at him one more time, “I’m serious Ren, please leave him alone.” 

“And I was serious too when I said you’d owe me.” 

You didn’t dignify that with a response, turning and exiting out the hatch, letting it close behind you, once again getting greeted by Vicrul’s warm presence. 

“Commander Ren said he wants to have a word with you.” You said to him very matter-of-fact-ly.

Vicrul let out a small laugh, “Oh did he? And I’m supposed to take your word for it, hussy?”

You scoffed, then smiling, exercising what little power you had over him, “You are to address me as ma’am, as per Supreme Leader.” 

“I’m not calling you anything but what you really are, slut.” He sneered, raising his fist before stopping all together, lowering his hand. You could see his hand flinching, obviously in some type of pain. “Yes, Master.” He said before turning slowly, walking to the hatch. Before he entered he turned to you, nearly choking on his words “Have a pleasant day, ma’am..”

Gods, you didn’t always love Kylo Ren’s mind tricks but today you didn’t mind it. You walked back toward your quarters, practically skipping. 

You made it across base in record timing, only 15 minutes before arriving at your hatch and opening it, revealing Matt in the kitchen, smells of delicious breakfast engulfing your senses. Matt turned around from the stove and shot you a warm smile from his bruised lip, still looking effortlessly attractive, maybe even more so. 

“You wanted breakfast right? I made pancakes, eggs, um, bacon? You eat pork right?” He let out a small laugh before turning around to do some fancy flip of a pancake, obviously trying to show off his skills, in turn earning a happy laugh from you.

“Yes, I like bacon,” You smiled, and sat down on the island chair watching him pour you a mug of fresh coffee. You took it in your hands and for once, everything felt in place. You were happy and you weren’t going to let anything ruin it. 


	14. Chapter 14

It had been 2 weeks since you had seen Kylo Ren. He had kept his end of the deal: fully leaving you, Matt and Annemarie alone. You had only caught a glimpse of him in the mess hall yesterday morning, and he didn’t even bother to shoot a snarky yet flirtatious comment toward you, barely even looking in your direction. For once, the man was listening to what you wanted. This is what you wanted… right? 

Matt barely ever stayed at his quarters anymore, only going back to grab fresh clothes and then eventually filling a drawer at your dresser. Every morning, you woke up next to him, watching him peacefully snore, or you would wake up to the smell of fresh coffee and breakfast as he usually worked the night shift. 

Every day you spent with Matt only flung you deeper into love with him. You could admit that now. You probably loved him. Okay, you did love him.

Today was your first day back at work after your two week break. You had acclimated enough vacation time and decided to use it: fully focusing on yourself for once. You took a bath whenever you pleased, drank wine with Annemarie and watched tacky reality shows, and grew closer to Matt each and every day. You wondered if you and him would be a forever thing. You hoped at least. 

You sleepily rubbed your eyes and sat up. You glanced at the clock and then realized you actually had to get out of bed at a decent time today. It read 0844. You had duty at 0930. With a sigh, you swung your legs over and looked at the empty spot next to you in bed. Matt had worked the night shift the previous night.. He must still be at work. Usually he got off shift around 1000, today must not be any different. 

Yawning, you got up fully now and walked to the refresher to turn on the shower. Turning the knob to the hottest setting, steam slowly started to fill up the room. 

You showered in a record amount of time; you were determined to get to the engineer deck at least 15 minutes early and if you wanted to blow dry your hair, you needed to fast track this. Stepping out, you toweling yourself dry before quickly blow drying your hair. You pulled it back into a ponytail and walked to your closet, grabbing your work uniform. 

Slipping on the grey coveralls over your pink bra and panties, you buttoned it closed, pulling on your grey crew socks. You stood up, walking to the mirror to smooth out any wrinkles; even if this was just your work uniform, you still wanted to look presentable. 

Walking to the kitchen, you grabbed a protein bar, not wanting to stop and make breakfast today-- frankly you just didn’t have time. You missed Matt in the mornings when he was still at work. Looking at the stagnant kitchen, you imagined what type of elaborate breakfast he would be whipping up that morning; Maybe his classic cinnamon rolls--- you had come to love the taste of them.

Grabbing your identification key card out of the key bowl and clipping it to your shirt pocket, you grabbed your boots, slipping them on quickly and lacing them. You exited your hatch with a  _ swoosh _ and entered the hall. It was quieter than usual. 

Walking across base, you waved to the few people you knew, not bothering to stop and have conversations. If it wasn’t Matt or Annemarie, you weren’t very interested. 

Passing the mess hall, you saw Vicrul walking toward you and braced yourself for some type of snarky asshole comment but was just met with a small, “Have a good day ma’am,” and he continued walking. It was strange, but you didn’t mind. You were done with all of the arguing, all of the drama. 

You finally made it to the flight deck, perfectly early and walked to your workspace, grabbing the datapad off of the charger. It was quiet in your small area, as night shift was just getting off duty and day shift was just arriving. You were catching up on work emails when a voice startled you, making you turn around to see where the fuck it was coming from. 

“Hi! You’re supposed to be training me! Or At least I think so..” Her voice bubbly and charismatic, smiling way too big for this early in the morning. She had long brown hair in loose beach waves, black glasses framing her face. You then remembered about the recruits that had been starting the past two weeks while you’ve been off. 

“Oh, sorry, I was on vacatio-”

She interrupted you, smiling, “You don’t have to explain to me ma’am. I’m very excited to work under you!” 

You gave her a small smile. Gods you hated it when people interrupted you, but she seemed harmless, “What was your name again?” 

“Audrey! I was with the new officer program Supreme Leader implemented, isn't that so cool? Have you met him?” 

You watched her expression light up when she talked about Kylo Ren, “Are you asking if I met Kylo Ren?” Your brow furrowed at the thought of him. 

“I mean, yes! I heard he’s like.. Totally handsome under that mask.. Wait I thought I heard that you worked with him before. On the Finalizer right?” 

Thoughts of the finalizer shot chills down your spine, “Yeah, I did. It’s whatever. So, today we have a lot on the agenda-”

Audrey’s ethereal voice interrupted you once more, “So you’ve seen him without the mask?” 

“Yes.”

“And?” Her eyes glowing, anticipating your response. 

“He’s handsome. I don’t really want to talk about him. Let’s go, I want to show you where to clock in every day.” Even if you didn’t see Kylo every day, somehow, someway, he still got into your head. 

“Oh, I already know that. I’ve been working for two weeks, remember? Oh! I heard there’s a formal coming up next week. Isn’t that so exciting? My mom told me I was crazy for packing a dress because when would we need one when working for the first order? It’ll be such a moral boost, am I right?” She shot you a smile with perfectly white teeth, pink lip gloss coating her lips.

You had almost fully forgotten about the formal, “Mm, right. It should be fun,” you replied, “But back on the topic of work, Is there anything you don’t know how to do yet?” 

“I was wondering if you could help me figure out how to hard reset the power converter on the shuttles!”

You gave her a smile, “Sure.” She seemed like someone you could get along with. Bright, determined, ready to go right when shift started-- a good worker. Maybe even a friend.

You walked toward a standard shuttle, walking inside and opening up the hatch that held all the inner wiring and workings. 

“Here, you just need to always make sure you document when you do something or else someone else might come around and try to redo your work when it’s already been done. Also if you fuck up, we know who to blame.” 

You were never really good at playful joking but Audrey seemed to pick up on it. She smiled, “Of course, gotcha!” 

“Oh and if someone offers to help, write down who helped you. Just in case it isn’t your fault. You don’t want to get in trouble for someone else’s fuck up,” You moved some wiring around, exposing two power converters. “Here,” you began to unscrew the converter housing and pulled it off, then you twisted counterclockwise disconnecting the power converter, “Your turn,” you motioned to Audrey, moving to the side in order to let her practice on the secondary converter.

She immediately mimicked your movements perfectly, getting it right on the first try, “Like that?” 

You smiled, “Exactly!” 

“Now do I put your name down on the task chart or do you put mine?” She laughed and you did as well. You actually quite liked Audrey. 

“Okay, so now let’s go back to the deck, I need to grab the datapad so we can document this.” The both of you stood up, walking down the ramp of the small shuttle, and toward your desk. 

“Hey!” A voice said from behind you. You recognized it immediately. 

You turned and Audrey did as well and you met eyes with the man with whom you’ve been spending every conceivable moment together, apart from when he had to go to work. Your heart sang as you watched Matt walk toward you with a smile, a slight jog in his step. You saw his eyes light up when seeing you turn around and then quickly watched the smile fade from his face. He stood there for a moment, no longer running only a couple feet apart from you. What was wrong with him?

A barely audible whisper from your apprentice standing next to you, “Matt?” Audrey’s voice was no longer confident or bubbly. 

Matt stood still, only a few feet away, just standing before finally choking out the words, “Audrey?”

You looked her over, confused as to how she would already know Matt’s name.. But maybe she worked with him while you were off? That would make sense… right? Although radar technicians and engineers don’t usually work together.. Still, you kept your smile and was sure that there was some logical explanation why your apprentice and your boyfriend were in some type of awkward standoff. 

Your smile faded, looking back at your new apprentice and then back at Matt’s dumbfounded face, you said, “I don’t understand.. You guys know each other?” 

Audrey didn’t take her eyes off of Matt, “I- yes-”

Matt interrupted her, “A long time ago,” his voice was short, you had never heard him have this type of attitude before. 

Audrey was silent for a moment before nodding a quick nod, then saying “Yeah it’s-- it’s nice to see you,” She managed a weak smile.

“I’m so fucking confused,” you let out a nervous laugh, still looking back and forth at the three of you standing there. 

“We, uh, we used to know each other, back home. Before the First Order.” Matt said cold, not taking his eyes off of Audrey, almost like he was looking at a ghost. “I thought you hated everything the First Order stood for?”

“You know, change of heart and whatnot,” Audrey’s voice was steady. 

“Sure, and I’m sure your views about war have also changed, do you see violence is necessary at times now as well?” Matt scoffed at her. 

You had only seen Matt this visibly uncomfortable one time before and that was during the whole ‘oh Kylo Ren is my ex and he just smacked you with his hilt that he (willingly) violated you with many times before’. 

“People can change, Matty..” her voice trailing off, you watched her brow furrow at him. 

The word ‘matty’ made you want to hurl yourself off of a cliff. “I need to go get the data pad,” you did a 180, not wanting to be involved in whatever was happening any longer. 

You heard Matt call your name and you turned around, watched him walk past Audrey and close in the distance between the two of you, “Hey, don’t just leave like that.” 

“I- I have things to do today” You smiled at him, “and besides, seems like the two of you need to talk things out. You know her?” 

“Well, yes. But not anymore. She was… very much for the rebel scum before I left for boot camp,” Matt caressed your cheek in his large hand, “And it doesn’t even matter anymore. She’s nothing to me. Promise, sunshine.” 

“So it was a thing then? The two of you?” You tried to hold in the impending jealousy. Audrey was beautiful, smart, tall and to be honest, she looked like she could be a model. There wasn’t anything you weren’t jealous of-- especially now. 

“I think you lost the right to judge my ex girlfriend when yours is stomping around our base and you didn’t even bother to tell me,” Matt shot you a soft smile, the small crack in his lip from Ren’s hilt nearly gone now, “I didn’t even know she was here. I told you-- it’s nothing, love. I have to go finish something before I clock out. I’m going to go back to my quarters, shower and change. I can meet you for dinner? I have plans for us tonight!” He winked at you. 

That man certainly had a way with words, every ounce of jealousy leaving your body, feeling calm now. At ease. “Okay,” you smiled. 

Matt gave you a quick kiss on the cheek before walking back toward the main hallway and disappearing out of view, leaving you standing alone.

Footsteps shook you from your gaze and you turned to see Audrey quietly walking back toward you, “I’m sorry ma’am that was very unprofessional of me,” she rubbed her eyes quickly. Had she been crying?

“No, it’s fine. You’re allowed to have feelings. Just don’t let any of your male coworkers see it or you’ll never live it down. Believe me,” You put your hand on her shoulder. 

“You know Matt?” her voice was shaky, quiet. 

“I do--” 

“He’s a good man,” she was looking off into the direction in which Matt had walked off. 

“Mm, he is. Uhh, lets-- Let’s finish what we were going to do. What was it again?” You tried desperately to change the subject. You didn’t want to talk about Matt, although there were a million things you wanted to ask her. But if Matt said it wasn’t anything important, you should trust him. 

“Um, the datapad, right?” She walked toward your desk, picking up the datapad off the table and handing it to you.

You smiled, “Right.” 

Audrey gave you a soft smile in return. You wondered if she was putting two and two together right now. But then she perked her head up, then asking “Hey! When is lunch?”

The both of you laughed, and you further tried to shove down any ounce of jealousy. You wanted this apprenticeship to work out-- there weren’t many solid female engineers and you were determined to mold her to perfection. 


	15. Chapter 15

You clocked out and placed the data pad on the charger at your workspace and sighed. Today went well despite the slightly rocky start. You taught Audrey how to change out the wiring on the mainframe of a shuttle plus several other advanced procedures (she did all with flying colors), and she talked your ear off about how much she wants kids one day. It got you thinking about kids.. A family. Maybe you wanted kids.

The day passed by fairly quickly, you only had a six hour shift today as opposed to the usual ten hour one. You straightened out your desk before walking out into the engineer deck and toward the main hallway. 

You let Audrey off early today. She had a migraine or something and to be honest, her talking your ear off was slightly giving you one as well. 

Walking into the main hallway, you couldn’t help but dream of laying in your bed, tired from the although short, still exhausting work day. 

Finally making it to your quarters, you entered the code that opened the hatch with a  _ swoosh _ and your eyes lit up. 

All of the lights were off, apart from glowing candles all over the room. You walked in slowly, not exactly sure what was going on. You noticed red rose petals on the floor, more candles on the kitchen island. 

“Matt?” You whispered, not exactly sure what the fuck was going on. 

“Oh shit-- fuck. You’re off already?” You heard Matt’s voice from the bedroom, and soon his body followed, sliding into the living area in his socks. He wore a black suit fit with a red button up and black tie. You looked him up and down, dumbfounded, wondering why he didn’t have on shoes if he was going out dressed like that?

“I thought you had an hour more or-- fuck okay,” Matt cleared his throat, “y/n, I would be honored if you would acompany me to the First Order Formal” He smiled that winning smile, his cheeks red. 

Was he asking you to the formal? Gods this was just like every chick romance movie you’d ever seen. No one had done something like this for you.. Ever. Your heart nearly palpitating out of your chest, “I- Matt did you do all of this?” 

He smiled, “I did, well with some help from Annemarie. I wanted to make it perfect for you, sunshine.” He walked to you now, stopping in front of you. You now realized he was carrying a bouquet of roses. 

“No shoes?” You giggled.

Matt let out a small nervous laugh and smiled, “I thought I had more time!” 

You looked around once more, now taking in all the small details laid out in front of you: on the kitchen island sat two bowls of buttered noodles, some type of cake and next to it, whipped cream and strawberries. Two glasses sat next to the dishes along with a blue bottle of champagne. 

“So?” Matt set down the roses, taking both of your hands in his own. 

“I mean, of course I’d be your date!” You smiled so hard that your cheeks hurt. You felt as though you just said yes to marry him, although that idea was ludacris, you had only just started dating. But you did love this grand hopeless romantic side of him. 

Matt picked you up into his arms and spun you around, your lips meeting. He held you in his arms, holding you close to him off the ground for a moment before setting you back down. 

You looked into his golden brown eyes and wide smile and kissed him once more, memorizing the way his lips felt on yours. 

Matt pulled back, “I-- I made dinner. Buttered noodles, your favorite right?” His voice was shaky, he was obviously just as flustered as you were. 

Matt took your hand, leading you to the island. You shot Matt a wide smile, your eyes once again trailing to the island, your feet following now. 

“Did you bake… a cake?” You could barely contain your excitement. 

Matt quickly stuck his finger into the chocolate frosting and held it out to you, “I did. Want to taste it?”

You made sure to hold eye contact, not wasting a moment of time before pulling his finger into your mouth, sucking off the frosting, licking it clean. You saw Matt shift his weight on his feet, his face beginning to turn a deep shade of red. You pulled his finger from your mouth with a  _ pop _ . 

“It’s really good. Delicious,” You bit your bottom lip. The cake and the noodles could wait. All you wanted in this moment was a different type of gooey frosting; Your mouth salivating at the memory of Matt’s cum. 

Matt continued blushing, “You love it? I worked very hard on it!” Matt smiles brightly, blushing even more, “Do you want some champagne?”

You nodded yes and watched him grab the blue bottle off the island and reach for the corkscrew that was already out. “I see you have actual glasses for us now,” you remembered the first night you let him in your quarters, drinking wine out of coffee mugs. He must have got these fancy champagne glasses off base. 

“So how was work? You seem exhausted.” Matt plunges the screw into the bottle and with a  _ pop _ the cork was out and the foam started pouring out, spilling into the two glasses you had been holding out, some getting on the floor. 

You laughed, “Work was-- work. I don’t want to talk about work. I just want to talk about-”

“Us?” Matt placed the bottle on the island and took his glass from your hand, “There's been something I kind of wanted to talk about. About us.” 

A knot formed in your stomach. You hoped to the gods that this wasn’t about Kylo Ren. You didn’t want anything to ruin this already perfect night. 

Matt let out a small nervous smile, his words slightly shaky, he was obviously nervous, “So I was wondering-- I want you to or I was.. I was wondering if you’d be my girlfriend? Make it official?”

“You mean to tell me you’ve been sleeping with me for three weeks straight and you didn’t think of me as your girlfriend….?” Before letting him answer you laughed, “I’m just kidding. Of course-- Nothing would make me happier.” You held up your glass to him, “To us?” 

Matt smiled, clinking your glass, “To us.” 

You both took a sip of the bubbly champagne, the fizz bubbling in your nose. Matt and you both smiled, and you took another sip of the champagne, basking in this happy moment. 

“You have no idea how happy you made me, I- I don’t really know what to say now,” Matt laughed.

You didn’t really know what to say either, but you did know exactly what you wanted to do. You took Matt’s glass from his hand and set both of them down on the countertop. Not wasting a moment of time, you pulled his face into yours and kissed him feverishly, him returning the passion tenfold. 

Matt pulled back from the kiss, looking into your eyes, his large hands cupping your face, “I want to make you happy, give you whatever you want in this galaxy.”

“Then kiss me.”

Picking you up and setting you on the table, kissing you feverishly he began to undo your uniform, pulling at each button. You hated how fucking difficult it was to take off your stupid coveralls.

“Let me, uh-- fuck,” you hopped down from the table, standing next to Matt furitously unbuttoning at your coveralls. You were much faster than Matt was. He watched you in awe as he took off his suit jacket and threw it onto the couch, now beginning to unbutton his own shirt. 

When you finished undressing, you were left standing in your (luckily) matching pink bra and panties. You were thankful that you wore cute underwear today. You watched him pull off his undershirt, adding it to the pile of clothes that sat next to the couch. 

Not missing a beat, Matt picked you back up into his arms and began sucking at your neck. This earned disjointed moans from you, your body already preparing for him. You could feel yourself nearly soaked already through your thin panties. 

Still carrying you in his arms, “I’m going to make you mine.. all night long,” He began to slide his hand into your panties, feeling your wetness soaking through. He moved them to the side, still kissing at your neck before sliding one finger inside slowly massaging at your aching clit, “You’re so wet,” you felt him groan into your neck, “fuck..”

Before you knew it, Matt had carried you into the bedroom, placing you softly on the bed. You sat on the bed watching him with eager eyes as he began to unbutton his pants, hurriedly. Breathing heavy and looking you in the eyes with a ferocity you have never seen before. You can see his length pressing against his pants, begging to be released. You bit your lip, trying to be patient.

Matt pulled down his dress pants and with them his boxers and tossed them to the side. He began to kneel onto the bed, nearly towering over you before he stopped. 

“Wait here,” he smiled and left the room quickly. 

What the fuck was he doing? Was there a point to make you pretty much dripping wet for him and then leave the room?

Your thoughts were interrupted with Matt walking back in the room carrying the bowl of freshly made whipped cream. 

Matt smirked, “Don’t want to let it go to waste, right?” 

You smiled, unable to contain your excitement and you quickly slid off your panties and unclasped your bra, fully naked now, waiting for direction. 

“Fuck you’re so beautiful.. And I’m going to fucking break you,” Matt got onto the bed next to you, placing his finger in the whipped cream and holding it to your lips, “Suck it off.” 

You immediately obeyed, licking and sucking at his finger until the gooey white cream was gone. 

“What a good listener, sunshine,” He then began to place whipped cream onto you, coating your nipples in it. Matt now hovered over you, taking your nipple into his mouth, aggressively licking and sucking-- his tongue doing circles on your nipple. This earned a loud moan from you. 

Sucking all the whipped cream off your now hard, sensitive nipples. He began to drag his tongue down your stomach, stopping right before your sex. Kissing it softly “You taste like the heavens..” he said, murmuring into your wet sex. 

“Fuck-- Matt I need you now, please..” You didn’t want to wait any longer, the anticipation was killing you. You whined, desperate for him to enter you with his tongue. 

Matt complied, spreading you and drowning himself in between your legs. His tongue licking a hot stripe across your pussy, then taking your clit into his mouth and sucking hard, making your hips buck toward him-- desperate for more. 

Matt moved his tongue into your core, away from your clit with earned a small whine from your lips. You attempted to scoot down further on the bed to try to push his face closer into you but you felt his hand grab your thigh.

“Did I say to move?” He picked his head up from between your thighs, looking at you in the eyes, “Relax.. Let me have control. Fully.” 

You nodded your head yes, tipping it back to stare at the ceiling and felt Matt pull away from you farther.

“Look at me. I don’t want you to take your eyes off of me.”

You met his eye contact and watched him dive back in between your legs, immediately attacking your clit, swirling it with your tongue. This made your back arch but gods you made sure not to take your eyes off of him. 

Matt’s hand reached up and felt at your breast, twirling your nipple in his hand. Licking you deeper and deeper. Inserting his free hand into your sex. He began to lick deeper and faster, moving his free hand to your opening, his fingers pushing into you fast against the walls of your now swollen pussy.

“Cum for me now,” He cooed in your ear. On command your hot orgasm flooded your senses, hijacking your very thoughts and all you could do was weakly cry out, now moaning loudly while your eyes rolled back. All the whole Matt drinking you in with no hesitation, your orgasm coating his chin and mouth. 

You felt his eyes watch you before standing up, grabbing your chin and pulling you up, whispering in your ear, “I said don’t close your fucking eyes.” 

He let go of the hold on your face and stood up from the bed. Now towering over you, his length fully erect, dripping with pre cum; Ready to fill you mercilessly. He then laid over you, looking into your eyes and kissing you before forcefully thrusting into you without warning, fucking you fast and hard right away. His thrusts were getting harder by the second-- he would pull out completely before slamming himself back into you each time earning curse words and mewls from you. You struggled to keep your eyes open.

“Don’t disappoint me now, sunshine,” He said through gritted teeth, “Keep them fucking open.” 

You opened them, looking at Matt’s gleaming body thrusting over you. Sweat was already dripping off of him, you could see the beads forming on his forehead. You couldn’t get enough of him, bucking your hips into his thrusts again. 

Matt pulled his pulsing cock out of you, “Ride me.” 

You sat up, watching him lay next to you on the bed, kneeling next to him before straddling him, gripping the base of his throbbing member and slowly inserting it into your dripping sex. 

Matt moaned softly, biting his lip. He moved his hands to your waist, pushing your hips down slightly. You enjoyed the impatient looks he was giving you. You started rocking your hips back and fourth, feeling how fucking huge he was inside you. You tried to ease yourself to fully take all of him, scared that if you fully sat down on his cock, it would pierce your cervix. You felt Matt’s hand move to your ass, smacking it hard. Surely it would be bruised tomorrow. 

The more you began to ride him he fucked against you, hard. Sending intense pleasure all through your body, mewling you gave into him completely, bouncing up and down on his large cock. Matt’s hands moved from your ass, making their way to your chest, twisting your nipples and pulling on them, pinching slightly.

“Fuck your so tight..” Matt said groaning with pleasure, you felt the tip of his cock swelling. As his moans became louder. Now gripping your hips for support, you could feel him inching toward his orgasm, “Oh my gods, I’m-” he said through heavy breaths, now muttering curse words through clenched teeth. 

You felt his cock pulsing tremendously inside you, he was on the edge. You kept your eyes on his face, anticipating the orgasm. 

“I’m- fuck-” you saw him throw his head back in ecstacy, riding out the waves of his orgasm, you still grinding furiously against him. You could feel your second orgasm at the floodgates, begging to be let loose. Matt thrusted hard into you once more, and you let out a needy sob. 

You felt Matt’s hot seed spilling into you, filling you up as you rode him. He brought your face close to his, looking at you in the eyes before mouthing the words, “Cum.” 

Your body immediately obeying, your back arching, the tension shattering letting loose hot white fire throughout your body causing you to moan Matt’s name over and over. You could barely feel your toes, your appendages tingling with post orgasm sensation and you rested your head on Matt’s sweaty chest, his hands in your hair just holding you. 

You rolled off of him and onto the bed next to him, exhausted. After a couple of minutes, words were able to be formed again from your three working brain cells not drunk with post orgasm, “So, um.. I loved that.” 

“I love you,” Matt looked up at the ceiling, you could feel his heart practically beating out of his chest. He turned in the bed, facing you now, “I mean that.” 

“I, um, I-” You weren't sure what to say, you did love him. You just wanted to make sure… that this is what you wanted. There was still that seed of doubt in your head.. That you belonged to Ren. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say it back. Take your time, sunshine,” Matt placed a soft kiss on your nose, “Are you hungry?”

You gave a warm smile, “Actually yes I’m fucking starving!” 

Matt sat up in the bed, walking to the dresser and handed you your robe before he slipped on some pajama pants. You took the robe, covering yourself up. Matt held out his hand to you to help you stand up from the bed, anticipating post-orgasm dizziness. 

You took his hand, smiling and walked with him to the kitchenette to eat your romantic dinner in the candlelight. 


	16. Chapter 16

Your eyes started to flutter open, waking up to the sound of soft snoring from Matt. He snored every.. single.. night. But you had come to love the sound; maybe even found it comforting. You scooted closer to his warm body, not wanting to get out of bed anytime soon. Surely you had more time to sleep in-

Your alarm going off and you let out a heavy sigh, nudging Matt’s shoulder, “Turn it off,” you groaned. 

You heard him mumble something before he reached over and shut off the alarm, then turning back to envelope you in his warm embrace. 

“Do you have to go to work today?” He groaned, pouting at you with sleepy puppy dog eyes. 

You wanted nothing more than to stay here in bed, feeling the quiet thumping of his heart, the heat from his body, the peace that was everlasting with him. But you did work today.

“Mm, I do,” you kissed his cheek before sitting up in the bed, the sheets falling off of your naked body. 

“You know, you look beautiful, hair all messy like that,” Matt said, tracing your back, “I quite like it.” 

The two of you had a long night together. You looked around to the bedside table seeing the empty bottle of champagne, the whipped cream bowl and the flower petals that were flung from the bed onto the floor now. 

Matt sat up and kissed your neck from behind, making your body erupt in goosebumps from his warm breath on your neck, “I’ll make breakfast. You go get ready, sunshine.”

You convinced yourself to get up from the warm bed, out of Matt’s loving embrace. You walked to the refresher, ready to shower last night off of you. You were a tad sticky from the previous night’s activities. 

You lathered up your hair in your shampoo and then did the same with a conditioner while you scrubbed at your body with your cherry blossom scented body wash. 

Getting out of the shower, you quickly blow dried your hair and looked at yourself in the mirror. The aftermath of a night with Matt was different from that with Kylo. There were no dark purple bruises or swelling, no hand prints at your neck. Only a few light red hickeys at the base of your neck. 

Gods, why couldn’t you get him out of your head? You have Matt and he is pretty much.. The perfect guy. Why was Kylo Ren continuously running through your mind? You hadn’t seen him in two weeks.. Nearly 3 now. 

Walking out of the bathroom and to your closet you grabbed your uniform pulling it on over fresh undergarments. You took in the scent of breakfast being made: the smell of fresh coffee and toast. 

Pulling on socks, you stood up from your seated position on your bed and walked out into the living area to see Matt in the kitchenette. Before you could even say anything, he handed you a cup of fresh coffee. 

“Here,” Matt smiled, you grabbed the cup from his hand and took a sip. Made perfect, like always. He really knew you well. 

“Thank you,” you said then taking another sip. You sat at the kitchenette island where a plate was already out with toast and eggs. Matt sat down with you, smiling brightly, now wearing orange joggers. 

You took a bite of the toast, “What time is it again?”

Matt glanced at his wrist watch, “Mm, 0917.”

“Shit- I’m going to be late,” You stood up, still eating the toast as you walked over to the entrance, grabbing your work boots and pulling one on. You held the toast in your mouth while lacing them each up. 

Matt watched you, his face still slightly pouting, “Are you sure you have to go in today? Just say you’re sick!” He walked up to where you stood, standing behind you and pulling you into his arms giving you a soft kiss on the neck, “Please? I’m off today-- we can just stay in bed,” he gave soft kisses between every word now, “all day long…” His voice trailing off, still placing his lips on your neck repeatedly earning a small moan from you. 

You wanted nothing more but to stay but you had an inspection with the command staff today, you really couldn’t call off. And plus, you had promised to show Audrey how to disassemble the drive shift, clean out all the inner components, and put it all back together correctly. 

“I really wish I could,” you turned around, facing him now, “You know there’s nothing more that I want right now..” You gave him a kiss on the cheek and watched his eyes study your lips, “Go sleep. You’ve worked three nights in a row and I know for a fact you didn’t sleep a lot last night,” you winked at him. 

“Okay,” Matt placed a quick kiss on your lips and let you out of his embrace. 

You walked out the hatch, letting it close behind you and headed in the direction of the engineer deck. You wanted to make sure to get there on time, maybe even a little early-- At least before Audrey. You knew how early she got to shift and it wasn’t a good look for you to be late when you’re in charge of her.

You passed Vicrul in the halls, giving him a quick wave. He looked your way momentarily before saying quietly “Ma’am,” and then he continued walking on, no side comments whatsoever. 

You smiled, having this newfound respect and authority over Vicrul, the monster that did nothing but antagonize you now practically bowing down to you. And you had to thank Ren for that. Your mind wandered to what he was doing. If he’s looking out for you from afar or if he abandoned you altogether. You quickly shut it off, ‘No I’m happy,’ you told yourself. 

Approaching the engineering deck you saw Audrey sitting at your desk, spinning in the chair like a child. You laughed at her and she then noticed you, immediately standing up and giving you a warm smile and wave. 

You reached the desk, “How was your night y/n?” Audrey was always insanely happy all hours of the day. She must drink like five cups of espresso before every shift. 

“Not much sleep but besides that, it was good! And you?” You sat down at your desk, opening up the datapad and scrolling through the task doc. 

“Pretty uneventful. I was wondering if you could help me with this? I'm so confused,” she said, obviously changing the subject, handing you her datapad, “I don’t understand the task manager.” 

“Why uneventful? And what about it?” You took the pad from her hands, scrolling through the menu, realizing she never logged into it, “You forgot to log in, that’s all. Log in and then it should be perfectly fine,” You smiled, handing it back to her. 

She took it back, logging in quickly, “Oh! You’re right!” 

You smiled at her, looking back at your own datapad, “We don't have a ton of tasks to do today but we do have the command inspection, are you confident with that?” You asked. 

Audrey nodded her head, smiling “Yes! I know how to do that. But I just- I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?” You placed the device on the chest, turning in your chair to look at her now. 

“Well, did you hear about the formal?” She stopped scrolling, holding the datapad to her chest and looked at you.

You said, “Mmhmm, It’s in a couple days right?” 

“I just- I don’t really know anyone here yet. Are you going? I don’t have a date, maybe we can go together! Ya know, like friends! Girl time!”

You usually wouldn’t mind a girls night. It could be fun. Bring Annemarie, maybe invite Annemarie’s other girl friends. But Matt had already asked you and seemed to be overly excited about it. He hadn’t stopped mentioning how much he was looking forward to it. 

“I- Matt asked me last night,” You watched her lose her bubbly expression, “I mean, I can still hang out with you there of course! I know Annemarie is going stag, she just wants to party all night,” You shot her a quick smile. 

Audrey smiled back, “So.. I mean do you think anyone will ask me? There was this.. masked man staring at me.” 

“You’re not talking about Commander Ren, right?” You tried to shove down the smidge of jealousy. Of course she wasn’t talking about Kylo Ren. 

“No not Commander. He was, scary? I don’t know how to describe him… he gave me the creeps,” she said quietly, “Not that Commander Ren isn’t scary but this guy was just silent, weird.” 

“Are you talking about one of his knights?” Gods, you hoped it wasn’t Vicrul. You did not want Audrey subjected to that man, “What did his helmet look like?” 

“It.. it looked like a grenade? Like.. lots of lines. And he was tall! Very tall,” Audrey moved to sit in the chair next to you. 

Great. “Oh that's Vicrul. Just stay away from him. He’s just as much of an ass as Commander Ren. Don’t worry about finding a date. You’re a pretty girl. Smart and educated. Of course someone is going to ask you! They’re probably just trying to work up the courage to ask!” 

You were speaking genuinely. Over the past couple days of working with Audrey, you began to really like her. Call her a friend even. But even if she was your friend, that didn’t stop the constant flow of jealousy between the two of you. Audrey was everything and more that you wanted to be. Pretty, tall, smart, her hair always styled perfectly, big pretty blue eyes with long eyelashes. She could probably be a model if she really wanted to. You were glad to call her your apprentice. She picked up on everything you taught her and did it perfectly without hesitation. You were jealous of her.. everything about her and especially of her history with Matt whatever it was. 

You felt a slight pressure on your head, with a small ringing in your ears but nothing intense. Coming and going quickly, you shoved off the feeling as a headache from lack of sleep the night before. 

Audrey smiled, obviously feeling better, “Thanks y/n. You’re a really good friend. Matt asked you, you said?” 

You nodded your head yes, “Yeah it was this.. Whole elaborate thing!” 

“That seems like Matty! I’m glad for you two,” She smiles brightly. It appeared somewhat forced, you began to wonder if she was jealous? 

“Can I ask you about him?” You treaded these waters lightly, not wanting to make anything weird between the two of you. 

Audrey cleared her throat, “S-sure. What about him?”

“Is there anything I should know? I mean, he seems pretty..” you paused for a moment searching for the right word, “..perfect.” 

“Well there’s nothing wrong with him if that’s what you’re asking. Why? Did something happen?” Her face became slightly concerned (maybe even a little bit hopeful). 

You sighed, “No nothing happened. He actually does-- he does everything right. It’s like a dream. He can’t be that perfect, right? I mean, he set up at least twenty candles, rose petals, made a freaking cake to ask me to formal! What guy even does that kind of stuff anymore?” 

“No one that I know! But there are gentlemen in the galaxy. You just have to find them,” She shot you a quick smile before scrolling through the data pad again. 

“Can I ask what happened between you and him-”

Your sentence interrupted by heavy footsteps at the entrance to the engineer deck. Both you and Audrey stood up, looking in that direction. Ren. He wasn't on schedule to inspect your station until this afternoon.. 

He stomped over to a group of engineers, “Where is y/n working right now?” Kylo said sternly, his warbling voice making them stop in their tracks. 

An engineer pointed toward you and Audrey standing at your desk. Audrey turned to face you, panic washed over her face. 

You whispered to her, “It’s going to be alright,” but deep down you felt it too. The darkness entering the room with him; casting a shadow on everyone, all just trying to work. “Just don’t talk, let me handle it. I happen to have quite the expertise dealing with Commander Asshole.” You winked at Audrey and you saw her expression perk up a bit, trying to stifle a laugh. 

Kylo Ren moved quickly across the room, now arriving only a couple feet in front of you.

You cleared your throat and said in the most polite voice possible, “Commander Ren, sir. Our inspection isn’t until later-” 

“Audrey,” He said, ignoring your presence, not even looking in your direction. 

You were baffled. 

“C-commander Ren, sir,” her voice catching in her throat, “I was just learning the mechanisms of this data pad-” 

Kylo interrupted her, “Good. Let me know if y/n is an inadequate teacher. She tends to have an attitude problem.” 

“I do not have an attitu-” 

Kylo cut you off, “Anyways, Audrey. I was wondering if you would like to go to the formal,” he paused, looking at you for a brief moment, then back at her, “With me. Do you accept?” His mask was covering his face but you could tell he was smiling. Fucking jerk. 

Audrey’s face went blank, looking at you before returning her gaze back to the brooding masked man, obviously a bit flustered, “I- yes, I accept Supreme Leader, sir.” 

You beat every single smidge of jealousy to the deepest darkest parts of your mind. 

“Good,” He said, “I’ll have my quartermaster make you something nice to wear. Something unique.” He brushed her cheek with his leather gloved hand, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I will pick you up from your quarters before the formal. Make sure you’re ready by 1700.” 

He pulled his hand back and placed it at his side, not even looking in your direction again before doing a complete 180 and leaving the engineer deck as quickly as he came. You looked at Audrey: She was holding her hand to her cheek, in place of where he held it, her face blushing and biting her lip slightly. 

You forced a smile, “There’s your date.” 

“I- I don’t know what to say!” Her smile was bright, blushing heavily, “I mean.. That was Commander Ren! Asking me to the formal!” She let out a small laugh. 

“You haven’t even seen him without the mask-” 

She interrupted you, “It’s okay! Gods I’m so excited!”

You held your frustration in as much as you could, fighting the urge to tell her how evil he actually was being to you: how he was just doing this to toy with your feelings. 

You cleared your throat before picking up the datapad and sitting back down, preparing the plans for the day, “That’s great. Can- Just go get the toolbox. We have things to do today.” 

“I’ll go get it right now ma’am!” She went to grab the toolbox from the neighboring room, practically skipping on the way there while you sat trying to hold back tears. What the fuck was wrong with you? This is what you asked for. This is what you wanted.. right?


	17. Chapter 17

The next couple of days at work did not flow as well as the previous. An invisible wedge drew between Audrey and you-- it was probably due to the immense jealousy radiating off of the both of you, although you both chose to ignore it. 

You had managed to go with Annemarie to the neighboring planet to shop for dresses for the formal. A whole group of officers and enlisted went: it was actually quite fun. You only stayed there for a couple hours but damn it felt good to feel the sunlight on your face again. 

Annemarie and you found this amazing dress shop with practically every style of dress you could think of and the best part: they were affordable. So many that you couldn’t decide and Annemarie needed to help you choose, you ended up choosing a red satin strapless dress. It had a high slit in the leg and you found the perfect heels to match: black ones with red bottoms. The store clerk must have liked you because he gave you an extra discount. 

Annemarie found a dress that definitely suited her personality: Long embroidered flowers on a tulle pink bodice; it just screamed Annemarie.

You were really looking forward to this formal, as apprehensive as you were at first. With each day, you found little sticky notes around your quarters from matt: ‘I can’t wait to see you in your dress’, ‘I’m a really terrible dancer so brace yourself’, ‘It’s going to be perfect, sunshine’, and other ones you couldn't exactly remember. But what you did know was they were all sweet; making your heart sing. 

You sat in your quarters after a short shift, freshly showered and hair done. Annemarie had come over earlier after you finished work and curled your hair, then put it into an up-do. Then she did you makeup, simple browns and gold with shimmery cut crease. When she was finished you sat and talked with her for some time before she had to leave to get ready, herself. Now you sat waiting. Watching the time tick away you began unboxing your dress; the fine red fabric shining in the light. You laid out the dress on the bed admiring the soft stitching as you set it down. Setting the heels at the side of your bed you stood up and walked to your window. You said out loud to yourself alone, trying to convince yourself that Ren would not ruin it, “This is our night. Nothing is going to ruin it for us. It will be magical.” Positive affirmations work.. Right? 

You tried to suppress thoughts of Kylo Ren and Audrey. All you could think about was his gloved hand in hers, touching her body, in her hair.. Did she even know what he was doing? You began to feel bad for the girl. She genuinely believed he was interested. Or maybe he was interested and this is just what you were telling yourself to feel better. You told him to move on-- this is him doing it. 

Going to the kitchenette for a small snack before you get ready. You found some precut fruit in the fridge and grabbed a plate, placing some strawberries on the plate. Then pouring a glass of red wine, taking a sip to try to calm your nerves. You looked at the sticky note on the bottle of wine: ‘For you, sunshine. Relax, tonight will be everything you wanted. I can’t wait to see you.’

You remembered the conversation you had with Matt before work. You both worked during the day today and had decided to just meet at the hall. It made the most sense. Also Matt took five hundred years to get ready and if it was up to him, you both would be late. You started to get ready before you froze; thoughts of Kylo Ren came flooding back in. 

Your heart began to beat hard, and you sat down, holding a pillow tightly to your chest. “Get out of my fucking head”, you murmured to yourself, still sitting. But there was no response. It was just your own thoughts. Kylo wasn’t doing anything to you. You were happy. Right? You tried to shake it off but thoughts of him kept creeping up, ever since that day he promised to stay away. 

“I do not miss him. I don’t,” you kept telling yourself.

Deciding it was time to get ready, you stood up from the bed, slipped off your sweatpants, sliding off your panties and putting in some fine black lacy ones. Then slid into your dress, you looked yourself in the mirror, smiling, you actually liked the way you looked: The curve of the dress hugged your figure and actually made you feel pretty confident.

You sat back down on the bed and slipped on the shiny black heels and pausing. Ren would like these heels.

‘Stop it. Stop it now,’ you thought to yourself, shaking your head. Gods why couldn’t you just forget about him. You looked yourself over in the mirror once more, again saying to yourself. 

‘Just relax, go to the formal and have a good time. With Matt. It's your night to show him what he means to you..’ you thought of Matt, gods he was perfect wasn’t he? Gentle and kind. The perfect man for you. Of course he was. You continued to gaze at yourself in the mirror before realizing it was time to leave. 

You didn’t bother to grab your identification card, your heels clicking as you walked through your quarters, now approaching the hatch. You breathed out softly, eyes closed. 

You looked in the small mirror that sat at the wall by your door. One more positive affirmation couldn't hurt. “Okay, okay. Time to go. It’ll be fun. This is Matt’s and I’s perfect night.”’ You finally started to relax, the glass of wine starting to kick in. You straightened yourself out before confidently stepping out into the hallway, heels clicking as you made your way to the hall where Matt waited for you. 


	18. Chapter 18

Audrey took another look at the dress hanging on the closet door, the one Commander Kylo Ren had made for her. She only had a couple minutes before he would arrive.. But she couldn’t get the courage to even touch the dress. It looked like nothing she had seen before: silver/white glitter lined the entire dress, thin sparkly straps with the tight bodice hanging off the hanger. 

She eventually worked up enough courage to pick it up, slipping it on her and (luckily), was able to zip up the back by herself. She turned to look in the small mirror next to her cot; The dress fit her figure perfectly. It was tight at her waist, hugging her hips and widening at the bottom-- a mermaid styled dress. 

She thought back to when Ren had his quartermaster come to her quarters the night before, measuring her and asking her all types of questions about what type of dress she would like. She genuinely felt like royalty. 

She slipped on the white heels, now standing up straight taking in the entire outfit in the mirror, examining her curves and fancy hair. Kylo had someone come to her quarters to do her hair and makeup earlier in the day as well. 

_ Knock knock knock.  _ Quick knocking at her hatch. Audrey walked over to the hatch, not wasting a moment before pressing the open function. It opened with a  _ swoosh _ , revealing Kylo Ren in the hallway, standing without his helmet. He was wearing a black fitted tux, white button up and black bow tie. Audrey had never seen Kylo Ren without his helmet, ‘y/n was right.. He is handsome,’ she thought to herself. 

“Thank you,” Kylo held out a bouquet of dark red roses to her. 

“Oh, right the um- the mind reading,” Audrey let out a nervous laugh, “Thank you Commander Ren.” She took the flowers in her hand taking in the sweet scent of them. 

“May I come in?” Kylo looked past Audrey, peeking behind her into her small enlisted quarters. 

Audrey nodded her head yes, moving to the side for Kylo to come inside. She held the flowers to her chest. 

Kylo Ren walked to the small table and sat down in the chair, motioning for Audrey to sit in the one across from him. Audrey set down the flowers on the table, now sitting. 

“You look very beautiful,” Ren smiled, “I see you got the dress. Perfect isn’t it?”

Audrey’s face became pink with blush, “I did. Thank you so much. I- I like your suit. The bowtie especially, sir.” 

Kylo let out a small chuckle, “You can call me Kylo.” 

This took Audrey by surprise, she moved her feet around anxiously, “I-”

Kylo reached across the table, taking her hand into his own large hands, “You don’t have to be nervous.” 

This didn’t help Audrey’s nerves at all, if anything it made them skyrocket. She looked at his hand holding hers, his callous hands enveloping her own. 

“I- I’m very honored to be your escort, sir- Kylo,” She sheepishly smiled.

Audrey watched his eyes look her figure up and down from across the table before saying, “Good. You look beautiful tonight, more than normal, I mean.”

Audrey blushed hard, turning her gaze to the floor. 

Kylo Ren had obviously enjoyed this greatly; A sinister smile formed on his lips before he said, “Don’t be so closed off. Where is the outgoing woman I saw on the engineering deck, hmm?” 

For a moment Audrey didn’t know what to do, her brain was screaming, ‘Say something!’ She thought she was making an utter fool of herself. But kylo only seemed amused, looking similar to a hunter studying his prey before issuing the final shot, smiling as did it. 

“I- I’m sorry. I just miss home; I feel alone most of the time” she said quietly, then looking up into his eyes, “Y/n is so great to me, but no one else sees me. But you.” 

Kylo hmmd in response, pausing for a moment before saying, “May I have a drink?” 

Audrey let go of Kylo Ren’s hand, standing up and walking to her small mini fridge, “I- uhh. I have water bottles?” 

Kylo let out a small laugh before saying, “Yes water is fine,” He reached out, taking the water bottle from her hands and taking a small sip. 

Audrey watched him drink, the bottle appearing miniature in his hands. She stood there for a moment, still just watching him. 

Kylo placed the bottle on the table, “Is there something in particular you’re staring at?” He stood up, walking closer to her, closing in the tense distance between the two of them. 

Audrey couldn’t find any words, her voice getting caught in her throat as Kylo Ren moved closer, eventually backing her against the wall, “I-I-”

Kylo whispered, “Shhh,” he brushed her hair behind her ear, “Don’t be nervous.” 

Audrey saw his gaze shift to her red glossy lips. He moved closer and closer, almost as if in slow motion. By now her heart was beating harder than it ever had, nearly out of her chest. All she could do was obey, eyes wide; Unable to move. His lips touched her and she melted right then and there, succumbing to his will. She kissed him back softly, Kylo moving his hands to cup her face in them.

Then Kylo pulled back, his eyes looking over her expression, “Nervous still?” 

Audrey smiled brightly, “No sir- Kylo I mean.” 

And she wasn’t lying. In this moment she felt seen, wanted. And not only wanted, but wanted by the most powerful man in the galaxy. 

Kylo smiled before placing one more soft kiss on her lips then saying, “Good. It’s time to go. Are you ready?” 

Audrey looked into his golden brown eyes, “Yes, I’m ready.” 

Kylo took her hand into his, and led her to the hatch and walked out together into the hallway, walking hand in hand. Audrey could barely contain herself, but you couldn’t tell from the outside. She seemed cool, calm, collected, elegant at Ren’s side. 

Everyone whom they passed couldn’t help but stare. Ren holding Audrey’s hand tightly, not letting go amidst the looks. Eventually, they made their way to the hall, walking in to see everyone already enjoying the festivities. The First Order didn’t have many galas like this but Audrey was damn grateful for this one. How lucky was she to be at Commander Ren’s side? 

Kylo must have heard her thoughts, brushing his thumb along her hand then squeezing it tighter, holding it, as they walked in the archway of balloons together. Audrey looked around: the people dancing, the live music complete with singers and a piano, her coworkers dancing, food and drinks. 

Audrey felt like everyone was staring at her. She was used to stares, whispers: she grew up being the talk of the town, opposing the first order, always talking of the rebellion. She was used to the staring, but not like this. Being the Supreme Leader’s date she had not thought of the reaction of her peers. She began to feel overwhelmed, wrapping herself on Kylo’s arm and he walked forward. She continued to glance around, beginning to feel comfortable again with Kylo’s hand squeezing hers. That’s when she saw him.

Matt. Dressed in a black suit, a red button up shirt underneath. His hair swept back neatly with what looked like a bit of gel. He looked.. Handsome. Her heart fluttered slightly. A part of her wanted to go say hi, tell him that he looked dashing. Then she remembered hearing the whispers of the altercation between the two of them: Matt and Kylo Ren. 

She turned to Kylo, the overwhelming feelings of Matt taking hold yet again, and he must have sensed this because before she could say anything he squeezed her hand tighter, then pulling her in for a hug, facing Matt. She watched Kylo’s eyes look in Matt’s direction, she looked too seeing Matt give a small wave and smile. 

Before Audrey could wave back, Kylo Ren grabbed Audrey’s chin, pulling her face into his lips and kissing her. Audrey immediately forgot about Matt, turning into hot magma in Ren’s arms. 

Ren pulled back, looking at Audrey in the eyes, “Don’t pay attention to that puny excuse of a man. You’re mine tonight.” 

She blushed, “Okay.”

Audrey looked at Ren’s flowing black hair, wondering why he would hide such a gorgeous face behind a cold metal mask every day. As she was studying his face, she saw his gaze wander over her shoulder, toward the entrance. She felt him tense up, still holding her. 

Kylo then let Audrey go and cleared his throat. Audrey turned to the entrance, seeing y/n walking in. She looked amazing. You didn’t think she had a girly bone in her body but damn, she looked captivating, stunning even. A pang of jealousy shot through Audrey as she watched y/n’s face light up, walking toward Matt and placing a kiss on Matt’s lips. 

Audrey turned back into Kylo’s arms, facing him again. He shifted his gaze from behind her to now in Audrey’s eyes again. He cleared his throat once more before saying, “Do you want to dance?” 

Audrey smiled, “I would very much like to dance.” 

Kylo Ren took Audrey’s hand, leading her to the middle of the dance floor, spinning her into his embrace. They swayed to the soft piano and Audrey rested her head on his chest, feeling his breathing. The music was soothing; she closed her eyes and let the moment take hold. To her, there was no one in the galaxy tonight but herself and Kylo Ren. 


	19. Chapter 19

You walked through the arch of black and silver balloons and into the hall, your eyes immediately finding Matt across the room. He smiled, a skip in his step as he walked toward you. Your heart gave steady palpitations. He looked beguiling: his hair was slicked back (not it’s usual curly mess), he wore a black suit with a fitted red button up beneath perfectly accented with a black tie. The sight of him was hypnotizing and he was yours. 

Matt’s feet carried him across the hall quickly and he didn’t waste a moment of time; he placed his lips on yours at the same time pulling you into a tight embrace. 

Matt pulled back from the kiss slowly, relishing in the moment, “You look heavenly,” he placed his hand on your cheek for a moment, pulling you in for one more quick kiss then saying, “Sorry I just- you know.” 

You smiled, “I know.” 

You sat down at a table lined with a black tablecloth fitted with white rose centerpieces. You gazed over at the roses, then began observing the scene around you: All familiar faces, coworkers. Some had brought their wives and husbands. Everyone seemed so happy, the stress of war gone from everyone’s faces. It was truly needed with the recent whispers of a spy in the First Order. Everyone was on edge; this was the first time in months you hadn’t seen a single person angry or upset. 

Then as you were scanning the room, you saw Kylo Ren. He was on the dance floor, something you never thought you’d see in your lifetime, holding Audrey close, swaying to the music. Your heart sunk, and you tried to shove down that feeling. He’s doing what you told him to do. He’s moving on. But couldn’t he have moved on somewhere else? With someone not so pretty? Someone whom you weren’t insanely jealous of? 

Matt’s sweet voice bringing you back to reality, “Do you want a drink, sunshine?” 

You nodded your head yes, “Tequila please.” You were going to need a stronger drink for tonight if you were to watch Ren dance with Audrey all night. The thought of it made every part of your body want to crawl into a deep dark hole. That could have been you if you weren’t so damn stubborn-

You stopped your thoughts, reminding yourself you did not need Kylo Ren. You were happy; you had the most perfect guy in the galaxy at your side. 

Matt stood up from his seat and you watched him walk over to the bar. Watching him talk to the bartender, you saw him lean on the counter and he turned toward you and gave you a super sly wink from across the room. This earned a giggle from you and you thought how lucky you were to have such a handsome yet dorky boyfriend. 

You continued to survey the room, watching everyone. Most were on the dance floor but there were some who just wanted to relax, sitting at tables across the hall. You finally started taking in every detail of the formal; They really did a 180 on the mess hall. You barely even recognized it. All of the tables had been done up with black tablecloths, the same as the table you sat at. White and black drapery lined the walls, covering up any sign of the mess hall. The whole scenery was elegant. At the north side of the room, they had put a platform where a piano and singers sat at. The music was relaxing, you hadn’t remembered the last time you listened to live music. 

As you were gazing at the pianist, you looked to the left seeing Audrey and Ren again. To your dismay, Audrey looked to be in a trance. She looked exquisite, expensive. Like a princess. Ren looked insanely captivating; It was no wonder Audrey was in such a daze over him. 

You forced yourself to stop staring, looking back to the bar where Matt was beginning to walk back, two drinks in hand. 

Matt walked up to the table, handing your drink and flashed an alluring smile, “Here you go, love.” 

You smiled and took the drink, taking a sip and sighed. The cold drink felt refreshing in the warm hall; you weren’t used to such large gatherings anymore. The last dance you had gone to was back in highschool. And even then it was small compared to this. 

“This is strange, right? All these people just-- not working?” You let out a small laugh as Matt sat back in his seat next to you. Luckily the piano music wasn’t too loud and you didn’t have to talk at a much louder a volume than normal. 

“Yeah, it sure is. I never saw any parties like this growing up.. even on Naboo!” He said laughing with you, “Do you like this? The dance I mean.”

You smiled at him, taking a sip of your drink, “I do.” 

“I’m glad. Me too, despite the crowd,” Matt said before glancing around, you noticed him look at Audrey for a moment.

“She looks pretty right?” You looked at her too, watching Matt shift his gaze from Audrey back to you. 

“She’s nothing compared to you! Have you seen yourself tonight, sunshine? Stunning. The only star in this place,” Matt tucked a stray hair behind your ear, “Do you want to dance?” 

There was nothing more you wanted but to be in Matt’s embrace and if that included dancing, sure. “I do. Didn’t you leave a certain sticky note saying how terrible of a dancer you are? Am I going to lose an eye? Are you sure it’s safe?” You laughed, watching Matt’s laugh erupt as well. 

“No promises,” he winked at you then took your hand, leading you to the dance floor. 

The both of you weaved through the crowds of people before finding an empty spot. Matt spun you around, your feet nearly walking over each other and you let out a giggle. He really was bad at dancing. Matt finished pulling you into his arms and you rested your hands on his shoulders. 

“You really do look beautiful tonight.” Matt said as you both swayed to the music. The calming sound of the piano was pleasing to your ears which were used to the sounds of power tools all day long. 

You blushed, “Thank you.” Still both rocking slowly to the beat. You looked at Matt’s face, studying it: the freckles peppered around his face, his pink lips with no sign of the agressions of Ren’s hilt anymore, completely faded now. 

Matt gave a warm smile before saying, “Can I speak candidly?”

You nodded yes, anticipating the worst. 

“I honestly didn’t know what I was doing before you. I was just, stuck in my daily routine. No goals. No plans. Just-- living day by day,” Matt held you closer, you felt his heart beating out of his chest. “And suddenly you came into my life and everything changed. In a good way. I mean, you made everything interesting again-- Exciting even.” 

You smiled at him, “You’re being sweet-”

Matt interrupted you, “Let me talk. I didn’t have plans. I- I’ve been thinking about us,” He took your chin into his hand, looking at you in the eyes, “Please don’t freak out. I don’t want you to be afraid of this,” his voice trailing off. 

You looked back into his golden eyes, “I’m not afraid, you have plans.” You smiled, both still swaying to the music. 

“Good, that’s good. I just- I was a little worried you would take it the wrong way. I have plans. ” Matt smiled and kissed you, you kissed him back slowly. You both pulled back, content with how that conversation went. Maybe this was who you were meant to spend your life with. And to think you met him in the First Order mess hall. 

You both continued swaying side to side, listening to the pianist and singer make perfect music. Your heels gave you a bit of height and you rested your head chin on Matt’s shoulder, looking over it now. 

Your eyes immediately meet Kylo’s who was dancing with Audrey on the opposite side of the dance floor. The two of you held your gaze, both looking at each other as you held your respective dates. You saw his dark eyes, deep, attempting to conceal any emotion but you saw right through the facade. Kylo Ren was looking at you. His eyes looking longingly at you. Your breath caught in your chest.

You needed to get some fresh air. You pulled away from Matt then said, “I- I just need to go to the refresher. I’ll be right back,” You gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, Matt nodding and you walked toward the entrance. You needed to get away from this. You could not handle him fucking looking at you like this. 

You reached the empty hallway, starting to jog as much as you could in your heels when you heard your name called from behind you. 

Still jogging, you turned your head to see Kylo Ren behind you, walking after you “Y/n please, stop.” 

You didn’t answer, turning the corner and opening the hatch to the small conference room and walking in and letting it close behind you, hoping he wouldn’t follow. You cursed to yourself, you had everything you ever wanted why the hell was he still getting to you. 

Kylo opened the hatch, walking in and closing it behind him. 

“Leave me alone,” you held back tears. 

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” Kylo stood at the other side of the room, not pressuring you or walking close to you; keeping his distance. 

You wiped away a tear, trying not to ruin your makeup, “No! I’m not alright! Are you satisfied? Stop looking at me!”

Kylo moved closer, “I am not looking at you.” 

“You are looking at me. Matt has plans. He is perfect, he is fucking amazing and I can’t move on with you fucking looking at me like that so just stop!” you were nearly yelling at this point, letting all of your pent up emotions go. 

Kylo raised his voice at you, walking up to you now, “You think I want to look at you? I have the entire galaxy at my hand, I can have whomever I want. You think that I wouldn’t rather be focusing on my responsibilities? Do you think that I love feeling sick to my stomach thinking about him touching you? I would give anything not to be looking at you, dammit.” 

There was only a foot of space between the two of you now, and you looked into his eyes: Seeing past the facade of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren: you saw longing, emotion-- you saw Kylo. 

You both paused, you saw his eyes glance over your figure and then before you could react, Kylo’s hands cupped your face, pulling you into his mouth and kissing you. This time, there was no resistance at all from you. You kissed him back like you had been apart for a lifetime. Kylo picked you up, setting you on the conference table and you wrapped your legs around him, pulling him into you. 

Kylo pressed into you and you felt him through his suit pants. He pulled your hips into his groin and you let out a small mewl in response, weakly. Your body was melting into him, putty in his hands. 

“Fucking gods…” Kylo managed to get out between hot kisses, “I’ve never stopped needing you.”

You let out a small moan in response and began fumbling with his belt. At least he wasn’t wearing his usual garbs-- those took forever to take off. Kylo unbuckled his belt feverishly, freeing himself quickly from his pants and boxers from the opening, not bothering to take the pants off. His hands moved to your thigh, hiking up your dress and moving your lace panties to the side. 

You opened your legs further for him and he wasted no time, slipping the tip inside before fully ramming his throbbing length all the way into your hot sex. You let out a small yelp, you felt him smirk while he placed hot kisses at your neck. You tipped your head back in ecstasy while Kylo kept a slow steady pace, his hands intermingled in your hair. 

You felt his tip throbbing uncontrollably inside your dripping wet cunt, ‘No way in hell is he close already’ you thought.

“Gods dammit-- You look so fucking gorgous tonight,” he said breathlessly, smiling before kissing you feverishly moving his hand to clit, rubbing gentle circles with his thumb as he continued the rhythmic thrusting. 

He began to fuck you faster; the both of you started to moan, you bucked your hips toward him as he fucked you; your rhythms syncing. You were close to the edge as he moved his thumb faster on your clit. You dug your fingernails into his forearms, his suit jacket saving his skin from certain scratches.

He sloppily met your lips with his, moaning into your mouth as your lips intertwined. 

“Kylo im going to cu-”

Before you could finish talking, he moved his hand from your clit and to your neck, gripping it. Then an invisible force moved back to your swollen nub, twirling around it as Kylo applied pressure to your neck. 

You could feel him pulsing inside of you harder now, the thrusts becoming more erratic-- animalistic. He looked at you in the eyes and you back at him. You let all inhibitions go, fully feeling the moment together-- back in Kylo Ren’s embrace. 

He tightened the grip on your neck and then moved his lips to your ear before whispering breathlessly, “Cum for me, sweet thing.” 

Your body immediately obeyed: You cried out and wrapped your legs tightly around him, shaking uncontrollably, long loud moans and mewls finding their way out of your trembling lips. You tried hard to keep your eyes open, but the force of his thrusts and your intense orgasm were more than you could take, tears falling you had never felt anything so emotionally raw. 

Kylo Ren’s eyes looked over you, his eyes for once showing raw emotion. His thrusting became more frantic, sporadic as he filled you up with his hot seed, moaning into your neck.

“Fuck..” Kylo groaned into your ear, you felt his eyes drinking in the sight of you: You were breathless, legs shaking on the table. 

Kylo tucked himself away, not yet zipping his pants. Then, he reached out a hand to help you down.

“What does this mean?” He asked, for the first time you’ve known him he sounded genuine.. Maybe even emotional. His eyes saying one thousand things at once.. 

You pulled your dress down, fixing your panties and sighed, not even sure yourself what this meant. You stood up, straightening out the seams on your dress. 

Before you could answer Kylo's question, the hatch flew open and Annemarie walked in, her eyes wide taking in the sight of the two of you, Kylo pulling up the zipper of his pants. 

She looked at kylo, obviously confused, “I- uh, Commander Ren sir.,” she turned to look at you, “Matt sent me to go find you. I-”

You interrupted her, “I’m coming right now,” you walked to the hatch, following Annemarie into the hallway and back toward the hall leaving Kylo Ren behind you. 


	20. Chapter 20

Annnemarie trailed behind you before grabbing your hand, pulling you back gently, “Can I ask?” 

You stopped walking down the hallway, “I-- There’s nothing to ask about,” You shot her a nervous smile, “Can we just forget about it?” 

Annemarie whispered in a hushed tone, “You want me to forget walking in on you and Commander Ren while you were finishing-- I don’t even know what to say-”

“Then don’t say anything,” you retorted, not wanting to talk about what happened at the moment. 

To be honest, you weren’t even sure what happened: Yes you and Kylo Ren finally were intimate again but it didn’t feel like just sex. It felt like your bodies melted together; You succumbed to his every need and him to yours. There weren’t a lot of words spoken but looking into each other’s eyes you knew none were needed in that moment. 

You remembered his eyes as you stood up asking “What does this mean?” You didn’t know what this meant. What you did know is that you needed to actually go to the refresher to clean yourself up before you could go back into the hall. 

You continued walking again making a beeline for the bathroom; You walked in, Annemarie close behind you. Going into a stall and closing it behind you, you began to clean up the sticky aftermath with some toilet paper. You finished wiping it all up, flushing the toilet so Annemarie wouldn’t be suspicious. 

You walked out and saw Annemarie standing by the sink, arms crossed. You felt her eyes on you as you walked to the sink to wash your hands. 

Annemarie said your name sternly, her eyes still on you. 

“Hm?” you patted your hands dry with a paper towel and turning to her. 

Annemarie sighed then said, “Don’t hmm me. What were you doing in there with Kylo Ren? Were you like-- in trouble?” Her voice was confused as if she was looking for any reasoning as to why you were in a conference room alone with Commander Ren. She had obviously seen him zip up his pants as she walked in. Should you just tell her the truth?

“I- It’s a long story. Can we talk about it later?” You walked over to get waiting for her to move out of the doorway; she eventually did and you walked out of the bathroom together. 

“I have time for a long story now,” You had never heard her this stern before. Your stomach was in knots-- you did want to tell her but not right now. If Matt found out before you could say something you weren’t sure how he’d react. Well that wasn’t completely true. You knew how he’d react: he would be completely heartbroken. You couldn’t let that happen. Just because you slipped up this one time didn’t mean anything. You were determined to fix this by any means necessary. 

You stopped walking, both standing in the hallway now, “I was talking to Commander Ren about his-- he-- I don’t know. What do you want me to say?” 

She glared at you, “He what? Spit. It. Out.” Annemarie took a step closer and you backed up. Still trying desperately to find a response, but your brain was sending so many confused signals you could not think straight. 

“It doesn’t matter because it’s not going to happen again,” you met her glare, “Please just trust me? We can talk more about it later if you really desperately need to know everything. Let’s just go finish our night. Isn’t Matt waiting for us?” You gave an awkward smile, hoping she would drop it for now.

She kept her glare on you for sometime, what felt like an eternity. Finally she sighed heavily. Annemarie closed her eyes then said, “Whatever, I guess. Do you promise to tell me the full story later?”

You smiled at her, “I do.” 

She gave you a weak smile in return, taking your hand and leading you back to the dance. Your eyes searched for Matt, finding him quickly: He sat at the same table the two of you were at earlier but Audrey was sitting with him. They seemed to be having a pleasant conversation, laughing even. Your blood boiled at the sight of it.

You made your way across the hall, walking up and sitting down next to Matt, then saying, “Hi sorry. I felt a little sick,” You then turned to Audrey, “You look very pretty! I love your dress.” 

Annemarie sat down at the table as well, “It’s true you look smokin!” 

She smiled brightly, her eyes lit up at the compliments, “Thank you so much!! You both look so gorgeous. I’m so jealous!”

Annemarie smiled at Audrey, “How is your date with Commander Ren?,” she looked at you briefly, “Did he leave you here alone?” 

Audrey’s smile slightly faded before she perked herself back up, reviving her bright smile, “Kylo - Commander Ren just said he needed to check on something. He said First Order business. He’ll be back any moment probably..” her voice trailing off, looking around for a moment before turning back to the group of people. 

Matt smiled, “I’m sure everything is fine, Audrey. He’ll be back soon.” 

You tried to hide how angry it made you to hear her name coming out of Matt’s mouth. 

Annemarie spoke up, breaking the silence, “This is fun, right?”

You all nodded, then Matt saying, “Do you guys want to dance--”

Before Matt could finish Kylo appeared, practically out of thin air walking over and putting his hand on Audrey’s shoulder, “I told you I’d be right back,” Kylo gave Audrey a quick kiss on the cheek from behind, “Come on.” 

Audrey stood up, “I’ll see you guys later!” she gave a small wink and you wanted to throw up. Gods why was this so fucking hard? 

Before Kylo walked away, you saw him look at you: his dark eyes ripe with emotion. You looked away, grabbing Matt’s hand and smiling at him. 

“You’d think he’d be an ass outside of work to everyone as well, but he’s treating her like royalty.”

You rolled your eyes and before you could stop yourself, you shot back, “Why do you care?”

“ What do you mean, what do I care?’ He gets off on treating other people like shit. And she gets special treatment?” Matt shot back at you, scoffing.

“Seems like you care a lot about her,” you pulled your hand away from his. 

Annemarie interjected, “I think what Matt is saying is that it’s just weird to see Commander Ren like this-- humanized in a way?”

“Mm,” you didn’t feel like arguing. 

Matt sighed, visibly shaking his head. “Do you want a drink or something? Look, I’m sorry sunshine. Really.” Matt held your hand again and pulled your chin to have you look into his eyes, “A drink?”

You nodded your head yes. You really couldn't stay mad at him. 

The rest of the night went by quickly; the three of you danced, Matt definitely stepped on your feet at least 10 times, you all drank probably a whole bottle of tequila combined and your feet hurt by the end of the night. 

You and Matt said goodbye to Annemarie, she decided to stay a little longer. The two of you headed out the doors and began walking toward your quarters. 

“Did you have a good time tonight?” Matt asked. 

You smiled at him and held his hand tightly, “I did.” 

He smiled shyly, looking down at your hands in his, “I’m so glad. Tonight was magical. I wish every night could be like this.” 

You truly did want every night to be like this. That’s why you were determined to end things with Ren. 

“I- Can I meet you back at my place? I need to go check something at the engineer deck. I think I left my datapad off the charger and I have inspection tomorrow morning,” you gave a small smile. 

“Oh, sure thing. Make sure everything is good to go!” Matt let out a soft chuckle. He then gave you a soft kiss on your cheek before walking back towards your quarters, leaving you in the hallway. He turned around for a moment giving you a small wink and a wave. 

You waved back before turning around, walking in the direction of the engineer deck-- luckily it was the same direction as Kylo Ren’s quarters. You walked fast, trying to organize your thoughts before you got there. You had so much you wanted to say. 

You passed Vicrul who was wandering the halls. As he passed he nodded at you and said “You look very pretty tonight ma’am.” 

You smiled, this was the first time he had ever actually given you a compliment, “Thank you Vicrul. Is Commander Ren at his quarters?”

Vicrul paused for a moment then said, “He just returned. But he seemed rather disturbed. Tread lightly, ma’am.” 

You were shocked that Vicrul would give you any help or advice. Even if it was just something small. But you figured you’d better listen. He did know kylo ren well after all. “Thank you.” 

You continued walking, nearly at Kylo Ren’s quarters. You passed a few people but for the most part the halls were empty; mostly everyone must still either be at the dance or relaxing in their rooms. 

Finally reaching his quarters, you paused and contemplated to yourself the possible outcomes of this conversation. You needed to do this to fix what you had with Matt. You needed to end things with Ren. It was not an option to continue. 

You knocked at the hatch waiting for a response. The hatch  _ swooshed  _ open and you looked into the darkness; unable to see anything except for the small fire in the fireplace. 

“Kylo?” you said, waiting for a response as you walked into the dark room. 

“Come in,” You heard him say softly and he walked out from the back room, still in his tux. 

He still looked as handsome as he did earlier. You paused for a moment, then said “We need to talk.” 

He looked at you sternly, “Yes. We do.” 

He then motioned for you to sit in the chair by the fire. You complied; you walked over and sat down. The leather was warm from the fire’s embrace. 

“I can’t do this,” your voice barely audible. 

“What do you mean?” Kylo said as he sat down next to you. 

You couldn’t even look at him, you just stared into the fire, “I- I can’t do this. Us.” 

Kylo’s hand made its way to your thigh, holding it there, “Don’t lie to yourself. I felt it earlier. Just as you did. You want me just as much as I want you. You need me.” 

Your eyes wandered to his hand on your thigh, “I can’t do this, Kylo. It’s not what’s best for me. Matt is what is best for me and you know that.” 

“Another lie. You keep lying. Enough.” 

You raised your voice slightly, choking back tears, “I’m not lying.” 

Kylo scoffed, “You are. That’s why you can barely say it. You won’t even look at me. You’re trying too hard to convince yourself--” 

You interrupted him, “You don’t know me. I came here to tell you that this is done. It is not happening again,” you stood up, “And that's final.”

Kylo stood and stood in your way, not letting you walk toward the door, “Don’t repeat yourself with this ‘you don’t know me’ bullshit. I do! And that’s what you’re afraid of. That I know you more than you know yourself,” he paused then said, “Be at my side. I’m asking nicely.” 

You looked him over and there was still that little voice in your head begging you to succumb to his will. You shoved it deep down. You were determined to leave here with what you wanted to happen: ending things with Kylo Ren forever. 

“No. Now move,” you folded your arms. 

Kylo raised his voice, grabbing your shoulders, “You’re not leaving me again. You think you can just do anything you want. No!” His voice loud and piercing, echoing in his chambers, hurting your ears.

You wriggled to try to get out of his grasp, “Kylo I- move. I told you this is done. You can’t just keep me as your prisoner.” 

You saw tears welling in his eyes, pleading silently “You wouldn’t be my prisoner! You would be my Empress. I’m the Supreme Leader of the galaxy. You could have anything you want, sweet thing..” he paused, tucking a hair behind your ear, “Please stay.” 

You wanted to stay.. 

“I- I can’t,” You tried to move out of his tight grasp once again and in return Kylo just pulled you into his arms, hugging you tightly-- maybe even too tightly. 

“I said no. Y/n, please. Please, I’m begging you,” he began to embrace you tighter-- it was becoming difficult to breathe. 

“Kylo you're holding me too tigh-”

Kylo interrupted you, “Stay. Please.” 

You started to struggle more for simple breaths, your lips beginning to tingle from lack of oxygen. You choked out, “I-”

“I can’t— I can’t let you go again. I won’t!” Kylo shouted, holding you tighter; Now beginning to crush you. You felt the overwhelming pressure: feeling small painful cracks in your chest. “You’re not going anywhere! I- I love you, y/n, please,” his voice cracking with every word. 

At this point your vision began to go dark, your head tipped back limp, barely able to get even the smallest breath into your lungs, which were now on fire. Your chest was in unbearable pain. You were in agony. You had never been more afraid. You thought to yourself ‘I can't die here. I can’t...’ 

Then, all at once, just as the pain was more than you could possibly imagine, it ceased. A cold feeling enveloped your body, you felt like ice. You were freezing, trying to make sense of what was happening. Before you could make one last attempt to fight your mind went black, The last bit of light fading. Now, a deafening Silence. 


	21. Chapter 21

Kylo held you tighter, unable to control his own strength, “You’re not going anywhere! I- I love you, y/n, please..” He didn’t want you to go. He needed you to stay with him. 

He pulled back, seeing as you had stopped resisting; he then realized that you were completely limp. Your eyes were closed, lips parted. What had he done?

“Fuck- I-” Kylo began to panic, patting at your face, “Wake up. Now dammit.” 

As moments passed and there was no response, no rising or falling of your chest, Kylo fully picked you up into a bridal carry and ran to the door. He ran out of the hallway and toward medbay. He ran as fast as he could, while talking to you trying to keep you awake, “Y/n. Wake up..” 

It was 0200, the hallways were still empty except for Kylo’s thundering footsteps as he continued running and running and running still talking to you, “Please, for me.. Wake up..”

He was at a full sprint now, clutching you tight. His heart beating out of his chest as he muttered to himself, “You’ve fucking done it now Kylo..” He tried so hard to suppress the voices in his head saying it was all his fault. He continued to curse himself. 

A group of stormtroopers were up ahead, they stopped and asked what was happening but Kylo used the force throwing them down the hallway and ran past them. He didn’t care about anyone but you. You were his and he had really hurt you. 

“Fucking wake up!! Gods please..” He felt your lifeforce starting to fade more and more the closer he got to the medbay. It petrified him. He wasn’t thinking straight-- Just this primal urge to protect you. Nothing else. 

Kylo managed to get out between shaky breaths, still running, “If you can hear me, y/n, I’m so sorry.. Please. I can fix this..” he cursed himself again, now feeling your life barely hanging on, about to slip away completely. He finally arrived at the Medbay hatch, now waiting for it to fully open, bending it ajar with the force. 

Rushing to the front desk he yelled at the nurse, “Take her. Now! Get her in the fucking exam room. Fucking move your ass!” 

The nurse, wide eyed and shocked, rushed to call the trauma team. Without wasting any time they came through the hatch with a gurney and Kylo placed you on it. You still had not woken up. Kylo took a small step back, letting the rush of doctors and nurses check your vitals. Kylo Ren watched them check your pulse and after they did, they shot a nervous look to each other. 

“Is she alive?” Kylo couldn’t control his anger anymore, full on yelling at the nursing staff who were just trying to do their jobs. 

A small male nurse turned to Kylo and said “S-sir yes, we have to finish the exam if you could move into the waiting room--”

Kylo picked up the male nurse by his shirt, lifting him into the air, “Do not fucking order me around! I’m going to stay right fucking here! And I will until she wakes up,” Kylo dropped the nurse, then turning to brush the hair out of your face, “Wake up please.”

The nurse stood up, flinching as he moved around Kylo’s brooding angry body then said, “We are going to take her back to an exam room. We need to know what happened. Were you there, sir? What is her name?” 

Kylo paused, not realizing they would ask for an explanation, he hadn’t had the time to think. He couldn’t. Not with you so close to death.. 

He told them your name then paused pondering what exactly he should say had happened, “She- she fell and got caught in a centrifuge.. I think it cracked her ribs.” Kylo took a deep breath, now semi composing himself. He asked the head nurse “What can I do to help? Anything.” 

The team of nurses and doctors wheeled the gurney into a back room. The head nurse, an older woman, shook her head then said “Supreme Leader, sir, I need you go back off and let us do our jobs.” 

Kylo was taken back by this, he hadn’t expected someone to boss him around, especially not an old woman half his size. He could tell that she meant business. He reluctantly agreed, nodding to the nurse as she thanked him and stepped back, letting her take over. 

Kylo moved to the wall, backing against it and then sinking to his knees. Hands over his mouth, watching. Silently not making a single sound before saying “Gods… please..” Kylo hated the idea of asking all knowing beings for help. He always had but right now he was willing to do anything it took to keep you by his side. At this moment he wished that he had made better choices, stayed with you and didn’t abandon you. ‘Everything is my fault.. it always is. Always’ he thought to himself. 

Stuck in this trance of self loathing kylo heard a muffled voice calling to him, finally getting his attention. 

“Supreme Leader, can I get you anything? We are moving y/n to an operating room,” it was the short male nurse again. 

Kylo stood up, realizing he had been crying, he tried to wipe the tears that stained his face, but they left streaks down his cheeks.

“I’m- im fine. Go,” he said as authoritatively as he could manage in this state. He then walked toward the nurse and grabbed his shirt collar, “I swear to the gods if she doesn’t pull through I will be holding you personally accountable,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Sir im just the emergency nurse-”

Kylo yelled in his face, “I don’t give a damn who you are. Go. Now.” 

Kylo let go of his shirt and he watched the nurse jog back toward your limp body, now hooked up to all kinds of machines. Kylo cursed himself again. 

The band of nurses and surgeons wheeled you out of the room and down the hallway. Kylo sat down in the chair by the door, cupping his face in his hands. 

“Commander Ren?” 

Kylo stood up and immediately his blood boiled. Why was he here? 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Kylo spat at Matt who was standing in the doorway out of breath. 

“I- they called me about y/n,” Matt said in between trying to catch his breath, “I came as fast as I could run. Where is she?” 

Kylo paused, wondering how Matt even already knew about y/n, “She’s in surgery. They just took her back. You can go.” 

Matt scoffed, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I said to go. Now,” Kylo scowled, “There’s no reason for you to be here-”

A nurse walked in the room interrupting Kylo and handing Matt a clipboard then saying “Here you go, sign these consent forms please,” Matt scribbled on the paper, “Initial here. Here as well. Okay thank you.” 

Kylo watched the nurse walk out of the room, obviously wanting to get out of the tense standoff as soon as she could. 

Matt shot Kylo a small smile, “I’m her emergency contact.” 

Of course she had changed it to him. Fucking gods, why? Y/n always had to be so stubborn as to erase Kylo from every part of her life. He knew that he used to be her contact.. Of course she would change it to this fucking poor excuse of a man. 

“Well, I’m her superior. As well as yours. You can fucking go.” Kylo hissed again, eager to remove Matt from the situation as soon as possible. Now starting to approach the technician, Kylo smirked as Matt began to back up, slowly, one hand slightly held out in front of him. 

Kylo’s hand went to grab his saber when _ swoosh _ the hatch to the waiting room flung open. Both Matt and Kylo looked to the entrance and watched Annemarie run through, tears falling from her face. Kylo could hear the panic in her voice as she asked the check in nurse about y/n. 

“She’s- where is she?”

Kylo watched the nurse point toward the room he and Matt were both now standing in and watched Annemarie walk over, wiping away tears as she did. 

“Where is she?” her voice cracking, looking at both Matt and Kylo, waiting for an answer. 

“She’s in surgery. I can sense everything going on in that room. She’s okay..” Kylo said quietly, unable to look at Annemarie.

Matt interrupted, “No one cares what you can sense. I’m going to go talk to the nurse and get some real information.”

“I told you to leave.” Kylo scolded Matt once again. 

“Supreme Leader, I’m going to say this with the utmost respect I can manage at this moment. No.” Matt turned out of the room, walking to the charge nurse. 

It took everything in Kylo not to force choke him into oblivion. 

Annemarie’s quiet voice brought Kylo out of his daydream of breaking Matt in two, “What happened?”

“She fell,” Kylo went to put his hand on her shoulder but stopped himself when he watched her flinch. 

“How do I know you’re telling the truth, sir?” she quietly said, staring at Kylo’s dress shoes. One of the laces was coming undone. 

“I have never once lied to anyone in this room. That’s why. I’m your Supreme Leader. Do not question me.” Kylo stepped back from Annemarie. Respecting her feelings towards him. He knew she must have some type of reservations toward him: their first time meeting he definitely killed someone in front of her. The last time he saw her he had just finished screwing her best friend. 

“She just.. fell?” Annemarie looked up at Kylo. 

Kylo quickly replied, not missing a beat, “That’s what I said. It’s what happened.”

Annemarie sighed, sitting in the chair. Kylo and Annemarie both sat in silence, letting their own thoughts consume themselves. 

Annemarie broke the silence, “So what happened in the conference room then?”

“I’m sure you already know what happened. I’m not explaining myself to you,” Kylo shot back quickly, hitting the wall. Denting it. 

He began to pace the room, waiting for any news about y/n. He then caught Annemarie in the corner of his eyesight and turned to look at her fully: she was sitting in the chair, face in her hands, crying. 

“She’s going to be okay-- I think,” Kylo mustered any type of comforting voice he could, trying to console Annemarie from across the room. He never was good at expressing feelings; He knew how much Annemarie meant to y/n so he thought it would be the right thing to console her. 

Annemarie sniffled, “Are you sure?”

Kylo really wasn’t sure but it was probably best to just give some ounce of hope to her, “Yes.” 

Before Kylo could say anything else, Matt walked back in the room and Annemarie shot up from her chair, embracing him. 

She sniffled into his arms and Matt patted her back then said, “The charge nurse said they're nearly finished. Just repairing the few things they can,” he let Annemarie go, then turning to face Kylo, “She fell and broke four ribs, sir? The nurse said you were the one who brought her in here. How did you find her?” 

“I was- I was walking past the engineering deck to my quarters. I heard her scream and I ran as fast as I could before she got killed.”

Matt scoffed, “how heroic of you, sir.”

Annemarie didn’t say anything, just sat down in her chair. 

“How kind of you, to accuse her rescuer in her time of need. Very heroic, technician.” Kylo sneered back. 

The same older nurse walked into the room, “We’re going to bring her back now. Only one visitor at a time. Who is staying?” 

Annemarie lifted her head up, “I’ll stay. It’s what she would want.” 

Kylo pondered what y/n would really want. He then realized that Annemarie was probably right. He wasn’t even sure if y/n would ever want to speak to him again. 

“Call me when she wakes up okay, Annemarie?” Matt gave her a quick hug then turned to glare at Kylo Ren before walking out of the room.

Kylo smiled and mockingly waved to him, definitely excited for his exit. 

The older nurse touched Kylo’s arm then said, “You too sir.”

She was right. It was no use being here for now. Kylo thanked her then said, “Will you have your staff alert me if there are any changes. And I would like to know immediately if she wakes up.” 

The older nurse nodded and patted Kylo’s arm. 

He felt okay leaving, feeling as though y/n was in competent hands. After all, it was the First Order medbay. Cream of the crop doctors, nurses, facility. 

He gave Annemarie a small wave and then walked out the hatch and into the main waiting area. He decided to go back to his quarters and shower-- he had a lot to think about. 


	22. Chapter 22

You were hooked up to more machines than you could count, drifting in and out of consciousness, not entirely cognitive. From the few times you were able to keep your eyes open you counted at least seven machines around you. You were just barely able to sense what was going on around you, unable to speak or really see anything. A frightening reality that you had to endure; You heard here and there what they were doing, the medical staff. Changing a neck brace, checking your vitals, and a plethora of other things you didn’t understand. 

You heard one familiar voice over and over, you assumed it was a nursing staff. It sounded like an older woman: she had a sweet calming voice, she always brushed the hair out of your face when she came to check on your vitals. You wished you could thank her. 

The familiar voice chimed in, and you tried to flutter your eyes open to see but to no avail, “Doctor Gonzalez, we have her scans in. Her ribs are healing nicely.”

Another voice, this one you assumed was the doctor: a younger woman, “Yes her ribs look very healthy. Her splenectomy sutures are also completely healed. She’s lucky. The last time I saw injuries like this it ended up being a fatality,” You heard footsteps coming closer to the bed where you laid hooked up to the tubes and wires, “We can take her off of the light sedation today.” 

You heard buttons being pressed on the machines next to you. Your eyes started to flutter a little bit but you couldn’t force them open yet. The older nurse must have seen you struggling. You heard her walking closer to your bed and putting her hand on yours, then saying “Shh. It’ll be a couple hours before you can fully wake up. Just relax dear.” 

You didn’t want to wait hours. How did this even happen? Why were you here? No one had bothered to explain to you-- probably because they thought you weren't listening.. 

You began to drift out of consciousness again, ‘No no no,‘ you fought hard to stay as awake as you possibly could, you swear you felt your hand move before you fell asleep. 

Once again you started to drift awake, this time still not able to open your eyes or move your body. You assumed it had been hours later from the lack of light in the room as compared to how bright it was earlier. It was quiet, you felt a presence in the room, a strong familiar presence, yet it was different. Weaker than you’ve ever felt.

“Can you hear me? I can feel you getting stronger.. That’s good. I am so sorry. So sorry.” You felt a gloved hand rest on your forehead, then soft lips kissing yours. Again you felt yourself slipping, losing touch. You fought the sleepiness hard but it didn’t work; the darkness engulfed you once again. 

You groggily came back into the light and began to hear the beeping of machines, muffled voices of the medical staff melting together. 

You started to hear the familiar voice of Doctor Gonzalez, “She should be waking up any moment, Supreme Leader just give her a moment. We completely stopped the sedation now.” 

You heard what sounded like glass smashing but not able to sit up or even look around, you just assumed thats what it was. 

You heard Kylo’s muffled voice, “She needs to wake up now,” he sounded upset maybe even angry, “It’s been two fucking weeks.” 

Then, you heard a small sweet voice piping in and it made your heart flutter, feeling more comfortable knowing she was there, “There’s no need to throw things.. I had that water there for y/n when she wakes up.. Commander Ren, sir, they’re doing what they need to do--”

Kylo interrupted her, “Annemarie, I don’t care what you think. She should be awake!” 

You felt a warm feeling coming over you, you began to see a light getting brighter and brighter, the voices coming more clearer-- and too loud at that. It made your ears ring, and the light in your eyes now unbearable. You looked around, dark shapes blurred by the blinding white lights of the room.

You tried to say hello but all that came out was discombobulated groans, “Mm-hell-oh?” You asked weakly, afraid no one would respond, that you were in some sort of comatose fever dream-- still unable to get out. 

A hand met yours before you could react and it started you, still unable to really move you tried hard to pull away, “y/n? Can you hear me?” It was Kylo Ren. He kept pressuring you to answer him, continually asking questions, “Wake up now. Are you okay? Do you feel okay?” He grew more and more frustrated. You couldn’t get out any answers for him. Your eyes began to flutter open more-- you squinted at the bright lights now. 

You felt a small warm hand hold your other one, “Hey love.. It’’s Annemarie and,” she cleared her throat, “Um-- Commander Ren. We’ve been waiting for you to wake up for like two weeks. Can you hear us?” She spoke softly in your ear. Her voice instantly made you feel a warm comfort rush over you. Annemarie and Kylo Ren were there. You felt comforted knowing they were both there watching over you. But you tried to figure out who was missing-- you could barely remember your own name.. 

“Give her a few moments guys,” You heard Doctor Gonzalez again at your side and felt her taking your blood pressure. A few moments passed then she piped up again, “Perfect. Such an improvement from last night.” 

You tried to keep your eyes open but they resisted again, “Will she be able to leave today?” You heard kylo ask. He sounded impatient. 

“Supreme Leader she has been through a very traumatic injury. She needs time to recover.” She said, it seemed as though Doctor Gonzalez was just as authoritative and commanding as Kylo Ren himself. You heard her heels click as she left the room. 

I’ve never heard anyone speak to him that way; well maybe besides myself. You opened your eyes weakly, your vision began to become clearer and you could blurry outlines of the figures next to you. After a few moments you started blinking more and they came into focus: Both Kylo and Annemarie had worried but hopeful expressions on their faces. You managed a weak smile and they smiled in return. Annemarie began to tear up before hugging you. 

She embraced you way too hard, “Ow-” you stifled a painful, weak laugh. 

“I’m-- Shit, I’m so sorry!” Annemarie pulled away, taking your hand again, “Hi!” She was smiling through her tears. 

You looked over at kylo, his face void of any emotion, “I- Good. You’re up.” 

You smiled, “Mmhmm.” 

Annemarie walked away from your bedside. You watched her grab something from the counter by the doorway and walking back to you, “Here. Matt brought these for you.” 

Matt. Where was he?

“He could have gotten better flowers.” Kylo said quietly, almost emotionless. His remark made you a little uncomfortable, remembering a little bit more of the formal now. You racked your brain but the memories were still foggy. 

Annemarie placed the flowers on the table next to you, “He’s at work. He said he’d be here tonight. I should go call him and let him know you’re awake, actually. I’ll be right back,” she paused, looking at you and asked, “Do you feel safe alone with him?” 

Kylo scoffed, “She is fine with me, Annemarie. Go call your little friend. I’m sure he’ll love another write up for being on his device at work.”

Annemarie smiled at Kylo, “Well all the past week of write ups were thanks to you. You knew he was calling off to be here--” She paused and saw the confused and upset look on your face, “I’ll be right back.” 

You watched Annemarie walk out into the hallway and pull out her device. You couldn’t hear what she was saying. Your eyes turning back to Kylo Ren standing at your bedside looking uncomfortable-- a sight you never had seen before. 

“What happ- happened?” You asked him quietly, trying to sit up. 

“You had an accident,” Kylo said in return. Not showing much empathy on your behalf, “I found you unconscious on the floor and brought you here.” 

You studied the cold expression on his face. Then you let out a small “Oh.” Your eyes wandered to the small vase of yellow daisies on the table. They were simple, sweet-- Like Matt. 

“Matt?” you asked Kylo.

He turned his gaze to the flowers, “At work.” 

You tried to make sense of what Annemarie was saying: Matt had been here? Written up for it? What was the last thing you remembered? How did you get here?

“Don’t think too hard about it. You’ll give yourself a headache.” Kylo said coldly. He must be reading your thoughts. “He was neglecting his duties. Leaving early and coming in late. Very late.”

You gathered all the energy you had, shooting back at him, “And you aren’t, sir?” 

“I am here because I can be. Supreme Leader of the first order, remember?” He gave a small smile, “Do you remember what happened at all?” You sensed a tiny bit of unease in his voice. 

“I- I don’t,” you searched your memories for your last conscious moment, “I think It was when I was leaving the formal?” 

Kylo, not giving a moment to let you ponder your thoughts any more, “Did you have to go down the engineering deck? It’s where I found you.”

You paused, trying to think hard, “I don’t remember.” 

The hatch to the room _swooshed_ open and a woman walked in wearing a white lab coat. She had caramel colored skin, long brown hair-- she was very pretty. She spoke and you instantly recognized the voice, “I’m so glad you’re awake! You gave us quite the scare. Do you know what happened, y/n?” It was Doctor Gonzalez.

“I don’t remember,” you looked over at Kylo, “Kyl- Commander Ren said I was at the engineering deck?” 

Dr. Gonzalez nodded, “Yes, he was the one to bring you in.” 

You saw Kylo glare at her. What was wrong with him? 

Kylo turned back to look at you before saying, “Yes, I found you and brought you in. We were all very worried.” Kylo still didn’t show a sliver of emotion. His stoic stone stance reminded you of how he was on Star Killer base.. You hadn’t seen him this detached in so long. 

Doctor Gonzalez’s pager device beeped and she silenced it before turning to you, “I’ll be back in a bit. Rest please.” She exited the room. 

A few silent moments passed before Kylo quietly asked “Are you sure you don’t remember anything?” Kylo’s slightly worried expression came back-- you could see he was trying hard to hide it. You felt it just below the surface. 

“No.. I don’t. Please stop asking me..” you felt your discomfort growing. You couldn’t wait for Annemarie to come back in the room to be the buffer between you and Ren. As though your wish was granted the hatch _swooshed_ open and Annemarie came back into the room. She looked at the current scene in front of her. You could tell she felt the dark cloud above yourself and Kylo.

She looked at Kylo before walking back over and sat at your feet on the bed, “Matt said they’re letting him off early to come and see you,” she smiled, “He should be here soon.” 

A flood of memories came back to you. You and Ren in the conference room.. Matt telling you he had plans. You felt like you were going to throw up. Did Matt know about what happened at the formal with Ren? You couldn’t guarantee Kylo didn’t bring it up while you were unconscious to try to one-up Matt.. Your stomach turned into knots. 

Kylo glared at Annemarie, “He can come after his fucking shift.” Kylos mood changed entirely-- now angry rather than concerned, “There’s no reason for him to leave early. Lazy as usual.” 

Annemarie looked at Kylo Ren in the eyes, “It’s his girlfriend waking up from being under sedation for two entire weeks. He’s coming.” 

You spoke softly, “Two weeks?”

They both ignored you, stil bickering with each other. 

“Girlfriend? Do not make me laugh” Kylo sneered, “You saw who she truly belongs to at the dance--” Kylo stopped himself abruptly. Looking at you, his eyes betraying his face. You could tell he said something he shouldn’t have. 

“The dance--” you paused, broken memories flooding back into your brain. You remembered walking out of the formal and into the hallway. You saw Matt’s face in your memory; a conversation. About what? What happened next? 

Annemarie grabbed your hand softly, rubbing it, “It’s okay, just rest for now.” 

A nurse walked in the room. She was smaller in stature, short and blonde. She walked to your bedside to where the pump to your IV was at. “I have your pain medication, y/n. It might make you a bit sleepy, okay?” 

Before you could protest you saw her inject the medicine into your IV and your eyelids became tired. You looked up at the ceiling at the grey tiles. Grey was a nice color. Your thoughts became more distant, peaceful. You fell asleep to the sounds of muffled voices. Just as you were totally out of consciousness, you heard louder voices. Was it fighting? Yelling? You thought you heard Matt’s voice.. You tried to wake yourself up but you couldn’t only drifting deeper and deeper into sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

You heard your name being called softly. Starting to wake up from the dozing effect of the medication, your eyes began to flutter open. Again, you heard your name being called quietly. You felt a hand brush the hair out of your face and tuck it behind your ear. You opened your eyes, the sleepy weights finally fading away and saw Matt sitting at your side in a chair. 

He was looking at the floor now, still talking to you, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up..” His voice trailing off. 

You moved your hand to his and immediately his head perked up, “y/n?”

You hmm-d in response, too tired still to get out a full sentence. What the hell was in this medicine?

Matt held your hand in his, “I was so worried-- When you didn’t come back from the engineering deck I-- what were thinking going there in those heels..” His voice was choked up, “I shouldn’t have let you go.”

You tried to remember what happened at the deck but your memory was still too foggy, “I don’t remember..” 

What you did remember was how angry Kylo Ren had looked when you last saw him. You wanted to ask Matt if he knew what happened at the formal with Ren. 

“So you don’t remember what happened? I mean-- Annemarie said Ren found you,” His voice was pining for information, “I’m sorry.. you must be so exhausted, sunshine. I know it’s not your fault.” He put his hand on your cheek, holding it there for a moment. 

You gave him as warm a smile as you could muster. Your expression turned more sorrow now-- the guilt overcoming every cell in your body, “I’m sorry.” 

Matt leaned in close to you and kissed your forehead, “You have nothing to be sorry for so don’t even try it. Nothing is your fault,” He smiled. Brushing the hair out of your face, hand caressing your cheek, “I’m just glad you’re okay. That’s all that matters.”

You wondered if he did know and just didn’t care. “It’s been two weeks?” 

Matt nodded “A rough two weeks at that. Vicrul’s doing all of the enforcing and command business. Ren has been silent, quieter than usual. Well-- silent apart from being in here: Shouting whenever someone tries to come in and see you; at me especially. It’s insane. He’s barely holding together I think. Something definitely set him off..” Matt’s voice trailed off, he held your hand and sighed.

You looked at Matt’s hand in your own, “Write ups?” 

Matt chucked at this, “Yes yes yes, write up galore in the radar hall these days. You should see all the write ups we all have. Especially the seven lovely ones from Commander Ren himself.”

Smiling at Matt you replied, “From Ren?”

“Yes! He’s been on a tirade since the day after your accident. Him and his knights.. The amount of activity on base has been concerning some of the division heads; I heard them talking. They are worried something is up with Ren and to be honest, I don’t blame them. He’s been a loose cannon-- More than usual I mean,” Matt said worriedly, “But I don’t care about that. Right now, I’m going to make sure you’re alright. Take care of you.” 

You knew now in this moment that you really did love him. After all the drama with Annemarie and Kylo you needed this— you needed Matt. “I--” you fought back tears. You wanted to tell him you loved him, you really did. For some reason you couldn’t get the words out.. You had missed out on two weeks. All that lost time catching up to you now. You wiped your tears and laughed, “Gods I’m such a mess. I’m sorry” you tried to sit up but Matt stopped you.

“Don’t. You need to rest. Don’t try to move okay?” 

You sighed. You were dying to be able to move again. At least be able to sit up. 

“Doctor Gonzalez said you had a herniated disk or something I can’t really remember,” Matt sighed, “Do you want some water or something, sunshine?” 

You nodded your head yes. You watched Matt stand up and walk to the sink, filling a glass with water. He walked back over to you and you reached out for the glass but Matt held out his free hand, “I can hold it for you. Let’s elevate the bed a little.” 

He pressed the button on the side of the bed in turn making the bed raise so you were able to sit up slightly. Matt held the water to your mouth and you took a small sip, some spilling onto your hospital gown. 

Matt laughed quietly before taking the glass and setting it down on the bedside table, “You’re the most beautiful girl in the galaxy,” He grabbed some napkins and cleaned up your gown, “Even with water dribbling down your chin.” 

He finished wiping up the spilt water. Then taking your chin in his hand, he kissed you gently. You melted into him. Wanting to pull yourself into him but when you tried you strained your back. You groaned in response.

Matt pulled away, “Are you okay?” He laid you back down to where you were comfortable, kissing your forehead.

“I’m-- shit. I’m fine. Really,” you reassured him. But you knew you had really hurt yourself doing that. ‘Great. Extending my already lengthy stay’ you thought.

Matt smiled at you, “You need to take it easy. You went through a lot.”

You then realized you didn’t really know the extent of your injuries, “What all is, um, wrong with me?” 

Matt sighed heavily, “Well where do I even start? You broke four ribs, some internal bleeding on your spleen which they corrected, the herniated disk or whatever, um--” he paused, looking at your horrified face, “There’s more but I can’t exactly remember. Four years in the academy and you’d think I’d at least be able to remember medical terms,” He let out a small laugh and you did too.

Then his face turned back to a more concerned look, “Ren said he found you passed out on the engineer deck. But I think he also told the nursing staff first that he found you in a centrifuge. Something about it just doesn’t add up, y/n.” 

You rubbed your eyes, the light was still a bit sensitive to your eyesight, “I don’t remember what happened. The last thing I can barely remember is talking to you outside the formal doors..” Your voice trailing off-- Where were you going? Why did you and Matt not walk back to your quarters together?

“You said you had to square away your work areas. Plug in your data pad. Then you left in quite the hurry. Wanted to go with you but you seemed pretty set on just going alone,” Matt looked down at the floor for a moment and then back up you with guilt stricken eyes, ”Maybe if I had just gone with you anyway you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

You took his hand in your own, “This is not your fault. Just like you said it isn’t mine. It’s no one’s fault-- an accident right?” 

“Of course. It’s just an accident-- A strange one. I mean, I guess I’ve heard crazier things happen to people on the deck.” Matt managed a reassuring smile, squeezing your hand. 

You looked around the room, you weren’t hooked up to as many machines now, just to what you assumed to be a heart and oxygen monitor and your IV was still in your hand. You sighed, “Did they say when I can leave?” 

“Well, here’s the thing: The doctor said you could leave tonight but only if you’re not staying alone.” Matt cleared his throat, “So I was wondering if I were to stay with you for a couple weeks to look over you would that be fine?” He paused, you could see he was trying to read the expressions on your face, “Or we could call Annemarie too.” 

“I mean-- it’s not like you weren’t sleeping at my place every night anyways,” you let out a small laugh and smiled at him, “I would very much appreciate you staying with me-- If you want to.” 

“Of course I want to! I’d just need to get a few things from my room. You know, essentials.” Matt laughed and then stood up, walking over to the door, “I’m going to get some water. Do you need anything, sunshine?”

You smiled, “I’m okay right now. Thank you” 

Matt gave you a warm smile and then exited into the hallway. You watched him walk out-- why was everything he did so intoxicating? He literally was just walking. You watched him through the glass hatch walk to the nurse’s station. 

As you were watching him, you saw a familiar face walk into view. Annemarie with what looked like two thermoses of coffee in hand. You saw her pretty much skip along until walking through the hatch,  _ swoosh.  _

“I brought you coffee!” she giggled. She looked much better than the night before. Or day before? What day was it even? She must have finally gotten some sleep and showered. 

You smiled at her, “Thank you. You can just put it down I don’t think I can even fully sit up yet.” 

“That’s okay, love. Don’t try to sit up, I’ll just set them on the table here.” She smiled and set the coffee onto the table by the window, looking out into space.

_ Swoosh.  _ Matt walks back into the room, water in hand, “Hey! You look better now. Finally got some good sleep?” 

Annemarie turned to the both of you and laughed, “Yeah well two weeks of no sleep was really starting to take a toll on my looks. Finally now that I knew you were okay I could actually sleep,” she turned to Matt, “Oh, Matt. I forgot to tell you! Sergeant Cresston said they needed you at the deck for something-- I think another write up?” 

“Another? Oh joy-- Just what I always wanted!” Matt sighed, “Okay I’ll head down there and get this over with. I’ll be back later to pick you up okay?” He looked at you and smiled, kissing your cheek and then leaving the room quickly. 

You looked at Annemarie, “Another write up?” 

Annemarie laughed, “No I just needed him to leave so we could finally have a moment to talk. He needs a break anyway.” She sat next to you in the bed and leaned back, getting comfortable. “He um-- told me something.” 

Your stomach flipped, “W-what did he tell you?” 

“A little something about Ren having a history with you-- a personal history. Very private and stuff. But he didn’t say much about it. I don’t think he wanted to..” Annemarie took a sip of her coffee. 

You gave her an awkward smile, “I- I mean--”

Annemarie interrupted you, obviously tired of the run around you were giving her, “You can tell me anything you know that right?” 

You knew Annemarie was bound to find out at some point the full story. Maybe you should just come clean. You sighed, “I mean, it wasn’t anything serious. Ren and I used to-- mess around? When I was stationed at Star Killer and on the Finalizer..” your voice trailed off. Mess around was the correct term for what you and him had.. Right?

“Well he made it sound pretty serious-- If it was just a fling why is he so distraught over you? What aren’t you telling me?” She set her coffee back on the table and sighed, “Please just tell me. Everything, okay? I’m not going to judge you, I never would-- And if you’re wondering I didn’t say anything to Matt about what I saw in the conference room.” 

“I-- It’s complicated.” Even if you wanted to tell her everything you weren’t even sure what everything was.

“I’m gonna need more than it’s just complicated, love.” Annemarie took your hand, “Please tell me y/n..”

“I don’t even know what to tell you..” You really didn’t. How were you even going to begin to explain the epic saga that was you and Kylo Ren? 

“Just tell me everything, it’s okay. It’s me--”

_ Swoosh.  _ The both of you looked at the entrance and entered Kylo Ren. Kylo was in his usual garbs complete with his red ribboned mask. He stopped only a few feet in the room keeping his distance, “I'm glad you’re feeling better,” his modified voice void of any emotion. “Are the doctors treating you well?” He ignored Annemarie sitting right next to you as if she wasn’t in the room. 

“I- yes..” you said quietly. For some reason seeing him in his mask again made you uncomfortable, the cracks glowing in the dim hospital room. 

He didn’t come any closer, staying by the entrance to the hatch, “Good. Keep getting better. We need your skills here.” 

There was something different about him, you couldn’t place your finger on it. You looked over to Annemarie but she was just looking down at your hand, not daring to look behind her. You were stuck for words, unsure of what to say to this new kylo. Then it hit you-- He was speaking blunt and harsh. Like you were no one. He was treating you just like anyone else; An emotionless figure in a scary mask.

You looked at Kylo, then back at Annemarie then once more at Kylo then said, “They said I can leave today.”

“Good. You had everyone worried.” Another emotionless response. 

You wondered why he was being this way, especially after your.. meeting in the conference room, “I still don’t remember what happened.”

Kylo spoke up, not missing a beat, “I told you this earlier today. You fell from a platform landing in machinery. You’re lucky it was switched off and got you out in time.”

Annemarie turned around, “I thought you said you found her on the floor?” She glared at him. 

“You must have misheard me. Easy to do when you’re as stressed as you have been. Finally slept, I see.” You felt kylos cold gaze through the metal mask-- Even though it wasn’t directed at you, it was a crushing feeling. 

You gathered your strength and sat up more. Ignoring your pain you spoke trying to break this tension, “You’ve been visiting me a lot, Commander?” 

He looked in your direction, “I have been. I need to make sure my top worker is doing well.” 

Another cold response. It was painful to hear, why was he treating you this way? 

Before you could answer, Kylo spoke up again, “I have to go do something. I’ll make sure to have them send groceries to your quarters as I’m sure you won’t be up to going to the mess hall anytime soon. Who will be staying with you? Annemarie I’m sure.”

You paused, thinking if you should tell him it was Matt.

Before you could respond Annemarie interjected, “Her boyfriend will be staying with her. I’m going to be there while he’s on duty.”

You gave Kylo a weak smile. You gazed at him for any ounce of emotion but found none.

“Just make sure he isn’t calling off of work any longer. A couple more write ups and I’ll have to resort to a more severe punishment since he can’t get it through that thick head of his.” 

“Dont-- Please don’t be so hard on him,” you sighed, frowning. Gods he was being so difficult. 

Kylo looked at you for a moment. You thought you felt something then he turned around, walking out of your room not saying another word. Leaving you and Annemarie in silence. 

Annemarie still looking down at your hands before perking up, “We should work on your discharge papers so we can get you out of here, love. Let me go grab those..” She gave you a smile before leaving out of the room to get the papers from the front desk.

You were alone in your room now, darkness looming over you. Your thoughts flooded with Kylo Ren’s cold emotionless voice. It left you feeling very alone-- unhappy even. You tried not to let it get to you. Maybe he was just busy? Yes that it.. he’s just busy. You sighed and looked around the room; Anxious to get out of here and back to your quarters. 


	24. Chapter 24

“Did you make sure to grab the prescription Matt? I think Dr. Gonzalez said she put it on the counter,” you were tired, it was nearly midnight by the time you arrived at your quarters. Matt managed to push you across base in the old wheelchair and only ran over someone’s foot one time-- a miracle. 

“I got it, sunshine. Don’t worry about it. Just try and relax,” Matt kissed your forehead, turning on the lights to your quarters and then brought you through the doorway and into your quarters. 

“My incision hurts,” you mumbled. You didn’t like having to be constantly watched or cared for-- you were usually a very independent woman; this was very challenging for you to be constantly in need of help. 

“Let me put you in bed and I’ll give you your painkillers, love,” Matt closed the hatch behind him and both of your gazes fixated on the tens of bags of groceries Kylo Ren had ordered sitting on your kitchenette island, “I see your kitchen is stocked I guess.”

You rolled your eyes, “Mm I guess so.” 

Matt further wheeled you into your quarters and to your bedroom, stopping before reaching the bed, “Do you want to lay down now right? You’ve had a long day-”

You were so tired of the constant questions, “I’m not a child, Matt,” you stopped yourself, feeling incredibly guilty for snapping at him when all he was trying to do was help. “Look-- I’m sorry. I just don’t like constantly needing help.”

Matt gave you a soft smile, “Don’t think of it as needing help. You’re still my badass top of her class engineer girlfriend-- think of it as I’m just your butler!” Matt laughed, winking at you. 

You smiled, “Butler?” 

Matt smiled back, “You can tell me to do anything, sweetheart,” He paused, looking you up and down slowly giving you a seductive smirk, “Anything.” 

Blush overcame your complexion, “Can you help me into bed please, sir?” You bit your lip slightly. Gods, you would give anything to have full mobility at this moment. 

Matt chuckled, “Since you asked so nicely I think I can make that happen,” Matt pulled the lever that initiated the brake on the wheelchair and looked at you, “Ready?” 

You nodded, reaching your arms out to hold around his neck. Matt helped you stand up, you winced with every movement. Although you were about seventy five percent healed-- it didn’t feel like it. Every muscle twitch made you feel like you were made of glass. Gods, you needed your painkillers. 

Matt lifted you out of the chair and eased you into the bed and under the covers. He fixed the pillows behind you making sure you had proper support for your back and ribs. 

“All good sunshine?” Matt smiled. 

You nodded your head yes then said, “Medicine?”

Matt reached into the bag tied around the wheelchair, pulling out an orange bottle with a white cap-- rattling with every movement. You watched him read the label, “Doctor Gonzalez said one every 6 hours. This still must be pretty strong.” He said as he shook one large pill out of the bottle. 

Matt handed you the pill, “Let me go get you a water bottle.” He turned out of your bedroom and you heard his feet saunter off to the kitchenette, the clinking of the fridge opening and closing and him jogging back into the room, socks sliding as he slid into the room trying to make you laugh-- It worked, earning a giggle from you. What a dork. 

“Special delivery for my sunshine-- One ice cold water!” He walked over to your bedside and cracked open the water bottle for you, handing it to you. 

You took it from him, smiling, “Thank you.” You placed the slightly bitter pill in your mouth and took a big sip of water swallowing it. 

Matt looked once more at the prescription bottle, “Dr. Gonzalez’s note on the prescription says it works very fast okay? And you might feel a bit off-- loopy.”

You nodded. Hopefully it would work fast; you were tired and the last time you had a dose of pain medication was before they took out your IV at the medbay. 

“I took work off tomorrow so that I can stay here tomorrow morning. Make sure you’re okay,” Matt smiled at you, taking the water and setting it on the bedside table. 

You sighed, “You know you’re going to get written up by Commander Jackass right?” 

“Don’t care. I’ve got one thing on my mind and that’s taking care of you,” He took your hand in his. 

You really didn’t deserve him. You heard the little voice in the back of your head telling you to tell him what happened with Ren at the formal in the conference room.. But you couldn’t force yourself to do it. How else was Matt going to find out? Ren didn’t seem to care much at all about you anymore apart from strange moments like stocking your quarters with groceries and being at your bedside when you were unconscious. But that didn’t matter; Matt wasn’t going to find out until you were ready to tell him. 

Matt smiled at you, “What are you thinking about?” 

“Nothing-- just sleepy. I think the medicine is kicking in,” you yawned. This wasn’t a lie; you already were starting to feel the effects: the droopy sleepy eyes, calming feeling maybe even a little loopy. 

“Your body needs time to rest. Maybe you need to take some time to sleep. Catch up on your rest. You know? Let the painkillers do their work.” Matt laid down in the bed next to you, making sure to not move the bed too much as he settled under the covers. He quickly pulled off his t-shirt. 

“Mmhmm. Sleepy,” you only got out these couple words hoping Matt would understand you. You were slowly drifting off into a deep loopy sleep. 

“It’s okay. Sweetheart. Close your eyes. Get some rest-- I’m right here.” he leaned in and kissed your cheek. 

You felt an overwhelming feeling of calm. A warm blanket of peace draped over you and you sank farther and farther into the bed. Or at least it felt like it -- sinking into that warm blanket of tranquility. For the first time since your stay at the hospital, you felt safe.

\------------------------------------------------------------

Matt couldn’t sleep. He wasn’t sure why exactly-- You were safe in his care. You were laying next to him in bed sleeping peacefully for gods sakes.. But something kept him from rest and he was unable to shut off. He laid awake staring into the darkness. The only light was from the overnight light shining in from the kitchenette; It was casting dark shadows on the walls and ceiling. He watched them dance intently. 

He looked over to you. Studying your face: peaceful, smiling in your sleep. It made his heart warm. ‘I am the luckiest man in the galaxy.’ He thought as he watched over you. 

You started murmuring but Matt couldn’t quite make out any words at first. 

“Con- dan- en?”

Matt sat up and looked to see if you were waking up but realized you were just sleep-talking, “Cute,” he said, smiling. 

“Ren?”

Matt’s heart dropped in his chest. 

“I can’t-”

Was she dreaming.. Of ren? Maybe a nightmare right?

“Matt-- good for me. Can’t-- do this.”

Matt gave a small smile. See? Everything is normal. Everything is fine.

“Just this once..”

Matt’s stomach turned into knots. What was she talking about? 

“I can’t let Matt-- find out. This was last-- last time”

This is fine. Just dreaming, right?

“I want— it… now-- Matt busy at formal--”

Formal? Matt didn’t understand what you were saying. Or he didn’t want to admit the possibilities of it. 

“Please Commander-- I’m-- good pet.”

Matt sat up out of the bed. Surely it was the medication making you say things. That was a side effect.. right? 

He stood up, walking to the kitchen to grab a snack and process his thoughts. He then realized he never had finished putting away the groceries. He tried to keep the nagging thoughts of y/n’s sleeptalking away-- but he couldn’t banish it from his wavelengths. Pet? 

He grabbed the brown paper bag placing the tens of cans of soup in the cupboard. Who the hell needs this much soup? Why would Kylo Ren even bother to fill up her quarters-- 

His thoughts stopped as he found a piece of paper inside the last bag. He pulled it out, unfolding it. It read in elegant calligraphy, ‘For my sweet pet. Get well.’

My pet. 


	25. Chapter 25

Matt kissed you on the cheek quickly, barely touching your skin with his pink lips, “I’ll be off shift at 0700, okay? Annemarie should be here any minute.” 

You nodded, “Okay. Have a good shift, love.”

He nodded his head, “Go to bed soon. It’s getting late,” not really turning around to acknowledge you as he usually did before exiting out of the hatch and into the hallway.

The past three weeks since you’ve been back at your quarters still felt as off as the two weeks you spent in medbay although now it was off in a different way. Now Matt was-- you weren’t sure the word. Not as affectionate? Maybe the toll of constantly taking care of you was finally catching up to him. Although by now you were about fifty percent better: able to walk on your own for the most part and get in and out of bed on your own. 

While Matt went to work, Annemarie stayed and took care of you. You were eternally grateful for them for helping out. You weren’t sure how to even thank them.

You tried to think of why he was being so cold to you; maybe it was all the write ups that Ren had been handing to him like candy. You really didn’t want him to get in trouble-- there was no reason for him to be. Sure he called in once but we all do that. Kylo Ren was just purposely making his life a living hell.. Because of you. 

You sat in the dark of your quarters; You wondered about Audrey and how her training was going with you unable to work. You had no messages from work except a card everyone in engineering signed saying get better soon. But no one had personally reached out. You were still receiving groceries from Ren. Lots of them. Twice a week. And you felt bad that Matt had to be the one to put them away. Although you could walk now you still couldn’t lift anything much heavier than a textbook.

You looked at the alarm clock; You hadn’t realized how late it was. You sat up slowly as your back was still stiff. Putting your feet on the cold tile floors you stood up, and walked to the kitchenette looking over all of your groceries, looking for a snack. You had ten or more bottles of your favorite wine-- More than you knew what to do with. Fruits and vegetables, anything you could think of, it was there. You poured yourself a glass of wine and sat in the chair facing the window out into the dark vastness of space. Listening to the hum of the dreadnoughts engines when you heard your communicator ring, you looked down at the coffee table where you left it. You walked over slowly hoping you could catch the call before it ended. You finally grabbed the communicator and answered before looking at the caller ID just to make sure you didn’t miss it. 

“Hello?? y/n?? Oh my stars, how are you?” You could hear Audrey’s smile though the call. 

“Audrey, Hi. I’m doing well, thank you for calling,” You smiled. 

“Oh yay! I’m so glad to hear it.. I have been so worried! Oh my stars, you’ve missed so much. I’m-- I finished my training!” 

You laughed, proud of your apprentice, “Audrey that’s- that’s wonderful! I’m so sorry I couldn’t get to see your ceremony. I’ll make it up to you. We’ll go celebrate sometime soon, okay?” 

You could practically hear her excitement pouring out of the speaker, “Yes!! Oh that would be wonderful Y/N, I can’t wait!” Audrey paused, “Anyways I was calling to tell you that Annemarie won’t be there for at least another hour or so, she got held back at work. I hope that’s not a problem! I’m going to take over for her soon so she can head on over.” 

You looked around your quarters. Gods you hated being alone so late, “Okay Audrey. Um, thank you for letting me know! Can you tell her to maybe hurry up a bit? I’m not feeling so well..” 

Audrey piped up, “Okay! Do you need her to come now? I can cover her!” 

Your voice slightly caught in your throat, “No it’s okay-- I’m fine. Just please tell her to hurry up.” 

“Okay! I will, goodnight Y/N!” 

“Goodnight Audrey.”

You hung up the phone and set it on the coffee table. Again you were alone, sipping on your peach wine. Looking out into the stars. Thinking about Kylo. You turned to look at the few bags still on the kitchetter island. How he had been bringing you all of these groceries but not visiting. You mumbled to yourself out loud, alone, “Why is he being like this..” 

You turned your gaze back out the window, shaking your head trying to rid your mind of these thoughts. You watched a comet pass, wondering when your next shore leave will be-- If you even get one. You were still not going anywhere for a long while. Not in the condition you were in currently. You remember Doctor Gonzalez said that you would not be able to return to work for some time. And if you did it would be light duty only, paperwork and admin. You were fine with staying home; You greatly disliked paperwork. 

You heard a knock at the hatch before Annemarie entered, carrying a basket. She smiled, “Hey! How are you feeling, love? I’m so sorry I’m late. Cresston was being strict today. Said I needed to finish my work first..” 

You smiled, happy to see your friend. “I’m okay, it’s fine.” You looked down at her hands, and the basket she was carrying “Are those.. your homemade muffins?” Your face lit up, mouth watering. 

“Yes they are!” Annemarie smiled. Taking two muffins and sitting next to you, “I made them this morning before shift.” She handed you one of the baked goods.

You didn’t waste a moment; You took a bite and your taste buds singing, “Mm. Thank you,” you said in between bites. 

She watched you enjoy your muffin, “Of course. How are you feeling today?”

You swallowed your bite, “I- I’m okay. Matt has been.. Weird. Today especially. Did you tell him about the formal thing with Ren-”

Annemarie stopped you before you could finish, “I told you my lips are sealed. It would be the right thing for it to come from you,” She gave you a small smile before taking another small bite. 

Gods, you were grateful for her, “Thank you. I think-- I think I’m going to tell him tonight. I can’t risk him finding out before I can say something to him. Explain it ya know?”

Annemarie sighed, “I know we already talked about all of this but girl.. It still blows my mind every time I think about it,” 

You both laughed. 

Then, Annemarie took another bite and swallowed then said, “What I really can’t believe is his-- saber?” 

You both burst out laughing. The hard belly laughs inciting pain in the few sore muscles you still had. 

\----------------------------------

You two had now been up for hours chatting, about everything and everyone. The both of you were now laying down on the couch watching a television program. You rested your head on Annemarie’s shoulder and your eyes began to get heavy. The sound of the show was beginning to fade away and you found yourself unable to stay awake any longer. Drifting off to sleep as you heard Annemarie snoring softly. 

You felt Annemarie softly shake your shoulder, “Come on, let’s go to the bed.” 

You groaned sleepily but listened. You were sure if you slept on the couch any longer it would hinder the progress you’ve been making on your recovery. 

You both stood up and walked to the bedroom, getting in the bed. She laid next to you, “Goodnight y/n..” she let out a big yawn. 

You quietly replied, “Thank you for being such a good friend.” 

The both of you drifted off to sleep. 

\-----------------------------------

Your eyes started to open, hearing the hatch open. You heard Matt shuffle in, his heavy boots being tossed to the side. You turned to see Annemarie already gone. She probably had to go back to her quarters before shift.

You sighed, sitting up, “Matt?” 

“Mmhmm,” he said as he walked into the bedroom. He gave you a small weak smile, walking to the closet and unbuckled his heavy utility belt letting it hit the floor with a  _ thud _ .

You flinched at the noise, “Are you okay?”

Matt paused then continued to strip from his work uniform. You watched him finish getting undressed and into some comfortable off duty clothes. You waited for him to respond but nothing. 

He walked out of the bedroom. You decided to just get this over with. You weren’t sure exactly what was wrong with him but you needed to have this conversation. Standing up from the bed, you walked down your small hallway and into the kitchenette.

Matt stood in the small kitchen brewing coffee. He looked drained, tired. 

“What is it?” you said quietly.

Silence. 

“Matt,” you paused, looking him over, “Please talk to me.” 

“What is there to talk about. I’ve got nothing to say,” His voice was cold. He sighed and walked around to the other side of the island and sat on the stool. He rested his elbows on the island and put his face in his hands.

“Are you tired-”

“No.”

You were taken back. You had never seen him like this. Did Kylo Ren.. say something? 

“Please tell me what is upsetting you,” you walked over to him slowly and eased yourself onto the stool. 

He faced the coffee pot, looking away from you-- still silent. 

Your voice was quiet, pleading, “Please?”

He spoke quietly still not looking at you, “Why is he sending you groceries? Why does he care about you so much?”

You were silent, not sure how to approach the questions, “I-- I told you there’s the fling that happened---”

Matt cut you off and turned to look at you, “A fling? That’s still the story you’re sticking to?”

Your stomach twirled into a million knots, “I--”

Matt stood up from the chair and you watched him walk into the bedroom. You stood up to follow him but only made it a few feet before you heard drawers ruffling before he came back out. He was holding several small pieces of paper. 

He just stood in front of you, handing the folded up pieces of paper to you. His eyes were welling. 

You looked at the eggshell colored folded papers in his hand, “I-- what is that?”

He cleared his throat, “Read them.” He held the papers out closer to you.

You took them from his hand, walking to the island to set the handful of folded up papers down. You opened one and your heart sank. 

‘For my sweet pet. Get well’

You reached for another one. 

‘I hope you are okay, sweet thing. I can’t stop thinking about you.’

Your heart sank, reaching for the third one.

‘I keep thinking about our meeting in the conference room.’

You stopped and just stood there for a moment looking at the rest of the unopened notes. There were so many notes left in the pile, but you didn’t want to read them, you couldn’t..

You heard Matt’s voice from behind you, “Keep going. Read. Them. All. Pet.” He said mockingly. 

Your eyes began to tear up as you obeyed. Picking up the fourth note.

‘I hope you like the groceries. I wish you would just stay at my quarters.’

The tears began to stream heavily from your eyes. 

‘I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting.’

You opened the second to last one. 

‘I wish I could fix this. Us.’

You paused. You didn’t want to open the last one. 

“Open the last one. Saved the best for last,” Matt said from behind you. 

You wiped away hot tears from your eyes. Your hands reached for the last note. This one was slightly different than the others: It was still on the same eggshell colored paper but this time it had a wax seal on the opening which had already been broken; You could make out the “KR” stamp though the cracked opening. You took a breath, opening the last note. 

‘I love you, sweet thing.’ 

“He leaves them every time the groceries are delivered. I found one each time. But.. just a fling right?”

You couldn’t turn to look at Matt. Shame and anger crept into every cell in your body. Angry with yourself, with Kylo, “I-”

Matt interrupted you, “And the conference room? At the formal?”

You turned to look at him, “W-what- I don’t know-”

Matt folded his arms, “Don’t lie to me. I don’t deserve that.”

You wiped away more tears, “I’m sorry,” you went to walk toward him but he backed away. 

“You know your medication makes you loopy or whatever? I guess it also makes you sleep talk. Now I know why you took so long in the bathroom. Or-- conference room.” 

“Matt I-”

“Dont.” His face was barren but you could see the pain in his eyes.

You tried to explain yourself more but no words came out. You walked toward him but he backed away from you like you were a stranger-- A complete and utter stranger. 

“Matt please I--”

“I said stop! I’m done talking.” He turned away from you and walked down the hallway. 

You followed him and watched him shut the hatch to the refresher behind him. You heard the lock clicking into place. You stood outside the door, no words were able to come out. You stood frozen. Heart pounding and your cheeks stained with streaks from the tears. 

You walked back to the kitchen looking at the notes spread out over the island. You gathered up the notes and held them then stuffed them in your pocket. You slowly walked to the couch and sat down, pulling your knees to the chest-- Your eyes squeezing shut. And in the back of your head you told yourself you’d rather be anywhere than here in this moment. You wished you could just run away from it all.

  
  



	26. Chapter 26

You pulled your hands from your face when you heard the  _ swoosh _ of the refresher hatch finally opening. It had been at least half an hour. You stood up and turned around looking at Matt from down the hallway. 

You saw his red puffy eyes, just as yours were, and guilt consumed your entire being. This was your fault. The both of you stood in silence for a few moments. 

Finally you managed to choke out quietly, “Matt? Can we please talk?” 

“I just don’t want to talk about it, okay?” Matt said as he turned away and walked into the bedroom. 

You followed, “Please just let me explain..”

“There’s nothing to explain,” he sat on the bed and pulled out his paperwork from the side table trying to seem busy. 

You sighed, “There is. I’m sorry. This isn’t fair to you. You have been nothing but amazing to me. You have plans for us--”

“Plans? I had plans, yes. Had them.” He continued ruffling his paperwork on the bed; still not looking up at you, 

You frowned. It felt like your heart was breaking into a million more pieces-- if that was possible for it to crumble any more, “Don’t go this way. Just listen to me. Okay?”

Matt rubbed his temples with his hands, “I told you before I’m done talking about it so why do you persist?” 

You sat on the bed next to him, “Okay then don’t talk. Just listen,” you paused, “It’s over now. I-- I want you and no one can take that away, not even him.”

He still wouldn’t look at you, his eyes on the paperwork, “Then explain what that was at the fucking formal?”

You paused. You knew you had to tell him. It was the right thing to do. “I slipped up,” your voice slightly catching in your throat.

Matt turned to look at you. His face was void of all emotion except one: heartbreak. He sighed then said, “Slipped up? Is that what you would call it?”

“I- yes. It was a mistake,” you pleaded. You went to hold his hand but he pulled away. 

“Please don’t touch me,” Matt’s voice cold. 

“I’m sorry. If I could take it back I would in an instant--”

Matt interrupted you, “Would you really? You know he loves you now. Do you even know what you truly want?,” he paused, rubbing his eyes before looking into your eyes again, “I wanted a future with you. What do you want?”

You paused thinking. You really didn’t know what you wanted. 

Before you could respond he said, “Exactly. You don’t even know.” He stood up, moving to the window. 

You sat there, unable to form words-- Your lips slightly parted. The both of you sitting in silence. What did you want?

Matt’s voice caught in his throat, he spoke to you without even turning to look at you-- something you were sadly getting used to, “I don’t even know what to tell you. What to say. If anything.”

You finally choked out the words that felt like barbed wire on your throat, “Do you need time apart from me?”

“I don’t-- I mean, I want to stay here. I want to be with you. But you need to work out whatever this is first.”

Tears welled in your eyes, “I don’t want you to go.”

The both of you sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. Finally, Matt turned to look at you, he rubbed his eyes quickly, “Do you love him?”

“I-- I don’t know,” you said quietly, barely audible. 

Matt still stood by the window looking at you, “Do you love me?”

You paused. You did love him. But did you love Ren more? 

Matt nodded his head, “Exactly,” He sighed, “I’m going to go sleep on the couch. I just need some space. I’m tired from work all night..” 

He walked out of the bedroom and you heard his footsteps fade into the living room. You sat there in the overwhelming silence and gut wrenching heartbreak. What the hell did you do to end up in this mess?

You sat up from the bed and started to put away the paperwork left on the bed. You decided maybe if you cleaned up the room a bit it would help. Grabbing Matt’s heavy utility belt, you hung it on the closet knob and put his dirty uniform in the hamper instead of on the floor next to it. You straightened out the bed sheets and pillows; Finally you felt a little more clear headed. But there was something else you needed to do. 

Walking into the living room, you heard Matt’s soft snores from the couch. Grabbing the notepad and a pen from the kitchenette you started to write, ‘I’ll be back in a little bit. I’m sorry.’

You placed the note with a glass of water on the table next to where Matt laid sleeping on the couch. You grabbed the heavy grey blanket from the armchair and sprawled it over him. He looked so peaceful. 

Walking to the hatch you reached for your identification card out of the key bowl. You sighed before opening the hatch and exiting into the hallway. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

  
  


You managed to make it about halfway to Ren’s quarters before you started having pain at your incision site. You sighed, continuing walking and powering through the pain. Using the wall for support; leaning as you walked. Slower and slower, your pace laboring with each step. 

You muttered to yourself, “Gods why are his quarters so far..” 

Your vision began to spin as you stopped to compose yourself-- becoming more disoriented as you navigated the halls. You took one step more before falling to the floor face down. Rolling over you saw the hall spinning even more now. You looked up and tried to figure out what black blobs were in front of you. The room still spinning until your eyes focused on a pair of shiny black boots walking fast in your direction.


	27. Chapter 27

You rubbed your eyes. The heavy thud of the boots against the floor panels sending vibrations through your entire body. You faintly heard a familiar voice, kylos voice, saying “It’s okay, I’ve got you.” 

You rolled over, trying to look at him “Mmm. O-okay..” You put out your arms and kylo scooped you up in his. All at once the room started spinning again and you could feel your head pounding, your incision site throbbing. You pressed your head to Kylos chest and felt the thumping of his heartbeat. 

You heard his deep voice echoing in his chest as he spoke, “What were you thinking trying to walk all the way here..” you weren’t sure if he was angry or not-- you were too disoriented to tell. 

The next moment you opened your eyes and you were in his bed, enveloped in a sea of silky black sheets. Your vision was still somewhat blurry and your head hurt; The pain in your incision site finally coming down but still there. You gathered your senses and began to look around the room, the lights were off except for the small lamp sitting on the bedside table. 

You spoke out into the darkness, “K-Kylo?”

You saw a light turn on in what you assumed was the living area, the light illuminating the hallway and now peaking into the bedroom. Kylo’s voice from the other room and his body soon following, “I’m here. How do you feel?” He asked the moment he entered, worry in his voice. 

“How did I get here?” you looked over to Kylo standing in the doorway. 

Kylo walked closer to the bed-- sitting on the end, “You don’t remember? I found you in the hallway down from my quarters. You were on the floor disoriented.”

“I was trying to come and see you,” you paused, “I-- the notes. Wait. How did you know that I fell?” 

Kylo smiled, “I heard you coming. As they have been in the past, your thoughts are loud. Deafening actually.”

You blushed, “I- I thought I could make it here. I’ve been feeling better,” you sighed. 

Kylo still kept his distance on the bed, “I already had Doctor Gonzalez come here and check on you while you were passed out. She said your hemoglobin is still low which means dizzy spells. You need to be more careful..” 

Your voice quiet, “I found the notes today.”

Kylos eyes lit up, “You did? I left them for you.. so you could read them. Feel better,” Kylo paused, “Wait why did you just get them today? I’ve been leaving them with every delivery.”

“I- Matt was putting away the groceries for me. He gave them to me this morning,” you tried to read Kylo Ren’s expressions. He actually seemed a bit amused. 

He let a small smirk brand his pink lips, “How jealous of him. He read them then I assume?” 

You nodded your head yes. What did Kylo expect Matt to have done?

Kylo spoke, “I would’ve expected him to do just that,” He smiled, obviously enjoying the reaction he gets out of you by reading your thoughts effortlessly, “Though it’s very rude to open a-- um,” he paused, you could see him searching for the right word, “.. letter that doesn’t belong to him.”

You gave him a small smirk, “You’d call them letters?” 

“They were for you, addressed to you. So yes, letters.” Kylo cleared his throat, “Did you like them?” 

You weren’t sure what to say, sure they were sweet and you loved them.. But surely he could've been more discreet if he wanted to give you love letters. You gave a small smile, “I- I did like them. I wish you gave them to me personally so it didn’t cause such a big,” you stopped. What was the right word? Meltdown?

“I can imagine it now. It’s actually quite funny. Although, a meltdown is not quite the word for it. That pitiful reaction is what you would call a meltdown?” Kylo laughed, “That’s nothing more than a little man whining because he didn’t get his way. It’s not my fault you’re effortlessly drawn to me. Attracted to me,” Kylo smiled. 

The alliteration of his words and just everything about him made you want to melt into his arms. But you needed to be sure that’s what you wanted first.

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” You tried to move closer to him in bed, wincing slightly. 

Kylo held up his hand, he moved closer to you instead, “Don’t move, you’ll only strain yourself more. Understood?” Kylo took your hand in his, “What did you want to talk about, pet?”

You looked down at his hand for a moment and then back into his brown eyes, “I wanted to talk to you about all of this. I don’t think I can make a logical decision with the both of you-- on me all of the time. Maybe I just need space to figure out what I need,” your voice trailing off anticipating his reaction. 

“I have not been on you. I did what you asked. I stayed away.”

You smiled tracing his hand with your pointer finger, “So the bedroom eyes you were giving me at the formal and what happened after classifies as staying away?”

“ I-- I couldn’t stay away any longer,” he paused, moving closer to you, “and neither could you.” 

Your breath caught in your chest, “I-”

“Don’t speak, just act,” He moved closer and without hesitation kylo pressed his soft pink lips to yours. 

You pulled your hand from his and ran it through his soft wavy hair, pulling him closer to you. He listened, moving closer. 

Kylo put a hand on your upper thigh, squeezing lightly, “I was so-- worried about-- you,” He said in between kisses, breathing heavily, “I’m sorry-- for what happened.” 

You pulled back, “It’s nothing you did. There’s nothing to be sorry for. I shouldn’t have worn those heels to the deck..” 

You went back to kiss him again and you felt him hesitate for a moment, “Is something wrong Kylo?”

Kylo kissed you softly then pulled back and smiled, “No I-- there’s nothing wrong. Okay?” 

Before you could respond, your lips met again. You could feel him kissing you back hard, aggressively. He seemed more aggressive than usual like it would be your last kiss. You pulled away, “Kylo you seem off. What is it? Just tell me..” 

Kylo looked at you and then to the floor, “I was just so worried. I was thinking how you weren’t breathing by the time I--” he paused, his face reading an emotion you couldn’t quite pick up on, “..found you.” Kylo looked up at you and managed a weak smile. “Everything is fine, sweet thing. Relax.” 

You smiled, “I’m fine now. You did the right thing by bringing me to medbay. I think I owe you my life--” 

Kylo shifted his position, “Don’t-- It was nothing. Really. Now um- what were you saying earlier?” 

You looked at Kylo’s perfect waves of hair, becoming lost in it for a moment before speaking, “I just-- I’m not ready for a relationship,” you paused, “with either of you.” 

“What do you mean by that?” Kylo began to frown.

You sighed, “I don’t think I can make a clear decision without taking space from.. Both of you.” 

“I don’t understand how that would help. You came here. To me. I think it’s clear who you need..” Kylo almost sounded like he was pleading, it made you uncomfortable.

“No, you’re not understanding. I want a future with you,” you looked down at his hand in yours, “but I think I also want that with Matt. I just need to sort out my feelings on my own, maybe..” 

“I think you’re just a bit confused from your injuries. But I will respect your…. needs. That doesn’t mean I will not give you things anymore. Groceries or even gifts.” Kylo gave a smirk, his eyes looking into your own. 

You smiled, “Kylo I don’t need gifts--”

Kylo interrupted you, “I didn’t ask if you needed it.”

You looked at his hand in your own, studying the large digits, the calloused edges, “I should go back to my quarters. I still need to talk to Matt about this too..” 

“I think you should rest here for a bit. You are in no shape to walk that distance. Not even close. Not alone.” 

You paused, thinking about it, you would love to stay here with Ren. Just the two of you, but you had to stick with your words, “I can’t… I just can’t Ren..” you withdrew your hand and stood up over Kylo. For once you felt tall, and confident. You held your chin up, looking down on Kylo to find him smiling. His eyes fixated on you. 

“I don’t think you understand how.. Captivated I am with you. The most beautiful girl in the whole galaxy.. and beyond. And you will be mine.. one day.” Kylo stood up, walking with you to the front hatch. “Go, my pet. You should have something waiting for you tomorrow morning. I cannot wait for you to come to the realization that you’re mine. And no one else’s.” 

You smiled at him, “We’ll see.” 

You stepped out into the hall where you realized Vicrul was standing guard. He looked as he usually did: stoic, tall, menacing. As you turned to face Kylo to say goodbye, he pulled you close for a moment and gave you a soft kiss on the forehead, “Goodbye. Vicrul will be escorting you back to your quarters--” 

“Um.. how about no?” You looked back at Vicrul who you could tell was just as surprised as you were. 

Kylo brushed a stray strand of hair back behind your ear, “Yes. You are in no condition to walk back alone.” 

You sighed, realizing that resistance to this babysitting walk was futile, “Fine. Let’s go.” 

\----------------------------------------------------------

*the knights of ren in my fic are not canon knights (not ghouls)*

While walking back to your quarters it was quiet, late in the evening. Vicrul has kept looking in your direction, trying to be discreet but failing miserably. Eventually you were fed up. You stopped and turned to face him, “What is it Vicrul?”

The both of you stopped walking, you could tell he was looking in your eyes although his helmet masked any ounce of humanity, “ I-- I wanted to ask you something.. personal. About someone you know..” his voice trailed off. 

You smirked and cocked your head to the side trying to read him, “About who?” You ask with genuine curiosity. 

Vicrul paused for a moment then continued walking leaving you standing. He said over his shoulder, “Forget about it. it’s fine I’ll just-- I’ll just figure it out as I go.” 

Your eyes widened, “Tell me!” You were smiling brightly now, shocked that Vicrul could be capable of feeling anything toward anyone. 

You managed to catch up to his (luckly) slow pace and he stopped, turning to look at you, “Your engineering friend. Or apprentice?” 

You grinned, “Audrey?” 

Vicrul cleared his throat, the sound warbling out of his mask, “Um- yes. Her.” 

This was too entertaining for you, “I don’t think I could set her up with you until I knew there was an actual human behind that bucket.” 

“I’m not taking this helmet off, ma’am. It’s not professional for you to see me without it.” He steps back, becoming more reserved. 

You started walking, leaving him there, “Well then good luck with Audrey without my help..” your voice trailing off hoping he would take the bait. You were dying to know what was really under that mask. 

Heavy footsteps hurriedly chasing you, “W-wait! Okay just stop.” 

You felt a hard tug on your sleeve and you were pulled into a room off to the side. You looked around at the bottles of cleaners and mops around you. You assumed it was a cleaning storage closet.

You gave a small nervous laugh, “Vicrul what are you doing?” 

He laughed in return, bellowing laughter, he struggled to get the words out “ don’t- don’t flatter yourself ma’am. You’re my master’s um-- girl. I could never cross him. You wanted to see what’s under the helmet right?” 

You laughed, “Okay so, go on. Let me see that ugly mug.” 

The both of you broke out in laughter. Although it felt good to let loose, the laughter was paining your ribcage. 

He sighed, you noticed he was very nervous. His hands were shaking slightly and he held them up to his helmet-- Frozen in stance, “Ma’am, I’m- I’m sorry. I don’t get to be this relaxed usually.. I need a minute. I can’t remember the last time anyone not of the Knights saw me without it.. ” 

You put your hand on his shoulder, the gesture felt genuine, “It’s okay Vicrul, just relax.” 

You felt his shoulders relax, the shakiness in his hands subsided, “Okay okay..” He pulled off the helmet revealing his face to you: He had short dark colored hair, faded on the sides, hazel green eyes, light caramel skin, practically flawless apart from the scar on his eyebrow and the one to the right of his left eye. Vicrul was very handsome, almost as handsome as kylo. He had a short beard that was taken care of and lined up. When the hell did he have time to look so damn good? Kylo and the knights must share a hairdresser or something.

Vicrul finally met you with human eyes as opposed to his mask, “Well? I told you I was human.” 

You laughed, “I guess so,” you smiled, “So.. Audrey?” 

“Yeah. Is she-- she’s not seeing anyone right? Just that one date to the formal with Master Ren? Which I hope he told you nothing even happened after. He dropped her straight off-- I helped escort them.” 

You smiled at the thought, “He didn’t tell me, but thank you. No, I’m pretty sure she isn’t dating anyone. I can talk to her for you maybe. If you’d like.” 

“That would be.. that would be nice of you. Thank you.” Vicrul managed a smile and looked down at the floor, “Do you think she’ll like me? I mean I know the mask can be off-putting.”

You smiled at him. It was refreshing to see him like this as opposed to his usual asshole self, “I’m sure if she saw you as you instead of just the scary mask you’d have a shot.” 

Vicrul cleared his throat, “Thank you. We should-- we should go. Ren will wonder what’s taking so long for me to get back. We have a command meeting tonight.” 

Without giving you a moment to respond, he lifted and attacked his helmet back onto his head; concealing any speck of humanity. 

You nodded and the both of you exited, heading back to your quarters. You walked slowly but had pleasant conversion along the way. Vicrul made you laugh several times.. He was actually pretty funny. Maybe even one day you could even call him a friend. Ren must have really scared him for him to do a complete 180 like this. 

Approaching your quarters you were actually feeling sad-- You had just met the real Vicrul and already your time was cut short. You wanted to know more about him, what he liked and dislikes, in order to better help pair him with Audrey. Which, honestly, you still couldn’t wrap your head around fully how Vicrul got eyes for her. 

But you were happy; happy that the two of them might be happy together. You arrived at your quarters and stood outside the door talking for a few more minutes. Neither of you wanting to leave yet. Eventually Vicrul received a call on his communicator and had to leave. You said your goodbyes, a quick wave as you still were not at the point of embracing each other and he was gone. You walked into your quarters and smiled. Excited to see a new romance take hold. 

Your excitement was soon replaced with knots in your stomach seeing Matt sitting at the island obviously awaiting your arrival; his face red with abandonment and anger. 


	28. Chapter 28

You walked further into your quarters, the both of you standing in silence. Matt watched you as you entered

He finally spoke up, his voice cold, “Where have you been..” 

You glanced at him as you took your shoes off, “I had something important to do. I needed to get away for a moment. We need to talk,” Your voice trailed off, unsure of how to proceed. 

He followed you as you went to the kitchen, “That’s not what I asked. I asked where you were.” 

You turned to face him, looking into his eyes, “I went to see Commander Ren.” You stood your ground, bracing yourself for Matt’s response.

“Why did you go to see him? How could you justify going there especially now. You can barely walk--” 

You came to your defense quickly, “I told him that I needed a break from him, and that’s why we need to talk.”

Matt’s demeanor had now changed: he relaxed slightly, although now confused, “Oh. Okay but what do you want to talk about? You just told me you’re done with him--”

You crossed your arms, “That’s not what I said. I said a break. Can you just let me talk?” 

“Fine. Talk.” Matt sat down on the island stool and you moved around to sit next to him. 

You took his hand into your own, holding it tightly, “I just-- I need space. From both of you. To make a clear decision, you know?” 

Matt frowned, “Wh- what? No, I don’t know. Please don’t,” His shoulders dropped, his brow furrowing at you. You saw the confusion and heartbreak in his eyes. 

“Please just listen to what I’m saying. I’m not saying I can’t see you we just can’t-- be together. I need to have a clear thought process when I make this decision...” your voice trailing off, trying to read the ever changing emotions on Matt’s face. 

“I mean, I guess I understand. You need to follow your heart,” Matt’s tone stern yet heartfelt, “You’re not deciding what kind of tool to use at work or what to eat for dinner. You can follow your feelings. You should follow your feelings-- Not only logical thinking. You know that right?” Matt’s feelings became even more noticeable. Sadness being slowly replaced by what seemed to be frustration.

His response caught you off guard, “I’m- I know Matt. That's why I can’t constantly be in either of your presences..” Your voice was quiet, you knew he was right. You couldn’t make a decision like this with logic alone. It wasn’t trivial like work, “I need to make the right choice. And I can’t have my thought process be clouded by-- um--” you looked at Matt’s hand that must have found its way to your thigh in the last few moments. You tried to keep your thoughts clear but the warmth of his hand so close to your sex sent you spiraling. 

He moved his chair closer to you, brushing the hair off of your neck and giving a singular soft kiss on it, “You know it should be me. Right?” He cooed in your ear, softly, his warm breath sending chills down your spine, You struggled to form words. You cleared your throat but before you could even get out a response, Matt interrupted you. 

“See, even my touch sends you over the edge.. I bet Ren can’t do that” He whispered into your ear then nibbling softly on your earlobe. 

You smiled. Ren definitely had that ability but Matt didn’t need to know that.. Right now at least. 

Matt’s hand came farther up your leg, “I’m kind to you. He isn’t. I’m sweet to you-- take care of you.. We get along..” His voice sends every cell in your body into small waves of euphoria, “Not to mention my incredible baking skills,” You both let out a small laugh and he smirked, “You know what you need. You just can’t bring yourself to go for it.” 

His voice became more stern, “Let me show you why you are meant for me.” His hand moved up your thigh more before it was barely grazing your (already) dripping sex concealed by your clothes. You let out a small whimper; he was not being the gentle sweet Matt he usually was at all; It was more primal-- his frustration becoming more evident. 

“Matt… please.” You tried to protest but were becoming overwhelmed with his warm touch. You squirmed in your seat as he pulled the band on your sweatpants down, giving him easy access. He caressed your sex in his hand, rubbing, your legs opening up to give him a better angle. As much as you tried to resist-- you wanted to continue. But you needed to have space.. 

You managed to finally get out some coherent words, “Matt I’m- fuck.. I’m serious I-- Mm..”

Matt ignored your pleas. He gave hot wet kisses all the way up your neck, then some on your chin, then finally landing on your mouth-- kissing you passionately. 

Then breaking away from your kiss, holding your chin with his free hand. You saw his eyes trace your body, watching you squirm in your seat and smirked, “Relax sunshine.. Let me pleasure you..” 

You tried to shake him off, weakly, but your body and mind were too consumed by his touch. Before you knew it, you were begging him again. This time not begging to stop, “Please..” is all you could manage to get out as your eyes began to roll back in your head, giving in to your ecstasy.

He kissed your neck, lightly biting it then whispering into your ear, “Please what?” before diving back into the sensitive skin.

Your voice quiet, breathless, “Please-- um- I w-want more...” you opened your legs wider, he began tugging your pants down to your ankles, spinning the chair so he could have a better angle. 

He then moved your panties down as well and kneeled in front of your chair. He gazed at your sex and then met your eyes again. Without saying any words he moved his hand to your very swollen nub, rubbing it in circles with two fingers, his eyes on your face searching for reactions. You let out a small mewl, relishing in the moment. You tipped your head back and you felt him pull his hand away from your dripping pussy. 

His voice brought you out of your euphoric trance, “Look at me. Do not fucking look away,” he paused and you saw him unbuckling his pants, releasing himself, “Look at what you do to me. It’s all yours, sunshine..” 

You licked your lips, salivating at the memory of him. 

Before you could get any words out, he continued the slow circular swirls on your clit which in turn released moans from your lips. As he rubbed your nub, he slipped a finger in, thrusting it inside your walls. He began stroking himself at the same time. You watched intently, your breathing was labored, the heavy palpitations in your heart made your chest hurt-- A nice side effect of your injuries. The faster he rubbed and fingered you, the louder you were moaning and you were now close. 

Finally, one singular harder swirl and it sent you over the edge into a painfully intense orgasm. You cried out, grabbing his arm, the chair, anything to ride out this intense orgasm he was so crudely putting you through. Your vision spun as you mewled his name over and over. They could probably hear it all the way back in Alderaan. 

As you came down from your intense orgasm, your vision focused and you looked down to see he had begun stroking himself faster; the beads of precum dripping off his tip. You licked your lips greedily, ready to accept into your mouth, your pussy, whatever he wanted. In that moment you were his, whether you had a choice or not. 

He stroked himself and moved your legs to open a bit wider with his free hand. He looked at your eyes before diving into your soaked pussy, lapping up every drop of your orgasm. You let out a loud moan. His tongue lapping over your clit and into your sex, slurping up your juices as he drew circles around your clit with his tongue. All the while furiously stroking himself. You were gripping his blonde waves tightly, legs wrapped around his head. You whimpered softly and he picked up his pace in response-- Sucking on your clit harder, you could feel him smiling as he did. 

By now you were shaking; Matt showed no signs of stopping, and you were close to cumming again. You closed your eyes shut, your breath was caught in your lungs, you were entirely in the moment-- nearly about to transcend to the world between worlds.. All you could do was take it as mewls and moans escaped your lips, every nerve in your body screaming for release. 

He murmured into your sex, “Cum for me, Sunshine.” His voice vibrating your pussy and your body obeying. Your entire body tensed up, frozen, as you released your orgasm, shaking and crying out loudly. You rode out the waves of ecstasy and to be frank-- pain. Your swollen clit was very overstimulated as Matt sucked it though the rest of your orgasm. 

Then all at once your body relaxed and went limp. You laid there panting and sweating as Matt stood over you, stroking himself faster. You watched his face contort, near ogasm, as he stood up in front of you, stoking himself fast and hard. He let out a low guttural moan, the veins in his neck popping out as he came all over your hot swollen pussy.

He stood there for a moment, the both of you breathless and sweaty. He looked over at his handiwork glazed over you and smiled, “See? I’m not here to compete. I’m here for you-- to pleasure you however you need it. But if you need space, I can do that. But I’m not letting him one-up me.” 

You smiled, still in a post orgasm trance, “I- okay,” you reached for a napkin on the table and Matt grabbed your hand, stopping you. 

“Let me clean you off sunshine.” 

He walked around the other side of the island and grabbed a towel. He walked back around to you, kneeling down in front of you and wiping you off gently. 

He finished wiping up the sticky mess and smiled, “Do you want me to stay at my quarters until you make your decision?” 

You paused. It would probably be the right thing to do so you could think clearly.. You looked at him “That would probably be best. Annemarie can stay here-- I’m sure she wouldn’t mind,” you gave a soft smile. Standing back up, you pulled your sweatpants and underwear back up, covering your previously exposed body. 

“Like I said, I only want to pleasure you. But you want space right? I hope this serves as a little,” he paused, “memory of just how pleasurable I can be.” 

You sucked your bottom lip into your mouth, biting it lightly. 

Matt kissed your forehead and stepped back, “I’ll go pack my work clothes now. Give you that time alone you so desperately need. Just let me know if you need more reminders of how bad you really need me. 

He left you in the kitchen alone, a puddle of ecstasy, lust and emotion-- playing back the intense orgasms in your wavelengths. How the hell were you supposed to pick if both of them were so damn perfect?


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! thank you for all the love & support first of all. On tuesday my 16 month old will be having 2 minor-ish surgeries on this tuesday (the 16th) so im not sure exactly what my updating schedule will be from tuesday on. Possibly starting to write again starting on the weekend as long as she's doing fine! May the force be with you!!

You tossed and turned all night; unable to shake the intense nightmares replaying in your head. You woke up several times, each time reaching the now empty space in bed next to you-- hoping to find human comfort but just darkness. 

Annemarie said she’d be staying with you starting tomorrow and gods, you couldn’t wait. You usually didn’t mind being alone but you were one more nightmare away from calling Kylo or Matt to rescue you. The nightmares weren’t anything specific-- just darkness. You couldn’t run from it. You ran and ran and ran but to no avail. 

Eventually, morning came and you rolled out of bed. You sighed, your eyes still feeling like weights from the night’s terrible sleep schedule. Walking over to the refresher, you turned on the sink and splashed some cold water on your face when you stopped abruptly. You heard a rustling sound from your living area. Who the hell was in your quarters? 

You peeked out of the refresher hatch but saw no one. You walked down the hallway and your stomach flipped, “Fuck you scared me!” 

You saw Annemarie in the kitchen, putting away the tens of bags of groceries that were on the island table from Ren’s delivery. 

She giggled, “I’m sorry I just didn’t want to wake you,” she put away the fresh fruit into the fridge and turned to look at you fully now, “You didn’t sleep well? You look… tired.”

You sighed, “I had nightmares,” you pointed to the groceries still sitting on the counter, “These are from Ren I assume?” 

“They are. Vicrul dropped them off this morning. Oh-- and there's something else too. I put it on the coffee table for you,” she gave you a wink. 

Your stomach dropped; You remembered Kylo having said something about a gift.. You turned toward your living area and saw the small present on the table. Walking over, you gazed at it: A black glossy box, elegant, with a bright red lace ribbon tied taught with a bow. You blushed as you walked closer to see a small folded up paper on top. You pulled it from beneath the ribbon and didn’t waste a second breaking the red ‘KR’ wax seal. 

Opening it up, you saw the familiar elegant calligraphy, ‘Dinner tonight. My Quarters. 1700. Wear this.’

Your heart fluttered, wondering if you should open the gift while annemarie was still in the room. You then heard footsteps and turned to see her walking over. 

“Soo, what is it?” she smiled, peering over your shoulder. 

“I haven’t opened the gift yet,” you paused, then began to pull at the red bow on top; the ribbon unwinded, flailing to the side of the black glossy box. The both of you looked at the ominous box, wondering what could be inside. 

You pulled at the lid of the box, sliding it off with ease. Peering inside, you saw layers of red tissue paper. You began pulling them out before your hand touched fabric. Your fingers held there for a moment, feeling the sheer elegance of the material before you even looked at it. It felt expensive.

Finally gaining enough courage to pull it out, you held it up in front of you by the two thin black straps. The waves of the material fell to the table, resting over the box. It had layers of thin black tulle, the chest just being two triangles of fabric. How the hell were your boobs supposed to be covered.. By this?

Annemarie piped in, “Whoa. Fancy!” 

You nodded, “Yeah-- He, um, wants to have dinner tonight,” your voice trailing off. 

She put her hand on your shoulder, “You do that if you want to. You’re a free woman. Date both of them. Then decide who you want. You have time! No one is going to up and leave anytime soon!” 

Smiling at her, “Date them both?” 

“Yeah! I mean, just no exclusiveness. Dates, talking, really get to know them. How much do you even know about Commander Ren? Or Matt?” 

You paused; sure you knew Matt was from Naboo and raised by his grandparents but you didn’t know.. A ton about him. You knew nearly nothing about Kylo except he was Vader’s grandson-- memories of when you dropped the deformed mask playing back in your head, giving you goosebumps.

“Maybe you’re right,” you draped the dress on the sofa and walked back over to the kitchenette, Annemarie at your side, “You think that will help me decide?” 

“Of course love! Just relax and be yourself. Get to know them both-- fully,” she handed you your mug of now lukewarm coffee, “And if they don’t want to open up then game over I guess. Be with who makes you happy-- comfortable. A relationship is fifty fifty. They need to give as much as they take!” 

You smiled at her. Matt should have no problem opening up. Kylo on the other hand.. 

“I’m going to go take a bath. Shave my legs and whatnot--” 

She cut you off, “Oh for your date tonight?” she giggled, giving you an over exaggerated wink.

You smiled and walked toward the refresher, turning on the bath. You filled it to the top, putting some eucalyptus bubble bath in and grabbing your shaver. Yes, you were doing it for the date. If you wanted Ren to open up, you were going to really have to show him what he would be missing if he didn’t. 

\-----------------------------

You down at the waves of thin tulle covering your body. You had never worn something this expensive feeling before. You pulled at the bodice, trying to get as much coverage as possible on your chest. You felt a little exposed but nevertheless sexy. 

The yellowing bruises on your chest were barely visible anymore and you were beginning to finally feel more normal. 

You walked out into the living room where she was sitting on the sofa watching the television. She turned as you made your way in. 

“You look amazing! Oh my stars, that dress is beautiful!” she exclaimed, standing up to walk over to you, “Are you leaving now?” 

You nodded your head, “Yes Ren said 1700 on the um- the letter,” you hugged her and smiled, “I shouldn’t be too late.” 

She winked at you, “Are you sure you’re okay walking alone?”

“Yes, I’m sure I’ll be fine!” 

She sat on the island stool, “Take as long as you need. I’ll be here. Please call me if you need rescuing!” 

“Yes ma’am!” you said, giving a small salute and smile. 

The both of you laughed and you walked to the hatch, putting your ID and your communicator in your small clutch. You opened the hatch and your heart jumped out of your chest. 

“Fucking shit Vicrul you scared me,” you slowed your breathing, rubbing your chest so your palpitations would cease, the masked man only a few feet in front of you, leaning on the hallway wall. 

Vicrul’s modified voice was surprisingly warm, “Sorry ma’am. Master Ren told me I would escort you to his quarters. I was just waiting for you-” 

Annemarie walked over to the hatch to where you both stood, interrupting him, “Hi. I think the last time I saw you, you barged in here and called my friend a bunch of names. Why should I let her go with you--” 

You stopped her, “It’s fine, Annemarie. We’re cool now. Buddies. Pals. Friends,” you let out a small smile and held up a hand for Vicrul to give you a high five. 

“Is there something you need ma’am?” he asked, obviously confused on why your hand was up. 

You looked at him, your hand still up, “It’s a high five. You-- okay never mind. Anyways I don’t need an escort but since you’re here let's go.” 

You smiled at Annemarie, waving goodbye, and let the hatch close behind you, joining Vicrul in the empty hall. 

The both of you started walking, silently for a few moments before Vicrul finally broke the silence, “You look very beautiful. I’m sure Master Ren will love it.” 

You smiled, “Thank you. Um, did you talk to Audrey yet?”

Vicrul let out a small modified laugh, “N-no not yet.” 

“You should. Really. Did you want me to like-- set something up?” you looked at his confidant walk, remembering his dreamy eyes under his mask. 

“No need to set something up. Maybe just- ask if she’s interested,” he paused, “Can you stop thinking about my eyes?” 

You stopped walking, “I- I’m not,” you stuttered. 

He slowed to a stop turning to look at you, “All of Master Ren’s Knights are force sensitive. You think I can’t hear your thoughts?” 

You blushed, that means he heard what you were thinking when you saw his chiseled face for the first time-- 

His voice interrupts your thought process, “Yes I did.”

You blushed, “Let’s just go. We are almost at Kylo’s quarters..” your voice trailing off as your feet picked up pace again hoping Vicrul would never bring it up again. 

You heard his boots walking behind you as he caught up to you again, “So dinner tonight with Master Ren? What are you guys having?”

You sighed, “I have no clue. He only said his quarters and to wear this dress.” 

Vicrul gave a small laugh, “Dinner in his quarters and you’re dressed like that? Well I guess it seems like something he’d like. He is a very dramatic man.”

You smiled at him, enjoying your newfound friendship-- even if he read your thoughts about how you thought his eyes were dreamy. You heard him let out a small chuckle. 

The both of you approached Ren’s hatch, Vicrul motioning for you to enter as he went to open it for you, entering the code. _Swoosh._

You gave Vicrul a small wave and he nodded his head as you entered Ren’s quarters. 

“Ah you’re here,” a voice from the kitchen. You turned to that direction to see Ren standing in a black tux, his hair effortlessly beguiling as ever. 

Your breath catching in your chest slightly, “I- hi. You look really handsome,” you blushed. 

Kylo Ren gave a small smirk before walking over to you, “And you, my pet, look striking. Beautiful. I see the dress fits. Perfect for our destination.” 

“Thank-- wait. Destination?” 

Kylo gave a wide smile, “Yes, destination. Come on, the shuttle is waiting for us.”


	30. Chapter 30

You walked down the halls, Kylo Ren’s hand in your own. It felt like a dream. The two of you finally making your way to the flight deck; Kylo’s bare hand motioned for you to board the small shuttle. 

You smiled, “Are we not taking your command shuttle?” 

He chuckled, “I’m not your Commander tonight. Just me,” he motioned once more for you to board the standard issue shuttle.

You folded your arms, “Tell me where we’re going first,” you were desperate to have some type of control in this situation. You were not one for surprises. 

Kylo grabbed your chin, his grip strong but gentle, “I will not tolerate insubordination. Get on.” He released his grip, leaving you a small puddle of lust. 

He motioned once more for you to continue walking. As much as you would love some punishment, now was not the time to egg him on. 

Now boarding the ramp, you walked slightly in front of him; you could feel his eyes tracing your figure as you walked up the incline.

Entering the shuttle, you walked in to see a small box on the co-pilot’s chair. As you got closer you saw it was similar if not identical to the one Kylo had given to you with your groceries earlier.

“What is this?” you moved closer, picking up the small black box adorned with a thin red lace ribbon. 

Kylo Ren gave you a small smile, “A present,” he cleared his throat, “I wanted to see your face when you opened it. That’s why I didn’t send it with Vicrul earlier.” 

Your eyes met Kylo’s honeyed eyes, seeing the anticipation oozing out of his usually brooding figure. You smiled, “Do you want me to open it now?” 

Kylo sat in the pilot chair, looking up at you, “I do. Now please.” 

Blood rushing to your face, you nodded and began to tug at the lace ribbon, it unwinding immediately. The ribbon dropped to the floor as you opened the small black box. 

Your eyes glowing at the dainty gold chain, at the center a red gem with small petite diamonds surrounding it. You stared at it, your mouth slightly ajar, no words coming out. 

Kylo’s voice tore you from your gaze, “Do you like it? I had it specially made for you.” 

You turned up to look at him: still sitting, his eyes gazing over you, searching for a reaction, his stature dominating as ever yet there was a hint of worry. Was he worried you didn’t like it?

Looking down at the necklace one more and then back at him, you smiled and said, “I do like it but I can’t accept this Kylo--”

Kylo held up a hand, your mouth closed by the invisible force; you could feel it holding your jaw, “I didn’t ask if you wanted to accept it. I had it made for you-- It’s one of a kind,” he lowered his hand, your jaw relaxing again from the invisible grip.

You looked down at the stone, picking the necklace up carefully, looking over the deep red, nearly glowing stone, “What type of stone is this? I’ve never seen one before like it.”

Kylo stood up, walking to you and taking the necklace from your hands and moving behind you, moving the hair off of your neck. He began to put it on you, “Like I said, I had it made. It’s a diamond fused with a bit of red Kyber Crystal,” you felt him slightly struggling to do the clasp, his large hands versus a tiny necklace was obviously posing quite the challenge. 

Finally he withdrew his hands, the dainty gold necklace on you now. Your hair still brushed off the side of your neck, Kylo leaned forward, placing a single kiss on the side of your neck. Relishing in the small kiss, you let out a small breathless moan. You turned around, attempting to pull him into your body. Smiling, you went to grab his face but his large hands grabbed both of your wrists, stopping you. 

Kylo smirked, “Not right now. We have a dinner date.” 

You gave a small sigh, “Fine,” and went to sit in the copilot chair. You watched Ren walk back confidently to the pilot chair, spinning it around and immediately starting the pre-flight checks. 

You watched him intently, “So where are we going?” 

Without even looking at you, his voice making warmth pool in your abdomen, “It’s a surprise.”

You pouted, “I just want to know what to expect.” 

He looked up at you for a moment then looking back down at the control panel, turning on the thrusters, “Pet.”

Continuing the best pout you could muster, “Please Supreme Leader?” you moved your hand to his thigh and watched him freeze in his movements. 

He cleared his throat, adjusting his position and turned to look at you, “We are going to be late.” 

You moved your hand back to your lap and watched him finish the take off routine. Before you knew it, Kylo had launched the both of you into the atmosphere and into hyperspace, on your way to your mystery destination. 

\---------------------------

You were staring out into the stars though the main windshield, wondering where Kylo could possibly be taking you: Naboo? Felucia? Your thoughts racing, thinking about the possible destinations. 

Kylo’s voice interrupted your thoughts, “We’re here. Buckle up now,” his hand went to toggle the throttle, your eyes watching him palm the controls with ease; wishing his hands were somewhere else. 

You saw Kylo flash a small smile, probably listening to your thoughts about wanting to be melded into his body. Sighing, you buckled yourself into the seat, waiting for Kylo to do the same but he never did-- only focusing on landing the craft. You peered out the window. Coming into focus was the glowing city, completely surrounded by the dark sky. 

“It’s Canto Bight. Have you ever been here?” Kylo’s voice ebbing from his pink lips. 

Trying to sit up taller to see, “Canto Bight? I’ve read about it. Is this our super secret date night destination?” you winked at him.

He looked at you for a moment and shot you a small smile, “Yes.”

You clutched the armrests as Kylo landed the craft. He chuckled, obviously sensing your nerves as the shuttle came to a stop on the landing strip. 

Kylo pressed a few buttons, toggling the shifter before looking at you and smiling, “Are you ready, sweet thing?”

You undid your buckle, nodding your head, “Yes sir.” 

Kylo let a sinister smile brand his face and held out his hand to you. You took it into your own, standing up next to him now. The both of you walked down the ramp, hand in hand, and into the bright city of Canto Bight. 


	31. Chapter 31

“Right this way, Supreme Leader,” the waiter said as he ushered the two of you to your table. You walked around the entire restaurant, wondering when you were ever going to have a seat. “Right out this hatch, sir.” 

Kylo looked at you, your face red as you were led through the exit and onto the empty balcony. Your eyes widened, taking in the scene: A single table draped with a white tablecloth, two chairs, candles galore, some rose petals spread over the table. 

You felt Kylo’s hand give a small squeeze, his voice soon following, “Do you like it?” 

You blushed, looking at the beautiful scene in front of you and then back into his dreamy eyes, “I do.” 

He cleared his throat, leading you across the empty balcony and motioned for you to sit down. You sat down on the comfortable chair, feeling the velvet fabric with your hand as Kylo scooted your chair into the table. 

Smiling, “T-thank you.” It didn’t even seem like Kylo. He was being so.. Pleasant. 

He didn’t answer, his hand brushing your shoulder as he moved around you and sitting at the opposite side of the round table. You looked around at the setting spread in front of the two of you: two golden plates, elegant golden silverware, the folded up black linen napkins. 

You took a sip of your water, feeling quite parched from your trip here. Space travel always made you incredibly thirsty for some reason. The waiter joined the two of you once again, sauntering over to your secluded table, “Good afternoon Supreme Leader and.. Ms. Ren--”

The name ‘Ms. Ren’ made you choke as you tried to swallow your water, coughing now. Kylo stifled a laugh. 

The waiter stuttered, “D-did I say something wrong? Ms. Ren, right?” 

Before you could answer Kylo said, “Ms. Ren is fine,” he picked up the black and gold accented menu, “We will both have the,” he paused looking over options for a quick moment, “Chef special will do. Also, a bottle of your Chevel Blanc. Thank you.” 

The waiter gave a small nod to the both of you before walking back into the main dining area leaving you and Ren alone at your table. 

You dabbed your mouth with the napkin, looking at the red spots left by your lipstick on the fresh linen. You were never really one to wear lipstick but you felt it really popped with the black flowy dress. 

Kylo smiled at you from across the table, “Are you enjoying this?” 

“This? You mean a normal date?” you smirked. 

Kylo took a sip of his water, “Mm, yes. Date.”

You paused, gazing over his crisp black tux, the perfectly ironed white dress shirt underneath perfectly paired with a black tie. Damn he looked dreamy. 

“Why didn’t you let me pick my own meal?” Another sip of water, your lips leaving a striking red imprint on the crystal clear glass. 

A small chuckle, “I know you and what you would like. Besides, you’ve never been here before. I have. The chef’s special is good. You’ll like it, pet,” he said while unfolding his napkin and placing it on his lap. 

You bit your bottom lip slightly, trying to contain your need to climb over the table and pull your lips into his own. You thought about the way he tasted, the fact that he denied you earlier making you want him even more.

Kylo smirked, he must be reading your thoughts. He straightened out the silverware laying next to his plate and said, “Calm your thoughts. You’re being quite loud. I said later.” 

Before you could retort, you heard the clicking footsteps of the waiter’s dress shoes approaching your table. You tore your gaze from Ren’s supple pink lips and turned to smile politely at the man. 

“Chevel Blanc as requested, Supreme Leader,” he poured you a glass and then Kylo one. “Would you like me to leave the bottle here, sir?” 

Kylo nodded yes and the both of you watched him place the wine bottle on the table. Ren picked up his glass, it looking miniature in his large hand and held it up to you. 

You smiled, holding yours up and giving a small  _ clink _ . 

Taking a sip of the dark red wine, you let it engulf every single one of your taste buds. You let the notes of the wine dance on your tongue: a harmonious blend of blackberries, blackcurrants, cherries and raspberries-- maybe even some floral overtones, reminiscent of roses. 

“Good, isn’t it pet?” Kylo placed his glass down on the table. 

You nodded your head yes, “It is,” you paused, “What made you decide to take me out tonight, sir?” you were genuinely curious.

Kylo took another small sip of his wine, “You wanted to date. Is this not a date?” 

You smirked, “I just never thought you were one for romantic balcony candle lit dinner dates.” 

Kylo adjusted himself in his seat, “I’m not. But I will tolerate it for you.” 

Letting the warmth of the wine sink deeper into your body, you started to relax as the two of you carried on a pleasant conversation. Nothing personal-- he asked you how it was being home, if you missed work, you asked him about his work and obviously he wouldn’t say much. 

“You know I can’t talk about that.” 

The waiter set the two plates of roasted pheasant with sides of vegetables and risotto on your table. Kylo gave him a small approving nod and he left as quickly as he came. 

You frowned, “I just was asking what was the status of everything. You don’t trust me?” 

Kylo dug his knife and fork into the supple meat, “I said no. Do not ask again.” 

You took a bite of the pheasant, it melted in your mouth. Kylo was right, you did like what he ordered you; From the small appetizers this sapid main course. 

“I told you that you’d like it.” Kylo took another sip of his wine, you watched his throat as he swallowed the wine. 

You cleared your throat, “Fine, you’re right. Whatever. But stay out of my head. Sure at first It was cute but now--” 

Kylo interrupted, “I don’t think you’re anyone to be giving me orders. I’ll do as I please.” His voice was stern but you saw the sinister smile creep across his face as he knew what it did to you.

Your breath caught in your throat, warmth pooling in your abdomen, you felt the walls of your sex clenching. You adjusted your position in your chair, clearing your throat, “So.. dessert?” 

\-----------------------------

You couldn’t remember the last time you had real food like this. The entire meal felt like it was made for royalty only it was for you and Ren. Taking one more spoonful of ice cream into your mouth, you made sure to lock eyes with Ren as you licked the spoon clean. 

He smiled, putting his spoon down, “Do you think that’s a wise thing to do? Teasing me?” 

Smirking, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, sir.” You knew exactly what you were doing. Immediately, you made sure to play back the memory of the formal, the showers in Ren’s quarters, the first time you ever sucked him off. You made sure to remember it and make your thoughts loud. Making sure to play back the thoughts in vivid colors, remembering the taste of him on your lips. You smirked at Kylo, watching him adjust his position in the chair, slightly tugging at his pants. You got a lot of satisfaction out of getting him riled up when he was trying to be on good behavior. Or maybe you just had that primal urge to be destroyed. Either way, it was hot. 

Kylo smirked, then smoothed out his napkin, placing it on the table and waved for the waiter who was already on their way to our table. 

Kylo shifted his weight in the chair, reaching into his pocket and placed a stack of credits on the table. You watched the waiter’s eyes widen. 

“T-thank you, sir.” 

Kylo gave a small nod. You smiled warmly at the server. Looking over at the stack of credits Kylo had placed down, it must be three times the amount of the bill.

Kylo turned his gaze to you, “Are you ready to go to our next destination?” 

Your face flushing, “Next destination?” 

Kylo stood up, “Yes. Are you ready? You think this little dinner is all I had planned?” 

You watched something sinister glimmer in his sweet brown eyes, “I- Okay,” you said as Kylo pulled out your chair. You grabbed his arm, holding it as the two of you exited the restaurant. 

\-----------------------------

Kylo led you out of the building, the both of you walking toward the boardwalk. The farther you walked from the busyness of the buildings, the calmer it got. The night sky was beautiful; the parts that weren’t being light polluted by the city’s exasperating chatter. 

Kylo’s hand held yours, the both of you walking in silence; just enjoying each other’s company. The two of you passed an older looking couple sitting on a bench to the left of the both of you. They were probably not older than their sixties. They smiled at you and Kylo and the old man said “Cherish these moments, son.” 

You felt Kylo’s hand squeeze your own. You weren’t sure if it was out of anger or fear. You had never seen Kylo so-- open. Okay he wasn’t open but he was talking. He had told you he loved you in that note. Neither of you had brought it up yet; you weren’t sure if the topic would even come up. You didn’t want to ruin this perfect night. 

The two of you moved past the older couple who stayed sitting on the bench, continuing your walk. 

“Is everything okay?” you turned your head to look at him walking next to you. 

Kylo kept his eyes forward, “Yes, why?” 

“You just seem quiet now,” your brow furrowed. 

He continued walking, not looking at you, “This way,” he pulled you to the left, down to the sand and toward the shore. 

Your heels were digging into the sand causing you to stumble a bit, “K-Kylo wait!” you pulled your arm from his, slipping off your heels and holding them now, “What are you doing?” 

“Isn’t the weather perfect tonight? Warm air, starry sky,” his voice trailing off. 

You weren’t sure what the hell was wrong with him, “Uh, yes it is.” 

Kylo looked back at you, tearing his gaze away from the water. He began to take off his suit jacket, tossing it on the sand, “Strip.” 

Your face immediately beet red, “What the fu-”

“I said strip.” 

You turned your head around, taking in your surroundings: it was a secluded part of the beach, you didn’t see a single other soul besides the tall handsome man in front of you who was at this point already shirtless. 

You sighed, throwing your heels to the side. You watched Kylo kick off his shoes and pulling off his dress socks, then starting to undo his belt. 

Kylo paused, looking at you for a moment, “Pet. Now.” 

Reluctantly, you obeyed, starting to slip your straps off of your shoulders, letting your bare skin be kissed by the air and moonlight. As you watched Ren pull down his pants, you fully slipped off your dress, only in your dainty black lace panties. 

“Kylo what are we doing?” You crossed your arms, trying to give yourself an ounce of decency. 

He pulled off his boxers, every inch of his body glistening in the moonlight and walked over to you and knelt, pulling your panties down your legs. You stepped out of them letting them fall to the ground, “Here? I don’t really like sand--” 

Without even saying another word, Kylo picked you up into a bridal carry, effortlessly, and ran toward the water, you in hand. 

You laughed nervously, “Ky- Wait- Wh- Kylo!” you held onto him tight as he braced the water, falling forward as the both of you became engulfed in the warm sea. You pulled your head from under the water, your feet barely able to touch the warm sand beneath the waves, “Kylo what the fuck is wrong with you! My makeup--”

Kylo pulled you into him, not wasting a moment of time. Your lips colliding, electricity shooting through your body. Your fingers immediately gravitated to his now soaking wet hair, grabbing and tugging at it while he attatcked your mouth with his own. 

You wrapped your legs around him effortlessly, the water voiding any weight bared on him. You felt his muscular thighs flexing with the water’s movement, his erection barely grazing your sex. Kylo moved one hand from your face and all while keeping eye contact, moved it though the water and immediately finding your swollen clit, started doing slow swirls. You began kissing his neck, bucking your hips into his hand, desperate for more. You let out a moan into his neck and you felt his chest vibrate as he chuckled, “Do you want more, pet?” 

A small breathless moan, “Y-yes.” 

The pleasant water kept your bodies warm as they intermingled; He moved both of his hands to your hips then slightly lifted your body up and eased you onto his member, slowly. You watched the corners of his mouth twitch up. You knew he was trying to hide how much he needed this-- needed you. 

Immediately, Kylo thrusted you down on him as hard and fast as he could with the water deterring his speed. Your walls clenched around him as he slid in and out of you as did the water. You let out small mewls, Kylo picking up the pace. 

The two of you melting together, under the moonlight in the water. You pulled yourself closer into him, digging your nails into his back, you could feel your orgasm on the horizon; just waiting to be pushed over the edge. 

Kylo snarled, “You were disobedient today,” he moved back a bit toward the shore, the water level at his lower thigh now. 

You groaned, “Have… not…”

You were dripping water, still wrapped around him as he moved you up and down. You could feel the rugged strength of his arms, every possible vein was popping out.

You felt small waves hit the bottom of your ass, the warm water sending vibrations every time it splashed your pussy; Kylo still sliding in and out, furiously now. Moving your hands from Kylo’s neck to cup his face, trying to pull it into your lips but he wouldn’t budge. 

“Have you been my good girl?” Kylo muttered, his wet hair slicked to his face.

You nodded your head yes, nearly about to burst with fireworks from your impending orgasm. 

“I don’t think- fuck- I don’t think you have. Why should I let you cum, pet? You were-- shit-- quite naughty at dinner,” his voice trailing off. You could see the fire in his eyes waiting to be released. He was close. 

Your walls began to flutter around his pulsing member, “Kylo..”

He brought his mouth to your ear, still fucking you relentlessly, “Beg.”

His voice sent you into a pre-orgasm trance, your head tipping back. You felt your head ripped back forward to look at him, his hands still on your hips. He used the force to keep you looking into his eyes and he said it once more, “I said beg pet.”  You groaned, “Please Supreme Leader! L-Let me cum p-plea--”

The invisible force attacked your clit immediately sending you over the edge and into the electric orgasm; Waves of light soared through you, burning their path as they went, setting every cell in your body on fire. As you mewled and clawed at his back, you saw his mouth slightly ajar, his face contorting, and his dick twitching pulsing inside of you. 

“Fuck--” he said through gritted teeth as he finished inside of you, pumping out every bit of his seed into you. Kylo groaned as your pussy milked every last drop, your walls still clenching around his throbbing member.

Kylo held onto you, pulling you close into his body; your own body limp in his arms. He moved forward in the water, letting the warm waves envelope the both of you. 

\----------------------

Kylo enveloped you with his white button up shirt, it was big enough to cover your entire torso. He pickled up your panties from the sand, shaking the sand off. You took them, slipping them on. You watched him put back on his boxers, then his pants. 

“No towels Kylo?” you smiled. 

He zipped his pants, “No need. Our quarters are right over here. Beach access.” He pointed across the beach, a small house on the treeline. 

“We’re staying the night?” your voice catching in your throat. 

“Come on, sweet thing,” he picked up your dress from the sand and draped it over his shoulder, taking your hand. 

The both of you walked toward the beach house, the moonlight dancing off of your post orgasm glows. 

You buzzed, never having felt this secure with him. Maybe he really did love you. As if on cue with reading your thoughts, he gave a miniscule squeeze to your hand. You looked up at him but he kept his eyes on the beach house. You lifted his hand, giving it a small kiss. You swore you saw him smile in return as the both of you walked to your beach cottage. 


	32. Chapter 32

Matt woke up only moments before his alarm went off. He quickly slammed his hand on it, silencing it immediately. He put his head under the pillow, begging the gods to let him fall back asleep. It was his off day and he didn’t have anything to do-- although he didn’t want to spend the entire day sleeping. 

After laying there for a few more moments, he groaned, sitting up in bed and then rubbing his sleepy eyes. Working the nightshift most nights meant not being used to waking up at a normal hour. But he knew y/n was coming back to base tonight from wherever Kylo had taken her. He didn’t know much, only what Annemarie had told him: Kylo took her out for dinner. 

Matt tried to push away his nerves, worried for y/n in that monster’s arms. Against better judgement, he grabbed his communicator off of his side table and sent her a message. 

**0930 - Matt: Hey sunshine. I hope you are having a wonderful time because you truly do deserve the galaxy and everything in it. Please be safe and let me know if you need anything.**

Matt placed his device back on the small table and stood up; he walked to the incredibly small kitchenette. It was nothing like y/n’s. After all, he was only a radar technician, not an officer. Sighing, Matt started brewing a fresh pot of coffee. He reached for the coffee grounds and then as he pulled out the bag, he realized it was empty. 

“Dammit.” 

He would have to go to the commissary anyways but he hated starting the morning without coffee. Especially after working six night shifts in a row and worrying about his woman in the hands of Kylo Ren. 

Looking down at his grey joggers, he decided it was appropriate enough to leave in. It’s not like he was trying to impress anyone anyways. Grabbing his hoodie and slipping on some sneakers, he ran his hand through his messy bedhead. 

“Good enough.” 

Matt grabbed his identification card and wallet from the small table and pressed the open mechanism, his hatch opening. 

Stepping into the busy hallway, Matt sighed. He really didn’t like how communal the technician’s housing wing was at all. Or maybe he just didn’t like his coworkers. Either way, he missed y/n. Walking further down the hallway, Matt gave small polite waves at the familiar faces he passed by. He was in no mood to stop and have pointless conversations today.

Finally making it to the commissary, Matt walked in the small store and began to walk around looking for his coffee grounds. He liked a specific kind: it had a hint of vanilla in it. 

“Ah!” he picked up the brown bag, holding it now. His eyes wandered to the rest of the shelves, eventually meeting the cards, “Hmm..” 

He picked up a get well soon card, one with a rainbow on it. He thought it was just cheesy enough to make y/n smile. He decided to get it for her, grabbing some of her favorite candy as well. 

Matt quickly checked out and started to walk back to his quarters when he stopped himself. He decided that he would go and grab y/n’s paperwork that Cresston told him he had left on her desk. She was due to start it tomorrow anyways and he could just be a thoughtful boyfriend and grab it for her. Changing his direction, Matt started walking toward the engineering deck.

\------------------------

Walking through the doorway, Matt finished scribbling some heartfelt words as he walked. The letters turned out a bit jumbled but he was sure she wouldn’t mind. 

‘I know you’re very excited to be back at work but please take it easy, sunshine. I will always be here to support you in each and every way. With fresh coffee. Love, your favorite Radar Technician.’ 

“Perfect,” Matt whispered to himself as he strode across the deck. He managed to make it all the way there without having to talk to anyone, that was until he actually reached the desks. 

“Matty!” 

Matt turned, seeing Audrey’s bright and perky face, “Hey Audrey.” 

She smiled as she walked over, her datapad in hand, “I thought you were off today!” 

“Mm, I am. Just picking up y/n’s paperwork and uh-,” he glanced down at the card in his hand, “Leaving this here for her.” 

Audrey beamed, “Aw a card! So sweet of you.” 

Matt gave her a smile, “Her desk is this one here, right?” Matt motioned to the small grey monotone desk: It didn’t have much character to it besides the sticky notes with jumbled writing that Matt couldn’t even make out. 

She nodded, “Yep, it is.” 

Matt continued his walk, setting his card at the very center of the desk and placed the packet of candy that he had been carrying in his pocket on top. 

Audrey piped up from behind him, “How is she feeling? How are you guys doing?” 

Matt went to grab the manilla folder on y/n’s desk and sighed. He really wasn’t sure to be honest. But Audrey didn’t need to know that. 

“She’s doing better-- Nearly normal now. And we’re, uh, really good. Just dating, seeing how things go. I’m really lucky to have her,” Matt ran his hand through his messy curls. 

She beamed, “I’m so glad to hear that, truly. I was so worried about her. I heard it was an accident here? I don’t even know how that could have happened..” her voice trailing off. 

The more Matt had thought about it the more confusing the story got. Memories of Ren’s excuses in his head, ‘I found her at the engineering deck.’ How did it happen?

“You know I don’t really know,” Matt sighed.

Audrey tapped her foot for a moment in deep thought before saying, “I mean-- we could look at the security footage”

Matt’s voice caught in his throat, “I- I didn’t even think about that.” 

“I have the access code to Cresston’s account. I mean, If you want to look. She still doesn’t remember what happened?” Audrey’s brow furrowed. 

“No, she doesn’t,” Matt paused. He considered his options. He just needed to make sure Ren was telling the truth, “Yes let’s check them out. But we are shutting it off as soon as it happens. I just want to make sure it happened here and it wasn’t someone else’s fault--” 

She smiled, “You don’t have to explain to me, Matty. You’re taking care of your girl! Here, let’s go to Cresston’s office. That old man is off today and word has it he is on shore leave anyways.”

The both of you walked to the adjacent office, the walls bleak and a singular desk sat in the middle of the room with the computer on top. Audrey wasted no time, walking around the computer and typing furiously. 

“He has me check his emails daily. You know, delete and sort things. He gets a lot of spam weirdly,” she giggled. 

Matt couldn’t help but let out a laugh, “Spam emails--”

Audrey’s confident voice and beaming smile interrupting him, “We’re in.” 

Matt looked over her shoulder, watching her click on file after file and then eventually the screen filled with images of the base. The mess hall, engineer deck, tons of hallways and even the command deck. 

“It happened here at the engineering deck right?” Audrey said, clicking around the screen. 

Matt nodded, “Yeah that’s what Ren-- Where Commander Ren said he found her.” 

She sighed, “He’s such a sweetheart, isn’t he?” 

Matt turned to look at her, her cheeks flushed with blush, “Ren? Are we talking about the same person?” 

She smiled at him, “Yes, silly. Anyways, here. The night of the incident-- Engineering deck.” She pointed at the small box, enlarging it now letting it fill the desktop.

Matt’s eyes scanned the screen. He didn’t see anyone. He watched Audrey speed up the timeframe but it stayed completely empty. The both of them watched the sped up screen intently but not one moment of y/n… or Kylo Ren.

Audrey sighed, “Are you sure it was here, Matty?”

“Yes, one hundred percent sure. Ren said it was here, something about the centrifuge..” his voice trailing off, “Are you sure this is the right date?” 

She nodded, “Right as rain!” 

Matt rubbed his eyes, “Okay pan out. Let’s look at all of the cameras. Maybe we can see where she walked after the formal right?” 

“Oo good idea,” the clacking of key’s made Matt’s non caffeinated brain scream but he would endure it if it gave him some peace of mind about that night. Although every moment they sat here staring at screens made him more and more uneasy. 

“Here!” Audrey pointed to the screen: It showed Matt and y/n parting ways after the formal, “We can just follow wherever she walked now!” 

Matt watched the screen intently, watching y/n walk down the hallway, eventually passing Vicrul; she stopped for a moment to talk to him. 

“Weird,” Matt muttered. 

“You mean Vicrul?” Audrey asked.

Matt nodded his head yes, “Yeah I’ve just never really seen them have what looks like an even slightly pleasant conversation..” 

“Maybe he is just being nice or some--”

Matt interrupted her, he couldn’t believe his eyes, “What hallway is this?”

Audrey clicked a couple keys before pulling up a small window next to the tape, “That is,” she paused, “Um, Commander Ren’s… hallway.”

Matt kept his eyes glued to the screen, watching y/n saunter down the hallway and stopping at Ren’s hatch. Seeing her wait before giving a couple of knocks at the hatch. It immediately opened and she entered without hesitation. 

Audrey’s voice broke Matt from his hard stare, “Why is she at Commander’s quarters?” her voice was quiet, confused. 

His voice caught in his chest, “I-” Matt cleared his throat, “How long was she in there?” 

Adurey began clicking keys, letting the timeframe speed up a bit, “It’s been at least ten minutes-- wait here’s Ren--”

He tried to hide the heartbreak that engulfed his chest, watching his sunshine being carried out of Kylo Ren’s quarters; her body lifeless-- limp. Matt couldn’t believe his eyes.

Audrey stuttered, “I-I don’t understand.” 

“Follow Ren’s movements,” Matt stood up, watching the screen from over Audrey’s shoulder now. The both of them watched Ren carry y/n from screen to screen, running. He could see Kylo Ren talking as he ran, carrying her tightly. They saw Ren throw a group of stormtroopers out of his way as he approached the medbay. 

“Shut it off,” Matt said, turning to look out the window before turning his attention back to Audrey, “Is there any way you could send that to me?” 

She nodded yes, “What’s your identification email?”

\------------------------

Walking back to his quarters, he battled what he wanted to do with this information. The devil on his shoulder told him to send it to y/n right now; ruin things for that monster once and for all. But that would hurt her, something he would never want to do. The angel on his shoulder told him to handle it with grace-- something he really did not want to do but knew he should. He kept playing the footage back in his memory, watching Ren carry his sunshine’s body through the halls, his face red with emotion. 

Lost in thought, he bumped shoulders with a passing body. He turned to apologize but quickly didn’t feel the need to once he saw who it was.

“Watch where you’re going, radar technician,” Vicrul turned to face Matt.

“My apologies, sir.” Matt gave a mocking smile. He really couldn’t stand Ren or any of his henchmen. As he tried to focus on the conversation at hand, visions of Ren and y/n that night still dancing in his head and If he should say anything to y/n or not..

Vicrul grabbed Matt’s hoodie, “You better be careful, boy. You don’t know what you’re doing,” he snarled from under his mask. 

Matt held his hands up, “I just bumped into you. I’m sorry, okay?”

Vicrul let the fabric of his hoodie go, “Do not send--” Vicrul immediately stopped, turning to give attention to the end of the hallway. Matt turned to see a man walking down. He had a crisp first order uniform, his hair fiery red and slicked back, his skin pale. 

He got closer and Vicrul gave a small salute, “General Hux, sir. To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

Hux sneered, “Where is Ren?” 

Matt stood still, afraid to be caught in the crossfire. 

“He will be back today, sir. Out on duty.” 

Matt stifled a laugh. He saw Vicrul turn his head for a moment before focusing his attention back on Hux. 

Hux rolled his eyes, “I’m tired of Ren just thinking he can go and do whatever he wants. Tell him to get back here now.” 

Matt turned, leaving Hux and Vicrul to bicker in the monochrome hallway; He walked back to his quarters. The entire way he kept the debate on what to do. But now a third option entered the equation. Hux. 


	33. Chapter 33

Kylo reached into his pocket bringing out a small keycard and scanning it at the door.  _ Swoosh _ , the hatch opening revealing the small yet cozy home. Your eyes widened taking in the entire view: the hardwood floors shining under the warm flow of the hanging lights, the white couch with wood trimmings, the big open windows on each side of the living area. The entire home was an open concept; one room flowed right into the next except for the bedroom which had a small hallway. It was the complete opposite from what you were used to back on base. 

You walked through the entrance and looked around more before exclaiming, “This is-- This is beautiful, Kylo.”

Kylo entered close behind you, closing the hatch behind him and hm-d in agreeance, “I thought you’d like it. It isn’t,” he paused, “my style per say but I thought you’d like a change of scenery.”

You sat down on the white couch; your body sinking into the soft cushions, “It’s perfect.” You watched Kylo set down his sandy clothes on the chair next to the dining room table. He placed his communicator on the table.

“You should shower,” Ren sighed, walking over to you and reaching his hand out to help you up from the sinkpit that was the couch. 

Smiling, you looked at his outstretched hand.

“What is it, pet?” He said looking at you, his hand still waiting to help you up.

“Nothing.” You accepted the help, standing up now and sighed, “You don’t want to join me?” you bit your bottom lip, your fingers tracing his hand in your own. 

He smirked, picking you up into his arms. He carried you down the hallway, fits of small giggles erupting from your lips. Walking into the refresher, Kylo gently placed you on the sink and turned to start the shower. 

You pulled off your panties and started to undo the few buttons of Kylo’s oversized button up-- you were nearly swimming in its size. Kylo pulled off his pants and boxers, the both of you exposed in the small refresher. You looked at him with hungry eyes; the moment he turned around, the two of you locked gazes. You saw his vision trace your body; all of your curves fit with the yellowing bruises of your injuries. Most of them were gone except for the remaining ones on the left side of your ribcage. 

Kylo walked over slowly, stopping in front of where you were sitting on the countertop. He brought his hand up to your naked body, his fingertips tracing over the bruises sending goosebumps rippling throughout your body, “Is this from the accident?” he was nearly whispering.

You nodded, placing your hand lightly on his hip, “It is. It’s nearly gone now though.” You looked down at this hand, still tracing, “Is everything okay?” 

Kylo pulled his hand back, his voice stiffening, “Everything is fine. The shower is ready,” he turned and got in, leaving you on the sink. “Come on,” he said through the glass door.

You hopped off the sink, joining Kylo Ren in the shower. The both of you showered in mostly silence, his hands didn’t touch you in any way that wasn’t simply helping you wash your back or neck. His hands touched you lightly; something you weren't used to. You felt his hands trace your ribcage as the hot water ran down your dripping bodies. Turning to look at him, “What’s wrong, Kylo?” 

He kissed your forehead softly, “Nothing.”

You frowned at him, then turned around to finish rinsing your hair. You could tell something was bothering him but it was obvious he was not going to have a full on conversation. He wasn’t Matt.

“You’re right, I’m not,” he voiced from behind you, “I’m not him. I never will be like him. Do you understand that?”

You turned off the water, “I don’t like when you pry into my thoughts.” Turning around to look at him, “But yes. I know you’re not Matt. You’re Kylo Ren. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. I wouldn’t expect anything more,” your voice trailing off. Sure, you didn’t expect anything more than what you’ve experienced in the past: the few moments of emotion, the constant anger and fury.

Kylo didn’t respond, he just stood there in the shower watching you get off. You grabbed your towel, wrapping it around yourself and then handing him one. 

“Thank you,” he said softly.

You nodded at him before walking to the bedroom, leaving him in the refresher. Finishing drying off, you realized you didn’t have any fresh clothes to wear. You found a fluffy white robe on a hook and put it on.

Kylo walks in, towel tucked around his waist, “There are clothes for you in the closet.” He turned, walking into the large walk in and turned, grabbing something off of the hangers. He tossed an article of red shiny clothing on the bed, “Here.” 

You picked it up; It was a red silk nightgown, it’s fabric light as air. You looked back at Kylo, “Thank you.” 

He nodded before exiting back into the closet. You slipped off the robe, putting on the nightie. Sitting on the bed, “What is your favorite color?”

You heard movement stop in the closet before Kylo emerged wearing black pajama pants and a white shirt, his face confused; almost amused in a way, “My what?” 

You sat up on the bed more, “Your favorite color.” 

Kylo chuckled, “Why is this relevant?”

“I want to get to know you. I need to get to know you or this won’t work. You need to open up--”

“Red,” he said, interrupting you, drying his hair with the towel as he walked, “And yours?”

You smiled, “Blue.”

Kylo put the towel over the top of the closet door. He walked over to the bed and pulled back the sheets on his half of the bed, “Are you just going to sit on top of the blankets, pet?” 

Smiling, you stood up and pulled the other half of the blankets off of the top of the bed and then joined Kylo. He put his arm around you, pulling you close.

“Did you enjoy dinner?” his warm body enveloping your own. 

Nodding yes, “I did. And the, uh, skinny dipping.” 

He smirked, “Is that what you’d call that? I’m pretty sure that was sex.” 

You watched his face scrunch up into a ridiculous smile and he laughed. Kylo Ren was genuinely laughing. A wide smile branding your own face, your cheeks blushed, “Are you cracking a joke?” You erupted in a fit of giggles, sitting up and then straddling him in the bed. 

His hands found their way to your hips, “I am.” He smiled. 

“I like it. This side of you. So relaxed. Happy without the pressures of the First Order,” you paused, kissing him and then pulling back looking at his dreamy eyes, pink lips and his freckled skin. 

His smile started to fade slightly, “My happiness or lack thereof has nothing to do with the First Order,” he sat up, pulling you close to his body, “Do you understand?” His eyes looked into yours longingly. You knew he wanted to say it. 

You whispered, “Say it.” 

His lips moved, no sound coming out. The both of you sitting in silence looking into each other’s eyes. 

“Say it, Kylo.” your small whispers pleading him to say he loved you, “Please.” 

He leaned his mouth into yours, moving to melt your lips together but you pulled back before your lips touched, “No. I can’t do this if you aren’t honest with me,” you paused, studying the constellations of freckles on his skin, “Or with yourself.” 

His brow furrowed, “Why do you have to push this. I told you how I feel.” 

You sighed, “No, Kylo. You wrote it in a letter. I need to hear it.” 

“I did tell you. I said it, y/n--” he paused, his expression turning completely around from confused and barren to upset.

You paused, not able to get another word in before he spoke again, “You say I need to do better. But what about you? You don’t even attempt to understand me. This is difficult for me, you know this,” he lifted you off of him and onto the bed and then stood up, pacing, “I am fucking trying, y/n. I’m trying.” 

You went to speak but no words came out. 

“You keep fucking pushing me. I’m trying. I swear to the gods I’m trying.” he continued to pace the room, his hands on his head. 

“I’m sorry, Kylo I just--” 

He marched toward you, his hand reaching out and the force engulfing your throat, choking you, “You aren’t fucking sorry. You want me to change. I can’t change. I cannot go back.” He dropped his hand, the pressure leaving as quickly as it came. 

You held your hand to your neck. You decided to speak freely, “No, Kylo. I don’t know who you are and that’s the fucking problem. I see you’re trying. I saw it at dinner. I saw it on the beach. I know who you are. But I need more. I can’t be satisfied with… this.” 

Kylo sat down on the chair in the corner, his hands on his head. The both of you sat in silence for which felt like milenia. Finally Kylo’s groveled voice spoke, “I can’t be who I used to be. This is who I am now and this is all you’re going to get. If this isn't fucking good enough for you, go to your radar technician.” 

Without giving you a chance to respond, Kylo exited the bedroom. You stood up from the bed, following him into the hallway, “You’re misunderstanding me now, Ren. I want you but I need all of you.” You yelled after him as he picked up his sweater, “Where are you going?” 

He stopped looking at you, holding his shoes in his hands, “On a run.” 

You took another step closer to him, “I’m sorry. Just please come back to bed..” your voice trailing off. 

Kylo completely stopping in his tracks now, “I don’t want to hurt you,” his voice was quiet. You’ve never seen him look so distraught. 

You walked closer, “You could never hurt me.”

He dropped his shoes from his hand, walking toward you. He growled at you, his voice breaking slightly, “You don’t know that. I could easily hurt you again--,” he stopped himself the two of you only feet apart now. Frowning, “I can’t hurt you again.”

“I know you would never hurt--”

He pulled you into a hard kiss, picking you up into his arms. You wrapped your legs around him, melting into his warmth. Kylo grabbed at your nightgown, ripping the fabric right off of your body; your lips still clashing and fusing together. The sound of the ripping fabric sent every cell into your body into a primal hunger for Kylo. 

He carried you into the bedroom, throwing you onto the bed. You scooted back a tiny bit but Kylo grabbed your ankles, pulling you to the edge of the bed. He had somehow already taken off his shirt, he bent down to pull his pajamas down, “Gods” he muttered under his breath as he stood tall once again, pulling your legs a bit closer. 

You sucked your bottom lip into your mouth, biting it as you watched Kylo free his throbbing member from his boxers, pulling them down and off. His veiny dick already leaking droplets of precum. You licked your lips, eager to taste him.

Not giving any warning, he spread you open and thrust himself into you immediately stabbing your cervix. “Fuck!” you grunted.

“Shut up,” Kylo growled. 

Your brain plunged off in the deep end as he touched you, mewls and moans escaping your mouth. You moved your hand to rub your swollen clit but all of the sudden it was pinned down. A frustrated groan from your lips, “Just fucking let me--”

A sharp slap to the face, “I said shut the fuck up, pet. Speak when you’re-- fuck-- Spoken to.” he said through gritted teeth as he fucked you mercilessly. “You want to cum, pet?” 

You nodded your head before another slap. Kylo lowered his mouth to your ear level, growling in your ear, “I said speak when you’re spoken to.” 

“I do, sir. Please!” you cood, your clit desperate for attention. 

Kylo smirked, his thumb bringing itself to your swollen nub and swirling forceful circles, the pressure almost too much to take. This in turn earned disjointed words from your mouth-- none of them actual words. 

“Look at you. Reduced to a puddle of moans and mewls-- all for me. This pussy is mine, pet. Say it.” He said between breathless grunts, not letting up in tempo. 

You groaned, not wanting to say it. 

Kylo grabbed your throat, “Fucking say this pussy is mine. Not his.” He applied pressure, you could feel your breath catching in your windpipe. “Say it!” he yelled at you, his eyes wild. 

You opened your mouth but no words coming out, no air coming into your lungs either. You tried to reach your hands up to tap him to tell him you were struggling for air but you were still pinned down from the force. You sent every possible thought you could that you couldn’t breathe, hoping he would hear it. 

His eyes darted back and forth, his hand to your eyes before letting up, “You don’t want to say it then I’ll just have to fucking fix your insubordination. You will fully fucking submit to me-- I’m tired of these games.” He reached his hand out toward the living room, his saber flying across the room, clutched in his hand now. 

Immediately every nerve ending of yours caught on fire, remembering the feeling of his saber inside you, your mind begging for it. He pulled his throbbing dick out of your dripping pussy and placed the hilt at the entrance. 

“This is your last chance. Say it’s mine, pet.” 

You stayed silent, looking at him with untamed eyes. 

Kylo let out a savage smirk, before sliding the hilt into you. You groaned, feeling the cold metal fill every inch of your wet sex. You cood, “M-mm”

“You like that, hmm? Not much of a punishment then,” he thrusted it in further, not letting up. He reached up to your mouth pushing two fingers in, “Suck.” 

You obeyed, sucking on his fingers. You looked up at him with wide eyes as you swirled your tongue around his fingers. He pushed his fingers deeper into your mouth and you fought the gag as he continued the pyretic thrusting of the saber. 

“Mm. Can’t even handle my fingers anymore? We’ll need to train that little mouth again..” Taking his fingers out of your mouth as he pulled the hilt out of you, making you groan in pain as the sharp edges made microscopic tears on your walls. 

Kylo Ren pulled your hips down and off of the bed dropping you to the floor, “Kneel.” 

Obeying, you picked yourself up and go on your knees, looking up at him with greedy eyes. 

Kylo smirked, “Good girl. Open.”

You opened your mouth and without wasting a moment, Kylo thrusted his throbbing dick into your small mouth, immediately feeling it hit the back of your throat. His thrusting was unbroken, cruel. Through blurry eyes, you looked up to see him tipping his head back in ecstasy, “Fuck,” he muttered. 

You hummed, taking every inch and sucking hard, swirling your tongue as much as you could; his size nearly making it impossible to move your tongue at all. You felt him pulsing inside your mouth; you could taste the precum leaking out and intermingling with your dribbling spit. 

His hands in your hair, grabbing it relentlessly, “This mouth is mine. You’re mine, pet.” 

You bobbed your head passionately, getting completely lost in the moment. You let satisfied moans past your lips along with droplets of spit as you satisfied Ren’s carnal needs. 

He continued ramming your mouth, not letting up as tears stained your red face. “Good girl. Take it.” he growled. “Fuck--” he muttered, his movements becoming more erratic, the hold on your hair becoming more tense than it was, if that was even possible. 

As he moved closer to his orgasm, you felt his left hand move from your hand and immediately that invisible force was swirling your throbbing nub, making you mewl as his throbbing dick filled your mouth with each thrust. You held back gags as he fucked your mouth unyieldingly. 

The force on your clit intensifying, “Cum for me, sweet thing,” he groaned as he pulsed violently in your drooling wet mouth. 

Your body snapped into an all consuming orgasm: your toes curling and your walls of your dripping pussy clenching, every sense heightened. You groaned a gutinal moan as Kylo pulsated in your throat. 

Kylo moaned your name followed by curse words, too discombobulated to make any sense out of. Or maybe it was your wild orgasm; either way you could barely see straight as you rode out the zealous waves of ecstasy. You gripped his thighs; you felt him shudder as he pumped your mouth full of his hot seed. You swallowed every drop, gulping it down while sucking him clean, clutching at his thighs to steady yourself. 

He pulled himself out of your mouth, your lips red and swollen. Kylo grabbed your chin, pulling it up so your eyes met his. He looked like he wanted to say something but without a word, he picked you up from the floor and laid you in the bed. Your eyes heavy, you watched him walk around the bed to the other side, slipping into the sheets.

“Sleepy, pet?”

You nodded your head yes, your throat too sore to talk. 

He pulled you into his body, a mirror image earlier except now the two of you were a sweaty hot mess, melting into each other. 

You looked up at him, “We go back tomorrow?” 

He hummed, “Mm, yes.” 

Nuzzling your head into his warm body, “Okay. Good--” you yawned, “Goodnight Kylo,” you purred, still slightly hazy from your buzzing post orgasm body high. 

“Goodnight sweet thing,” he cood. 

You drifted off to sleep, safe in his embrace, the warm sea air flowing through the windows. 

\---------------------------

Kylo groaned, his eyes fluttering open. He looked to the small snoring angel next to him. She was drooling on the pillow, her mouth slightly ajar. 

‘Cute,’ he thought. He pulled his arm from her grasp, letting her be enveloped in the fluffy pillows. It was only 0630 but he knew they needed to get back soon-- he had too much to do. This was already taking quite the toll on his schedule. 

Reaching over to the side table, he grabbed his communicator to see if there were any updates on finding the scavenger. His eyes widened as he saw transpondence email from Vicrul. His heart sinking as he read it then looking at his sweet thing next to him, purring in her sleep. 

“Shit,” he murmured as he looked at the video footage Vicrul had sent and then back at y/n. Kylo stood up from the bed, grabbing his joggers from the floor and slipping them on. He needed to get out this anger before he took it out on her. She didn’t deserve that.  Grabbing a pen and paper, he wrote her a note: 

‘Be right back, sweet thing. Getting breakfast for you.’

Kylo pulled on a black sweater, slipping shoes on and started out the door. If he didn’t get space he was sure he would hurt her. And he could not do that again. 


	34. Chapter 34

Kylo had jogged down the beach and back several times, still no release of his anger. His frustration was bubbling through his veins; He felt He needed to alleviate it. He sighed, finally slowing to a walk and placed his hands on his head, stretching his lungs to let more air in. 

Stupid fucking Matt. This would be so much easier if he just wasn’t in the equation.

“Shit,” he muttered. He needed to get back before this went awry. Hux, this incriminating footage now-- It was all about to fall to pieces. He couldn’t let that happen. Not now; not when he was so close to having her be fully his. 

Walking up the boardwalk now, the sun finally rising out of the horizon and Kylo paused, looking out at the sea. He sighed. 

“Are you okay, sir--”

A voice from behind him, Kylo immediately spun around, throwing his hand out and putting the bystander in a choke hold who was only trying to ask if he was alright. Kylo saw the man’s eyes widening; He walked closer, closing in the distance while continuing the pressure on the man’s neck. 

This was it. Kylo stormed closer to the man, his hand outstretched. 

“Thank you,” he mouthed before flicking his wrist, fully crushing the man’s windpipe instantly. He pulled his hand back and watched the man’s body drop to the ground limp. 

He looked closer and recognized the man: the waiter from last night. Pity, Kylo thought, he was a nice man. But he needed to get rid of the feral anger before he took it out on her. Kylo effortlessly pulled the man’s body onto the nearby bench, leaving him there and walked back toward the cottage. He felt more relaxed, level headed now. 

Kylo stopped, realizing he told y/n he would bring back breakfast in the note he left. Making a quick turn toward town to look for a coffee cart or something of that sort. She didn’t really eat breakfast anyways, right? 

Making his way off the boardwalk Kylo approached a bakery. It seemed out of place in a chaotic town like this. It looked quaint, mellow. He walked in, the smells engulfing his senses: the smell of fresh espresso brewing, some type of baked goods making his mouth water. 

“Hello, sir. What can I get for you?” a frail voice from beyond the counter. As Kylo got closer he recognized the old woman. She was with the older man while him and y/n walked along the boardwalk to their-- skinny dipping? Is that what that was called?

Kylo gave her a small smile, “Two coffees please, ma’am.” He had no more rage to take out. Only an intense need for caffeine and he was sure his pet would appreciate some as well. 

The older woman smiled at him, “Weren’t you the man on the boardwalk yesterday? With that pretty woman?” 

Kylo gave a small nod. 

“Is she your wife?” she asked as she poured two large cups of coffee in disposable cups leaving room for cream. 

Kylo paused. Wife. The word made him feel uncomfortable, “She- uh,” for once Kylo was at a complete loss for words, “Maybe someday.” 

“Ah I see. Cream and sugar, dear?” she asked, her deep blue eyes looking into his own. 

Clearing his throat, “Yes please. Thank you.” 

“It’s special,” Pouring cream and sugar into each cup.

Kylo’s brow furrowed, “What is? The coffee?”

She let out a small laugh and placed the coffees next to Kylo’s hand, “No. Although I will say we have the best blend of espresso and coffee beans in this galaxy,” she smiled, meeting Kylo’s gaze, “Love, dear. Love is special. Don’t let it slip from your hands.” 

Kylo smiled, reaching into his pocket for a handful of credits but before he could grab them she stopped him, “Don’t worry about it, child. It’s on us today. For love.” 

Kylo gave her a warm smile, “Thank you.” She was right. Love was special and he was not about to let it slip through his fingers. He loved her. He loved y/n. 

He gave her one last smile, coffees in hand, and exited the small coffeehouse. He stopped, placing the coffees on the small table outside and pulled out his communicator-- Making a reminder for when he got back to base. 

**Note to self: send 5000 credits to coffee shop on canto bight.**

Smiling. He began to close his communicator when another transpondence email from Vicrul popped onto the screen.

**09:22 - Vicrul: Master Ren, You must get back immediately. She is going to be a big problem.**

Ren could feel the anger beginning to bubble once again; he sighed, placing the device in his pocket and grabbing the coffees.

“I will not take my rage out on her. I will not take my rage out on her--” he said aloud to himself as he walked back toward the cottage where his sweet thing laid. 

\----------------

You groaned softly, the weights on your eyes slowly lifting. 

“Here,” Your eyes shot open, Kylo holding a coffee in a disposable cup for you, “We have to go now.”

“Mm- What? Now?” you sighed, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and sitting up. 

“Yes,” He handed you the coffee, “Now, pet.” 

Taking the coffee from his large hands, you frowned, “I don’t understand what the hurry is, Kylo. Why can’t we just stay a little longer?” 

Kylo moved to the closet, grabbing robes from the closet. Looks like he had planned everything, even his dramatic little outfits. 

He sighed, “No we cannot. I have business to attend to, y/n.” 

Your eyes rolling, “Of course you do.” 

Kylo’s voice trailing from the closet, “What’s the problem? We had such a nice night. Don’t go ruining it now,” he now emerged from the closet dressed in his usual garbs. 

“I’m not the one ruiniong it. You are. We have these sweet intimate moments and you run away from it. For what? Who knows if I will ever get to spend time like this with you again, Ren.” You sat up in bed, holding the coffee in hand. 

Kylo sneered, “Don’t be dramatic. And oh, for the record, I believe it’s you who is the one who likes to run away. Or does my memory serve me incorrect?” He moved back to the closet and walked out throwing grey sweatshirt and pants on the bed, “Get dressed.” 

“Yes commander!” You said it in the most mockingly way possible. You hated when he brought up when you left-- he was the one who drove you to leave anyways. You picked up the sweat pants and sweater he tossed at you, “What no special dress this time? Elaborate outfit for the ride back? Or are you done being romantic?” 

Kylo’s brow furrowed, “Why would a special outfit be necessary for the trip back to base?” 

You sneered, “Exactly. What’s special about base? All business all of the time. No time for intimate loving moments. That’s if you did really mean it. But you won't say it--”

Kylo cut you off, standing in the doorway, “Why would you bring that up again?” 

You pulled on the sweater over your bare chest, “It’s important to be. I know you feel it. Why can’t you just say it, Kylo? I know you want to,” your voice trailing off, the words pleading out of your mouth like a dried up plant pleading for rain. You needed to hear it. 

“I’m not going to do this right now,” He bent down, slipping on his shiny black boots.

“Whatever,” you muttered. Standing up and pulling on the black underwear and grey sweatpants, you then sat down and looked at your communicator sitting on the bedside table. Ren must have put it there for you. You had a new message from only a few minutes ago:

**0930 - Matt: Hey sunshine. I hope you are having a wonderful time because you truly do deserve the galaxy and everything in it. Please be safe and let me know if you need anything.**

Your heart fluttered at the pet name: sunshine. Matt was so sweet and thoughtful, really. 

The device flew from your hands and only the bed, Kylo’s voice following, “We don’t have time for that. Finish getting dressed. I told you I have business to tend to. It’s time sensitive.” 

You scowled as you grabbed your communicator off the bed and into your pocket, “You don’t need to use your magic tricks. Use your words like a big boy.” 

You felt his eyes burning holes into your head. You braced yourself for a sharp hit or force choke but nothing came. Looking up at him, you saw him toss you some black sneakers, “You’re lucky we’re late.” 

You grabbed the shoes, slipping them on over your socks and tying the laces taught. Looking around at the house, trying to memorize every intricate detail: the wood paneling of the walls, the warm ember glow of the lamps next to the bed, the smell of the sea drifting through the windows. 

Kylo walked toward you before turning to the bedside table where he grabbed his saber and attached the hilt to his belt, “Are you ready then? I had the shuttle transported here so we are able to leave right away.” 

You nodded, trying to hide the tears that were welling in your eyes. You didn’t want to leave this place. If you left, you were worried your intimate moments with Kylo Ren would be even more few and far between.

“Do you have everything?” Kylo said as he scanned the room. 

“Yes I- I do. Are you sure I didn’t do something to upset you, Kylo?” you frowned. He was nearly panicky, pacing around the room as he gathered the things he had delivered. 

“Everything is fine. It’s nothing to-- to do with you. Vicrul let me know this morning that Hux has decided to visit our base. It’s just not what I need right now. Stupid ginger idiot,” his voice trailing off as he walked into the hallway. 

You followed him into the living area, “I’m, uh, sorry that Hux is stressing you out or whatever,” you paused, deciding to try to get him to laugh again, “You know you’re insanely compelling and hot when you get all superior on me right?” 

You smiled, but he hmm-d in response, walking outside. You followed, frowning that he was already changing from Kylo back into Supreme Leader Asshole Kylo Ren. 

The shuttle was waiting out on the beach, the two of you walked there together; you fought to keep up with his long paces. Finally making it to the shuttle, you walked up the small ramp following behind him. 

Sitting down in the copilot seat, you watched Ren fiddle with the pre flight controls. Frowning you said, “What is so important that we couldn’t wait for me to-- I don’t know. Have a shower? Eat breakfast?”

He didn’t answer, his hand now on the throttle to ignite the engines. 

“What is the fucking problem, Kylo?”

Not taking his eyes off the task at hand, “There is no problem.” 

You sighed as you buckled your belt. Pulling your communicator out of your pocket, you glanced at the message Matt had sent you. You tried to think of a thoughtful cute response.

“A bit needy isn’t he? Constantly sending you transmissions while you’re out with me?” he sneered, sitting down in the pilot seat, not buckling.

“First of all, it was two messages. One last night and one this morning. He cares about me. Checks in on me-- on my thoughts and feelings.” 

Kylo piloted the shuttle, lifting off into the atmosphere, “Is that so? And I do not?” 

“When was the last time you’ve asked me how I feel?” You looked at him, watching his brow furrow.

Kylo paused, but before he could answer you said, “He is a nice man. It’s-- It’s nice to be needed sometimes.” 

Kylo shot the shuttle into hyperspace, you moved back in your seat. Kylo was unfazed by the movements. He chuckled, “Needed? Hm. Seems more like he is a needy little child. Desperate for your attention when he knows you are with me.” 

“That's ironic coming from you. You want my attention but I don’t think you want me. He wants all of me, Kylo. All of my emotions, thoughts, feelings. Not just sex,” your voice trailing off.

A few moments of silence passed as you traveled through hyperspace. Kylo then spoke, not even turning his head to look at you, “You know that’s not why I want you. I’ve asked you repeatedly to be at my side,” He turned to look at you, “But instead you insist on playing these childish dating games.” 

You rolled your eyes so hard you were surprised they didn’t get stuck, “This isn’t a fucking game to me. Why can’t you understand that I want you. I love you and I deserve the same love in return. I need to hear it.” 

Jolting the ship from hyperspace back into the atmosphere of the base, “I fucking said it already, y/n.”

You laughed, an angry laugh, “That’s funny. I think I would have remembered that.” 

Kylo pulled the shuttle into the hanger slowly. He turned to look at you as it landed, still flying it effortlessly, “It doesn’t matter.” 

You were silent; you could feel your heart shattering into a million little pieces. All you needed was to hear it. 

Landing the ship, Kylo stood up from his seat, “Is this really not enough for you? You’d be ruling at my side. My empress, y/n. People would-- No, Galaxies would worship at your feet. Is that not enough for you?”

You frowned, standing up, “I don’t want that. All I care about is you.” 

Kylo sneered, “Don’t make me laugh. You care about him too. I can see it in your head. You’re thinking of him even now. Small thoughts in the back of your mind. Why?” He stood across from you, hands at his side. 

“Well for one he doesn’t intrude on my thoughts--”

“Answer the question. Why do you want him? What does he do that I do not? He is nothing compared to me, pet.” Kylo moved closer, brushing stray hairs behind your ear, “And you’ll come to realize this, fully. Whether you like it or not-- I’ll show you.” 

You sighed, growing tired of the same fight, “What would you do If I got sick Kylo? Groceries are nice, yes. Who was at my bedside after I got injured? I could barely walk. He helped me in and out of bed, took care of me. Loved me. Where were you?” You stopped yourself, seeing Kylo’s expression changing to upset, “I’m sorry. I know it wasn’t your fault I got hurt and you have better things to do than take care of me. I just-- Sometimes I need more than this, Kylo.”

You put your hands on his shoulders, pulling your body into his, “Let’s not talk about this now, okay? We had such a nice night. I don’t want to ruin it.” you said, sighing into his warm body. 

You felt his hand returning the embrace, “You’re right. It was nice-- this date,” He murmured.

Smiling, “We could go again soon when we have shore leave, right?” 

Kylo pulled you tighter into the embrace, “I don’t know, pet. Do you honestly think I have time for that? We are in the middle of the end. I need to crush the last of the rebellion. I need to find her-- Finish it.” 

You pulled back, “Matt would make the time.” 

You felt Kylo’s hand on your back tighten, “I told you I’m not him.” 

Sighing, “That’s my point, commander.” 

You pulled away from him and started walking down the ramp Kylo following behind you. You got to the bottom and your heart beating out of your chest you exclaimed “Fucking shit--” 

“Commander Ren. How lovely of you to finally be joining us,” Hux’s pinched voice sending your body into panic mode-- Remembering the last time you had heard it. “Ah, y/n. Hello to you too. Now I see why Ren has been particularly neglectful.” 

Kylo’s footsteps booming the ramp behind you, “Hux to what do I owe the pleasure?” 

Kylo now stood in between you and Hux. Hux gave you a small smile, “y/n this is First Order command business. I’m sure Ren will alert you for another booty call later,” he turned his attention back to Kylo Ren, “Let’s go to your office please. I have something to discuss with you.” 

You turned to Kylo and he nodded, joining Hux as they walked toward the Command offices. 

“Bye then,” you sighed as you watched the two figures disappear into the hallway. 


	35. Chapter 35

Audrey sighed, walking toward the engineering deck. She had to confront Matt. The more she tried to shut out the images of Kylo Ren holding y/n’s lifeless body, the more it popped in her wavelengths. It had been only a few hours with this information and it was weighing heavy on her heart. 

Grabbing breakfast? Images of him clutching y/n close to his body. Turning on the shower? Images of him throwing the group of stormtroopers to the side in what looked like a blind rage. Pulling on her shirt? Images of him throwing his hand up, the medbay door forcing itself open with the force, damaging the door. She couldn’t get the footage out of her head. 

She had decided earlier that day that she was going to talk to Matt-- ask him what he had planned to do with the footage. She needed to get some type of peace. She felt so guilty having this information about her mentor.. Maybe even friend. 

Walking through the hatch,  _ swoosh,  _ Audrey scanned the deck, looking for Sergeant Cresson. She saw him sitting by the command shuttle, looking down on his datapad. 

Audrey skipped up to the old man, smiling and said, “Sir! Have you seen Radar Tech Matt? I have-- A, um, work thing-- question for him, sir.”

Cresston smiled at her, his grey stubbly beard lining the curve of his smile perfectly, “He’s working in,” he paused, glancing down at his datapad. She saw him scroll through the service queue, “Hallway 37B. Is there anything I can help with, Audrey?” He flashed a small warm smile.

She smiled at him back, “No it’s alright sir. Thank you!” 

Turning to walk toward hallway 37B which was luckily just around the corner, she couldn’t help but notice how hard her heart was racing. It seemed to happen every time she talked to Matt but more as of recently. 

Skipping around the corner she saw the messy blonde mop and smiled, “Matty!” 

Matt turned and gave her a small smile, his face dirtied with small spots of grease, “Audrey, hi.” 

Walking over to Matt, Audrey said, “Can we go and talk somewhere?” 

He kneeled down, placing his wrench back in the toolbox at his feet, “We can talk right here. I have to finish this repair. What’s up?” 

She frowned, “I thought you were off today, anyways.” 

“I asked to be put on shift so I could have tonight off. I have plans for y/n and I this evening.” 

Audrey smiled at him as wide as she could. It always pained her slightly hearing about Matt and y/n. Every time she thought about it, small distant memories of their past popped into her head. 

“Oh, plans. That’s fun. I-- Are you sure you want to talk here?” She looked around, the hallway was nearly empty besides the few passers by.

Matt turned back to the open wall compartment, hands deep in the wiring, “What did you want to talk about?”

Audrey cleared her throat, “The, um. The video footage.”

Matt paused then continued working, “What about it?” 

Her brow furrowed slightly, “Did you send it to y/n?”

Matt stopped tinkering and turned to look at Audrey, “No. I didn’t. And I’m not even sure I want to.” 

“What the fuck do you mean you’re not going to? Kylo lied about what happened to y/n. It’s obvious--”

Matt cut her off, “It’s none of your business first of all, Audrey. Stop inserting yourself into things that don’t concern you,” he sighed, then began to turn around.

Audrey put her hand on his shoulder, stopping him mid turn, “You dragged me into this when we watched that footage together. She’s my friend, anyways.” Pulling her hand back and crossing her arms, she stared at him waiting for a response. 

Matt scoffed, “You don’t care about her. You only have a vendetta against Ren for dropping you after the formal.”

Audrey paused, balling her fists, “He didn’t drop me.” 

Matt smirked, “Where is he now? I’m sure you’ve had plenty of conversations and intimate moments since then, right?”

“He’s a busy man. He doesn’t have time to pander to my needs. I don’t need to explain my relationship to you, Matty.” She frowned, further crossing her arms. “Anyways, that doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you need to show her. Or send it to someone who will do something..”

Matt sighed, “Just give me some time to process this, Audrey. It’s been like six hours..”

She put her hands on her temples, rubbing hard, “No! There is no time. Ugh! You’re just as indecisive here as you were back on Naboo. And this time it doesn’t just hurt us. It’ll hurt her too,” She paused, then sighed, “You know what. I’m glad I ended things when I did. You’ll forever be a child who can’t make up his mind.”

Matt placed the rest of his tools in his box and closed the circuit box, walking toward the engineer deck. He talked over his shoulder at Audrey who was now following him, her tiny angry footsteps echoing over his own boot’s thumps, “You’re just as spiteful now as you were then. What is it? Can’t bare to see me genuinely happy with someone else?” 

She sneered, “Sure, Matty. Spiteful, caring. They’re interchangeable words to you, aren't they? You need my help. Admit it!”

Matt kept walking, “I’m not doing this right now. I have too much fucking going on to ponder over our relationship and how fucking toxic it was. I’m trying to fix my current relationship,” he paused, stopping to face her, “And one thing is for damn sure. I don’t need your fucking help.” 

Audrey scowled at him, “Just fucking listen to me. For once! I heard General Hux is here. Maybe we just.. Send it to him! Yes! That’ll fix it. I mean, why else would he be here unless he’s here to lay down the law with Ren? He’s been such a loose cannon lately..” 

Matt’s brow furrowed, obviously up to his ears in frustration. She could see his jugular vein pulsing as the conversation got more and more heated, “I swear you have this personal vendetta against him. Once again: I don’t care how Ren fucked you over after the formal. Literally or figuratively.”

She crossed her arms again, “Don’t act like you weren’t jealous to see me on his arm. Kylo asked me to be his date and that’s what I was. His date. I don’t have a vendetta against him. Stop changing the topic, Matty. You need to show her today.”

Matt scoffed, crossing his arms as well, “Yes he asked you because I had already asked y/n. Let’s be honest here, has he even had a simple conversation with you since then? I’ll talk to y/n when I’m ready.” 

“I’ve-- I’ve talked to him,” she paused, “I mean, If you don't say anything to y/n then I will.” 

Matt laughed, “Sure, Audrey. Go in guns a blazin. Accuse the Supreme Leader of whatever it is you think happened in that footage. I’m sure that’ll fix everything. That sounds like a sure fire way to die.”

She gave a smirk, “Kylo wouldn’t lay a finger on me. You know, unless I asked him to.” 

He rolled his eyes, “What the fuck ever Audrey. Just wait, let me figure out what happened. Maybe I’ll talk to Ren. Give him a chance to own up to it before I tell her,” he paused, “Where do you even think he is right now?” 

“He um-- He’s a busy man. I don’t expect him to keep me updated on his whereabouts. He’s the Supreme Leader. I’m sure he’s working on a mission since he isn’t here on base..” 

Matt smiled, “Sure. Working. Isn’t it quite the coincidence that y/n was swept away on a shuttle the same time he was working? Hmm,” he said, then muttered under his breath, “Fuck..” 

Audrey frowned. Y/n and kylo? “He doesn’t even care about her. Why would they be together? You are just being spiteful and trying to upset me.”

Matt turned and started walking toward the engineer deck again, “I’m done with this conversation. Don’t send it to Hux or Ren. Just give me time and let me handle this myself.” 

Audrey huffed, “Ugh! Just like on Naboo. You think you can always just tell me what to do and I’ll be a good little girl and listen.” 

“And just like on Naboo you won’t listen to a single word I say. Because It’s Audrey’s way or the highway right?” 

“Do you love her?” Audrey asked. The words bit her tongue as they left her mouth. She already knew the answer but needed to hear it from his own mouth.

Matt stopped, looking at her in the eyes, “Yes. So I mean it when I say to let it go and let me handle it.” 

“She will be grateful we told her!” Audrey exclaimed. 

“Or she will hate us forever. Y/n is something else. She’s fucking fearless and headstrong. She-- She loves him too,” he paused and rubbed his face with his hands before giving Audrey a pained look, “I want to be sure before I confront her or him with it. For the love of Darth Vader, please stay out of it. I’m begging you.”

Audrey paused and studied Matt’s face. Before she could respond, Matt spoke again, “Because I can’t lose her again.” 

“Matty. You’re being ridiculous!” 

“I don’t know why I even expected you to remotely understand my point of view.” 

“She deserves to know.”

“I don’t disagree.”

“You’re being such a freaking jerk, Matty. The First Order really did a number on you, huh?” 

He smirked, “Too bad they didn’t have to make you into the selfish person you are today. You were like that when you arrived. Only thinking about yourself--”

Audrey cut him off, “I am the way I am because of you. You psychopathic jerk. I should have warned y/n about how controlling you are. Before she gets hurt.. Oh wait..” she trailed off, folding her arms. 

“Really? You’re gonna start gaslighting me now? Kriff, that’s really where we’re going today, huh? Let’s not forget how not in charge of me you are anymore, princess.”

Audrey could barely contain her anger, her voice at a harsh whisper, “Gaslighting you?! You’re fucking insane. I can’t believe I mourned our relationship for as long as I did.” 

Matt gave a mocking smile, “Okay cupcake. Just know I didn’t mourn it for more than the day I left for boot camp. I’m done with this conversation. Do not send that video to anyone.” 

Matt turned from Audrey, leaving her in the hallway. She was filled with irreparable anger. Pulling out her communicator and pulling up the correspondence app. She was going to fix this whether Matt liked it or not. 


	36. Chapter 36

Finally making your way to your quarters, you raised your hand to the small keypad next to the hatch. You entered the code and the door  _ swooshed _ open quickly revealing an unusually pristine living area. 

You walked in taking in every small detail as you went: the shine on the island countertops, the dirtied mugs and plates cleared from the sink, the throw blankets folded neatly on the back of the couch. Your eyes gazed down to the floor which was also sparkling. 

As your eyes continued to wander throughout the room, you saw an orange sticky note on the kitchen island. 

“Hmm,” you said, walking closer. You picked it up, reading the messy handwriting: 

‘Hi sunshine. I hope you had a good trip. I thought you’d like to come back to a clean comfortable space so I spruced it up a bit for you. There is one more thing for you next to your bed.’

You tried to wipe the dumbfound smile off of your face but to no avail. You put the sticky note back on the table. You practically floated to the bedroom; your feet gracing the clean tiles as you walked. 

Walking into your bedroom your eyes immediately met the vase of orange marigolds with small pops of baby’s breath. You smiled, walking closer. Next to the vase sat a small letter. You walked over, your fingers tracing the fresh crisp sheets as you went. 

Smiling, you picked up the white paper. Upon closer examination before opening, you realized it must be some simple computer paper-- the same kind you used at work. You unfolded it and your eyes gazed over the same messy handwriting. This time, it wasn’t just a sweet note, but a poem: 

‘My sunshine, 

How strange is it that I dream of you,

Even when I’m wide awake.

Your snores,

Your smile,

Your laugh.

It refills my soul when it’s running on empty,

I want to give you the galaxy,

And everything in it.’

Your heart fluttered. You reread it probably three times before you realized there was more writing at the bottom. 

‘Please join me at the flight deck tonight. 1500.’

You lightly sucked in your bottom lip and bit it lightly. Matt-- he was really the sweetest. You glanced down at your wrist watch. The time read 1415. Perfect, time to relax for a bit and then head over. 

If you hadn’t spent so much time at Annemarie’s quarters before coming here you would have more time to get ready. But you needed to tell her about your previous night with Ren. 

\---------------------

Walking out of your hatch, you let it close behind you. Making a left, you sighed and kept toward the flight deck. Glancing down at your wrist watch, 1445. You kept your pace, not stopping to talk with any familiar faces you saw. That was until you saw Vicrul turning the corner and walking your direction as you passed the mess hall. 

“Hey!” you smiled and gave a small wave. 

Vicrul didn’t respond until he came closer; He gave you a small nod.

“What’s wrong with you?” you voiced as you observed his posture. He was more stoic than he had been with you during your last couple meetings. It was almost as if he had regressed back into the asshole he was when you first met.

He kept his stance, “There’s nothing wrong,” He turned his helmet toward the mess hall entrance. You looked that direction as well and saw Audrey sitting at a table filled with other new recruits. 

You frowned, “Is it about Audrey? Did she shoot you down--”

He quickly turned back to you, “No she didn’t. We have, um, coffee plans for tomorrow. But it doesn’t matter now.” 

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter? Is everything okay?” 

“Everything is fine,” he said coldly, “Hux is just being a pain as usual. Bothering Ren and whatnot over incessant duties--”

You cut him off, “Hux can stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. Is Kylo okay?” Your heart fluttering at the thought of anything happening to him. 

“Master Ren is perfectly fine,” he paused and then spoke quieter, his voice trailing off, “Selfish as always.” 

What the hell was the matter with him? You worried that Vicrul was frustrated That you caused hux to be on their ass again, “Are you sure there--”

He turned back toward you, “There’s nothing wrong.”

You frowned. Taking another glance down at your watch, 1449. You were going to be late for Matt--

“Ah going to see your side piece? I don’t see what the two of you see in him. Or what she saw in him.” Vicrul said, his modified voice hiding his obvious frustration. His posture, on the other hand, was very telling. His hands balled up into fists, his shoulders back. 

“I am seeing Matt tonight. He’s a nice man. I don’t know anything about him and Audrey, really.” 

“Well enjoy your night. Not all of us are going to be having a pleasant evening,” he looked back across the hall at Audrey for a moment before turning back to you, “I have to go finish attending to Master Ren’s errands,” and without another word he left you in the hallway. 

You took another look at Audrey from across the hall: she was laughing, sitting on a chair with a table full of friends. You could hear her laugh from across the hall; it was a sweet laugh. The kind that made the joke ten times funnier. You actually adored the sound of her laughter. 

You paused, wondering if you should stop and say hi. You never officially got to congratulate her in person on finishing her training. You glanced down at your watch, 1453. 

“Shit,” you mumbled. You would just have to see her another time if you were going to make it to the flight deck on time. You knew Matt was already waiting there for you. You tried to shake the ominous feelings that Vicrul had left you with as you continued walking down the halls toward the flight deck.


	37. Chapter 37

TRIGGER WARNING: extreme violence, rough oral sex. please skip if needed! 

Audrey smiled as she looked around at the faces surrounding her. She had finally made a good group of friends here. She felt safe, even comfortable. She giggled unreasonably loud at a joke her friend had said, then erupted with laughter. 

Her blissful moment was interrupted by the buzzing of her communicator. She pulled it from her pocket and read the message: 

**1455 - Commander Ren: My quarters. Now.**

She stared at the blinking message across the screen. She couldn’t tell what exactly she was feeling: nervousness, lust maybe even excitement? She stood up, brushing her hair behind her ear quickly. 

“Hey, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you guys later!” She bid adieu to her friends who barely acknowledged her departure. She strutted out of the mess hall and into the hallway. She practically was skipping with glee. 

Commander Ren had finally come to his senses and wanted to make her his. She had been waiting for this moment since he had asked her to the formal. 

She stopped in her tracks as a pang of remorse flew through her body causing her stomach to twirl into knots. Did he know that she sent the footage to Hux? 

She shook it off, realizing that there was no way that he could have known that she had been the one to have sent it. It was from an anonymous email address.

\----------

She smiled as she turned the corner into Ren’s hallway. Her smile quickly faded as she saw him at the end of the hallway. 

She gave Vicrul a wave, smiling as she walked toward him. He remained a statue next to Ren’s hatch. 

“Hey, Vic. Um-- Kylo wanted to see me?” 

He rolled his shoulders back and adjusted his stance, “I know.” 

She gave a small smile, “I’m really excited for our coffee thing tomorrow! I mean-- If you still want to go. I hope you wouldn’t let this thing with Ren and I get in the way of us!”

Vicrul responds, “It’s okay darling. I’m sorry,” he looked like he wanted to say more but nothing came out of his mask.

She gives him one more smile before straightening out her uniform skirt and nodding for him to open the hatch. Sorry? What does he have to be sorry for? 

It  _ swooshed _ open immediately ceasing every thought that didn’t have to do with the Supreme Leader. She walked into the dark quarters; The air was warmer than she had expected. She looked to her right where a small fire was crackling in the fireplace. She walked closer to it, looking at the glowing red embers. 

“Kylo?” she said into the darkness as she walked closer to the fire. She was close to the fire now; the glow of the embers dancing off of her face, “Ky-” 

A gloved hand grabbed her shoulder, spinning her around. Her heart was nearly beating out of her chest as she was met with the brooding man, “You- You scared me!” she panted, grasping her chest as she tried to catch her breath. 

He hmm-d in response, letting go of her shoulder. “Thank you for coming,” he said, his voice cold and strong. 

Finally, her chest rose and fell with a steady rhythm again, “I- of course, Kylo--”

He cut her off, “Do not call me Kylo. You will address me as Master Ren.”

A small smile peeked from her lips. She could get down with some dominant role play, “Yes Master Ren. Whatever you’d like.” 

A slightly devilish grin peeked from behind his stone face, “Whatever I want? Are you sure you can handle that?” 

His voice made every nerve in her body stand on end. She studied his face: the contrast of dark flowy hair to his pale skin peppered with freckles. He was fucking beautiful and he was hers tonight. 

She gave a confident smile, “I can handle anything, Master Ren.” She had been waiting for a moment of real intimacy with him for the longest time-- she didn’t care what he wanted to do. She just needed to be his tonight.

He held out a gloved hand. She looked at it for only a split second before placing her own hand in it, letting him lead her down a dark hallway. She struggled to see-- the rooms were so dark as she got further and further away from the glow of the fireplace. 

“Kylo I can’t see-”

“Shh,” he whispered. He held out his free hand and a hatch opened in front of them revealing a bedroom: it was fit with glowy red lights, the black bed and sheets. Otherwise stripped of any personality. No photos, nothing. 

She smiled, “Is this your special room for-”

“Shut up,” he sneered as he pulled her hand forward then pushed her into the room. 

She stumbled into the room, falling to her knees. She attempted to stand up but an invisible force was holding her to the ground-- keeping her at a kneeling position. Looking up she saw the red glow illuminating Kylo’s face. She watched him move closer to her, palming at his member through his pants with each step he took. 

She felt the force lighten up a bit and she straightened her posture. She went to reach for her scrunchie on her wrist to put her hair up. She hated having hair in her face when she was giving head. 

Kylo’s voice stopped her. “Leave it down,” he commanded. 

She nodded as she watched him pull down his zipper. Looking up at his honeyed eyes, the red light reflected the specks of gold. Licking her pink lips, she was ready for whatever he was about to give her. 

“Are you sure about that?” he cooed as he released his cock from his boxer briefs, already dripping with precum as he stroked it in front of her. 

She was confused for a moment before remembering the rumors of his mind reading force abilities. Gods, that was hot. 

Before she had a chance to answer, a gloved hand found its way to her hair, pulling her head back. Her eyes met his and she shuttered from the pain erupting at her hairline. 

Kylo chuckled, “Don’t tap out now. We haven’t even started.” He pulled her head down to face his member straight on before commanding, “Open.”

She obeyed and without a moment of hesitation, Kylo’s cock was filling her mouth. Thrusting violently, angrily. She was gagging, spit dribbling out of her mouth as he continued the unyielding thrusts. 

She tried to quiet her mind of how nervous she was-- No one had ever been this rough with her.. And he said we barely started.. 

She felt his hand grip her hair tighter, “I thought you said you can handle me, little girl.” 

She moaned softly as she took his cock, swallowing the length completely before gagging hard. 

He pulled out, “Stand up and strip. Now.”

She stood up, her legs already feeling like pins and needles from being held down for so long. Quickly, she pulled off her uniform, unbuttoning as fast as she could; she watched his eyes trace her fingers as she finally threw off her uniform shirt and pulled off her dress skirt. She stopped for a moment, wondering if she should take off her bra and panties. 

“Yes,” he said. 

She gave a small nod, unclipping her bra and bending down to slide off her panties. She stood before him-- completely exposed. She went to pull his face in for a kiss but her wrists were met with his gloved hands, restraining her. 

“Who do you think you are?” He growled as he let go of her wrists, pushing her onto the bed. “Hands and knees. Now.” 

She tried to calm her heart which was beating out of her chest, “I thought tonight was about us--”

His hand reached out, choking her with the force. “Did I fucking stutter? Hands and knees.” 

He pulled his hand back to his side and as quickly as the choking had started, it ceased. She fought back tears. Worried she had angered him too much-- but he would never seriously hurt her, right? Turning around, she got onto her hands and knees. Her eyes gazed at the black velvet headboard in front of her. She didn’t dare to look around in fear he would reprimand her for it. 

A sharp smack to her ass caused her to yelp. 

“I’m just getting started,” he murmured as he gave another sharp smack. 

Her eyes began to blur with tears and she let out a small whimper. She felt so exposed, void of any affection. Alone. 

“Affection? You think I’d give you affection?” he said, delivering another slap to her ass. 

A small whimper escaped through her clenched teeth. 

“Speak,” he commanded. 

“I- I’m just not used to this..” her voice quiet, slightly cracking. 

“Oh, did Matt give it to you better than I do? Sweet kind Matt,” he said, “Don’t judge me just yet. I haven't even fucked you.”

Her eyes widened, “Why would you bring him up,” she said. She continued to stare at the headboard, hearing Kylo’s pacing footsteps behind her. 

“What do you see in him? I don’t understand. I need to know what she sees in him,” his voice trailing off. The most emotion she had heard him be this entire evening. No, the entire time she has known him. 

“I-- what she sees? Are you talking about y/n?” 

Immediately he flipped her body and his gloved hands went to her neck, choking her, “I never want to hear her sweet name from your lips. You ruined it. You fucking--” He stopped himself, releasing the pressure. Looked at her with wild eyes, “You ruined it.” 

She pulled her hands to hold her throat. She could barely catch her breath. Genuinely scared, “I’m sorry. I-- I didn’t mean to upset you Kylo--”

He kneeled onto the bed, still fully clothed his cock tucked away, and then straddled her body, pinning her down, “I said do not call me that.” 

“M-master Ren, sir. I’m s-sorry,” she squeaked.

His face was stone, “Are you truly sorry? Do you even know what you’ve done?” 

She shook her head trying to shove down any memories of the video footage she sent to Hux, “I-” 

“You think I don’t know?” he said, brushing a hair out of her face. 

She turned her head trying to break eye contact. She had never been so scared in her life. His hand grabbed her chin, forcing her gaze back up to his vexed eyes. 

“I- I was worried for her. I don’t understand--”

“Do you think I care what your motives were behind it? Don’t act like it wasn’t out of some weak foolish vengeance,” he kept his gaze into her eyes, “Poor Audrey. So heartbroken that I didn’t want you. You’re fucking pathetic.”

She sucked in her bottom lip to try to stop the quivering to no avail, “I’m sorry, sir. I thought it was the right thing to do!” At this point hot tears were pouring out of her eyes, her hands restrained with the force. 

“Tell me the truth. Did you ever think I was genuinely interested in you?” 

She felt her heart break into a million pieces. Not responding, only letting the tears flow from her red eyes.

“I never cared. You were a pawn on a board you didn’t even know you were playing. I care about her,” he growled, his face moving closer to her own. “I fucking love her. And you fucked it all up.”

She was trembling under his body, “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll--”

Her voice was cut off with Kylo’s hands once again cutting off her airway. 

“Shut up,” he murmured. She saw his eyes bouncing from his hand back to her eyes, “Too bad. Vicrul really liked you.” 

Immediately he let go. Before she could get a moment of relief, he reached his hand out to the side and his lightsaber flew across the room and into his hand. 

It came to a roar, the red sparks igniting the room. She went to scream but before she could get a word out, Kylo's saber impaled her through the throat, piercing her into the bed, immense pain and heat started filling her world. Everything then went numb-- she no longer could feel her hands. She lost all ability to move as her world spun into darkness. 

She faded quickly, her hands not even able to reach up to hold her wound. Her eyesight fading and fading as she heard Kylo murmur, “Stupid girl.”

\-------------

“Please take care of this, Vicrul.”

Vicrul heard Kylo’s voice in his head. He paused. He had spent the last half an hour trying to silence the mental connection between him and Kylo but it was unsuccessful. He heard everything that went on. Every evil menacing thought that entered Ren’s sick twisted mind. Usually, he didn’t mind the sick and twisted. Hell, he was sick and twisted himself. But he-- he cared for Audrey. He wasn’t sure if he could handle cleaning up this mess. No, he could handle it. But he didn’t want to.

“Now.” Ren’s voice booming in Vicrul’s mind once again. 

He sighed, turning to enter Ren’s quarters. Walking in, he saw Kylo sitting at the counter drinking a cup of coffee. 

“Where is she?” It was taking everything in Vicrul not to act on anger. He lifted his hands to take off his mask. He set it on the coffee table with a thud, staring at Ren-- waiting for an answer.

“Bedroom,” Ren said calmly as he took another sip of coffee, not even making eye contact. 

Vicrul moved closer to the bedroom, walking down the dark halls and entered through the doorway into the glowing red room. He saw her body on the bed, lifeless. 

“Shit,” he murmured. 

He walked closer, looking around. He tried to avert his eyes from her naked body out of respect. Walking to the closet, he grabbed a fresh black sheet and unfolded it as he moved back toward where she laid on the bed. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered as he draped it over her. He tucked it underneath her and then wrapped her tightly with it. “I’m sorry.”


	38. Chapter 38

**TRIGGER WARNING: EXTREME VIOLENCE, SOME BLOOD**

You walked through the blast doors and onto the flight deck; Looking around for a moment wondering why Matt wanted to meet you here. Scanning the room more, you looked around for your dorky radar technician. 

You heard your name called from your left. You turned to see Matt’s face: his cheeks rosy red, his glasses reflecting the lights as he walked. He was dressed in grey sweatpants and a long sleeved black shirt-- still effortlessly dreamy. You were glad you didn’t get all dressed up before coming here; you wore leggings and an oversized t-shirt from your academy days. 

He was jogging over, finally making it to you. He picked you up in his arms and spun you. It felt like a fairy tale-- your heart fluttering as giggles erupted from your core.

His lips met yours, melting into a sweet simple kiss before he pulled back, his golden brown irises meeting your own eyes. 

Matt gave a warm smile, “I missed you.” 

Blush crept across your face, “I know.” 

You gave him a small wink and pulled his face back into yours. You were still suspended in the air; you felt as though you were weightless. The two of you stayed there in that moment, not paying attention to the bustling bodies across the flight deck around you. The only person that mattered right now was Matt; your hands intertwined in his hair before letting them fall over his shoulders clasping them together loosely now. 

You relished in the moment before pulling back from the kiss, your foreheads touching together now. He kept one arm around your waist and brought the other to the base of your neck, intermingling with your hair. 

“I have a surprise for you. Nothing special,” he paused, “But I think you’ll like it.”

You smiled, pulling back, “A surprise? Here?” 

He set you down with ease, “Yes sunshine. Here!” He held out his hand to you. You took it, following him closely.

Looking around, he led you to a flight of stairs to the far left of the flight deck; it was far away from all the commotion of the pre-flight checks, pilots going in and out bustling about. 

“Up here?” you asked as Matt started to lead you up the steps. You had never been to this area of the flight deck.

“Shh,” he whispered. 

You climbed up the stairs, following close behind him. You counted the steps in your mind: thirteen, fourteen, fifteen.. Finally the two of you neared the end of the stairs but Matt stopped you before you got to the top.

“Wait! Close your eyes,” he said, giving his bottom lip a quick bite in an obvious effort to contain his excitement. 

You cocked your head with a smirk, “Is that really necessary?” 

He nodded, “Yes ma’am, it is. Close them. Now,” he winked. 

You obeyed, covering your eyes with your left hand as Matt took your right hand helping you up the last few steps. You stepped onto a platform, waiting for direction. 

Matt let go of your hand and said “N-now wait here! Don’t open your eyes until I say so!” You heard his voice getting farther and farther. 

You held your hands over your eyes, “Can I open yet?” you grinned, waiting for the instructions to open them.

“Okay!” he exclaimed, his voice cracking with excitement. 

You moved your hand back down to your side and kept your eyes closed for a moment. Your heart was beating out of your chest with anticipation. Finally, you worked up the nerve to open your eyes. Your chest swelled as you took in the sight before you: A small area completely void of people except for Matt who was standing there, holding another bouquet of orange marigolds, his smile bright enough to illuminate the galaxy. Your gaze trailed to the orange blanket on the floor with a basket.

“A picnic here?” you asked.

“It’s my secret spot,” he pointed to the right, “Look.” 

You turned your head and your mouth formed a small ‘o’. Your breath caught in your chest slightly as you took a small step toward the giant window. You could see as far as humanly possible into the vastness that was space. Walking closer, your heart steadied. You reached out to the window to touch it. For a moment, you hesitated in fear of falling out-- as irrational as that was. 

Matt’s hands reached around your waist, catching you off guard, “Shit,” you muttered. 

“Beautiful isn’t it?” he whispered into your neck, delivering a tender kiss. 

It sent goosebumps to all ends of your body, “It is..” your voice trailing off. 

“I’m going to be super cheesy right now,” he paused, then giving you another kiss between each word, “It’s not as beautiful as you. Not an ounce of the galaxy compares.” 

You tipped your head back slightly before looking back out into the vast space, the twinkling lights and small shuttles passing by. You looked as far as you could, wondering where it all ended.. 

“Speaking of cheesy! Are you hungry sunshine?” 

You smiled, “I kinda am, actually!” Turning around into his arms, “Is there a dinner menu?” 

He grinned and placed a soft kiss on your lips. Grabbing your hand, he led you back toward the makeshift picnic: a small basket, as you moved closer you could see a few different sized tupperwares and bottles of water.

Matt motioned for you to sit, “I have a um, three course meal planned out for us,” he paused and sat down across from you and opened the picnic basket, “I know it’s nothing like Ren probably gave you but I really did try. Did I ever tell you how terrible I am at cooking?” He gave a small laugh as he took out two small tupperwares.

You watched him intently, “Bad at cooking? But you always make breakfast and you bake amazing things--”

“Ah ah ah. Baking and cooking? Completely different. I can cook eggs and toast easily. Ask me to make dinner?” he smirked, “Good luck, baby.” 

He handed you a small tupperware and you opened it: inside was about a cup of shredded lettuce, diced tomato (which was cut up at a bunch of weird angles), and a few single cubes of a cucumber void of any dressing.

You looked down at it for a moment and then back at Matt’s face, “Salad! I-- I like salad.” 

He gave a small smile, “I’m sorry the tomatoes are all fucked up, I diced them and then realized maybe I should have done it horizontally-- Anyways, here is um, your,” he paused and then said in a super serious fancy accent, “Macaroni.” 

You giggled, taking the other tupperware from his hands. Peering in, you looked at the orange noodles and back up to him and smiled, “I really like macaroni actually.”

He started to dig around in the basket, “It’s um-- fuck where did I put the forks-- Boxed macaroni. I didn’t know how to make real-- shit where did I put them,” his voice trailing off. 

You put down the macaroni and pulled his hands into your own, “I don’t care if it’s boxed! I actually kinda like the boxed. Something about the fake cheese.” You gave him a kiss on the cheek, “What are you looking for?”

Matt sighed, “The forks. I think I forgot the forks.” 

You watched him as he looked through the basket more before saying, “It’s okay, love. We can eat at my quarters after this if you want. I can wait,” you gave him another kiss on the cheek. 

He let out a small sigh followed by a smile, “Okay. Although I do have something that doesn’t require forks! As long as you don’t mind eating dessert before dinner.” 

Matt reached into the basket one more time and out came the last tupperware, “I made these this morning. It’s my grandma’s recipe.”

He opened the lid and took out a cupcake: the frosting a glimmering white, the paper wrapper was white as well. Matt placed it in your hand and you took in the scent: heavenly, delectable. It was as light as a cloud. 

“Wow,” you said. 

“It’s a um, white cake with raspberry puree and a white chocolate buttercream frosting. I wasn’t sure if you like white chocolate--”

“I love it,” you said as you dipped your finger into the frosting and popped your finger into your mouth. You let out a small laugh, “It’s really good.” 

“I seem to remember the last time you licked frosting off your finger like that in front of me,” he paused as he adjusted his position, “We went a bit wild.” 

Blush once again crept across your face. “Hmm did it? I don’t remember,” you said, taking another finger full of frosting into your mouth and sucking it clean.

Matt cleared his throat and picked up the other cupcake, “There’s um, raspberry filling--”

“You told me. What is it, babe? Is something making you flustered?” You took a small bite of the cupcake and licked your lips slow. Watching his eyes trace your tongue made warmth pool in your abdomen. You were relishing in watching him get more and more visibly aroused. 

“You’re going to regret that,” he whispered as he moved closer. 

Smiling, you leaned in to kiss him and instead of being met with his lips you were met with a face full of cupcake. 

“Matt-- fuck!” you started laughing. 

Matt laughed loud, loud bellowing laughter. Then he took a finger full of icing from your cheek and licked it off his finger, “Good right?” He grabbed a napkin from the basket and helped wipe your face, “You were asking for it, sunshine.”

You giggled, “I mean I guess so. You said it’s your grandma’s recipe?” you licked your lips tasting the sweet white chocolate buttercream. 

“Mmhmm, it is,” he said as he cleaned frosting off of your nose, “You have a bit more right… here..” his voice trailed off as his lips met yours, he licked his tongue slowly along your bottom lip; the sensation sent your body into hyperdrive. You moaned into his mouth as he gave one more wet kiss-- your mouths melting into each other as he kissed away the last few spots of frosting. He pulled back and gave you a smirk. 

“I- um, thank you,” you stuttered trying to relax your body from the pool of lust it was melting into.

“What is it, babe? Is something making you flustered?” His smirk widening, his eyes darting from your mouth back to your eyes. 

You cleared your throat, “Tell me more about you. I want to, um, know more.” You desperately tried to change the subject because you knew if it continued on the track it was on, you would most definitely jump his bones right here and now. 

“More about me? What do you want to know?” he said as he took a bite of the unmashed cupcake. 

You paused then finally said “Can you, um, tell me about Audrey? What exactly happened between you two?” 

He sighed and put down the baked good, “Sure. What do you want to know?” 

“Why did you two break up?” 

“She hated the First Order and everything it stood for. When I told her I wanted to join she went off on me. And for once I didn’t back down to her. She couldn’t handle it. She was used to bossing me around and it was just,” he sighed, “toxic. Very toxic.” 

You studied his posture: his frame closed off a bit as he talked about her.

He picked up the cupcake again, “She was my first girlfriend. And I’m forever grateful for her. But it wasn’t right for us to be together. I know that for sure.”

He took another bite of the cupcake.

“When I finally did sign the paperwork, she didn’t talk to me for a week. She broke it off the day before I left for bootcamp. It was devastating at the time but I know now that I deserve better. I don’t deserve someone who controls or gaslights me.” 

You smiled, “You deserve everything, Matt. I know I don’t usually open up to you with my feelings. And I know this whole thing with Kylo probably isn’t easy on you and it must be confusing. I just wanted to say I lov--”

You stopped as you heard a multitude of footsteps from the deck below. Both you and Matt turned then stood up walking to the edge of the balcony and watched over the ledge. You saw a few stormtroopers huddling around as they listened to their comm link. 

“FL-32 Your brigade is needed in Commander Ren’s Quarters. Something about disposal unit needed.” 

“Right away, sir” 

You looked at them and then back at Matt, “Disposal unit?” 

Matt shrugged his shoulders, “They probably mean the janitorial unit. Ren probably had something he needed to dispose of that wouldn’t fit in his trash can. Pompous ass, bossing people around,” he stopped himself and looked back at you, “I’m sorry he just gets under my skin.”

“It’s okay. I know. Do you want to maybe take a walk? My legs are sore from sitting all day on the shuttle and then at Annemarie’s. I just wanna stretch them out a bit.” 

“Of course. Let me pack up the blanket and we can get going,” he gave you a kiss on the forehead before he walked back over to the picnic. 

You stayed there for a moment trying to listen to the troopers below but you couldn’t make anything out. 

“Ugh,” you mumbled before walking back to Matt. Kneeling down, you helped him pack up the rest of the tupperwares. 

  
  


\---------------------

The two of you decided to take the long way back to your quarters; stopping at the commissary and buying a bottle of wine and some dark chocolate. You giggled and blushed at each and every one of Matt’s corny jokes throughout the store:

“What do you call five siths piled up on top of each other?.. A Sith kabob!” 

“Why are our pilots always fed up with space battles?... they always end up in a TIE!” 

The two of you checked out and decided to take the turn to walk down the enlisted quarters so Matt could stop at his. He wanted to grab his uniform for tomorrow after you asked him if he wanted to stay the night. You frowned when you realized he worked tomorrow. 

“I work a short shift though, sunshine.”

“I know, I know. I’ve just missed you is all,” you said, giving his hand a small squeeze.

He gave a small bite to his bottom lip, “I’ve missed you as well. More than you know,” his voice trailing off as you felt his eyes tracing your body. You couldn’t get back to your quarters fast enough.

Turning down the last of the enlisted hallway, you stopped dead in your tracks, “What the fuck?” you whispered. 

Matt turned to look as well, “I- What are they doing?” 

You let go of Matt’s hand and marched up to the open hatch to the right and peered inside; You looked at the handful of stormtroopers moving boxes, Vicrul’s modified booming voice ordering them around, “Take it to the garbage disposal now.” 

“Vicrul what are you doing?” You had a pit in your stomach. You looked further at what they were carrying out: it looked like boxes of clothes, some notebooks, other personal items. You grabbed a notebook out of one of the boxes sitting by the door and opened it.

‘Dear Diary, 

Today is my first day as an official first order engineer! I was sad that my mentor couldn’t be there for my graduation--’

You didn’t need to read any more. You knew who’s stuff this was. 

“Vicrul what are you doing with Audrey’s things?”

Matt walked in now as well, bumping shoulders with a trooper as he passed through. He looked around then toward Vicrul, “What are you doing with her things?” 

Vicrul didn’t acknowledge Matt. He turned to you, “Get him out of here.” 

“Matt?” you asked. 

Vicrul’s voice was feral, the warbling modifier crackling as he spoke the singular word “Yes.” 

“What are you doing with Audrey’s things?” Matt asked again.

“Get. Him. Out,” Vicrul growled, his fists balling up tightly.

You looked at the two of them, feeling the tension thick in the room. What the fuck was going on?

“I don’t know what’s going on between you two. But you both need to chill the fuck out. Vicrul, what are you doing with her--”

Vicrul strode across the room toward you, only a few strides due to his large body, “I said get him the FUCK out of here!”

Matt moved quickly in between the two of you, “Do not yell at her.” 

The two of them squared up and you pulled Matt’s arm, “Matt come on. I’ll figure this out later.”

“It’s his fault. It’s his fucking fault this happened. Ask him what he knows, y/n,” Vicrul sneered. He was still shoulder to shoulder with Matt.

Your hands still on Matt’s arm, you felt his muscles tense up tenfold before he snarled back, “What did you do to her?”

“Me? I didn’t lay a finger on her,” He poked Matt’s chest, “Can’t say I won’t do the same to you.”

Matt pushed Vicrul’s gloved hand down, “Fucking buckethead. Take it off and talk to me man to man.”

Vicrul paused and then quickly lifted his hands to his helmet, the airlock hissing and pulling it off. He let it fall to the floor with a  _ thud.  _ “I’ll still kick your ass.”

You tried to pull Matt’s arm again, “What the fuck is up with you two. Matt. Let’s go.”

“Just give me a reason to kick your ass so my Master can approve. I’m sure he’d love to see you reduced to a bloody pulp.”

Your fist met Vicrul’s nose hard but he barely flinched. 

Vicrul’s gloved hand met your face, giving a sharp slap.

You felt Matt’s arm twitch and before you knew it, Matt threw a hard punch at Vicrul. Vicrul stepped out of the way, letting Matt lurch forward and miss. 

“Pathetic,” Vicrul growled, his face red with anger.

Matt held up his fists in a boxing position, “Come on, Ren’s bitch.” 

Vicrul let out a low chuckle, “You asked for it.”

Vicrul moved calmly, his fists up and delivered a hard punch to Matt’s abdomen which he attempted to dodge but caught the end of the hit.

“Matt!” you cried, “Vicrul stop!” 

“Oh you hear your little girlfriend telling me to stop? She knows you won’t win. Embarrassing for you, isn’t it?” 

You saw Matt’s face turn beet red with anger and he launched for Vicrul but before making contact, Vicrul threw up his hand and an invisible force threw Matt out the hatch and into the hallway. 

You ran out, knocking Vicrul’s shoulder as you ran to where Matt laid in the hallway. 

“Are you okay?” you tried to hold his hand but he batted your hand away.

“Move out of the way,” he said, standing up with a small limp.

“Ah still wanting to go, huh? Tell her, Matt. Tell her what you know,” Vicrul snarled as he marched out into the hallway, ready to fight again.

“Shut up,” Matt growled back.

“Oh I don’t think I will. This is your fault, Matt. What happened to Audrey? Your. Fucking. Fault,” he said, getting closer with each word. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about--”

A hard punch to Matt’s nose.

“FUCK,” Matt exclaimed and went to retaliate with a punch back but Vircul caught his hand, delivering three more punches to Matt’s abdomen. 

You pulled Vicrul’s arm, “Stop! Stop!” 

Vicrul moved his hand up and immediately you were thrown back ten feet down the hallway. Your vision hazed for a moment and when you came to, what you saw made your stomach wrench. 

Getting up, you ran, still a bit dazed as you tried to pull Vicrul’s body off of Matt. He was delivering punch after punch to Matt’s face, not letting up.

You screamed at him to stop, begged him. Your world was spinning. All of the sudden you got an intense pain in your mind, it felt like you were being torn apart. 

Looking down, you could see Matt’s already black eyes and bloody (probably broken) nose, “S-Stop!” you yelled, still trying to pull him off to no avail. At this point, Matt wasn’t fighting back.

“STOP!” you screamed at the top of your lungs and then immediately Vicrul’s body went flying across the hall and into the wall, creating a large dent. You draped your body over Matt’s bloody face, crying. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Kylo growled, marching toward Vicrul, his hand still outstretched, holding the knight’s body against the wall. Kylo walked past you and Matt, still holding Vicrul in the force hold, “Foolish, doing it here for all of these people to see.” 

You continued the hot sobs, holding Matt’s hand in your own. He squeezed your hand back and you felt a small sense of relief. Okay, he’s not dead. He’s not dead. 

You heard Ren’s voice again talking into his comlink, “Get a medic team down here with some bacta. Now.” 

You looked back up at Ren and watched him drop the force hold, letting Vicrul’s body drop to the ground. 

“Where is your mask, Vicrul?” Ren boomed, his warbled voice sending all of the onlookers scattering.

“I-inside, Master Ren,” Vicrul muttered as he slowly stood up. 

Kylo huffed, “Get it. Now.” 

You turned back to Matt’s swollen face and whispered, “Are you okay? Can you hear me?” 

“It’s a- fuck, broken nose not hearing loss, sunshine,” he managed to mutter, his voice breaking with every word. He looked like he was in pain with every breath.

You yelled over your shoulder, “Kylo the medic. I need the--”

“I know,” he said before talking into his comlink again, “I said medic. Hallway 49E. NOW.” 

Matt’s thumb brushed your hand as you held it. He gave a small pained smile, “Everything’s fine. Are you okay? He- he slapped you.” 

You smiled through blurry eyes, your tears almost overwhelming, “I’m fine. I’m worried about you!” 

Footsteps caused you to look up and you saw a familiar face, Dr. Gonzalez and a few other medics running toward you. 

“Here!” you motioned as she came closer.

You stood, letting them have room to work around him.

I should have said it. I should have finished telling him I loved him.

“Is he going to be okay?” you asked Dr. Gonzalez.

“He doesn’t look to be in too bad of shape. From what I can see, uh, broken nose, ecchymosis, um, a couple lacerations..”

“Ecchy-what! You exclaimed, fearing the worst.

“Black eyes, love,” she said as she tended to Matt’s wounds. She sprayed a hefty amount of bactagel on as they loaded him onto the stretcher for further examination. 

“He’ll be fine, Doctor?” Ren’s voice came from behind you. 

You turned to see Kylo standing a couple of feet behind you, “Why do you care?” 

“I care about you. You think it was just on a whim I came down this hallway? I could hear you screaming in my head. Screaming for help, praying.” 

You tensed up, walking toward Ren, “I-”

“No need to thank me,” he said and then turned back toward his knight, “Vicrul. Leave. My quarters. It seems you need some disciplinary training.”

A quick, “Yes Master Ren,” as Vicrul disappeared into the hallway, walking fast toward Kylo’s quarters. 

“Ma’am we’re going to head to the medbay to get a couple x-rays. He says he would like you to come with--”

You cut her off, “Of course I’m coming with.” 

You turned from Kylo and walked toward Matt who’s purple eyes were looking at you longingly, with sorrow, almost apologetic. 

You walked alongside the stretcher, holding Matt’s hand, “What was Vicrul talking about?” you whispered. 

“I--”

“Nevermind,” you said, “It’s insensitive of me to ask right now. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” You placed a kiss on his hand and looked at his bloodied face. Gods, you loved him. You loved this dorky, bloodied radar technician. 


	39. Chapter 39

“I just have a few more papers for you to sign. Give me a moment,” Doctor Gonzalez said as she walked out of the small exam room. It was considerably smaller in size compared to the one you resided in during your two week stay.

“How do you feel?” you asked Matt, who was sitting on the exam table adjacent to the chair you were sitting in. His hair was messy, the black shirt had spots of dark red blood on the collar, his eyes swollen and nose with a large white bandage complete with paper tape. He looked rough.

The two of you had only had a few moments alone after he was transferred to Medbay; from the constant nurses popping in, Doctor Gonzalez herself, even someone to offer dinner. It seemed as if every moment you were going to talk to him, something got in the way. 

Matt gave a small smile as he held an ice pack to his left eye, “Alright. My, um, nose hurts a bit but it’s much better than before. Man, setting that was a bitch.”

“Uh, well, yes. You shouldn’t have refused the pain medications before Doctor Gonzalez set it,” you smiled at him. 

“It wasn’t that bad--”

“You nearly broke my hand squeezing it,” you laughed, “And I think I heard three never before spoken cuss words from you.”

Matt smirked, “Yeah, okay, It was bad. Thank you for staying with me. I’m sorry our date got ruined.” He ran his hand through his blonde waves.

“You didn’t ruin it. I shouldn’t have instigated Vicrul--”

“He shouldn’t have put his hands on you.” 

“I could have taken care of myself,” you shot back, looking at Matt’s swollen bruised face. “I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about this now--”

_ Swoosh. _ The hatch sliding open and a bright smile filling the room.

“Alright. You’re all set to go!” Doctor Gonzalez handed you the rest of Matt’s paperwork, “I sent his medication down to the pharmacy and they said it should be ready within the hour. I linked your communicator number to their notification system so it should alert you when it’s ready.”

You gave her a smile and nod. You really had come to like her. She was straightforward, sweet and kind of a badass woman.

“Sounds good, Doc! I’m all good to go then?” Matt said, starting to stand up. 

She nodded, “Mmhmm. Just remember to take it easy and to leave the bandages on your nose as well as on the lacerations on your forehead. And no Q-tips in the ear for at least a week while it continues to heal.” 

“I’ll make sure he doesn’t pull at them,” You smiled at the Doctor. 

“I’m going to go to the bathroom real quick before we go,” Matt said, starting to walk toward the door. 

You both watched him hobble out of the room, the ice pack never leaving his eye.

“It’s right around the corner!” Doctor Gonzalez called out after him as she peeked out into the hallway. Turning back to you, “I’m glad to see you’re doing alright. To be honest I wasn’t sure if you were going to pull through the first time I met you. How long has it been?” 

“It’s been a couple weeks now I think. I feel pretty much normal! Some vertigo when I forget to take my iron supplements but otherwise tip top shape,” you said, sitting down again in the incredibly uncomfortable chair. 

“I’m impressed. Your injuries were quite extensive. Did the Supreme Leader ever, um, elaborate to you what happened?” She said, her eyebrow slightly raised.

“Uh, not really. I- just that he found me at the Engineering deck. You know I was wearing these high heels, unsteady landing--”

She interrupted you, her arms folded, “Y/n, can I speak candidly?” 

You nodded, “Of course.” 

“Do you believe him?”

You paused, “Do I believe Ky-- Commander Ren?”

Doctor Gonzalez nodded, “Yes. Do you think that he is telling the truth about what happened? I-- I just want you to be safe, love.” 

You froze. He had to have been telling the truth. When had he ever lied to you in the entirety of time you've known him?

“I-- I think so, yes.” 

A small slightly pained smile peeked from the corner of her lips, “Just be careful okay? Your injuries-- They just don’t line up with his story.” 

_ Swoosh. _

Both you and Dr. Gonzalez’s heads turned to see Matt walk back in, his hair slightly wet. 

You furrowed your brow looking at him, “Why is your hair wet?”

Matt gave a small laugh, “I couldn’t stand the feeling of the dried blood in my hair behind my ears anymore.” 

Doctor Gonzalez gave a small smile, “Remember to pick up prescription, y/n. Matt, relax for a while. Don’t touch the--”

“I know. I know, the bandages. Thanks for everything Alexis.” 

You raised your eyebrow as you watched her walk out of the room, leaving only you and Matt again.

“Alexis?” you asked.

He gave a small wink, “We’re pretty good friends now. The two weeks with you here, the broken nose and lacerations now. You know, first name basis type thing,” his voice trailing off. 

You started to fold your arms trying to push down the small pang of jealousy that you knew was unwarranted. 

Matt seemed to enjoy the sight before him; He set down his ice pack and walked over to you with open arms, “Come here.” 

He pulled you into a warm embrace and you melted into his arms taking in the scent of his leftover cologne as well as the scent of medbay soap (which you assumed was from him trying to wash his hair in the sink).

Not pulling from the embrace, “Let me run you a bath when we get back to my quarters.” You kept your head turned to the side with your ear resting on his chest, listening to his steady breaths. 

He let out a small groan which rumbled his chest and resonated in your ear. It sent chills down your spine.

“Oh am I staying the night?” He asked. 

You felt his hands twirling your hair and you gave a small kiss on his chest. Looking up at him, “Yes. It’s my turn to take care of you.” 

He raised an eyebrow, “Is it now?” 

You pulled back from the hug, “Yes it is. Now let’s go, mister. You heard,” you made sure to enunciate every letter of her name to tease him, “Alexis. You need to rest.” 

“Whatever you say, sunshine.” 

You walked over and picked up the ice pack and handed it to him, “Stop taking this off of your fucking eye. It’s swollen the size of a moon.” 

He took the ice pack out of your hand and held it up to his swollen eye, “Aren’t they both black?” 

“Yeah but the left one is much worse,” you laughed. “Come on, let’s go.” 

You took his hand and walked into the hallway. You passed the few people that were lingering in the late hours: medical staff, custodians, and then as you were reaching the main waiting area, you passed Doctor Gonzalez again. 

She gave a small wave. You and Matt both returned it. Your stomach twisted in knots as you remembered her warning. Flashbacks of what Vicrul had said were popping in: ‘Tell her, Matt. Tell her what you know.’

You sighed as you gripped Matt’s hand tighter walking back to your quarters in the dimly lit halls.


	40. Chapter 40

You ran your hand under the bath faucet. Perfect temperature, you thought, as you added some lavender liquid Epsom salt to the bath. The mixture of the warm water and the bath salt plus the lavender always helped to soothe your sore body. You were certain Matt was in pain as well; despite his denial. 

Sitting down on the edge of the tub, you watched the bubbles form and the water fill the white tub. 

‘Tell her, Matt. Tell her what you know.’

You couldn’t get Vicrul’s words out of your head. No matter how hard you tried, they crept their way back in. Planting a seed of doubt within your strong relationship with Matt. What would he ever keep from you? And what did it have to do with Audrey?

Letting out a sigh, you dipped your fingers in the bubbly water. He wouldn’t cheat on you. He wouldn’t cheat on you. You repeated the sentence in your head until it didn’t even sound like real words anymore. But then again, it wouldn’t really be cheating, would it? He has the right to do whatever he wanted-- you sure were. 

You realized the water was nearing the top of the bath so you decided to turn it off. Standing up, you gave yourself a quick look in the mirror; you were still wearing the same outfit as you had on when you met Matt at the flight deck. Your hair was a mess, your eyes tired and puffy from crying buckets during the boxing match. You still weren’t sure why they had such a fucking vendetta with each other. Of course, Vicrul had eyes for Audrey and Matt is Audrey’s ex but that shouldn’t even matter now. It didn’t matter to you, anyways. You trusted Audrey. 

You walked out of the bathroom and down the dimly lit hallway. Matt was sitting on the couch watching television. You looked up to see what was on, “Today on how it’s made...” The TV was loud enough you were sure they could hear it down the hall. You smiled as you realized what he was watching: that program where they showcase how everyday objects were made. 

“Such a dad,” you mumbled with a smile. 

He turned his head to look at you with a small smile. 

You walked closer to him and gave him a kiss on the top of his head. You sighed, standing behind him and leaning on the back of the couch before whispering into his ear, “Come on, the bath is ready.” 

He reached his hands up to stroke your cheek for a moment, “Will you join me?” 

“In the bath?” you asked as he stood up.

Matt turned to look at you, “Yes, in the bath.” His hand reached up and held your chin gently as he pulled it into his puffy lips giving you a soft kiss. Then he slightly pulled back, “Please?” he whispered into your mouth. 

You couldn’t get any words out, warmth pooling in your abdomen. Only a tiny nod then the faintest whisper, “Mmhmm, s-sure.”

He pulled back with a smirk, “Gods I love seeing you all flustered.” 

You snapped out of your gooey trance and shot back, “I can so totally make you more flustered.” 

Matt raised an eyebrow, “I’d like to see you try.” 

Biting your bottom lip for a moment, you let out a big sigh. “I don’t think it’ll be that hard. How long has it been since we were... Intimate?”

You saw Matt swallow hard, “A c-couple days.”

You hummed as you took a step backwards toward the hallway, still never taking your eyes off Matt before saying, “A couple of days since you’ve had your face buried deep in my pussy, huh?” You moved your arm into your shirt and pulled it over your head. Wearing now only your legging and a light pink bra. “A couple days since you’ve sucked on my nipples,” you said, taking another step back.

You watched Matt’s eyes widen, his gaze stuck on you. 

Another step back, then your hand found its way to your bra’s clasp, letting your tits be exposed. You twirled your nipple in your hand before taking another step. 

“Mm,” you let out a small teasing moan.

Matt adjusted his stance as he took a step toward you.

You held up a hand, “Ah ah. No. You can only look until I say otherwise.” 

He stopped in his tracks, obviously taken back. 

You continued to twirl your stiff nipple between your pointer finger and thumb, “Do you see how hard my nipples are for you, Radar Technician?”

You saw Matt take another strong gulp before he let out a small chuckle, “No, officer, I frankly cannot see that far out of my two black eyes. But I definitely remember how they taste.”

A smirk peeked from your rosy lips. Your hands left your hardened nipples and slowly traced your body until they met the waistband of your leggings. You dipped your fingers under the waistband, “How do my nipples taste?” 

“Like candy. But I think I need a little refresher,” he said as he began to take a step forward.

You stopped him, “Did I say for you to move?” 

Matt licked his bottom lip momentarily before giving a light bite to his bottom lip, “No ma’am, you didn’t.” 

“Then be a good boy and listen,” You purred as you let your fingers dip once more into your waistband, this time pulling it down slowly as you kept eye contact with Matt’s eyes. You shimmied your legging down your legs and stepped out, leaving them on the floor in the hallway. You were now only dressed in your dainty pink panties. 

“Do you want this?” you asked as you held one hand to your hardened nipples, the other hovering over your sex. 

He quickly nodded, “Yes ma’am.”

“You have been very good to me,” you said as you swirled your pointer finger over your nipple. You smiled, “Wait here.”

Matt’s face was confused for a moment before he said, “Okay sunshine.” 

You smirked and walked into the kitchenette; Grabbing a white hand towel and wrapping it up in your hands, you hid it behind your back before appearing back into Matt’s view. You slowly step toward him, making sure never to break eye contact. 

“Can I touch n-”

“No.”

Finally only a foot away you smiled, “Close your eyes.”

He raised an eyebrow before obeying, although it didn’t take much for his already swollen eyes to close. 

“They’re closed?” you asked.

Matt let out a small laugh, “Yes they’re just puffy.”

You waved your hand in front of his face for a moment before walking behind him and wrapping the cloth across his eyes; tying it behind his head.

“A blindfold,” he asked. Although you were behind him, you could hear the smirk that was for sure branding his face. 

“Yes,” you said as you walked back around, and waved a hand in front of his face one more time. He didn’t move; either he really couldn’t see or he was faking it. Either way, it was good enough for you. 

You took his hand into yours and led him down the hallway. The echoes of his show fading into the background as you both walked into the refresher. 

Matt let out a small sigh as you heard him take a big whiff of the pleasant scents, the notes of lavender and hot steamy water filling the room. His hand squeezed yours for a moment. 

Letting go of his hand, you looked him over: his grey sweatpants desperately trying to hide the growing bulge, his hands squeezing in and out of fists. He was obviously very flustered. Mission accomplished. 

“Are you going to take off the blindfold?” he asked as he went to reach for it.

Your hands immediately shot for his, gripping them, “Not yet. Anyways, you don’t need to see anytime soon. Just,” you paused as you let go of the tight grip you had, letting your hands slowly trace his now very obvious bulge, “feel.”

You saw him biting his lip again and it made your sex pulse, knowing he was getting worked up. 

Taking his hand back into yours, you led him closer to the bath and stopping him right before the tub. Your fingers dipped into his waistband, tugging it down slowly. As you pulled it down past his boxers, you became eye level with his prominence; you could see he was already starting to leak, the little spots of pre cum beginning to make small wet marks against the light grey boxer briefs. 

You smirked as you tugged the pants down his long legs; you never realized how fucking huge his thighs were-- In terms of muscle. Gods, it was hot. 

Finally, his pants were at his ankles and you looked up at him, “Step out of them.”

He obeyed, one foot at a time stepping out. 

You hummed as you looked up at his face that was still blindfolded, “What do you want?”

“I want your pretty little mouth on my cock,” he groaned, nearly breathless. You could tell he was at his wit's end, submitting to you. 

You gave a small kiss on his bulge, “Mm, do you?” Your hand rubbed its length through the boxers. 

“I do,” he moaned quietly. 

A smile peeked through your lips as you placed another soft kiss on his hardened length. "Do you think you've been a good enough boy to have my mouth on your cock?" You reached up and tugged at the waistline of his boxers, pulling them down. Immediately his length bounced out; you could see his veins pulsing, the tip slightly dripping.

“I’ve been g-good,” his voice was breathless, his hands still fidgeting.

You salivated, licking your lips for a moment. Then you remembered who was in charge tonight. 

Standing up, you pulled at his shirt, “Take it off.” 

He paused but then obeyed, slipping off his shirt and carefully pulling it over his head as though not to move the blindfold off. 

“Good,” you purred as you watched him toss his black shirt to the side. You moved closer, standing on your tippy toes and began to kiss lightly at his neck. 

He went to move his hands up to caress your body but you stopped him, “Did you ask?”

He shook his head, “No but--”

“Ask,” you said in between placing wet kisses on his neck. 

“May I please touch you, ma’am?” he groaned, through clenched teeth. 

You smiled into the kisses, “Hm.. no. But what you can do is get in the bath.” You pulled back from his neck and removed your panties. Your hand reached up, pulling the blindfold off, revealing his golden brown eyes, surrounded by mounds of purple swollen skin. 

Watching him as he gets into the tub slowly while keeping his eyes on you. "Now that you have done what you have been told you may kiss me. But remember, no touching until I say you can." You smile with a glimmer of mischief in your eye as you stand just close enough for him to be able to kiss you.

He leaned forward slightly as his lips met yours softly. As much as you wanted to melt into his arms, you wanted to play out this a little more. You only let his lips barely graze your own before pulling back. 

Matt let out a small groan before finally sitting down into the bath, “You’re making this very difficult.”

You smiled and stepped into the bath and sitting on the edge, “Mm, I didn’t remember asking.” 

“Are you going to keep this up all night or are you going to get in the bath with me, sunshine?”

“I don’t remember giving you permission to give me an attitude.”

“I’m no-”

“You are. Only good listeners get to finish. You do want to cum, don’t you?” you asked as you ran your hand through his blonde waves. 

He let out a quiet groan before breathlessly, he uttered, “I do.”

Leaning over, you brought your lips to his ear, “Then be a good listener for me, radar technician.” Your lips brought his earlobe into your mouth, sucking it for a quick moment before giving a light bite. 

He nodded and you pulled back, sitting up as you started to spread your legs open ever so slightly. You saw his gaze turned to your spread legs where you were beginning to play with your sex, tracing the outer edges of your slit; you ever so slightly dipped your fingers in, making sure to be slow and meticulous.

You let out a small sigh, “If you’re good, you’ll be rewarded.” 

He adjusted himself in the bath, his hands reached for his hardened length. 

You watched him pause. You pondered to yourself if you should let him pleasure himself or not. A small smirk peeked from your lips, “Not yet.” 

Continuing to dip your fingers into your hot sex, you let them slip inside further for a moment before twirling your index and middle finger on your clit. Matt watched you with wild eyes. Letting out a soft moan, you let a grin spread across your face; you were enjoying the look on Matt’s face.

“Mmm.. Do you want to taste it, baby?” you asked Matt, taking your fingers out and taking a slow lick while maintaining eye contact with his feral eyes. 

He nodded his head quickly, “Please.”

You popped your finger into your mouth once more, fully sucking it clean. Then, you slid it in between your slit, and then holding it out to Matt’s mouth, “Since you’re being so respectful,” you said, “Suck.”

His lips enveloped your finger, sucking it clean. 

“Good,” you purred, as you sat down in the water across from him. The hot water encompassed your body; your hands dipping into the water, reaching for his length, quickly finding it. 

“What do you want me to do?” you whispered, your hands barely grazing him in the warm water. 

“I want you to rub me,” he groaned.

You let your fingers dance around his tip, “Have you been keeping something from me?” 

He let out a small nervous laugh, his gaze never leaving your hands, “I-- I don’t think we should talk about that right--”

“Tell me,” you purred, giving one singular stroke, the water moving around your hand as you did it, your body leaning forward, whispering into his ear, “Now.”

“I think we should stop and talk about this sunshine,” he whispered against your lips.

You smiled, giving a quick kiss on his desperate lips, “Why is that?”

“It’s a very, um, sensitive topic and I don’t want you to be upset with me for not telling you right away,” his gravelly voice trailing off, his eyes closed. 

You sat back, your stomach in knots, and watched him open his eyes, looking back at you. 

“It’s about Audrey?” you asked quietly.

“Uh, yes and no--”

“Were you, um,” you paused as you pulled your knees up your chest in the bath, the bubbles surrounding your body, “were you intimate--”

Matt interrupted, his hand reaching to grab yours, the water sloshing around as his body learned forward in his seated position, “No, sunshine. Why would you think that?” 

You let your knees go, yours legs intermingling with Matt’s, “I mean, it’s okay if you were. It wouldn’t be cheating, you know? I-”

“First of all, I would never cheat on you. You mean the world to me, you know that don’t you? It doesn’t have a lot to do with her, well, kinda. I don’t really know how to even tell you this,” Matt sighed, his fingers tracing your shin that was resting next to his. 

“Just tell me,” you said quietly, your eyes pleading into his. You weren’t even sure what he was hiding from you but it couldn’t be that bad, right?

“Audrey and I, um. We found tapes.”

“Tapes?” Your brow furrowed, “What do you mean? Tapes of what?”

“Audrey suggested we check the security footage of the night of your, um, accident,” his voice was quiet, carefully saying every word. 

You saw his eyes flicking back from your eyes to your hands which were pulling at your own fingers. Your nerves were beginning to finally calm a bit although your hands were still fidgeting.

“So you saw what happened?” 

A pause.

“Yes,” he said, his large hands resting on your legs as your feet moved up and down the side of his thighs in the warm water, the bubbles beginning to dissolve now. 

“What.. happened?” you asked, your voice slightly catching in your throat. 

The words of Doctor Gonzalez were now seared into your frontal lobe, playing on repeat in your mind, ‘Your injuries-- They just don’t line up with his story.’

Matt didn’t speak, only looking at you with sad eyes. 

“What happened?” you asked again, your voice a little louder now. 

“Maybe I should just-- Fuck. I don’t know how to even begin to explain it or if I should just show you--”

Your frustration reaching its peak, “Matt.”

“You weren’t hurt at the engineering deck,” he blurted out, his eyes searching you for a reaction.

You didn’t respond. The both of you sat in silence for a few moments, the hot water now tepid and bubbles had all but dissolved. 

“Sunshine, I-”

“Stop,” you whispered.

You stared at the water surrounding the two of you. 

Doctor Gonzalez’s words echoing in your mind, ‘Your injuries-- They just don’t line up with his story.’

“Why did you keep this from me?” you asked. 

“I didn’t mean to keep this from you. I only learned about it the other day and I was planning on telling you on our picnic date when I could um, tell you at the right time. And well, you know..”

“Do you have the footage?” You could barely get the words out. 

“I do. It’s um, on my laptop in my backpack. I was just waiting for the right--”

You pulled your legs back, standing up, “It’s in your documents on the laptop?” Water dripped down your legs as you stepped out of the bath and grabbed a towel. 

“It-- Yes,” he said, looking up at you.

Wrapping the towel around yourself, “You brought your backpack here, right?”

Matt sat up in the bath, “I did,” he paused, “It’s in your bedroom.”

“Okay,” you said, walking out of the refresher and into the hallway. Your feet were still slightly wet as you walked down the small hallway and into your bedroom. Your eyes immediately met the grey backpack on the floor next to your dresser. 

‘Your injuries-- They just don’t line up with his story.’

Shutting the hatch behind you, you picked up the backpack and set it on the bed. With a sigh, you began to unzip it, then pulling out the sleek black standard issue laptop.

“Fuck,” you muttered as you sat down on the bed, opening it up. You tapped the keys and it immediately came to life; The light from the screen shined bright on your eyes, causing you to squint slightly. 

Your fingers grazed the mousepad as you moved it toward the document folder; You clicked the only document available-- a video file. The play button was at the bottom of the screen. Your heart was beating out of your chest. 

‘Your injuries-- They just don’t line up with his story.’

You pressed play.


	41. Chapter 41

Your eyes darted around the screen: filled with black and white hallways, most of them were empty except for the corridor near the mess hall. Nearly everyone was still at the dance at the time you and Matt had decided to leave. Looking at the corner, it read the time-- 0132. You scanned the screens, eventually looking at the box in the upper right hand corner which was the mess hall; you saw yourself and Matt, walking hand in hand. You smiled looking at the two of you, his eyes seemingly hooked on your body moving along the hallway. A small pang of guilt held your stomach as you remembered what had happened maybe not even an hour earlier that night. 

The two of you-- you and Ren. Sweaty bodies, fast hands, his hands, caressing your body as he lifted you on the conference room table. Your breathless moans as you melted into him; his voice steady with the tinge of wanting when he looked at you with longing eyes. ‘What does this mean?’

Your heart steadied as you shook your head, bringing yourself back to the task at hand. Your eyes strained slightly as you looked at the two figures: Matt and yourself, standing there for a moment, talking. Damn you wished these tapes had audio. Now that you thought about it, why the hell was it only in black and white? 

“Whatever,” you mumbled to yourself as you watched yourself dance away from Matt. You walked down the hallways, seemingly gliding as you did so. You turned a corner. Your eyes darted around the screens. You let out a small sigh as you saw Vicrul walking toward you. 

A small frown framed your face. You didn’t remember this. 

You saw yourself walking closer, stopping to talk to Vicrul. The two of you seemed to be having a friendly conversation. Vicrul’s stance was the same as always, you saw yourself slightly swaying side to side. You saw yourself give Vicrul a smile before talking more. 

You sighed.

Rubbing your eyes, you once again focused on your figure that was walking down the halls again, alone now. You furrowed your brow, watching yourself walk past the engineering deck. 

You looked closer. 

“No,” you whispered as you watched yourself walk toward Kylo’s quarters. It was the only possibility; the only place that was located on that part of base was Kylo’s quarters aside from the few empty conference rooms.

Your heart began to pound, watching yourself strut down each corridor, passing a few passersby, looking confident, maybe a little tipsy even. You pulled at your fingers, watching your figure on the screen, now only a hallway away from Ren.

_ Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiingggg. _

“Shit!” you exclaimed, grabbing your communicator off the desk next to your bed. You looked at the caller ID as you pressed pause on the footage. 

“H-hello?”

The voice on the other end spoke loudly, you pulled your ear away from the receiver, “Hello, we have been trying to reach you for the past hour. The prescription from Doctor Gonzalez was ordered here. This is the callback number that was attached to our records for it. For a Matt--”

“Yes, that’s ours. It’s, um, it’s ready?”

“It’s been ready for an hour. We’ve been trying to contact you.”

You put the call on speaker and took a look at your missed call log. Seven missed calls. All from when you were in the bath with Matt.

Putting your communicator back to your ear, “Hi, I’m so sorry. Was, um, taking a shower. I can come pick it up later?” 

“We close in fifteen minutes,” they said back.

“Shit,” you muttered, “Okay um, I can come now?” 

“That’ll be fine, ma’am. 

“Okay, I’ll be on my way,” you said as you clicked the end button.

Pausing for a moment, you took another look at the paused image on the screen of the laptop. Letting out a small sigh, you closed the laptop and stood up, rushing into the closet to grab a pair of sweatpants, sports bra, and hoodie. 

Quickly shimmying on the clothes, you pulled on your socks and your sneakers as well. You must have been making quite a bit of noise as you didn’t even realize Matt had opened the hatch to your room.

“Where are you going?” he asked quietly, towel wrapped around his waist. 

“Pharmacy,” you said as you tied your remaining lace. 

“Oh,” his voice quiet. 

A few moments passed as you finished lacing. You sighed, your eyes darting from Matt back to the laptop, then back at Matt. 

“Before you ask, I didn’t finish watching it yet.”

He gave a small nod, “I shouldn’t have kept it from you. I should have shown you the moment you got back from your thing with Ren--”

You cut him off, “I’ll be back. The pharmacy is about to close and you need your painkillers.” 

“I’m fine, really--”

You walked around him and into the hallway, walking toward the hatch “I said I’ll be right back. Is there anything else you need while I’m out?”

“We’re, um, out of tea,” he said quietly.

You nodded and exited into the hallway. 

\---------------------------

“Thank you,” you said as you put the prescription along with a box of peach tranquility tea and receipt in the plastic bag, “So sorry about the missed calls.”

The lady at the register smiled at you, “It’s fine. It happens more often than you’d think.” 

You gave a small polite smile as you walked out of the shop and immediately bumping into a mass of black. 

“Shit,” you said as your eyes focused on the shadow in front of you, “Fuck.”

You couldn’t tell your emotions apart: rage, maybe sorrow? You were upset for sure, looking at the stoic figure in front of you. He tried to continue walking but you followed close behind.

“Stop,” you said, your voice breaking slightly.

He kept walking.

“Vicrul stop!”

Vicrul stopped and you closed the distance between the two of you in the empty hallway. You made your way in front of him so he could no longer walk away from you.

You wanted to speak. You wanted to curse, scream at him, hit him. You wanted to ask him why he did it, what the fuck was going through his mind. But no words came out. Only the two of you standing there, motionless. His emotion concealed by the mask, yours shown on your sleeve. 

Minutes passed. You stared at him: you could see his chest rising and falling despite his heavy layers, his shoulders back, in one hand his scythe, the other balled in a fist. 

“Is there something you need ma’am?” The warbled words finally emit from the stone mask. 

You didn’t say anything, just continued to stare at him. There was so much you wanted to-- needed to say. For once, you were speechless.

“I have to finish attending to Ren’s duties,” he said as he tried to walk around you. Before he could move around fully, you grabbed his wrist; your small hand not even halfway around the circumference of it. 

He stopped.

“What happened to Audrey?” you whispered. 

You felt his arm tense up under your grip. He didn’t answer. 

“What happened to her--”

He shook your arm off, “I have things to do.”

You rubbed your eyes with your hands hard to try to stop the tears, “Don’t be another person that lies to me. Everyone is lying to me. Matt kept whatever the fuck is on those tapes from me. Kylo is obviously lying about what happened that night I just--”

Before you could finish, he pulled your arm, walking down the hall quickly. You didn’t speak, your feet following his will in the vain hope that maybe if you did, you’d finally have some answers. 

He led you into a small room off to the side of the hallway. You looked around as he pulled you in. It was some type of admin storage closet: only enough room for the towering man plus yourself with only a small amount of space in between the two of you, the walls lined with boxes of what looked to be manilla folders, old papers and documents. 

He shut the hatch behind him, the two of you now standing together in the dimly lit closet. Silence once again engulfed the atmosphere; a thick tension blanketing the two of you.

“I can’t talk about it,” he finally said. 

You frowned, “Why not? You have a lot of fucking nerve doing what you did and then just-- just..” your voice trailing off as you bit the inside of your mouth trying to hide that you were only hanging on by a thread. You couldn’t take any more lies, any more hidden truths, any more… anything.

He reached up, his mask decompressing as he lifted it off. He sighed and placed it on a nearby box before looking back at you with his grey-green eyes. His brows furrowed, “It doesn’t matter.” 

You shook your head slightly, dumbfounded with the fucking hold Ren had on Vicrul. Sure, he was his knight but he had to have an ounce of feeling, of himself left right?

“It doesn’t matter or you can’t talk about it?” you asked. 

He paused, his eyes looking not at you, but past you to the walls of boxes behind you. A small sigh escaped his lips before finally he said, “Both.”

“Then answer me this. When was the last time you saw Audrey?”

“I said it doesn’t matter.” 

“Clearly it does matter, Vicrul,” you said, placing your hand on his own gloved hand. You thought maybe if he knew you genuinely cared about him, maybe he would open up. As soon as you held his hand in your own, he finally looked at you; not through you, not past you but at you. 

“Do you see yourself?” you said, your thumb running up and down with small movements on his gloved hand. “Something is clearly wrong. Maybe the Vicrul I first met would have done this, but not this one. Not the one I know. I know there’s something-- or someone, silencing you.” 

He pulled his hand back, “I said it doesn’t matter, y/n.”

In a feeble attempt to control your rage you let out a groan, “Then what the fuck was all of that with Matt? If you claim this all truly doesn’t matter?”

“Did he not swing first? He deserved every single hit. Frankly, he deserved more,” Vicrul sneered. 

You stood your ground, standing tall (as much as that was possible) in front of him, “And I deserve answers! You know I’m not just going to let this go--”

“Then why don’t you just go ask Ren why he’s lying to you? Or ask Matt why he kept it from you? They both lie to you, I know you see that. You don’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve any of this..”

You scoffed, “Do you really believe Kylo would tell me anything that would shine him in a negative light?,” you paused, taking both of his hands now into your own, “Vicrul, if you know something, please.” 

Instead holding his limp hands, he was holding yours back tightly, his eyes looking into your own. You knew he wanted to tell you. You knew he needed to. You found yourself getting lost in his perfectly carved jawline, the way his lips were slightly parted, his dreamy eyes looking right back at you..

Vicrul let go of your hands; You closed your eyes for a moment to try to hold back your tears and before you knew it, Vicrul’s large hands framed your face, you opened your eyes to see his own only a few inches away from yours. Time seemed to move in slow motion, or maybe he was just taking his time, as unsure as you were to what the fuck was going on. 

His pink lips met your own, softly at first. He kept one hand at your face, the other quickly finding its way to your hips, pulling you into his body. You kissed back, not thinking, fully melting into him now. You had never felt this way toward Vicrul; yes he was handsome, kind when he wanted to be, tall-- he was Vicrul. He had been your friend. But as tears fell from your eyes, you felt his own tears wetting your cheek; the space between you two ceasing to exist. Something felt so.. Honest. Something you had been longing for: Pure, your lips melting into each other, tongues dancing lightly into each others’ mouths. You felt him let out a small moan as his hands slipped under your sweater, his gloved hands caressing the small of your back. You knew this was wrong. You knew you should stop.. But you were upset, broken, not sure if you had a future with anyone at this point. You needed this moment, this intimacy. This honesty.

Leaning into him, your hands met his jaw, holding his face as he pulled you closer. Your fingers outlined his jawline as if it was glass, so delicate as if he would shatter in your arms. Hell, you felt like he was about to shatter. You could feel the wetness on his cheeks. 

Your body shifted in his arms, relaxing into them. Suddenly you felt Vicrul’s hands around your waist tense up, he pulled back, his face blank, gripping your hips hard; you felt as though your hips were going to be crushed under the pressure. 

“Fuck, Vicrul that--”

As soon as you started to complain about Vicrul’s grip, you immediately knew why. A searing pain consumed your wavelengths, overwhelming every sense in your body. You felt like you were on fire; as though every nerve in your body was being torn apart, pinching and pulling all the while being compressed, painful electricity shooting throughout your body. 

The pain lessened, a small amount, enough for you to turn your head to see the hatch completely missing, the room filled with the white light from the hallway and a silhouette. Kylo Ren. Standing in the doorway, his hands outstretched at both you and Vicrul. At this point, you thought you were screaming but you weren't sure if any sound was even coming out. 


	42. Chapter 42

**POV: this chapter starts off a few moments before the end of the previous one, although this time it is in Vicrul POV!**

**TRIGGER WARNING: heavy emotional/mental torture, death, degrading & physical violence. Please skip if needed!! **

Vicrul looked past her, not able to look her in the eyes as she confronted him.

“Then what the fuck was all of that with Matt? If you claim this all truly doesn’t matter?” her voice was nearly cracking with every word. It sent Vicrul’s heart into a state of heavy palpitation, remembering the events that ended with him beating Matt into a pulp.

He had just come back from disposing of Audrey’s lifeless corpse before Master Ren had tasked him with the cleaning up and disposing of Audrey’s quarters. He said he didn’t want a single thing left behind, untraceable. Things were going well until y/n and Matt had somehow fucking found their way down that corridor. 

Vicrul pushed the memories of that night far down in his core in an attempt not to let his anger get the best of him. He didn’t want to hurt her, as much as he needed to relieve that pulsating stress. 

“Did he not swing first? He deserved every single hit. Frankly, he deserved more,” Vicrul sneered. He felt his fists balling up, before flexing open again. She was testing his last nerve. 

“And I deserve answers! You know I’m not just going to let this go--”

Interrupting her, “Then why don’t you just go ask Ren why he’s lying to you? Or ask Matt why he kept it from you? They both lie to you, I know you see that. You don’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve any of this..”

It infuriated Vicrul how often Ren would lie to y/n, how he kept things from her. More often than not, Ren would leave out important details of his day, not even bothering to think if y/n might need to know, if she wanted to know. Especially how Master Ren had been leaving nearly nightly in search of the scavenger and the remaining resistance scum. Vicrul usually wouldn’t mind, although it seemed Ren had an odd vendetta with the scavenger; sending himself and the other Knights out often in search of her. Vicrul thought y/n should know. She would want to know. 

“Do you really believe Kylo would tell me anything that would shine him in a negative light?,” she paused and took Vicrul’s hands into her own, holding them tightly, “Vicrul, if you know something, please.” 

She looked at him with a pleading expression, her eyes wide and looking into his own; he could see the tears welling, the desperate need for some ounce of truth. He knew that he had the ability to give that to her with a few simple words. He could fix this for her. Audrey might be gone, but y/n was right here. He could help her, fix her. 

Gods. He bit the inside of his cheek in an effort to hold back tears. He closed his eyes, seeing Audrey’s smiling face in his memory: her sparkling brown eyes, her long brown hair perfectly framing the curve of her face, it was almost always in perfect beach waves. Her laugh echoed in Vicrul’s mind. Their small conversations together in the mess hall, walking her to the engineering deck; stolen touches as their hands brushed. He should have taken off the damn gloves. He should have- He should have done a lot. He never even got to kiss her.

Opening them again, it was as though Audrey was in front of him; standing there, staring back into his eyes. The sight took him back for a moment, knowing it was only a figment of his imagination, of his longing. 

He let go of her hands and slowly brought them to her face. He could smell the notes of lavender perfume or soap, whatever it was, it pulled him in closer. It felt like home, safe. Vicrul cupped her cheeks and closed his eyes. Slowly, he pressed his lips to hers. It was slow and gentle and maybe there were no fireworks or butterflies but it was arguably better than any of those. 

It was soft, even comforting, in the way his words to her could never be. The space between them was warm, enveloping the two of them and filling him up. He sighed into the kiss, pulling her closer, as the world around them melted away. At this moment, for Vicrul, it was just the two of them. The kiss obliterated any worry in his mind; for the first time in a long time, Vicrul felt at peace. His hands made their way to her waist and finding their way under her sweater, his gloved hands caressing the small of her back now. Drunk on the moment, on the endorphins, his only desire was to be with her, to not let go. He needed this… her. 

It was the happiest he had felt in forever and yet at the same time, the most agony since he held Audrey in his arms for the last time. Knowing it would never really be her, knowing this kiss with y/n, would be as close as he could get. It was foolish, holding on like this, he knew that. But as their lips parted, pressing together, his heart ached as he felt tears stinging his closed lids, soon following the hot feeling of his now red cheeks. His tears flowed steadily, yet it felt good; to release this feeling, this heartache. He was intoxicated, letting the pain of Audrey leave his body, drifting away and the calming presence of y/n pulling him back to reality as she melted into him. 

Vicrul felt her tongue line his bottom lip, his following into her sweet mouth the same, slowly entangling together as they faded further from reality and into each other’s arms. A small moan left Vicrul’s mouth and into y/n’s, his hands pulling her closer to him. The taste of her lips, her tongue, it was addictive. All he knew was that he didn’t want to stop, he didn’t care about anything at this moment but her. 

Suddenly, it was as if all the air had left his lungs, leaving every cell screaming for oxygen. He pulled back, looking into y/n’s eyes. He could see her lips moving, although the pain encompassing his mind, amplifying tenfold with every moment passing. He couldn’t hear, only feel the invisible brutal waves, sweeping along every nerve in his body. He couldn’t move, breathe, only stare in her eyes as he watched the same fate overcome her. 

A sense of anguish, betrayal, overcame him. The force lessened enough so that he could see the light bleeding into the room, his eyes feebly attempting to focus on y/n in front of him. He tried to hold his hand out, shield her from his inevitable wrath, but his hands were bound with the force. 

All at once, the hold left his body and mind, letting him fall to the ground as y/n fell in front of him, nearly collapsing into him. 

Labored breaths escaping his lips, his chest heaving as he tried to steady his lungs, standing up slowly, “R-Re- Master Ren--”

Before Vicrul could finish talking, Ren outstretched his arm once again, holding the force against Vicrul’s windpipe; a quick flick, Vicrul knew, would crush it, killing him. He knew Ren wanted to, the mental connection between them now fuming, on fire as he felt the waves of betrayal and anger flowing from Ren’s mind. 

He felt y/n stirring at his feet, standing up next to him now. 

“Kylo I-”

“Shut up. Do not tempt me to kill him. I have done a lot more for a lot less of a reason.” 

He pulled his hands back to his side, the grasp on his neck leaving. Ren cleared his throat, his modular crackling with his low voice, “Vicrul. My trustworthy, faithful knight. Will you help me escort her to my quarters? Do you think you can keep your hands out of each other’s pants for the long walk there?” 

Vicrul turned to look at y/n, “Sir really--”

“Don’t. Come on, I guess it would be a good idea for her to witness your punishment, since she seems to think it’s funny to whore around with you.” Kylo said over his shoulder as he started down the hallway toward his quarters.

Vicrul stepped out into the hallway after him, pulling y/n with him, “Master--”

“I’ve got this,” y/n said as she caught up to Master Ren. 

Great, Vicrul thought, this can’t possibly get any worse right?

He watched her skip up to Master Ren’s large strides and before she could even speak, Ren turned around and held out a finger to her, nearly yelling through his mask, “Do not speak to me, you have lost that fucking right.” 

Vicrul finally caught up, now the both of them walking quietly behind Ren. 

The remainder of the walk was done in silence, the dread creeping, tying Vicrul’s stomach in knots. He hadn’t seen Master Ren this angry since they last had the run in with the resistance on Crait. 

When they reached Kylo’s quarters, Kylo held out his hand, his hatch immediately opening. Vicrul entered first, trying to act as a barrier between Ren’s wrath and her. The last thing he wanted was for her to get hurt. 

The hatch shut with a  _ shoosh  _ behind them as Kylo motioned to the small couch next to the fireplace, “Sit.” 

Vicrul nodded, walking with stridor, to the couch and sitting down. Y/n followed, sitting next to Vicrul closely; he could feel the body heat radiating off her, even through his thick robes. She had a brave face on but he could feel her nerves, her leg was anxiously trembling, sometimes bumping into Vicrul’s thigh as the silence encompassed the two of them. 

Ren sat across from them silently. No one spoke, that was until y/n decided to break the thick tension in the air.

“It didn’t mean anythi--”

“Did I give you back your speaking privileges, pet?” Kylo said as he reached up, pressing the side of his mask, it decompressing. He slid it off and threw it to the side, hard. The thump it made when the mask met the wall was deafening. Vicrul could feel Ren’s mind screaming in anger, his blood boiling.

“Master Ren may I speak to you privately?”

“No,” Kylo Ren said, standing up now and walking to the gas fireplace, flipping the switch on, “I didn’t even get a chance to reprimand you for the earlier debacle with the boxing match in the hallway and then you go and do this. What the utter fuck is wrong with you, Vicrul?”

Vicrul sighed, looking at Ren, “Sir I-”

“You were my most trusted Knight. My b-,” his voice lowering to nearly a whisper, “Brother.” 

He felt grief consume his chest, guilt crashing every nerve and filling up his body, “I know, Master Ren. I-”

“You know what, Vicrul, I don’t think you do know. What do you think y/n? Let’s have you choose. Should I punish him mentally or physically?” 

Vicrul turned to y/n, looking at her puffy red eyes, “It’s okay. Choose. I’ll be fine--”

“Oh for the sake of the gods, shut up,” Ren groaned, turning away from the fire and stepping toward y/n quickly, “Pick.”

Vicrul saw her looking at the fire and then back at himself before quietly saying, “Mental I guess--”

“Perfect,” Ren said and immediately stretched his hand out toward Vicrul. 

Vicrul’s jaw immediately clenched as he was overcome with the crushing of waves, moments flying past his vision, taking him away from the present. Echoes surrounded him, smoldering heat covering every inch of his body as Vicrul felt Master Ren intensify the hold on his mind. He knew what Ren was doing. He fought it as hard as he could, but to no avail, he was submerged in Ren’s memory of that night. 

Vicrul opened his eyes, looking down in front of him to the girl on her knees, sitting there in front of him. He bit the inside of his cheek, looking at Audrey, barren, stripped of any shred of dignity. He saw Audrey move to kiss him before stopping with Vicrul’s own hands, restraining her. Her arms felt warm, through Vicrul’s gloves. He tried to stop the force dream, break out of it. He didn’t want to see this. 

He heard Ren’s voice echo throughout his mind, ‘Who do you think you are?’ Audrey’s whimpers were just as audible, crying out, her scared expression nearly sending Vicrul over the edge. 

As if moving through time at super speed, the memory started to warp as it fast forwarded to Audrey sprawled out on the bed in front of him, Vicul’s hands holding pressure to her neck. Vicrul tried to pull his hands off, scream at Ren to stop the hold; he tried everything in his power, every ounce of the force that he could muster, to break from this trance. It only heightened his heart rate, as he watched his hands release from her neck. 

‘Too bad. Vicrul really liked you.’ 

He felt tears streaming down his face as he listened to Audrey's final scream echo in his mind, the volume at tenfold, piercing his eardrums. He tried to close his eyes to the memory, but he couldn’t. All he could do was stare as he watched Audrey meet her demise in front of his eyes. By Ren's hand.. His hand. He couldn’t stop it. He was doing it.

Suddenly, he felt sick to his stomach, then his own feelings of anger and guilt quickly changed. They seemed to have an ethereal passing, as they transformed to relief, content. Ren was projecting every single thought and feeling that went into his mind as he finished impaling her into the mattress.

‘Stupid girl’

‘Insolent child’

‘Finally’

Vicrul tried to push away the feelings of relief and happiness, feeling nauseous as he stared into her agape mouth, her blank eyes. He knew Ren took satisfaction in this moment, he could feel everything. Ren palming his slight erection, high on the pleasure of taking her life. He stood up from the bed and looked at the beautiful-- painful, sight before him. She was barren, lifeless, a corpse. Stripped of her breath, laying there. Vicrul sighed as he tried to take a step toward her, to hold her, but his feet would not move. 

Immediately, his eyesight blurred as he was brought back to the present moment. He fell to his knees, not able to get her scream out of his head. He knew Ren was doing this on purpose. Master Ren preferred mental torture over physical any day, Vicrul knew that, he just wasn’t used to having it done on himself. 

Soon, tears began to flow from his eyes steadily, his breathing not able to slow down. He had never felt so broken, so barren. Vicrul wiped his eyes as he heard Ren’s boots walking toward him from across the living room. He stifled a sob, still kneeling. 

Kylo Ren crouched down next to Vicrul, “Gods wasn’t that amazing? Did you feel the tension released?”

Vicrul clenched his fist, fighting every urge to punch him. Instead of replying, he knew it would just be better if he were silent. 

“What is it, Vicrul?” Ren asked, as he pat his back stiffly, “Wasn’t her pretty little mouth satisfying? This was as close as you’ll come to it. Pity.”

“Kylo!” 

Vicrul looked up toward the fireplace where y/n was now standing. Her arms were folded, tears streaming down her red face. 

Kylo stood up slowly, his voice rattling in his chest, “You’ve lost the right to call me that.” He took large paces toward her, towering over her as Vicrul watched powerless, “You’re lucky I have things to do tonight.” 

Vicrul looked up, remembering Master Ren had plans to visit Exegol to talk with Palpatine. Shit, he had forgotten all about it. 

Ren immediately looked back in Vicrul’s direction, “You’re not coming, Vicrul. I have lost all my trust in you. You know, I can’t believe how fucking stupid you have been acting these past couple days. You allow these girls to get into your mind, to fog it. Where is Vicrul? I only see a fucking disgrace.”

Vicrul looked down at the floor, filled with shame for what he did. He knew it was probably wrong, but was it?

He turned toward Vicrul again. Ren’s voice was quiet, yet harsh enough that it made y/n flinch, “Stand up.”

Vicrul obeyed, standing up as tall as he could, wiping the hot tears from his eyes. He watched Ren walk over to y/n, grabbing her wrist and throwing her toward Vicrul. 

“Keep her company while I’m gone. You are not to leave his sight, do you understand me, pet?” 

She cried out, “Kylo please just--”

She stopped, grabbing at her throat. Vicrul saw Kylo’s hand flexing at his side. He fought every urge to stop Ren; he knew that if he even made a move, the punishment would be tenfold. 

Kylo’s hand relaxed and he let out a small sigh, “Insubordinate slut. Maybe I should have a chat with Matt before I leave. I’m sure he’d love to know all about this, wouldn’t he?”

As she rubbed her neck, she shook her head quickly but before getting a word out, Kylo interjected, “Maybe I’ll give him a little show like I did Vicrul.” 

Vicrul felt shame; he knew he couldn’t do anything to stop Ren, to help y/n. He no longer was crying, just staring at Ren’s stone cold expression. 

Ren turned his attention back to Vicrul, “Tell me, Vicrul, what was your favorite thing about Audrey?” 

Vicrul begrudgingly mumbled, “Her eyes, Master Ren.”

“Ahh, yes. Her beautiful brown eyes. They had so much emotion in them. A lot of.. Spark.”

Immediately Vicrul’s mind swirled as he caught glimpses of Audrey’s eyes, moments before Ren killed her. They were screaming, bulging, bloodshot with tears streaming from them. He could see Kylo Ren’s reflection in them, the red glow of his saber bouncing off of them, the sparks flying. 

Vicrul was once again brought back to the present, his lip quivering as he stared into Master Ren’s dark eyes. 

“I have to go. Can I trust you won’t suck him off while I’m gone, y/n?” He said as he walked to the door, his voice echoing off the walls. Or maybe it was just Vicrul’s mind at the end of it’s rope after the mental torture. He was barely holding it together. 

The hatch  _ swooshed _ open and Ren exited, leaving Vicrul and y/n standing there in silence. The only sounds were the muffled cries from y/n, her hands over her face. He reached out a hand but she pushed it away. 

He had never felt this alone before.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! So so sorry about the wait. My life is a bit chaotic right now. I am planning on two other fics after this one: 
> 
> 1) Vicrul x Reader fic
> 
> 2) Greys Anatomy x Star wars - Kylo x Reader AU fic
> 
> 3) book of one shots! (any requests, feel free to DM or comment them!!) 
> 
> okay, enough about that, onto the new chapter! I hope everyone is doing well <3 Love you guys. 

The walk back to your quarters was silent besides the small conversation, well, maybe you could call it an argument. You were nearly there, hearing the continual thuds of the boots following you, when you had finally had enough. You needed space.

You turned around, looking the tall figure right into the void of a mask, “I don’t need you to follow me. I’ll tell Ren that I told you to leave--”

Vicrul raised a hand, his mask concealing any speck of human in his voice, “With all due respect, no. You really want him more angry than he already is?”

You scoffed, “Is it really going to make a difference? He already is fucking furious with us,” you paused, then under your breath said, “rightfully so.”

Turning around, you heard Vicrul’s voice behind you, “Exactly, so let’s not make it worse for ourselves. He told me not to let you out of my sight.”

You picked up your pace, nearly speed walking now, hoping you could just slip inside your hatch and close it behind you before Vicrul could follow.

Hearing a small chuckle from behind you, Vicrul’s voice following, “You really think you could outrun me?”

You tried to hide the smile that was peeking out from the corner of your lips, “Yes.”

Without another word, you brought your feet to a run, turning the corner and running toward your hatch which was at the end of the hall. You couldn’t run fast enough, hearing the boots running behind you. You felt like you were going to trip over your own feet, giggles escaping your lips.

Vicrul came into your peripheral view, his voice steady, “I’m only jogging. You know that right--”

You reached and pushed his arm, causing him to barely stumble only earning a hearty laugh from under his mask. You erupted in laughter as well as the two of you reached your quarters. You smiled at him, leaning up against your hatch.

“See?” you said, smiling, “I beat you--”

The hatch opened, causing you to fall inside and landed on your tailbone, “Shit.”

“What’s going on?” Matt’s voice was quiet as he lifted his hand off of the hatch pad on the wall.

You turned your head seeing Matt, standing behind you, his arms at his side now, silently.

“I- We were running--”

Vicrul interjected, “Racing.”

“Racing, yes--”

Matt interrupted you, “Racing.”

“Racing,” you whispered as you looked at Vicrul standing in the hallway and then back at Matt, his arms crossed now. Standing up, you extended your hand, holding out to Matt the bag of medicine and tea, “Peach tea and meds.”

He didn’t even look at your hand, his gaze fixed past you and toward Vicrul.

“Matt,” you said as you reached out farther, shaking the bag lightly, the pills dancing in their container rattling.

“Why is he here?” he said quietly, his eyes darting from you and back toward Vicrul.

“I’m here to watch her. Orders from the Supreme Leader.” Vicrul said, folding his arms.

“I already tried to fight it Matt--”

“Why do you need babysitting? Am I not enough?” Matt said, walking back in and sitting on the stool next to the kitchenette island.

You walked up to him, sitting on the one next to him, “Of course you are. I- I don’t know what’s gotten into Ren.”

_Swoosh._

The hatch closed behind Vicrul as you watched him step in.

“You should stay outside,” you said, walking toward Vicrul and reaching for the button to open it but his voice stopped you in motion.

“What did Master Ren say? How am I supposed to keep you in my sight if I’m in the hallway?”

You furrowed your brow at him. You knew he was right and you didn’t want to piss Ren off any more than you already had.

Turning back around, you looked at Matt’s swollen eyes, purple gracing nearly every inch around them and then back at Vicrul. You knew Vicrul was probably reading your thoughts so as loud as you could, you broadcasted in your mind, ‘Apologize.’

You stared at him so hard you thought you might burn holes through his mask. As if on cue, he put his hands up to it and let the small _hiss_ of air escape as it decompressed, setting it on the floor next to him quietly. He kept his gaze across from him, at Matt, and then turned to you, meeting your eyes with a smirk.

As if he was whispering into your ear, ‘And why should I?’ his voice danced onto your wavelengths, sending chills across your body. The force was many things, and sometimes you wondered what it COULDN’T do.

You looked at his smirk, thinking ‘Because I said so.’

He let out a small chuckle, then his smooth honeyed voice once again crept across your mind, ‘You’re in charge now? Whatever you say, princess.’

You looked down at your feet quickly, trying to hide the creeping blush that was coming across your cheeks. You looked back up at Matt, who was sitting with his arms crossed, staring at Vicrul in front of him. You looked to your left, at Vicrul, and gave a quick raise of your eyebrows and a small sigh.

Vicrul let out a sigh and began to pull at the gloves on his hand, slowly letting the caramel skin be exposed, and setting them down on the side table next to the couch. He looked back up at you, and then at Matt.

“I- hm,” he cleared his throat, then spoke through gritted teeth, “I’m sorry for,” another pause, his neck vein pulsing with each passing second, “punching you.”

Matt turned his gaze to you, his face nearly blank except for the slight twitching of his purple swollen eye.

“For.. punching me?” Matt said.

Vicrul gave a small smirk, “Yes.”

Matt let out a small chuckle, looking at Vicrul, “So why are you here? I don’t really understand how you came to... Get ordered to watch over my girlfriend.”

Before Vicrul could answer, you interjected, “Does anyone want tea?”

Matt nodded his head yes, as well as Vicrul.

Vicrul smiled, walking and sitting on the sofa, “What kind of tea is it?”

Matt scoffed, “What are you, some kind of tea connoisseur?”

Vicrul let out a small chuckle, “You could say so. I do enjoy the finer things in life. That’s something that Master Ren showed me.”

Without missing a beat, Vicrul’s voice echoed in your head, ‘You could have them too.’

You moved around the island and grabbed the tea out of the brown bag from the pharmacy, setting it on the table, trying to hide your blush flushed cheeks. Luckily, all of Matt’s attention was on Vicrul, who was still sitting on the sofa.

You sighed as you plugged in the electric kettle and looked up at the two of them, “Sugar?”

They both answered in unison, “Yes, please.”

Immediately they both snapped their heads back to look at each other. How were you going to ever ease the tension in here?

The kettle beeped, “Shit. I’m still not used to how fast this electric one is--”

“Is that the one Master Ren left with your groceries last shipment?” Vicrul asked nonchalantly, a smile creeping across his face.

You knew he was just trying to stir the pot; You thought to yourself, ‘Stop Vicrul.’ You smiled and poured three cups of tea.

His voice oozing into your mind, sweeping up every cell and making them swoon with his sweet whispers, ‘Make me.’

“It is. It’s nice--”

Matt interjected, “I like the old fashioned kettle. Reminds me of home, Naboo. You know what, sunshine, I should take you there. Since we both have off for the next week what do you say to leaving tomorrow? It’ll--”

“Mm, that’d be an unauthorized absence,” Vicrul muttered before perking up his voice, “And besides, if you really want to see Naboo, you should ask Master Ren.”

Matt licked his lips briefly and smiled, “And what exactly would Ren know about Naboo?”

“His family is from Naboo,” Vicrul said as he rested his ankle on the top of his knee.

Before it got any more out of hand, you walked around and handed both of them their tea, “Can we watch a movie? I just want to relax, maybe.”

Matt stood up and grabbed your free hand, “Of course, sunshine. Whatever you’d like.”

“How gentlemanly of you, Matty,” Vicrul cood as you sat down on the couch next to Vicrul, now sandwiched between the two of them.

‘Don’t push him,’ you thought to yourself, as you grabbed the remote. Tonight was midweek which meant the First Order played movies all throughout the night. You usually didn’t pay attention to them, although tonight you were grateful for it.

“Oo, look! Star battles,” you exclaimed as you clicked the fourth channel and let the humming of the movie embrace the thick atmosphere.

Vicrul let out a small groan, “We are in an actual war. Why do we have to watch this incessant--”

Matt interrupted, “I like Star Battles.”

“Can we just-- a moment of quiet,” you whispered, tired of their back and forth bickering.

Matt held your hand, his thumb dragging back and forth slowly; it was soothing. You didn’t realize how tired you were until you were trying to pay attention to the plot but your eyes felt like weights, closing with each passing moment.

Vicrul brought his hand to his thigh, slightly grazing yours as he did it. You let out a small sigh and you knew Vicrul heard it.

His voice entered your wavelengths, ‘Are you sleepy, princess?’

You nodded your head, your eyes blinking as you tried to focus on the screen. It was the scene of the star crossed lovers, getting married in secrecy. You smiled as you listened to the theme; this was your favorite accompaniment in the entire movie.

You thought you were dreaming, as you heard hums from your left, coming from Vicrul’s pink lips. You looked in your peripheral, seeing a smile peek from Vicrul as he continued the soft humming: his deep velvet voice was blanketing you in comfort, it was luring you deeper and deeper into sleepiness. You rested your head on the back of the couch, resisting the urge to rest it on either Matt or Vicrul’s shoulders.

Your eyes shut once more; you felt the muscles in your face relaxing as you drifted off into sleep, listening to the calming hums from Vicrul and the warmth of Matt’s hand in your own. 


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: INTENSE INTENSE SMUT. (foursome, face fucking, fingering, oral etc)   
> A/N: Hi guys!! thank you for being patient with me with my updates!! I worked SO SO SOOOOO hard on this chapter bc I knew i needed it to be perfect! Big Big thanks to my friends Des, Keiley, Audrey and @ xxcatrenxx on here (pls go check her out if you haven't!!) for helping encourage, write and bounce ideas off of!! I hope you guys enjoy <3 STAY SAFE!!!!!

Everything is blurry; for a second, you don’t even realize what exactly had happened, or where you were. You closed and opened your eyes once more, focusing on the hazey colors coming from the television across the table. Then, everything processed: You had fallen asleep in between Matt and Vicrul. 

You turned your head to Matt, his soft snores now audible as your hearing unclouded. Turning the other way, your heart nearly jumped out of your chest as you were met with green eyes looking back at you. 

“You were sleepy, huh?” Vicrul asked, his arm resting on the back of the couch. 

You tried to focus your eyes on his face but for a moment it looked a bit distorted before it came into crystal clear view. 

You gave him a small sleepy smile with a nod, “Mmhmm. A bit. How long have I been sleeping?”

His bare hand reached up, his thumb grazing your cheek for a moment before brushing a stray hair behind your ear and let out a small sigh, “Only a couple hours. He fell asleep shortly after you did. It’s,” he glanced over to the kitchen toward the clock, “0430.”

You shifted your position to face him more, bringing your legs onto the couch, “You didn’t sleep?” 

Vicrul’s mouth formed a small smirk, “Working.”

A small laugh escaped your mouth and you turned for a moment to make sure it hadn't woken Matt. Turning back to Vicrul, “Working, hmm? This is what you’d call work?”

“Am I not keeping an eye on you?” he asked, his hand grazing your thigh as he moved it from the back of the couch to his own leg.

“So,” you said with a dreamy sigh, “You’re not supposed to let me out of your sight?” 

“That’s correct,” Vicrul said. 

“So if I was to, say, leave the room,” you asked, your voice soft as you leaned a bit closer to him, “you would have to follow me? Even to the refresher?” 

He shifted his position slightly before clearing his throat and answering, “Of course if you wanted privacy, but I’d be,” he cleared his throat once more, “right outside the door.”

“Vicrul, I didn’t know you were a voyeur,” you joked as you watched his cheeks grow pink with blush. Your hand rested on his chest as you playfully pushed him.

“I’m, um-- not a voyeur,” he choked out finally, his cheeks still red. 

“Well, I’m heading to take a shower. I guess you’ll just have to  _ work _ from the hallway.” 

You walked slowly to the door, Vicrul not far behind you. The hallway seemed a bit longer than usual, you reached out to trace your hand along the wall but was met with blank space, the wall was farther away than usual. You brushed it off as your brain still waking up from sleep. 

You turned for a moment, staring at Vicrul who was at the opposite end of the hallway, “Unless you need to wash up too…” 

As he started the long strides toward you, you turned and walked into the refresher and hopped up on the sink, waiting for your Knight to enter. 

Vicrul walked into the refresher, the steam moving/billowing around his shirtless body: scars lined his firm chest, pink and light brown marks as if someone had been using him as a scoreboard, his muscles perfectly sculpted. 

You turned to look at the shower which was fully on, the steam nearly completely filling the room at this point, and you wondered how it got turned on already. Your thoughts were interrupted as Vicrul grabbed your chin, turning it to look at him in his dreamy green eyes. You took in every detail of his face: his cheekbones looking as though they had been carved from the finest of granite, his plump lips which were just begging to be kissed, but most of all his eyes. They were the perfect mix of green-grey. 

Bringing his mouth to your ear, “Do you really want to know how good of a worker I am?” 

His whispers made warmth pool in your abdomen, you were putty in his hands. A small nod was all you could muster. You were lost in his eyes and without another passing moment, he pulled you into his muscular body, your body weakened by his strong yet gentle touch. His lips met your own, eagerly exploring your mouth with his tongue. He licked and sucked on your lips like they were made of candy. 

Growing more entranced, his hands ran your hands along your torso, “You have entirely too many clothes on for a shower. I would be remiss in my duties if I did not help you remedy this problem,” Vicrul purred into your ear. 

Deftly, his fingertips pinched the hem of your shirt and lifted it over your head and it disappeared from his hands, along with your sports bra. Those same strong hands cupped your ass as you lifted off the counter to allow him to yank your sweatpants and underwear off with a single swift movement. 

As he did this, you tipped your head back with pleasure, taking in the feeling of his calloused hands making their way around your body. Almost immediately, his lips met your neck, his hand running through your hair before gripping it tightly and pulling it back slightly more than it already was. 

Trailing down to kiss your breasts, his tongue toyed with the tender skin until your nipples were swollen with lust. Your hands made their way to his back, your nails lightly scratching it as you moved them toward his waist. 

Meeting his waistband, you smirked as he continued the peppering kisses, “Well, now who is wearing too many clothes?” you teased as you tugged at it quickly. 

He pulled you off the counter and carried you into the shower, “My dirty girl needs to get clean.” 

He set you down and turned to close the refresher door, the clear glass completely opaque with fog. You blinked and realized his pants weren’t even on anymore. He must have taken them off at some point, you thought, as he walked back toward you, making his way across the (what seemed huge) shower slowly like a carnivore stalking its prey. 

As he walked, your gaze lowered to find his substantial length bobbing with each step, it was already engorged with his desire from touching you. Biting your lip you heard Vicrul’s husky voice, “That’s my job princess,” and he kissed you harder than before, pulling your lower lip between his teeth. 

One of his hands gripped the back of your neck hard, pulling you into him as though two bodies ceased to exist, only one. His free hand made it’s way to your dripping sex, slowly toying with your lips, barely dipping a single finger in before pulling it out. 

Pulling back from the kiss, Vicrul placed hot kisses on your neck before nipping on your earlobe slightly, “What does my princess want?” he purred into your ear. 

“P-please” was all you could get out.

“Princess wants it all, doesn’t she?” he asked, his middle finger dipping in once again, grazing your clit with his thumb for only a moment before pulling it back out. “Say it.”

“Yes, sir. Your princess needs you,” you begged him. Your bottom lip quivering as you felt his warm breath on your neck, his kisses melting into your skin like hot butter. 

With a smug smirk pulling at the corner of his lips, he slid two thick fingers into you roughly, plunging in and out of your hot depths with unrestrained need.

Not wasting another moment, Vicrul began to pick up his pace. Your body was humming with the pre-orgasm waves already, it was as if he read your mind and knew exactly what your body needed. 

You stuttered, “M-more.” You could barely get the words out; Small breathless whimpers escaped your lips as you clenched your jaw, unsuccessfully trying to restrain any sound. 

His warm lips continued peppering kisses along your jugular, and without another word, he seamlessly slipped a third digit in. At the same time, Vicrul’s thumb glazed over your swollen nub which in turn earned a deep moan from you. You were desperate to cum. 

“Already?” Vicrul murmured into your neck, “I’m just getting started. You’re doing so well, princess.” 

The words felt like molten lead that was dripping deep into your core. You let out a mewl through gritted teeth, your head tipped back. Vicrul began to palm at your breast with his free hand, pinching and twirling your hard nipples. You couldn’t hold your orgasm any longer. And Vicrul knew this, a light chuckle into your neck as he bit lightly. 

“Don’t stop,” you murmured, gripping his back, feeling yet another wave crash inside of you as your walls clenched around his fingers. 

“Come for me, babygirl,” Vicrul whispered into your ear. 

The orgasm nearly tore you apart. Endorphins slamming into your brain and trickling down every inch of your body which in turn made your knees weak, your toes tingling with electricity as you rode out the waves of the intense spasms. If it weren't for Vicrul’s strong hold on you, you would have collapsed to the floor. 

Vicrul slowly removed his fingers from your pulsing warmth, bringing them to his mouth and with direct eye contact, sucked each one clean.

He smiled, “That’s my girl.” Vicrul then learned forward, planting a small kiss on your forehead. 

“Your girl?” A voice so distraught, so angry, it felt like it could have shattered every single glass in the galaxy with its emotion. 

You turned your head, meeting Ren’s gaze from across the bathroom. You bit the inside of your cheek as you waited for the inevitable crushing of the force, knowing Ren would for sure want to kill both you and Vicrul. But nothing came. 

“Our girl, Master Ren.” 

You snapped your head toward Vicrul, who was smiling as he released the grip on the small of your back. 

Looking back toward Kylo, you saw that he was already quickly undressing, his clothes ripping off his body at an impeccable speed, “Yes, our girl. That's more like it. Thank you for getting her ready for me, Vicrul.” 

Kylo stepped out of his pants, his black shirt already on the floor and strode across the room, which felt like it was spinning. You steadied yourself on Vicrul’s arm; he looked at you with his green eyes, “What is it, princess?” 

“She isn’t ready for us,” Ren murmured as he grabbed your arm, pulling you from Vicrul’s grasp and into his own warm chest. He held your neck lightly, his other hand gripping the small of your back as he growled into your ear, “Are you?” 

Looking into Kylo’s honeyed eyes, you found yourself swooning once again, pressing your body into his. 

Vicrul closed in the distance between the two of you and himself. You were now sandwiched in between the two men, warmth pressing into both sides of your body. 

You closed your eyes, resting your head on Ren’s chest; the heat was radiating off, his heart beating steadily, unlike your own which was about to beat right out of your chest. 

Ren scooped you up into his arms and when you opened your eyes once more, you were in your bedroom. The room was dimly lit with candles, the laptop still sitting on the bed. As Ren brought you closer toward the bed, you heard Kylo mumble something but you couldn’t make out what it was. 

“Yes Master,” Vicrul said as he moved ahead of the two of you, grabbing the laptop and throwing it against the wall causing it to shatter to pieces like glass. 

You tried to get any words out that would have expressed your confusion, your anger. You didn’t even finish watching the tape. “Kyl--”

Immediately Kylo brought his finger to your mouth, shushing you as he threw you on to the bed. 

Kylo stood at the end of the bed, Vicrul next to him, “Get on all fours, pet.”

You hesitated before obeying, getting into position on the bed. 

“Good,” Kylo purred as he delivered a sharp smack to your bare ass, earning a loud yelp from the depths of your belly. 

You heard Vicrul’s voice from behind you, before another sharp slap to your ass. “T-take it a little easy on her--”

“She likes it rough. Don’t you, sweet thing?” Kylo soothed, then slapping once more.

Biting your lip, trying to conceal the pain that was surely making you drip, you answered, trying not to let your voice crack, “Yes, I d-do.” You were sure there must have been welts already. 

The bed moved as you felt two large hands, Ren’s hands, gripping your red ass cheeks, “Look at you. Already dripping for me--”

“You’re welcome,” Vicrul said as he moved toward the top of the bed, sitting right next to your head. 

Kylo loosened his grip, keeping one hand on your cheek and the other toying with your dripping entrance, “At least I could trust you to finish this task. She’s a slut for us, after all. Aren’t you?” 

You hated how much the word ‘slut’ made you so saturated with lust, especially coming from Kylo’s grovely voice as his fingers toyed with you. But at the same time… you loved it.

Kylo’s thumb grazed over your clit, making it almost impossible to form a coherent sentence. “I-I’m your slut. B-both of you,” you finally choked out.

All at once, he pulled his hand away and you groaned, bucking your hips back, desperate for touch. 

“She wants more, Master,” Vicrul purred as he moved closer to you, pulling your chin up to make eye contact with you. 

“She’s a big girl. She can use her words,” Ren hissed, still barely touching your clit. 

“Please,” you whispered, looking into Vicrul’s eyes, “I want more.” 

Vicrul let go of your chin, then pulled his legs up onto the bed and positioned himself quickly, sitting right in front of your face, his legs spread to either side of you. His member was only a few inches away from you, taunting you as it bounced into your view. You felt the drool pooling in your mouth as you watched a bead of pre-cum drip down his thick shaft. 

He took your chin into his hand once more, pulling your gaze from his cock and into his eyes, “Do you want my cock princess?” 

You heard Kylo scoff behind you, still grazing his digits on your dripping lips, muttering under his breath, “Princess...”

Vicrul, never taking his gaze off of you, took his free hand and began to run his fingers up and down his shaft, before slowly his whole hand was stroking himself slowly. You bucked your hips back toward Kylo, still desperate for more touch. Small involuntary whimpers began to come out of your throat. 

“Fine,” Kylo growled, “Is this what you want?” Kylo plunged two fingers into you, hard and fast. 

Immediately, you groaned, a deep guttural groan. Still looking into Vicrul’s deep eyes as you moaned, “Yes, Master! More--” 

“Vicrul shut her up before he hears us,” Ren snarled as he plunged a third finger in, his thumb toying with your swollen nub.

Vicrul licked his lips quickly and without hesitation, scooted forward ever so slightly so the head of his throbbing cock was right at your mouth. He gripped your hair, pulling your face down onto his member, which earned disjointed purrs and mewls from you. You felt your legs start to shake as you bobbed up and down on Vicrul’s large cock. 

Looking up to Vicrul’s face as you continued, the sight was almost enough to make you explode then and there: his bottom lip was sucked into his mouth before it was agape again, moans unapologetically flowing from him. His eyes were wild with lust as he gripped your hair harder. 

Kylo removed his fingers and before you had a chance to contest, he plunged his throbbing cock into your soaking wet pussy; you groaned onto Vicrul’s dick as Kylo plowed into you unrelentlessly. You knew you couldn’t do this forever, you knew you were close to orgasm. 

Drool started leaking out of your mouth. You looked up at Vicrul, his eyes drowning you with lust; You could see that his breath quickened, his eyes rolled back into his head for a moment before focusing back on you. The head of his member pulsed in your throat as you bobbed, swallowing him and all of his precum. 

Ren slapped your ass hard as he fucked your pussy; you could barely keep steady on your hands and knees with the amount of force he was exerting into you. 

Vicrul muttered your name through gritted teeth, “I’m-”

“Fuck,” Ren growled as he pumped harder into your depths; you could feel the both of them pulsing iside of you. 

Drool dribbling out of your mouth, you made sure to keep eye contact with Vicrul. You watched his face contort, his eyes roll back into his head again as he came in your mouth; you sucked and licked, swallowing every ounce of his seed as well as you could, although the furious pounding Ren was giving you was making that a little difficult.

Immediately after, Ren clenched your ass, groaning loudly, as he spilled his seed into you, cursing every word in the book as he did it. Kylo’s grip on your hips loosened ever so slightly, the sweat from his body dripping onto your own sweaty body. 

Vicrul pulled his cock from your mouth, collecting the few drips of his cum onto his pointer finger and then brought it to your mouth. “Open,” he commanded. 

You took his finger in your mouth eagerly, cleaning off the sticky cum and swallowing. He took the digit out of your mouth with a  _ pop. _

You gave Vicrul a soft smile, looking up into his green eyes, “Was that good for you--”

“It was perfect, princess. A  _ dream _ come true,” he said as he took the same finger into his own mouth, licking off your spit, smiling as he did it. 

“Stop with that incessant princess crap,” Ren said as he pulled himself from your pussy, plopping down next to you on the bed, “Makes me sick.” 

You let your knees buckle, laying down on the bed and resting your head on Vicrul’s thigh. 

“Oh and sweet thing is any better?” Vicrul retorted with a small chuckle. 

Ren’s chest rumbled as he laughed, quietly, obviously trying to stifle it. You smiled, fully letting your body rest on the bed. That was until a voice came from the hallway. A voice that made your breath catch in your throat.

“You’re both wrong. It’s sunshine.” 

You sat up quickly, looking at Matt who was standing in the doorway, a glass of water in his hand, “I-”

Matt interrupted you, “I brought you water. I’m sure you’re thirsty.”

“I told you to keep her quiet,” Ren scoffed, turning over to bury his head in the mattress. 

You looked back at Vicrul who was smiling proudly. 

“I can’t help that she was moaning through my cock,” Vicrul smirked, “I must just be that good--”

“You mean the moans from how hard I was fucking her tight pussy?” Kylo said, sitting up quickly and turning to grip your ass, pulling you closer to him on the bed. 

You turned to look at Matt as Kylo put his large arm around your waist, your bodies couldn’t possibly be any closer. You could feel his sweaty skin sticking to your own. 

Matt walked toward you and pushed Vicrul’s legs to the side, sitting right next to you, and handed you a cold glass of water, “Drink, sunshine.” 

Taking the cold glass into your hands, you took a few small sips before whispering, “Thank you.” 

Matt smiled toward Ren and then Vicrul then looking back at you, “Of course. It’s what a gentleman does, right? Have they been treating you right, sunshine?” He asked, putting his hand on your thigh, only inches away from Ren’s arm that was still wrapped around your waist. 

Before you could answer, Kylo interjected, “Of course we have,  _ Matty. _ ”

You turned to look at Ren and then back at Matt who was just smirking toward Kylo. You didn’t know what the fuck was happening. It all seemed like one big fucked up sex dream. 

“Don’t call me that,” Matt said, still smiling at Kylo as he rolled his shoulders back, “Anyways, is it my turn?” 

You felt Kylo’s hand clench your skin, pulling you toward him. Vicrul’s voice pulled you from Matt’s eyes, “I think she’s tired. We probably wore her out--”

Matt pulled your legs toward him, at the same time, Kylo released you, letting you slip toward the bed and right to Matt, “I didn’t say she’d be doing any work.” 

Kylo scooted back toward the pillows, sitting next to Vicrul. Matt smiled at you, grabbing the water out of your hands and reaching toward the floor, setting it down. 

“I’m going to focus on you. Not myself. Because that’s the kind of man I am,” he said, glancing toward Vicrul and Ren before looking back into your eyes. Matt pulled your legs apart slightly and you immediately obliged, spreading them open for him to gaze at your pussy. 

“Mm,” Matt purred as he gazed, “What do you want, my sunshine?”

You looked up at the ceiling before again at the men sitting at the headboard and then back at Matt. Sucking your bottom lip into your mouth and biting it for a moment, you decided to just let tonight be about pleasure. It already seemed like a cluster fuck of who knew what the fuck was going on, whats adding one more bit of pleasure?

“I want you to eat me out,” you cood, scooting slightly more toward Matt so he could have a better angle. Then turning your head toward Vicul and Kylo, “And I don’t want either of you to take your eyes off of him doing it to me. I want you to stroke yourselves watching m-me.” 

You saw Vicrul’s mouth form a small ‘o’, it agape before then molding into a smirk, immediately starting to slowly trace his growing erection. Kylo’s face was quite the opposite: he looked as though he might explode. 

“Say yes ma’am,” you commanded to the both of them. 

Immediately, Vicrul purred, “Y-yes ma’am.” 

Matt started to lean toward your sex but you held your hand out, keeping your gaze on Kylo’s red face. “Kylo?” you asked, singsongingly. 

In the smallest voice you have ever heard come out of that man’s body, “Yes ma’am.” 

You shook your head, “Louder. Couldn’t hear you.” 

Through gritted teeth, he growled, “Yes. Ma’am.”

Giving him a quick smile, “Wasn’t that easy, baby?” you asked Kylo as you turned your attention back toward Matt, nodding your head in approval for him to start. You were enjoying your newfound moments of being in charge. 

Leaning back fully on the bed again, you peaked up in between your legs and caught a glimpse of Matt’s hungry eyes as he began to dive in between your legs, his playful eyes lit with hunger. 

And with one swift movement, you melted into the bed as he gave you a first slow lick with just the tip of his tongue. It earned a sigh of satisfaction and frankly, need. Need for more. 

“More,” you whispered as you tipped your head back, resting it on the mattress. 

“Needy,” Matt purred into your pussy which was leaking with your own wetness, mixed with Kylo’s seed still slightly spilling out of you. “Relax. I’m going to take care of you. Show them how it’s done.” 

You hummed, closing your eyes and bucking your hips slightly more toward Matt, aching for his touch. 

He kissed your pussy, gentle nips as he slowly made his way to your clit, taking two digits and slowly spreading you open ever so slightly. He kept kissing you, which gods it felt amazing but at the same time you were going wild. You still needed more. A whimper escaped your lips as you opened your eyes and looked back at Matt’s wild eyes, then mouthed the word ‘please’. 

He raised one eyebrow and then dove back in, licking a hot stripe up your swollen pussy, slow and affectionate. He did this a couple more times before moving on to slightly longer ones, penetrating your lips, and lingering on your clit. You moaned as he took your clit between his lips lighty, sucking teasingly. You could feel him smiling as he did it, his grip on your hips tensing up. 

Matt swirled his tongue around your swollen nub, before sucking it back in hard in turn lighting every nerve ending on fire. You took pleasure in knowing he was lapping up every ounce of wetness, the product of the night so far, not caring who it belonged to. Matt moaned into your pussy, basically purring as he slurped and licked. 

You grinned, overcome with euphoria as Matt edged you slowly toward your orgasm. You knew he was taking his time; it was not a race for him. 

Opening your eyes, you turned your head to look at the men sitting at the headboard: Vicrul was doing as he was told, stroking his thick dick, the sweat beading on his forehead as he slowly picked up pace. 

“Good. So obedient,” you purred toward Vicrul. 

Looking at Ren, his face still red as he barely stroked himself, his gaze focused past you instead of on you. 

“What’s wrong Supreme Leader?” you asked, gaining his wild attention quickly, “You look a little down. Not used to someone else being in charge, hm?” 

Kylo glared at you. You could tell it was taking every ounce of this willpower not to blow his top.

“I seem to remember your cock being longer and harder than that. Stroke faster,” you commanded, “Now.” 

He only hesitated for a moment before submitting, stroking himself fast and hard, staring right into your eyes. 

You shivered as Matt sucked your clit in between his teeth, nearly sending you over the edge. He moaned into your pussy, which drove you even more wild. 

Closing your eyes, you tipped your head back, “I’m-” you whimpered, “Cl-”

“I can’t do this anymore,” Ren growled as he jumped up, making his way across the bed quickly as he straddled himself just above your chest, “Open now.” 

You looked up at his cock, the precum dripping onto your nose and smiled at him. You knew this was your moment to be in charge and you weren't going to waste it. Matt continued eating you out, not caring about the situation above. You were close. 

You smirked, “Say please.” 

Ren clutched your throat, cutting off any air you were getting. Immediately, it sent your body into a euphoric state, waves crashing in your abdomen, warmth spilling around like a lava lamp. As Matt sucked and lapped up your dripping pussy, Kylo’s choking nearly sent you over the edge. 

“I said open now, slut.” Ren growled as he released his grip, his hand meeting your cheek with a sharp slap. 

You opened, eager to suck the beads of precum you could see  _ still  _ dripping off his throbbing member. You gulped him down as he thrusted into your mouth. Matt relentlessly attacked your clit with his tongue as you grind your hips into his mouth. 

“Does that feel good, princess?” Vicrul whispered into your ear. At one point or another he must have moved down the bed, now laying horizontal next to you. “Do you like being our sex toy? You’re  _ ours. _ ”

Gods, you were going to explode. 

Matt slipped a finger into your wetness, pumping in and out as he lightly bit your clit. Your face contorted in pleasure as much as you could as you continued swallowing Kylo’s massive cock. Your hands balled into fists at the side of you before reaching up and grabbing Kylo’s hips, digging your nails into them which only drove him more feral, fucking your mouth unyeildingly. 

You cried out, muffled cries onto Kylo’s member as you neared your now painful orgasm. Matt picked up his pace, growling into your pussy as he ate you out; completely immersed in you. You would be lying if you said you didn’t feel like the only woman in the world. The most desirable. Delectable. Wanted. This only drove you closer and closer to orgasm. Vicrul’s hands made their way to your hard nipples, twirling them in his calloused fingers. 

Vicrul bit your neck lightly, tracing the bulge that was pumping in and out. Then purred into your ear, “Now, princess. Cum for us.” 

You stared up into Kylo’s feral eyes as you finally tipped over the edge of your orgasm: your back arched, Kylo’s hands gripping your head tightly, Matt’s hands gripping your ass and Vicrul’s hands still pinching and spinning your nipples in his hands. 

Wave after wave of euphoric pain crashed over you, swallowing you whole. Time seemed to stop, all of it happened in slow motion as you took in every single ounce of the bliss. Your hearing went out, only a slight ringing in your ears as your orgasm continued, nearly ripping you apart. You were coming undone in their hands, imploding as if you were made of the finest of china, breaking millimeter by millimeter. 

All at once, it stopped as you fell into the mattress, boneless, an empty vessel. You opened your eyes, looking into Ren’s above you as he commanded, “Open.” 

Looking up again, it was all three of them kneeling above your face, stroking themselves as droplets of precum dripped on your face. You opened, your tongue hanging out of your mouth as you eagerly waited for their orgasm. 

Matt’s face contorted, he stifled a moan and then fully let one go, moaning your name loud. Vicrul’s wild eyes stayed hooked on you, stroking his cock at a furious pace, sweat dripping down his forehead. Then, you looked at Kylo’s honeyed eyes, still as feral as they were when he was fucking your face, running long strokes up his dick, before using a second hand at the same time, twisting and rubbing as he brought himself closer to the edge. You could see his bottom lip quivering. 

Kylo’s voice echoed throughout the room, “Open up, sweet thing. You’re finally ready for us.” 

You opened up wider as Matt moaned, groaning, “FUCK,” as he spilled a sticky stream of seed onto your face, hitting your nose and eye. Not even half a second later, Vicrul grunted, “s-shit,” muttering under his breath as his breath quickened, releasing his cum onto your open mouth, most of it spilling into your mouth. Without even getting a chance to swallow, Ren’s head tipped back before locking his eyes back on you, burning holes into your eyes with his own, as he groaned your name, a deep guttural moan, covering your mouth in more sticky white cum. You licked your lips, all around your mouth as you swallowed every last drop you could. Closing your eyes, you savored the flavor and more importantly, this moment. 

“Pet,” Kylo’s voice boomed. 

You opened your eyes, looking at the three men standing above you: their faces slightly distorted as the word “Pet,” continued echoing throughout your head. You reached up to hold your head, but Kylo’s voice was unrelenting. 

“Pet.”

You sat up quickly, gasping as you did. You looked around. Confused, you blinked a couple times. You were sitting up on your couch in the living room, the quiet sound of Star Battles humming in the background, a blanket draped lazily over your legs. You had fallen asleep. Matt sat to your left, Vicrul sitting to your right and Ren sat across from you, on your coffee table. 

“You were drooling,” Kylo smirked, “Having a sweet dream?” he mused. 

Your face must have turned the deepest shade of red, remembering Kylo easily could read your thoughts and dreams… and Vicrul probably could as well. You turned toward Vicrul who was trying to hide a very obvious erection; he was slightly red in the face as well. Looking at Matt who was sitting there silently, looking at you with a solemn look. Your stomach twisted into knots. 

“We need to talk,” Kylo said. 

You gulped and smiled at him, “We do.”


	45. Chapter 45

“She’s just barely woken up, Ren. Give her a minute,” Matt scoffed as you rubbed your eyes, sitting up on the couch. 

You sighed, looking up at Kylo standing in front of you. 

Kylo’s voice commanded you, stern yet with a slight softness to it, “Now.”

“Can I maybe take a shower?” you asked, putting your messy hair up into a bun. 

“No,” Kylo said, his voice slightly gravelly. “Get a bag with clothes and let’s go.” 

You looked at Matt, sitting next to you still, his face pale, his eyes angry, and then back at Kylo. Kylo was expressionless, only with the slightest hint of… pain? /Annoyance? 

“Bags?” you asked. Looking toward Vicrul. You watched him stand up next to Ren. “Vicrul?” you whispered. He wouldn’t look you in the eyes. 

“Don’t speak to him,” Kylo spat, grabbing your chin to force your gaze back onto him. “Bags. Now.” 

Matt’s hand grabbed Ren’s wrist, his voice cold as ice, “Take your hand off of her.” 

Kylo let go slowly, Matt did as well. You looked back from Matt to Kylo back to Matt. 

Your face stern, looking toward Mat and then back at Kylo, “I can handle myself--”

“I’m not going to ask again,” Kylo said calmly. Then, he turned his gaze slightly to Matt, “Do not touch me again. You will regret the day you were born.”

“You like pushing her around?” Matt said, standing up next to Ren.

You wanted to grab him, tell him to knock this ridiculous shit off, “Matt,” your voice soft. 

“You will not speak unless spoken to,” Kylo voiced, raising his hand to your face. 

Immediately, without thought, you responded, “I will not speak unless spoken to.” You tried to say more, to protest this insolence, but nothing would come out. You couldn’t even move your lips. You groaned, your eyes wide as you watched the interaction between the men in front of you.

“What did you do to her?” Matt growled, trying to move in between yourself and Ren but Ren wouldn’t budge. 

“Fancy force tricks,” Kylo smirked, “Want me to try it on you?”

Matt growled, “Undo them,” stepping closer to Kylo.

Kylo’s confident stance unwavering, staying silent, his eyes fixated on you.

Matt pushed Kylo, causing him to move only slightly, “Now, Ren.”

“Do not touch him,” Vicrul spat, stepping toward the two men.

You wanted to intervene. To move in between them, fix it. You could cut the tension in the room with a butter knife. 

Glancing over at Matt, Kylo spoke calmly, “It’s fine, Vicrul. If he wants to sign his death wish, so be it.” Kylo turned back to you, “Go get your bag now. Clothes and anything else you need for a more permanent stay. I’ll have Vicrul and the other knights pack the rest of your thin--”

Matt stuttered, “W-What the fuck do you mean bags-” 

Kylo interrupted turning to you, "Do as you're told, pet." 

He flicked his hand and you felt the force lift you up, forcing you to stand up. You hesitated, wondering what the fuck was going on that you would need bags for and what the odd of dying or worse, Matt getting hurt, were if you disobeyed. 

You looked at Matt’s watery eyes and then back to Kylo’s cold expression. It wasn’t worth it-- you didn’t want Matt to get hurt. Beginning to walk toward your bedroom, your feet shuffled along the reflective tiles, still sparkling from the deep clean Matt gave your quarters. Moving past Vicrul, you found yourself wanting to pause, to look at him but you knew the Vicrul you were fond of wasn't there. Not right now. Not under this shadow. 

Walking more toward your bedroom, you made it about halfway down the dimly lit hallway, the morning light illuminating through the cracks in the blind before a forceful tug to your arm made you turn.

You turned around to meet Matt’s watery eyes, his voice cracking as he whispered, "Don’t listen to that maniac. Listen, you don’t have to go anywhere. You are not his pet.” He paused, his tone harsher, barely able to speak, “You are your own gods damned person, y/n"

You could see the tears welling up in his eyes. You looked past him, watching Ren and Vicrul stand by the door, unwavering. You heard a chuckle from Ren. And suddenly, your eyes focused back on Matt watching the floodgates of his tears break, them falling now. 

“Please,” Matt whispered. 

You wanted to respond, to tell him it would all be okay and to just let you go so that Kylo could calm down. Trying to move your lips, no sound came out. You grabbed his hand for a moment, holding it tightly. 

Suddenly the tears welling in Matt's eyes turned into a sheer look of panic and desperation. A look you knew all too well. His eyes turned wild, his hand letting go of your own and his hands grasping at his throat. 

You tried to scream, to yell for Kylo to stop. Moving your lips, no sound came out. The gasps grew louder and you started to panic, thinking you were going to watch him strangled to dust before your very eyes. 

Matt’s face began to turn pale as he fell to his knees. Unsure of what to do you grabbed Matt and pressed your lips to his and blew into his mouth in an effort to push some gasp of air into his lungs.

Before you could get a second breath into his mouth, you were thrown through the air and pushed up against the wall with the force. The sound of thudding steps railed your eardrums, your head spinning. 

"Get your shit. We are leaving,” growled Ren as his body stood mere millimeters away, the force pinning you to the wall. 

Your mind raced, trying to see past the dark figure to Matt but to no avail. You realized he was speaking to you, so in theory you should be able to speak out.

“Please stop. Now, Ky,” you whispered, your eyes welling with tears. 

He smirked and you heard a thud behind him. You tried to stop the panicking thoughts: was he okay? Was he broken in half? Was he fucking alive?

“Who’s my pet?” Kylo asked as he pushed a strand of hair behind your ear.

Your bottom lip quivered, “I am.”

Kylo cocked his head, “Ah ah. What are you to address me as?” The force pulled you against the wall further, the pressure on your body increasing slightly as an invisible threat. 

Swallowing the last of your dignity, “I’m your pet, Master Ren.” 

“My good pet,” Kylo purred, “Well not good. You still need punishment for your kissing Vicrul,” he spoke over his shoulder, “Don’t you?” Then turning his gaze back to you, holding your chin in his warm hand. 

You heard small coughs and a hoarse voice following it, “Kissing Vicrul?” 

That voice, that question-- it sent your stomach twisting into knots. 

“Answer him,” cooed Kylo, gripping your chin harder. 

Your bottom lip quivered, “I-”

Kylo let go of your face, holding his hand outstretched, “You will tell him the truth. About everything.” 

You felt your mouth open, the words beginning to spill out, “We kissed in the supply closet last night,” tears rolling down your hot cheeks as you continued the word vomit, “I liked it. He made me feel s-safe,” you were struggling to get out the rest of it- the beginning of sobs starting to distort your words. “H-he held m-me. I-” 

Kylo’s force dropped you to the floor. You looked at the ground in front of you, not daring to make eye contact with the man whose heart you for sure just shattered. You could barely even hear your own thoughts over the sound of your sobs. You hated it came out like this-- but you knew it was your fault. This whole time you thought Ren was the bad guy. But it was you. 

Ren’s voice brought you back to reality, “Get your bags. Now.” Not caring, you didn’t move. You heard the sound of his footsteps coming closer. You didn’t budge, still looking at the ground. 

Kylo grabbed your hair, pulling you up and earning a loud “FUCK!” from the depths of your belly. You thought he was going to rip out your hair with his sheer grip. 

He growled into your ear, “I said get your bags, bitch.” 

“Do not speak to her like that.” 

You turned your head, looking at Matt who was standing, wiping his face, staring at the two of you. 

“Or what?” asked Kylo, unwavering in his stare into your eyes. 

“I’ll-- You won’t like what happens,” Matt sputtered. 

You watched Kylo’s stone look change as Matt uttered those last few words. His smile curved wickedly. You wanted to speak out, to tell Matt to stop. But you couldn’t make any sound come out of your mouth. 

Without letting another moment pass, Kylo’s force grip left your body, letting yourself drop to the floor. He turned quickly; you watched him walk over to Matt, slowly. With each step, your heart sank more and more. 

“Say that again,” Kylo growled, his hand reaching for his belt. You knew what he was reaching for, you wanted to stand up, to run over and stop it. But your feet wouldn’t move. Your gaze focusing just past Ren and Matt to Vicrul, who was holding his hand outstretched to you. The more you tried to move your body up from this pathetic kneeling position, the more the force held you down. Stupid fucking force holds, you thought.

You made pleading eyes toward Vicrul, then remembering he would be able to easily tap into your thoughts. 

Please Vicrul, you thought, don’t let him do this. If you care about me, please. You continued the pleading, the teary eyed stares passing from Matt and Ren and then back to the green eyed man by the door. Time seemed to move in slow motion, watching Kylo and Matt stand off to each other. But as each moment passed, you realized Vicrul wasn’t going to let you go. He wasn’t going to let you stop this. He was going to let Kylo slice Matt in half. 

Your hands covered your mouth in a feeble attempt to conceal your cries. Hot wet tears flowed as you continued the silent pleads. 

“I said,” Matt paused, standing tall to Kylo, “Don’t speak to her like that.” 

Kylo chuckled, “Am I supposed to be scared of you?” 

“No. But if you hurt me, she will never forgive you.” 

Another loud sob escaped through your hands causing Kylo to turn and look at you, his face stone. He quickly turned around, looking back at Matt. 

Kylo spoke slow, methodically, “I could care less if she forgives me. She’s mine. She’s my pet. I know she loves me and eventually, she’ll come to realize that I am her destiny. And if this is the way it has to be, so be it.” His hand still at his saber, “Leave. Now.” 

Matt spoke confidently, probably the most confident you’ve ever heard him besides the first time he told you that he loved you, “I’m not leaving without her.” 

“You are,” Kylo raised his voice with each word, “Fucking now. I’m tired of your incessant meddling. She couldn’t care less about you. The formal? She was fucking me in the conference room while you sat there. Fucking pathetic piece of shit. You think she could ever love someone like you?

Matt spoke softly, “I don’t care.”

“You don’t care?” Kylo spat, grabbing the hilt of his saber, holding it now. 

Your heart was shattering, knowing you couldn’t intervene-- not able to tell Matt you did love him. You loved him endlessly, easily, fearcifully. You wanted to spend your life with him. 

You saw Kylo grip the hilt tighter. You knew what was about to happen. Reaching up to wipe your tears, you realized the force hold was no longer holding you down. You looked up, toward Vicrul, to see him give you a small nod. 

‘Go,’ Vicrul whispered into your mind. 

Not wasting a moment, you jumped up sprinting across the room and grabbing Ren’s arm, pushing the saber out of his hand, sending it skidding along the floor right to Vicrul’s feet. 

Immediately, Kylo turned around and the back of his hand met your cheek, knocking you to the floor. You cried out, but didn’t back down. Your vision blurry, you stood up and lunged at Ren screaming, “Leave him alone!” 

Kylo grabbed both of your arms, rending your punches and lunges useless, “I hate that it had to come to this, sweet thing.” 

He held up a hand to your face and you met darkness. Your mind went blank, all of your senses gone as you fell deeply asleep.


	46. Chapter 46

Your eyes fluttered open, then shut again. It took a moment for your brain to catch up with your body. Immediately, you shot up and gasped for air. You steadied your breath looking around the dimly lit room. You could barely make out your surroundings but you knew well enough already. Shit, you thought, Ren’s quarters. This scene was all too familiar: the glass of water by the bedside table, the singular black lamp lit dimly, utter quiet surrounding your senses except.. What was that noise? 

Grabbing the dark heather grey knitted blanket off of your legs, you threw it to the side and swug your legs off the bed, listening closer. Murmured voices, shuffling footsteps… clanking… dishes? As you pondered what the fuck was going on in the next room, another worry slowly crept into your wavelengths. Matt.

Your heart palpitated quickly; was he okay? The last thing you remembered was Kylo’s sharp words, oozing with hard emotion, his backhand knocking you to the ground. You remembered looking into Matt’s red eyes, still slightly swollen despite the heavy doses of bacta he was on. You touched your cheek to where Ren had slapped you, holding it there for a moment. The sorrow in Matt’s face was something unlike you've ever seen before-- the memory of it made your stomach twist and turn, knowing it was your fault. You should have been fucking honest with him- No. You shouldn’t have let Ren coax you into this, whatever it was. And now for all you know, Matt was sliced up in pieces by Kylo’s hand. 

Trying to shake the feeling, you stood up, reaching for the light on the bedside lamp and flicked the switch to high, letting the light illuminate the room. You looked down and realized you were in different clothes: a large pair of black joggers which were nearly falling down your waist along with a long sleeve black shirt. You pulled the collar of the shirt to your face and took a small whiff, letting the scent of leather, musk and, you paused, taking in another whiff.. Carrots? You smelled it again, letting the earthy scent fill your nostrils. 

Your eyebrows furrowed as you let the shirt fall to your body, looking around. Then, you realized the shirt didn’t smell like carrots, the air did. Carrots, other spices, the smell was actually intoxicating. The last time you had a great meal was.. Well, on Canto bight. Taking a few steps toward the door, you took a moment to breathe. You needed to have a clear head, although that never has helped before. Kylo had a way of getting into your mind easily, and you let him stay-- Rent free, 24/7.

As soon as you took another step, you heard the hushed voices stop. You paused, then pressed the keypad sending the hatch  _ swooshing _ open, revealing the white comforting light of the living area and kitchen. You took another step out, your bare feet cold on the black tile floor. Looking around, you didn’t immediately see anyone, only small shuffling noises and the faintest of classical music, which honestly seemed to turn up slightly once you stepped out of the bedroom. 

"Sweet thing," a voice piped up from the kitchen. You turned, walking a few steps past the sofa and toward the kitchen. Warmth engulfed your body as well as amazing smells into your senses. You took a step closer, now past the small partition between the living area and kitchen to see Kylo standing by the stove as he pulled out a bright red dish out of the oven. You blinked, knowing you must be dreaming. 

He smiled at you, “Good evening. Did you sleep well?”

You paused, taking in the scene around you. Kylo had placed the hot dish on the kitchen island, alongside many others, all covered with their fitted ceramic lids. You looked back at Kylo as he placed a hand towel over his shoulder, his black shirt slightly dirtied with what looked to be flour. 

Kylo quickly turned, running his hands under the sink water and then back toward you, holding his hand out, “Come have a seat.” 

Glancing toward his hand, you debated on whether or not to take it. Your mind felt blank; the only thing dancing around in your mind was how good he looked with that towel over his shoulder. Immediately, you felt disgusted with yourself. Flashbacks of Ren and Matt played in your head as you forced yourself to remember why you needed to stick to your guns.

Kylo held his hand out for a few moments more before letting out a small sigh, bringing his hand back to himself. “That’s fine, we have the whole night to get reacquainted.” He paused, then took a step toward the doorway to the right of him, “Come.” 

You followed him through the doorway, your heart nearly beating out of your chest as you looked around the small dining room: the black table was adorned with candles, all lit and flickering slowly. You walked closer, walking past one place setting- it was some of the finest china you had ever seen along with shiny silverware. 

Kylo moved beside you, pulling out the chair at the head of the table. 

“Ky-”

“Shh. Sit down and then we can talk.” 

You sighed heavily as you sat down, then letting Kylo push you into the table with ease. You looked at the setting in front of you, marveling at the specks of gold in the plates. 

A voice from the kitchen pulled your focus, “Master Ren, he is-” 

You turned quickly, meeting Vicrul’s eyes in the doorway. 

“I didn’t think you were up yet. My apologies, ma’am,” Vicrul said quickly, looking toward the floor and then back toward Kylo. “I have to speak with Master Ren about some-”

“Not now, Vicrul. Take the night off. We have the command meeting at 0630. Do not be late,” Kylo said, his hand gripping the back of your chair. You looked up toward him, and then back at Vicrul. Vicrul wouldn’t even look in your direction. 

You frowned but before you could get another word out, Kylo spoke again, “Dismissed. Now.” He then turned and walked toward the other seat, facing away from Vicrul. 

You turned back toward Vicrul, who was looking back at you, finally. You furrowed your brow slightly, nonverbally showing your frustration.

“Yes, Master Ren. I will see you then.” He paused, standing there in the doorway for a second. He mouthed ‘I’m sorry,’ and then quickly turned to leave. 

If you were confused before, Vicrul’s silent ‘I’m sorry’ only sends you further spiraling into confusion and fury. Turning quickly, you gazed at Ren from across the table. You could feel the anger bubbling inside of you. 

“What’s wrong, pet?” Kylo asked. 

You didn’t answer. You knew if you did, somehow a fork would end up in Kylo’s neck. 

“Tonight is a celebration,” Kylo said, standing up. He walked past you and into the kitchen, his voice carrying easily over his shoulder, “I’ve prepared us dinner. I thought you’d be more,” he paused, “excited.” 

Your stare was fixed on the plate in front of you, focusing in and out on the current reality-- flashbacks of the altercation flickering throughout your head. 

“Excited,” you murmured. 

Kylo walked back into the room, setting down two red dishes in the middle of the table. “Yes, excited. I know you love salmon-- I’ve gone out of my way to get the finest, freshest I could have. It’s herb crusted, I know you like it that way, correct?” 

You nodded your head yes. 

He took off the second lid, “And honey roasted carrots with a garlic ginger sweet potato puree.” 

Not saying a word, you just stared at the food in front of you. 

Kylo hovered by you for a moment, his hand near your shoulder. You knew he wanted to rest it on you, to touch you. You were glad he used his better judgement and didn’t. Instead, he picked up your plate and set the filet of salmon along with the other side dishes on it-- quite nicely. He grabbed the open bottle that sat to the right of your dishes and poured you a glass of a deep cherry colored wine, and then himself one.

"I bet you didn't know I could cook," said kylo as he set your plate down in front of you.

He walked over to the other side of the table as he dressed his plate with the rich smelling food, then sitting down. He looked at you with adorning eyes, "there's a lot you don't know about me."

Looking at your plate, it actually looked quite good, and you were starving. How long had you been asleep?

“Several hours,” Kylo said nonchalantly as he took a bite of carrot, “You seemed very tired so I decided it was best to let you catch up on your sleep,  _ princess.”  _

Your eye twitched as you heard the word roll off of his tongue. 

“Did you have any,” he stopped, taking another bite, “satisfying dreams?” 

“No,” you said coldly. 

Kylo frowned, “You’re not eating.” 

“I’m not hungry--”

He raised his voice slightly, “Do not lie to me,” he paused, his voice calmer, “I’m sorry for calling you princess. I was just, um, joking. Today is a celebratory occasion, pet. Relax--”

“What is exactly celebratory of you once again stipping me of my freedom?” you spat at him, your arms crossed. 

“You are mine, that is true. But the choice is not mine, nor yours. It is destined,” Kylo said, taking a sip of his wine, then setting it down. “And I am not stripping you of your freedoms. You are free to do as you wish in my,” a pause, “our quarters.” 

You pushed your chair back slightly away from the table, “Look I dont know what the fuck you’re going on about. Where is Matt--”

Kylo shot up out of his chair, standing over the table his finger pointed toward you, his tone harsh like ice, “Do not fucking mention that name in here.” 

You were fuming as you stared into his wide angry eyes, “Where. Is. Matt.” 

The vein in his neck was pulsing, very visibly as you watched his lip twitch slightly. He seemed to be boiling over just as much as you were. “I said do not say that fucking name. As far as you are concerned, he’s dead. He’s gone. Do not mention it--”

You stood up yelling at him across the table, “What the fuck is your problem? Where is he? Gods, dammit Kylo. I swear if you’ve hurt him--”

Kylo’s voice sent shivers down your back, “And If I did?” 

You paused, not wanting to let the floodgates of your tears loose. 

“Just like you hurt me?” you said, your voice quivering with every word. 

Kylo stopped like a deer in headlights, staring at you. He didn’t speak. You watched his hands form fists, closing and opening. 

“I didn’t fall,” you slowly said, taking a step backwards. “It was you, w-wasn’t it?” you asked, your voice small and frail. 

Kylo spoke your name softly, his shoulders hunched down as he moved around the table. 

“Don’t touch me,” you whispered as you took another step back from him. “Tell me the truth.” 

Again, Kylo whispered your name, his hand outstretched. “Please.”

Tears began to fall from your eyes, “So it’s true.” 

“Sweet thing, you don’t understand,” he took another step toward you. 

“I don’t need to understand anything about it. You fucking lied to me, to  _ doctors, _ Kylo! I-” You covered your face with your hands, rubbing the tears out of your eyes. Although you never finished watching the footage, this conversation told you all you needed to know.

“I-” Kylo started, but stopped. 

Silence filled the room.

After a few moments, you whispered, “I need to leave,” 

Kylo spoke softly, “You’re not leaving.” 

You didn’t dignify it with a response. You turned and walked out of the dining room and into the kitchen, your eyes meeting the hatch that led to the hallway. Looking down at your feet, you realized you were still barefoot. “Shit,” you whispered as you looked behind you, checking to see if Ren was following you out of the small dining room. 

You realized you only had a few moments before Kylo’s inevitable explosion and decided you would do without shoes. You took only a few steps toward the door before your body froze. You couldn’t move your feet or your hands. You turned your head looking back toward the kitchen where Kylo stood. 

“Let me go,” you shot at him. 

“No,” Kylo said simply. 

“I’m not your prisoner,” you retorted, “Let me go.” 

He chuckled, “You will be my empress. Palpatine has foreseen it in the force. I cannot let you go, pet.” 

The force hold intensified, your body buzzing as it held you tighter. 

“Let. Me. Go.” You tried with all of your willpower to pull though but you were completely stuck.

_ Swoosh. _

A breathless Vicrul bursted into the hatch, barely letting it have time to fully swoosh open. 

“Master,” he panted, “Master Ren,” Immediately the force let you go, your arms flopping to your side like noodles. You wiggled your fingers to try to get the staticy feeling out. 

Without even giving Kylo a moment to respond, Vicrul gulped, “It’s the scavenger. We’ve found her.”


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi lovelies. im so sorry for the wait. I have a LOT going on in my personal life (health, work, mom life etc) so thank you for being so kind and patient. 
> 
> TW: please only read this chapter if you are in a good headspace. it is heavily emotional and parts talk about not wanting to go on. 
> 
> Love you guys immensely!!!

Kylo paused, stopping in his tracks as he bore a hole through Vicrul’s head. 

Moments passed, which felt like years to you. You stood there, looking back and forth between the two men. 

Shoving down all the jealousy and rage that the word ‘scavenger’ gave you, you stared at Kylo: the lump in his throat pulsing, his hands flexing in and out of fists, his forehead vein nearly pulsing out of his head. You weren’t sure whether it was anger or something you didn’t want to admit. He was longing for her.

“Sir?” Vicrul asked, holding out his holo-pad. 

Kylo cleared his throat, then grabbing the device quickly, pressing the screen feverishly, “Where?” 

You looked at Vicrul, who didn’t even give you a glance, his eyes still fixed on Ren as if he were waiting for a bomb to explode, “Pasanna, sir. We’ve traced a small group of them there--”

Kylo handed the device back to him, interrupting quickly with a harsh tone, “Is my ship prepared?” 

Vicrul’s eyes darted to your own before back to Ren, “Yes sir.”

Kylo turned to you, grabbing your hands, “This is not over. We will finish our celebration when I get back, alright?” he sighed, whispering your name, “I will be right back.”

Your stomach dropped to the floor, hearing your name on his lips. You paused, looking at his bare hands in your own. 

“I’ll be right back,” Kylo whispered, kissing your forehead before stepping back, letting your hands fall to your side. You were no longer any force hold, but you might as well have been. Your body was frozen, stunned from a simple word uttered from his mouth. 

Kylo turned and walked out the hatch, passing Vicrul who finally managed to make full eye contact with you. You looked into his sorrowful eyes, knowing there was so much the both of you wanted to say.

You looked at him and whispered, “Is Matt alive?” 

Vicrul had a look of pain on his face, his eyes sad and big and he began to shake his head, his mouth starting to open to answer but immediately shut when the humming of Kylo’s voice from just out the hatch. “Vicrul, come,” a pause, then his voice lower, “Lock the hatch.” 

You grabbed Vicrul’s arm as he began to turn around, “What the fuck do you mean lock?” 

“Vicrul,” Kylo growled, “Now.” 

Without even sparing you a second look, Vicrul shook your arm off and stepped out into the hallway without giving you a chance to follow. 

_ Swoosh. _

The hatch shut quickly, leaving you alone in Kylo’s quarters. You wanted to cry, to sob, to collapse unto the floor into a puddle of tears. Rage filled your belly as you watched the hatch shut. You ran up to it, your face hot with tears welling in your eyes, screaming, “Let me out!” 

Your yelling was met with deafening cold silence, your small sobs tumbling through the dry air as you held back cries. “Let me out,” your voice trailing off as your hands slid down the door and covered your face. 

Wiping your tears away quickly, you turned and slid down the door, slowly sitting on the ground. You felt dejavu, sitting here with your knees pulled close, reminiscent of running back to your quarters after the first meeting with Ren here. You sighed, your breath quicking as you tried to stifle a sob. You felt as if you were in an endless circle, a whirlpool of emptiness with no life preservers. 

Well, you were thrown one. Matt. But you royally fucked that up, didn’t you? Your stomach panged with guilt, Matt’s face clear as day the last moment you saw him. Remembering how Kylo had told him everything, how you told him everything, it sent more tears flowing from your eyes and you let your feelings collapse into yourself as you balled up on the floor sobbing. 

_________________________________________________

You rubbed your eyes, not sure how long you had been sitting there. Looking up through blurry eyes, you rubbed them once more. The rest of the room came into view, the small candles still glowing at the dining table. Wiping your face, you stood up and shuffled over, your stomach growling as you did. Looking over the, now cold, spread of food, you sighed. You didn’t want to eat. It did look good, but you were sure if you did you would surely throw up from how emotional you were feeling. All you wanted was ice cream and wine--

Your thoughts interrupted as your eyes met the shiny glass of wine on the table, sitting next to the large sparkly bottle. 

Perfect, you thought to yourself, as you grabbed the wine glass and immediately brought it to your lips, not caring about any proper wine etiquette. You, frankly, couldn’t give less of a shit about anything tonight. You guzzled the large glass of red wine, the bitter smooth taste dancing around your taste buds as you swallowed the last drop. Setting the glass down, you eyed the bottle. 

“Fuck it,” you mumbled, grabbing the bottle and bringing it out of the dining room and into the living area. You sat down on Ren’s gray couch; it was stiff, although quite comfortable. Or maybe it was just the wine kicking in already.

You took another swig from the bottle, grabbing the remote and turning on the tv. Immediately, the First Order History channel flipped on. ‘How TIE fighters are made’ was playing. You choked back a small sob; Matt always watched this show. Taking another large gulp, you were determined to drink yourself into oblivion tonight. 

You knew he must be dead, there is no way Kylo would have let him live after talking to him like that. You knew Vicrul was going to tell you. The cold words, ‘he’s gone.’

Another swig of the red wine. 

You had never experienced grief this... Intensely before. You had lost your parents at a young age, but this felt different. You knew they were safe, buried on your home planet. This felt like restless grief. The not knowing. The anger.

Another swig. 

There were a million things you wanted, no. needed to say to him. You didn’t even get the chance to truly tell him how you felt. You assumed he knew, that he knew you loved his silly self. You showed it in different ways than he did. You folded his coveralls, making sure they were creased properly. Actually pairing up his socks as opposed to the chaos of mismatched socks that was happening before you were together. 

Another swig. A single tear fell down your cheek as you swallowed. 

Matt was so generous, so loving. More tears began to fall from your swollen eyes. You were surprised you had any left in your reservoir, pulling your knees to your chest. 

Another gulp of the wine. Halfway gone.

You let out a small giggle, thinking of that first morning together. The cinnamon rolls, the shower. The everything. 

You tried to tip the bottle into your mouth again but missing your mouth, it spilled some small splotches onto your shirt. “Shit,” you mumbled, realizing you were already drunk. You tried to make out the tiny letters on the bottle, wondering what the alcohol content on it was. This only made your head spin, unable to focus on the tiny dancing letters. 

You usually hated being drunk; you liked to be in control of your body, of your emotions. But you were done. With everything. You just wanted to drink yourself into darkness, to be able to sleep and dream of him. 

‘Is Matt alive?’ you played this moment over and over again in your head in hopes you would get a different answer out of your imaginary version of Vicrul. But each time it was interrupted with the sound of Ren. It made you bubble with anger. 

“Fuck!” you threw the empty bottle at the wall, it shattered to pieces. You cried harder, your eyes now burning with sorrow. You looked around the room, your vision slightly hazy. 

Your eyes lit up as you saw your bag sitting by the font hatch. You stood up, trying to balance yourself. You tripped, falling on to the floor; your head was spinning, you brought your hands to your temples trying to steady yourself. 

Groaning, you crawled over to the backpack, ripping it open. Your prayers were answered as you grabbed your communicator out from the bag. You started to navigate into your messages when your service button beeped. 

“Shit,” you muttered as you noticed the red battery sign at the top of the screen. You knew Ren didn’t have a charger here, or you assumed he didn’t. Trying not to panic, you knew you had at least ten more minutes of battery left. 

Going into the contacts, you pressed the first name in the communicator. It dialed quickly, the ringing seemingly taking forever. 

“Y/n?” 

You smiled, glad to hear that sweet voice. 

“Hello? Y/n?” 

“Annemarie,” you sighed into the mic, “can you come p-” a hiccup, “pick me up?” 

Her voice was calm but you could tell she was on the verge of panic, “sweetheart where are you?” she asked. 

“Commander Supreme Leader Dickhead’s qua--” hiccup, “quarters,” you mumbled into the phone as you laid down on the ground, barely holding the receiver to your ear. “Come now. My battery is no no more,” you said and without waiting for a response, you hung up the call. 

Sighing, you opened your text communications. Scrolling through them, you let yourself relive all these small moments. 

**Matt: Thank you for meeting me for breakfast.**

Your finger traced the letters on the screen, re reading this message. Your stomach flipped, remembering every moment of that first breakfast date with him. His smile, the way he spooned his food, the glimmer of wanting something more than-- well, the first order. You knew he was destined for greatness from that day. You knew he was good, a genuine man. You knew you needed him. Why did you have to fuck it all up. 

Scrolling down in your conversation, your heart sank as you read, 

**14:35 - Y/n: Hey, can you come to the flight deck? I need some help with this wiring.**

**14:39- Matt: Of course. I’ll be on my way. I’m coming from the south deck so I should be only a few minutes.**

That first kiss. More tears flowed as you held your device close to your heart. You cried out softly, “Please, gods. I need him.”

A knock at the hatch. 

You sat up, your head spinning as you watched it  _ swoosh _ open. 

“Oh my gods. Are you  _ drunk _ ?” Annemarie asked as she walked over to you, “Is he here? Are you hurt?” 

You wiped your tears away, ignoring all of her questions, “I need to go to Matt’s quarters, now.” 

“Okay sweetie just, let me help you up, okay?” Annemarie grabbed your arms, helping you stand steadily. You wavered for a moment, before standing up straight. 

She helped you walk to the door as she took your hand in her own. The two of you began walking. 

“How did you unlock it?” you asked, “the h-” hiccup, “hatch.”

She smiled, “there are perks to being technologically proficient,” pulling out a small pen, “It jailbroke the code. Easy peasy,” she said, shoving the small digital pen back in her pocket. 

The rest of the walk was in silence. You were sure it was because she didn’t know what to say. Hell, you didn’t either. The only thing you could do was focus on not looking sloppily drunk in the middle of the day down the hallway. 

It seemed to take ages, but you finally reached the technician’s wing. You smiled, knowing you were just around the corner from Matt’s room. Turning the corner, you let out a loud sob, covering your mouth as you did.

“No!” you yelled, stumbling over to the doorway, past the troopers who were carrying boxes out of the small room, “No no no,” you kept repeating, walking in circles around the room. You saw one stormtrooper holding a box of sweaters. You didn’t hesitate, snatching the box from his hand, “Leave this alone!” 

Annemarie followed in the doorway, “What are you guys doing with our friend’s things?” she asked the troopers but no response. 

“We are talking to you,” you hissed, holding one hand on the wall to steady yourself. 

One paused, looking at you in the eyes, “Leave.” 

You marched toward the trooper, raising your tiny ineffectual fist and delivered a punch, only injuring yourself against the solid helmet, “Ouch- fuck!” 

The trooper raised his hand toward you but another quickly grabbed his arm, “Don’t touch her. That’s Supreme Leader’s pet.” He took the box from you and started to walk away. 

Your stomach flipped, anger infuriated you as you bubbled in the room. Walking back up to him, you grabbed the knitted black sweater from the box.

“I’m taking this,” you sputtered, trying to hold back tears. If you needed any confirmation that Matt wasn’t alive, this was it. 

You walked back into the hallway and sat down in the middle, holding the sweater to your face. You smelled it, taking in the scent of his detergent. You cried into it softly as people passed around you. You didn’t care about the eyes on you. All you cared about was grieving over the loss of the love of your life. Your heart was shattered. You buried your face into the sweater, trying to block out any noise from the world around you. 

This was successful, until the sound of familiar boots came marching toward you. You didn’t care. You didn’t care about anything. 


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mention of being held against your will
> 
> Thank you guys for being patient for updates! Love you all so so much <3

“Come here,” Vicrul’s voice was barely audible through his modifier, the mask muffling the soft tone. He scooped her up, pulling her into his arms bridal style as he started walking down the corridor. 

“Put her down!” 

Vicrul turned, his girl still wrapped up in his arms, seeing Annemarie running out of Matt’s quarters. He could see the anger dripping from her, her finger pointed toward him. 

“I said fucking put her down!” Annemarie yelled, her eyes wide with feral frustration, “Gods dammit she is not the supreme leader’s plaything. She is a real gods damned person with feelings--”

“You don't think I know that?” Vicrul growled at her, “Go. Before Ren finds out you are undermining our authority. Anyone else who talked to me the way you just did would have been beheaded by my scythe immediately. You’re lucky she loves you,” his voice steadying as he turned around, walking again toward the command wing. He heard her yelling at him but tuned it out, knowing the stormtroopers would easily take care of that without being too aggressive. 

He looked down at her in his arms, feeling her soft sobs. He could smell the alcohol coming off of her sweet body. His heart was breaking, knowing he could fix this. Could fix why her heart was aching so immensely. But he had strict orders- take her back to Ren’s quarters. 

Vicrul wanted to hold her closer than he was now, his body against hers and comfort her, ease her heartbreak. He wanted to take her away from here, away from all of this. She deserves better than this-

His thoughts were interrupted by Ren’s voice pushing into his mind, “Did you find her?” his voice was emotionless. 

“I did,” Vicrul bridged back, “She seems a bit of a mess but she’s fine. She found Ma- His quarters emptied so I’m sure she’s going to have a lot of questions-”

Kylo cut off the mind bridge without another word.

Vicrul sighed, knowing it was going to be even more taxing on her after he dropped her off to Ren’s quarters. Looking down at her, she was clutching the sweater covering her face. Although he could still hear her quiet sobs. 

“Princess?” Vicrul asked quietly.

She looked up at him, her eyes wide with pain and heartbreak, “Matt?” 

Vicrul was taken back, “No. It’s Vicrul, babe.” He looked at her, her eyes darting all over his mask. She must be deliriously drunk. 

“Matt?” she asked again, her hand reaching to pull at his mask. 

“N-no,” he said, holding back the urge to rip off his mask in the hallway. “Matt isn't here,” he sighed. 

She pulled at it again. And again. “Matt? Please,” she whispered, her face red with tears. 

“He isn’t fucking--” he stopped, realizing he raised his voice at her. He stopped walking, moving into a small hallway nearby and took off his helmet, “I’m sorry. He isn’t here,”

Her eyes welled more tears, “Please,” she whispered again. He knew she could tell he knew more than he was letting on. All he needed to do was tell her. 

“I- he, I don’t know how to tell you this, princess-” Vicrul paused, feeling Ren’s mind bridge again. 

“Where are you?” Ren asked, his voice loud inside Vicrul’s head. 

“I am on my way, Master.” Vicrul severed the connection and pulled back on his mask, holding her close to his chest. It’s best she didn’t know, anyways, he thought as he continued the rest of the walk toward Kylo’s quarters. 

____________________________

You closed your eyes again, your body barely moving with each step as Vicrul held you close to his chest. Clutching Matt’s sweater, you held it to your face, smelling his detergent, the comforting smell caressing your senses. Even for a moment, it helped. Feeling as though it was Matt holding you, whispering it would be okay. The alcohol had hit you pretty hard at this point. 

You opened your eyes for a moment, seeing the dim hallway lights reflect off Vicrul’s mask. 

‘I don’t know how to tell you this, princess’

Vicrul’s words kept playing on repeat in your mind. He’s dead, you were sure of it now. This sadness felt all consuming; there was no past or future. You couldn’t see beyond this moment. It was as if a black shadow had settled in your body, tainting every other emotion except sadness and anger. You cried again, your sobs muffled by Matt’s sweater, knowing no matter what happened next, it didn’t matter. Matt wasn’t coming back. You couldn’t fix this. Nothing could bring your world back into focus. 

“I’m so sorry, princess,” Vicrul said, his mask’s modifier once again stealing any ounce of emotion from his voice. 

You didn’t answer, only holding Matt’s sweater to your face as the two of you reached Ren’s quarters. Hearing Vicrul enter the keycode made you want to fight, to run away. But you knew you wouldn’t get far. You couldn’t even walk straight if you tried. And besides, you were drained. Completely. 

“Finally,” Kylo sighed, taking you from Vicrul’s arms. He took your chin into his bare hand, pulling it up gently to look at him, “I was worried.” 

You didn’t answer, only looking back into his honeyed eyes. 

“Sweet thing?” Kylo asked, then looking toward Vicrul, “Go get the nurse to get her an IV. She needs to get the alcohol out of her bloodstream . She drank way too much,” his face turned back to you, “Why would you do this?” He walked and laid you on the couch, your head resting on the singular throw pillow. 

“I’m talking to you,” Kylo’s voice was teetering from concerned to annoyed. 

“Why?” You asked quietly, your voice barely audible.

Kylo cocked his head to the side, “Why what?” he asked, looking down at you.

“Why did you kill him?” you whispered, a tear falling from your eye. 

Kylo didn’t speak, only walking to the kitchen and grabbing the holopad. You watched him walk back toward you, “You need to eat,” he said as he sat down next to your feet, moving them on top of his lap. 

“I don’t want-”

“Stop this. Now.” Kylo’s voice was cold. It sent your already fractured glass heart nearly shattering in your chest. 

“Do you love me?” I asked quietly. 

Kylo didn’t answer, only trying to change the subject, “Do you want a smoothie-”

“I said do you love me.” I sat up, pulling my feet from him. Turning my body to face him, “Do you?” I asked quietly.

Kylo didn’t answer, his eyes not leaving the holopad. 

“If you love me, you need to tell me now,” your voice caught in your throat, your stomach in knots. This was it. 

Kylo let out a small sigh, setting down the holopad. He turned his head to you, his honeyed eyes blinking fast for a moment as if he was trying to flutter away tears. 

Without another word, he placed his hand on your forehead, your eyes immediately closing. The room spinned as you saw inside Ren’s mind, not knowing where or what you were looking at. 

You looked at yourself through Ren’s eyes. Your messy makeup, slightly smudged from crying. He was showing you the night of the formal. The moments after you walked into his quarters.

‘You would be my Empress. I’m the Supreme Leader of the galaxy. You could have anything you want, sweet thing..’ he paused, tucking a hair behind your ear, ‘Please stay.’

You felt Kylo’s heart breaking with every word he spoke. 

‘I- I can’t.’ 

Kylo wrapped his arms around the version of you, holding you tight. He didn’t want to ever let go. His thoughts surrounded with the feeling of you in his arms, in his bed. How he didn’t feel so fucking alone when you were there. 

‘I said no. Y/n, please. Please, I’m begging you.’

‘Kylo you're holding me too tight-’

‘Stay. Please.’ 

You saw yourself whisper, ‘I-’ but no other words came out. You could only hear kylo’s thoughts, evermore becoming more erratic as he thought he was going to lose your hand forever. And to who? A Radar Technician? He lost you once. He didn’t, no. COULDN’T lose you again. He couldn’t let you walk away again. 

‘I can’t— I can’t let you go again. I won’t!’

You felt Kylo panic as he held your tiny body tighter in his arms, wiping away tears from his eyes. He pulled back, seeing as you had stopped resisting; he then realized that you were completely limp. Your eyes were closed, lips parted. What had he done?

Your vision swirled, traveling in Kylo’s memories once again. 

“Please, for me.. Wake up..” He was at a full sprint now, clutching you tight. His heart beating out of his chest as he muttered to himself, “You’ve fucking done it now Kylo..” He tried so hard to suppress the voices in his head saying it was all his fault. He continued to curse himself. 

You closed your eyes, the memories shifting once again. 

He watched the nurses take your body away, their voices fading from his mind. Kylo moved to the wall, backing against it and then sinking to his knees. Hands over his mouth, watching. Silently not making a single sound before saying “Gods… please..” Kylo hated the idea of asking all knowing beings for help. He always had but right now he was willing to do anything it took to keep you by his side. 

All at once it was all pulled away from you as you opened your eyes. You looked at the man in front of you, unsure of what to say. 

“I do,” Kylo said softly. 

Your bottom lip quivered, “I don't understand. If you love me, why would you take my happiness away?” 

Kylo paused then took your hand into his own, “I love you. Please,” he said quietly. 

You shook your head, pulling your hand from his. “If you loved me, Kylo, you would have let me be happy.” 

Without another word, you stood up and walked to the bedroom, shutting the hatch behind you. You let out a sob, letting yourself fall into the bed. You mourned Matt, your life and what it could have been. You cried and cried and soon fell asleep, dreaming of that dorky radar technician. You never wanted to wake up.

  
  


______________________

“He is due for his second dose of antipsychotic, ma’am.”

The voices around him were hazy. Anti-what?

“Shh, baby. It’s okay,” the woman said, her voice garbled, dabbing a washcloth to his head.

He reached his arm up, feeling it restrained to the bed with fabric cuffs. He couldn’t speak, his mind feeling groggy. “I-” he whispered before falling back asleep, dreaming of y/n. 


End file.
